Deserted (Shadow Beast Shifters Book 4)

Mera sat with me for many minutes, letting me mentally beat myself up as I made plans for how I would be stronger next time.

“Stop that right now,” she finally snapped, feeling the turmoil through our bond. “You’re just so used to being strong that the smallest sign of weakness is abhorrent. I bet you never even anticipated how hard it would be to come back here.”

I opened my mouth to protest because I had very much anticipated this being hard as hell, but she continued before I could say another word.

“I mean, I know it crossed your mind because you think about everything, but no doubt you felt that in your maturity you could handle whatever happened here. Banking on the fact that you’re no longer the same Melalekin now that you’ve reborn into a new being—’

“I’d be annoyed that you know me so well,” I interrupted drily, “but I kind of love that you do.”

Mera shrugged. “Seriously, though, it’s because of your rebirth that this is extra difficult for you to handle. In some ways, you’re younger than me, especially when it comes to feelings. Your emotions are raw and new and fresh, and despite what you think, you’re not a different being. Just a refreshed one. So, of course, coming back to this land, which is the epicenter of your pain, a pain you never really dealt with, was going to throw you.”

She reached forward and wrapped her arms around me, both of us fitting together as best we could with her tummy. “You are still the strongest, most badass being I know,” she whispered. “This is not weakness. It’s inevitability.”

This was the only point where I’d been confused in her speech. “Inevitability?”

I felt her nod against my shoulder. “Yes. You can only run from the past and old feelings for so long. Eventually, circumstances will force you to deal with them. You should probably be grateful you got to hide for as long as you did.”

Resting my head against her arm, I thought on what she’d said. “I should have dealt with it many moons ago,” I admitted, “because hiding and beating myself up did nothing except prevent me from truly living life. My eternal youth was wasted, and I almost died before I even got a chance to experience real joy.” Now that the panic had passed, it was growing clearer to me. “I’m here to let go of the past so I can have a future.”

Mera pulled away, clapping her hands as excitement lit up her beautiful face. “Yes. My girl is growing up.”

“Patronizing, but I’ll take it,” I said drily, jumping to my feet.

Mera got up slower, taking my hand so I could help. “What does that mean for your next steps?” she asked, brushing back the long strands of her hair.

“It means,” I said, feeling my energy bounce around inside me as Mera pressed a hand to her chest, no doubt feeling it too, “that we’re going to get dressed for this ceremony tonight, and we’re going to eat and dance. I will not stay in the shadows like normal. Life is too short, and I cannot continue to miss it all.”

“Jumping straight in the deep end,” she said with a nod. “I like it.”

I was nodding too. “Yes, I know this is the best way for me to exorcise my ghosts. Tsuma took me by surprise, but I have a better handle on the sharp sting of these emotions now. I can handle the rest.”

It might hurt… okay, it would definitely hurt since I’d have to, at some point, truly face my losses of this world: Leka and Reece. But if that meant I would be able to move forward and have a real future, I was more than ready.

Mera’s face was creased in happiness. ‘I’ve been worried about you,” she said, “and not in the normal way that I worry about my friends… but deeper. Maybe that’s why the baby is reacting to your energy; they feel my tension around you and your future. Which is fading now! You’re on the right path, and if I wasn’t walking around with the spawn of a Shadow Beast inside me, I’d be partying it up with you. As it stands, though, with the merry band of assholes here, I’m sure you’ll have plenty of company.’

‘We have all the time in the world for you to join me,” I said, feeling my grin grow. “Once the baby is older. For this moon, I’ll just have to party for the both of us.’

I was fairly certain I’d never seen Mera this excited as she gripped my shoulders. ‘Okay, we need to get moving on prep. When was the last time you waxed? I wasn’t staring at your vag before, but is there a need for maintenance?’

I’d spent enough time in the modern human world to know exactly what she was referring to. ‘We don’t have the same hair situation,’ I explained. ‘There’s nothing to maintain there.’

Mera’s eyes grew impossibly wide. ‘No hair? That’s so weird! I mean, as a shifter I quite like a bit of body hair, you know, but I wasn’t sure if it was the same for transcendents and other races.” Her eyes traced over me like she could see under my sheet. “I mean, I’ve seen bits of you naked. I know we have the same body parts, but I never noticed the hair. Probably just figured you removed it. What else is the same or different? Do you have to worry about pregnancy and diseases?’

If there was ever a being with consistent sex on the mind, it was Mera. “Most of the evolved species of the worlds have similar parts,” I said, amused. “The original gods are responsible for that. As for reproduction, transcendents are only able to create life with another of our kind. It’s extremely difficult and rare, needing an infusion of light and energy.”

“You can’t have children with Reece?”

One question, cutting me to the core, but since I was all about dealing with these stronger emotions now, I forced myself to move through it. “No, there’s no possible way. And we have no diseases to worry about either.”

Before she could grill me for more information, the tent entrance opened, and Lucien stepped in. He paused at the sight of us before shaking his head. “You two better get dressed. Reece is going to be back in a few minutes to take us to the opening ceremony.”

Mera all but bounced on the spot. ‘We’ve got to get you ready,’ she said in a rush, hurrying as fast as she could past Lucien. ‘This will probably be the only night here without fighting and drama and all the bloody bodies that our guys leave around, and I want you to enjoy yourself.’

She leaned over to riffle through the bags that I’d brought inside, sorting out the outfits. As she pulled out the multiple bright red pieces, it was clear that their formal dress had not changed since the last time I’d worn it: red for Rohami with the jackan-beast somewhere prominent.

‘Okay, someone is going to have to help me here,’ Mera said blinking as she placed all the bits and pieces on the ground. ‘This isn’t the little black dress I was expecting.’

Both of Lucien’s hands shot up in front of him like he was surrendering. ‘This is outside of my jurisdiction. I take women’s clothing off; I don’t have the skills to get them back on.’

Mera threw a wristband at him, and he only laughed, moving at his vampiric speed to catch the object. ‘Now, now. Don’t hate the player—’

‘Don’t you dare finish that,’ Mera interrupted, this time calling flames to her hands. ‘You and your damn human sayings. I will fry your ass. Don’t push me.’

Lucien’s smirk never faded as he backed up a few steps. ‘Okay, preggo. Calm down.’

Well, fuck. This idiot was getting fried.

At least zero universes existed where telling a pissed off woman to calm down actually resulted in her getting calmer.

The flames grew higher as Mera abandoned the clothing and focused her attention on Lucien. ‘You’re already on my shit list,’ she snarled stepping closer, the flames nearly engulfing her. ‘I don’t know what happened between you and Simone, but you broke my friend and that’s enough for me to break you. Do you understand?’

Lucien lost all joviality, as he often did when Simone was mentioned. ‘I promise I did not dishonor her,’ he said softly but also quickly, as if he needed to get the words out. ‘She just… didn’t fit into my world, and it wasn’t ideal having her exist within the vampire community. Her safety was compromised there.’

From my experience with Valdor, I couldn’t imagine a situation where Simone would fit in. She was from Earth, a shifter, and to the proud upper echelons of Lucien’s kingdom, she would be considered cattle. Food. Nothing more.

Lucien was powerful enough to protect her, and clearly he had or she’d be dead, but knowing how willful Simone was at times… if she’d fought against his rules or restrictions, it would not have been pretty.

One day the truth would come out, but it wasn’t going to be today.

Lucien took off in a flash, so fast that even I struggled to track his movements. Once he was gone from the room, Mera calmed down. ‘I need to birth this child before I murder all of our friends,’ she told me with a huff.

Compressing my lips, I worked valiantly to stop the mirth from showing on my face, but it wasn’t to be. As soon as Mera saw me, a burst of laughter escaped her, and then we were both losing it.

‘He took off so fast,’ she spluttered.

‘Like his ass was on fire,’ I managed to say.

She laughed harder, half bent over. ‘It almost was on fire. My control is gone at the moment.’ With a shake of her head, she plopped herself down on a cushion, hands resting on her front. “I’m a fucking hot mess with this pregnancy. What is up with that?’

I didn’t sit because we really had to get dressed or we’d be late, but I did crouch down to her level. ‘The combination of two godlike powers into one child was never going to be easy,’ I reminded her. ‘You’re creating life. A being of pure power. Be easy on yourself and your body because, as far as I’m concerned, it’s a damn miracle.’

Transcendents were dying out as a race because we rarely produced young. At least, not anymore. As I’d told Mera, the process was difficult, and at times it felt as if the worlds had decided we were no longer relevant.

Mera’s frustrated expression eased, lines smoothing around her forehead and eyes. ‘Yeah, if I think of it that way, I guess I’m doing okay.’ She waved me off. ‘Now get dressed so I can see how gorgeous you look.’

With a chuckle, I straightened and made my way back to the scattered pieces of clothing. It had been a long time since I’d worn the Rohami traditional dress, but I remembered every piece. Pieces that were remnants of the past about to become beacons of the future.

Tonight was the first step to a new life.