Den of Blades and Briars: Chapter 33
He was misunderstanding, and had devolved back to snide words and narrowed glances.
“You have no right to be so furious,” I said as he tossed open the door to the cottage.
He ignored me and stepped inside. He placed the old, tattered parchment on a small table, then set to work stripping off his boots in a frenzy.
The gown rustled around my ankles, and all at once was suffocating. I locked the door on the inside, but a few breaths later a bolt sounded outside. Someone had followed and seen to it Hawthorne’s order was obeyed. We were trapped inside to make maddening love.
I think I’d rather slap Ari’s stubborn face.
I narrowed my gaze at the back of his head. “You confess what you do, yet you are angry at me?”
“You know, sweet menace, the more I think about it, I’m glad secrets were revealed.” Ari faced me, his eyes flashing like a storm. “Now our unfortunate life together may begin knowing exactly what we think of each other. I was almost a fool, I almost started to think you might feel otherwise.”
He was wild, almost panicked as he paced. Only a man who cared for my opinion would be so shaken. Right?
“Yet again, you think you know so many things, but you don’t.”
“I know a great deal.” His eyes darkened. “And now you know what I am capable of, wife. So, I think it best if we just keep our distance.”
“Yes, a distance. To keep pain from your heart. You think I’ll hurt you.”
“I do not care enough to let you hurt me.”
“Lie all you want, Ari. You’re wrong here. I know what it means to be afraid to feel.” I took a step closer, daring to enter his essence, the clean summer breeze scent of his skin. “You know, I’ve always loved misunderstandings. They are, in fact, my favorite thing.”
“Oh, there is no misunderstanding. You made yourself clear.” He grinned viciously. “I thank you for doing so. Saved me a fair bit of trouble by falling in love with you and all. I’ll stop falling now, for there are jagged rocks at the bottom.”
He was angry and hurt, but hid it behind his coy grin and breezy words. I’d not missed a single one. Ari Sekundär had admitted he’d been falling . . . for me.
“You’re a fool.” I was going to strangle the man or kiss him. I hadn’t yet decided. “You would like me to assume the man I am vowed to is a killer of his loved ones, even though I’ve witnessed him beat a docker on my behalf, heard him tell me my body is my own when by law and by glamour it could be his to use?”
“I never admitted anything about Einar.”
“But it was you, wasn’t it?”
“It was not done because I am a good man. I do not like my things touched.”
“I never said you were a good man.” My fists tightened at my sides. “Good men will always sacrifice those in their hearts for the greater good. You are the man who will destroy the greater good to defend those you love. You may try to brush it off like I am merely a possession, but your actions have said otherwise, and frankly, I do not think I’d mind if you became possessive over me.”
Ari said nothing. I think I’d stunned him. That, or I’d broken him.
My skin heated. I took a step closer. “So, what is it, Ari? Shall I greet the Otherworld tonight? Since you are a vicious murderer, and all, or is there, as I suspect, more to the story?”
I’d broken him. Clearly. For a man who never seemed to cease speaking, he was deathly quiet. Not even a breath was heard, though he was breathing in slow, steady pulls. He studied me as if he’d never seen me before.
A risk, but I reached a hand, trembling with emotion, and threaded our fingers together. “I told you there are things about me you do not know. But you are no tyrant in my eyes. Against my best efforts, you’ve become . . . hells, you’ve become my safety. My place of peace.”
“You said—” His brows tugged together. “You weren’t speaking of me?”
“Would you like to change your opinion on there being no misunderstandings in this room?” I frowned. “Ridiculous, aren’t they? They can fester, but what a stupid thing when we both have capable mouths and tongues to speak.”
In the flecks of black deep in the gold of his eyes, a new rage built. “Who thinks they have claim over you? It’s the one who’s hurting you, isn’t it?”
I blinked, a grin spreading over my mouth at what seemed wholly the wrong time. “As I said: a man who’d destroy the greater good.”
“Who is it?”
“You first,” I said. “You’re the one who named himself a killer.”
Ari shook his head and blew out a long breath. “I’ve never told anyone my story, Saga.”
“Nor have I.”
“You will hate me.”
I laughed and rested my other hand over his heart. “We’ve both hated each other already. Perhaps we should try feeling something else.”
Ari chuckled without much humor in it and rested his brow to mine. “Do you wish to do the truth rite?”
“I’d rather just trust you.”
Ari sat on the foot of the bed and propped his elbows on the tops of his knees. He covered his mouth with his clasped fists for too many breaths. Almost like he could not organize his thoughts.
“I didn’t just kill her. I killed my whole family.” Ari spoke, rough and low. “I told you of the old raids in my kingdom. The turn the Ferus’s were captured, I was born. I never knew them on the throne. I was raised in times of prejudice against Night Folk fae, but I had a joyful childhood.
“I suppose life was easier for me in a way. My three sisters, my mother, my father, they all knew the life of nobles before being tossed into squalor.” Ari removed his fists and lifted his eyes. “My father was one of the many royal cartographers for King Arvad, Valen’s father.”
I smiled. “Explains your love of maps.”
“I’ve never told Valen.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.” Ari stared at his hands. “My daj taught me how to read them. He’d show me these grand maps of the whole bleeding world. I traveled there with him in our heads. We dreamed of days we’d visit the isles, the Eastern regions, the Western cities.
“I love my family for trying to make my existence peaceful. But part of me wishes I’d been exposed to more horrors. Don’t mistake me, I saw pain; I knew Night Folk disappeared too often; I knew we were impoverished while Timoran littles ate like kings. But I never grasped the risks of these damn ears until it was too late.”
Ari’s knee bounced. A sign I’d come to recognize when he felt a great deal. I sat beside him, rested a palm on his leg, and waited for him to go on.
“Right after I turned fourteen,” Ari said, glancing at me, “I fell in love.”
I smiled, but it was tinged in sadness. I took hold of his hand. He squeezed my fingers back.
“Her name was Ulla,” he said. “We met scavenging in the forest, and I was smitten.” He chuckled. “For months we’d meet in the trees, and dream, and laugh, and share what berries we’d gathered. She was the first girl I kissed, and I’m certain I was terrible at it.”
I scoffed and dipped my chin, afraid he might see the wet in my eyes.
“Then the Timorans came.” Ari’s face fell. “Back then, they would imprison whole Night Folk families in the quarries for little things that weren’t even crimes. It could be walking in front of a noble coach or bumping into a Raven guard.
“I don’t know which crimes Ulla’s folk stood accused, all I knew was my girl had been taken, and it meant I’d likely never see her again. I am not always a wise man, but I was even stupider as a boy.”
“Ari.” I tightened my grip on his hand.
“I made a grand scheme,” he went on, “used some of my daj’s maps and plotted how I’d get her out. I had nothing but my illusions and a stolen, rusted blade my maj had hidden in our cooking room.”
“They found you, didn’t they? The raiders.”
Ari nodded. “I found Ulla’s cell. We even touched hands through the bars. I suppose I was impressed with myself and grew lax. The guards saw me, they heard me make promises of how I’d get her free.”
He paused, scrubbing his face, then stood. Ari went to the frosted window, staring at the approaching starlight.
“Threats against the false king were the worst crimes of all. I used fury until I grew too exhausted, and they took me and Ulla’s family and dragged us all back to my family’s hut.” Ari closed his eyes. “I was . . . I was stripped, then bound to a tree with barbed rope. My wrists were tied with fury bindings, so I could do nothing but watch.”
He went silent for a long time. My stomach burned, my body ached, and I ignored it all as I crossed the room to his side. I placed a hand on his shoulder. If he didn’t want to be touched, he never said, simply stared off into the night, lost.
“They started with my mother,” he said softly. “Then my sisters. One by one, they raped them in front of me. They made me listen to their screams as they slaughtered them, then tossed them aside like they were nothing. Ulla’s mother was next. Then her two younger brothers were killed at my feet.”
Ari’s eyes fell to the dust coated windowsill. “Our fathers were killed together. My father’s last words were promising to save me a seat. How could he still welcome me to the great hall after what I’d caused? Their heads were taken and spiked in front of me.”
Ari wiped at his eyes. They looked damp, but he never let a tear fall.
“Then they untied me for a moment and brought out Ulla. They held her down and told me if she was my lover, I could save her by doing to her what they’d done to my sisters.” Ari dragged his hands through his hair, wincing as if in pain, then stared out the window again. “I couldn’t. I just cried, and begged them to let her go. I couldn’t hurt her. I almost wanted to, thinking it was the only way we’d survive.
“But I couldn’t.” He looked at me, a glisten in his eyes. “I couldn’t do the one thing that could’ve saved her. So, they bound me to the tree again and slaughtered her.”
“Ari.” I stroked a hand down the back of his neck. “They would’ve killed her, you know that right? They wouldn’t have let her live even if you had.”
He nodded. “I know, somewhere in my logical mind, I know. It does not ease the guilt.” He paused. “The scar on my chest, it came later. I was left on that tree for two days and two nights with the death all around me. Then it was my turn to pay.
“The guards said they’d carve out my heart. They tried, they began, but word of the brutality at our home must’ve spread. Before they finished, the rogue Night Folk attacked. They slaughtered the guards, then stole me away to the refuge. They healed me, and asked over a full turn what caused such savagery. I never spoke of it. Eventually, they gave up and taught me to fight. I had enough hatred that I became one of the best.”
By now I was clinging to his arm, tears dampening his tunic sleeve. I wasn’t certain he realized I was there until his thumb brushed away one of my tears. He never took his eyes off the window.
“As I grew older, I thought I could try to find connections again, but as rogues and enemies to the crown, it seemed everyone I tried to love ended up dead anyway. Then came the whole thinking I was king debacle.” He chuckled. “I’ve admitted to no one, but I was bleeding terrified. I was certain this curse on me would get everyone killed.”
“Yet, you accepted the crown. Not for ambition,” I said. “You did it out of duty.”
“I did it for vengeance,” he said. “I had power to finally take down the bastards who’d destroyed everyone I loved. They were dead already, of course, but I planned vengeance on their descendants.”
“Yet, you handed the crown over to the earth bender without a fight.”
Ari shrugged. “I think I saw the same vengeance in Valen’s eyes. But he had fate on his side and a queen just as fierce as him.”
I hesitated. “They are the ones who care about you to their detriment, aren’t they?”
Ari’s jaw pulsed. “Our story should’ve made us rivals, but for some odd reason they decided they like me.”
“It is more, Ari.” My tongue was heavy, but I needed him to understand. “From what I have learned and witnessed, I think if your king and queen knew of your predicament, the South would see warships on the horizon. I think you know they love you, and it terrifies you because you love them too. You love all of them. Your folk, Eastern Folk. Frey, Stieg. I think you even like Dunker.”
Ari barked a laugh which he covered with the back of his hand. He looked at me and slowly sobered. “I can’t shake the fear of waiting to hear I’ve lost more people. Throughout my history, everyone I’ve come to love has died a gruesome death.” He took hold of my hand. “So, you can imagine how unfortunate it is for you that you are now my wife.”
A rough knot gathered in my throat. “Are you saying you care for me, Ambassador?”
“I am,” he whispered. “And there have been many moments when I’ve tried to stop for your sake. Afraid I’ve failed miserably.”
I’d lived with a cold heart for more turns than I knew. But this heat, this swift thud in my chest, this draw to him, it was more powerful than coldness. I decided it was worth the risk to feel deeply, to love, even when the risk of pain and loss was there.
“It’s unfortunate for us both, I suppose, for I can say the same. Ari, I cannot imagine the pain you have carried.” I leaned my head on his shoulder simply because I could not keep it upright. “I think I understand you better now.”
“Oh really?”
“You protect everyone. Prince Gunnar, Eryka, even Bracken. You watch his back. I’ll never forget watching the way you fought with the two queens in the forest with the sluagh. You’ll burn the greater good for those you love.”
My head was spinning, my body aching, but I thought I might’ve laughed.
“Saga,” Ari whispered, his voice distant as though he stood across the room. “What do you mean the way you watched me in the forest with Elise and Malin?”
“I was with you, of course.” Wasn’t it obvious? My body slumped against his. Why was it growing hard to breathe?
“With me? Saga.” Ari shook me. “Have you had something to drink? Or are you falling asleep?”
I thought I might be dying. Why couldn’t I breathe right? Maybe I should sleep, it was night, after all and . . .
My heart seized in my chest. The same agonizing burn over my skin shot to the forefront of my mind. Gorm’s potion. The crystal was dull. His spell had faded as promised. I did not shift last night, but there was no avoiding it any longer. The highest moon was approaching.
On weak limbs, I spun away from Ari, but only stumbled to the floor.
“Saga!”
I ignored him and scrambled toward the door. It wasn’t fast enough, and I collapsed an arm’s length away.
Strong arms wrapped around my shoulders. Ari had kneeled and held me tightly. He brushed bits of my hair off my brow, shaking me. “Saga, what’s wrong? Speak to me.”
I could hardly recall my name through the burn of the curse. “I-I-I need out, I need the night . . .” I winced when something snapped in my foot. Ari looked at my legs with a look of horror. “I need . . . the night sky.”
Ari didn’t question, though I was certain he had many, and sprang for the door.
“Dammit.” He cursed. The door was locked. Of course, it was. We were here to break the bed until we could not move.
Bleeding Hawthorne.
I thought I might’ve screamed when a sick crack came from my wrist. My body would break until it was nothing but a pile of gore.
As through a fog, I saw Ari on the top of the daintily painted drawers. He had a blade in his hand, and he was chopping at the thin slats and sod coverings on the roof. When he was back at my side, his hair was coated in bits of mossy grass.
“I’ve got you,” he whispered against my ear. “What’s happening?”
I couldn’t speak. Ari didn’t ask again. He did his best to gently leverage me through the hole in the rooftop. It hurt like a hundred dull blades scraping over my arms and legs. I had no breath left in my lungs to scream.
Ari arranged me on the rooftop, holding me as he carefully scooted toward a beam of icy blue light near the smoke hole. The moon was only half ripe in the sky, but when the cool calm of night touched my skin, my body arched, as if reaching for more.
Agony shredded through my limbs, my skull, my spine. The snap and crack of joints and limbs shattered the night until I found relief.
I had little time to revel in it before Ari’s cry reminded me I was not alone.
“What in the cursed hells?” He stumbled backward, nearly sliding off the rooftop when he looked at me.
His raven wife.