Dear Heart, You Screwed Me

We were sitting in the bath, me between Killian’s legs as he wiped a soft sponge over my sensitive and delicate skin.

“I’m so glad you came back,” I felt Killian’s voice vibrate and rumble through his body as I lay back into him, his arms cocooning me and landing on my bump as our daughter kicked through my skin and into his hands.

“I’m glad I came back,” I smiled as I watched the skin on my tummy flick where her little movements were.

“Were you really going to leave?” he asked, I could hear the vulnerability in his voice.

I shook my head from side to side.

“I just needed to get away. Put some distance between us so we could actually see how we felt when we were thousands of miles away,” I whispered quietly. “I love you, Killian. More than anything but I just was in such a low place, I wanted to go home.”

I felt his lips press on the top of my head as I sunk lower into the warm bath.

“This is your home, with me.” His breath was cool on the back of my neck causing my skin to erupt in goosebumps.

“I know,” turning my head I placed a kiss on the top of his arm, his muscles flexing under my touch.

The silence fell between us, but it was a welcome silence. It was tranquil and mellow. Just the sound of our shallow breaths filling the void between us.

I felt Killian move behind me, fidgeting almost.

“Baby, I need to tell you something… well… a couple things actually.” I heard the worry that was lacing his deep, husky voice.

I span round so I was facing him, my hands clasping the side of his face as I made him look me deep in the eyes, “Then tell me, tell me it all, lay it on me.” My voice was calm.

I heard him inhale deeply, the sharp intake of breath making his breath catch. I started to worry, I could see the complete fear in his eyes.

“Baby, what is it?” my eyes volleyed back and forth to his.

He didn’t say anything.

“You’re scaring me… what’s happened?”

I felt his head drop, it was heavy in my hands but I pulled it back up so he had to look at me in the eyes. “Tell me,” my voice a little sterner now.

“I’m just trying to muster the words babe…” his eyes closed for a split second before they were back on me. “First off, Lordes PR…” he trailed off, “well… it’s yours.” He stopped for a moment, my eyes widening at the words that just left his mouth, “but only if you want it.”

“But… I mean…” I stammered, “what about Adele?”

“Adele is done, finished, no more…” he rubbed his lips together, “that’s what I was sorting out a few weeks back… when I missed our party.”

I couldn’t speak, words failed me.

“I know that still doesn’t make it better, but that’s where I was… I had to finalise the paperwork. It was meant to be done a couple of months back, but she was being hostile and making it an absolute ball ache but it’s done. The company is in your name… if you want it.”

I blinked a couple of times, just trying to register all of this in my head.

“And the reason it was such a ball ache for me to sort out was because…” he stilled, I dropped my hand and placed it on his chest. I could feel how fast his heart was beating, it was jack hammering inside his chest.

This is it.

This is where he was going to tell me that he and Adele used to be a thing and then slept together the day of my party.

I held my breath, puffing out my cheeks ready to receive the blow that was surely going to knock the air out of my lungs.

“Adele is Connie’s mom,” he rushed the words out so quickly it took me a moment to decipher the absolute craziness that just came from his mouth.

“I’m sorry…” I whispered, I’m sure my ears were playing tricks on me. My brows furrowed as I tried to replay his words. I held my index finger up, my eyes closing for a second. “Can you say that again?” my eyes pinged open, my brows sitting high in my forehead as I readied myself for the words again.

He sighed deeply.

“Adele is Connie’s birth mother.”

My mouth dropped open, my eyes bulging from my head as I stared at him completely dumbfounded.

Well shit.

Turns out Killian hasn’t heard from Connie since he told her the news. He asked me to try her but with no avail. She didn’t want to be spoken to and I completely got it. All she knew had been a lie. Her mums had assured Killian she was okay but to give her space.

My heart hurt for Connie, but I wanted to respect her wishes. I had left her some voicemails and some text messages telling her that I would be here for her when she was ready. She was not only pissed at her dad, she was pissed at her mums as well. She always believed that they got Killian’s sample from a sperm bank, but they didn’t. Adele got pregnant by Killian after a drunken night, Adele wanted nothing to do with the baby. Killian’s sperm was in a sperm bank and he had spoken to Lara and Katie but they never got round to using his sample. Adele agreed to give Connie up to Lara and Katie under a closed adoption, meaning her and Killian had no parental rights to Connie once the papers were signed.

Obviously, Killian was a big part of Connie’s life and would still continue to be if she wanted him there.

I wasn’t sure why Killian thought now was a good time to drop the bomb on Connie, but I suppose he had his reasons. Maybe this is why Adele was being such hard work with signing the papers over? Maybe she was holding something over his head to do with Connie and he couldn’t risk anything happening to her.

It was a lot to take in over a relaxing, post sex bubble bath.

But I had to trust what Killian said, and when Connie was ready, she can fill in the blanks.