Dear Heart, You Screwed Me

I had royally fucked up.

I could have made her listen to why I wasn’t there on Saturday but what was the point? She didn’t want to listen. My words would have fallen on deaf ears.

I sat in my office in my apartment, drinking whiskey as I stared into the empty room. Sighing heavily when I heard the front door go, I heard the angry stomps get closer.

Three… two… one…

“What the fuck are you doing?” Connie’s angry voice ripped through me as her poisonous words fired at me.

“Having a drink, what does it look like?” I scoffed as I took another mouthful of the burning amber.

“You’re such a chauvinistic pig,” she shouted as something hit me in the side of the head. I turned to face her before looking at the floor next to me to see her sneaker.

“What the fuck?!” I shouted, slamming my glass down, “You threw your fucking sneaker at me!?”

“Because you’re being a douche.” Connie smirked, leaning up against the door frame.

“Just let it go, Connie.” My voice was gruff as my fingers wrapped back round my glass.

“What like you’re letting Reese go?” her voice was sharp.

I felt my breath catch, the pain searing through me. My stomach coiled, my eyes burning from the constant prick of tears that were forming.

“She doesn’t want me. We’re destruction Connie. If we were meant to work, we would be together.”

Connie let out a cackle before walking towards me, slamming her hands on my desk.

“She does want you. She wants you more than anything but you’re so self-obsessed and focused on everything else around you but her. Fuck, you spent the day and night with Adele instead of being next to her when you promised you would be there for her. Do you not see it? Are you really that fucking naïve?” I could feel the anger Connie was feeling, her words were flying towards me like burning arrows, each one hitting me in the heart and puncturing it, making me bleed.

I finally looked up at her, her raging brown eyes batted back and forth from mine.

“It wasn’t like that…” I whispered.

“But it was…” she sighed, “to Reese, it was like that. It was much more than what you are trying to convince us all it wasn’t,” she stood slowly but she didn’t avert her eyes from mine. “All she wanted was for you to be there for her, to put her first once in a while. But you couldn’t do that. You were too busy still trying to chase an old hag and for what? Because you have some fucked up ties with her,” Connie scoffed, “I don’t get it… she has you by the balls and has done for as long as I can remember. Just fire her ass and move the fuck on.”

“It’s not just some fucked up tie, Connie,” I felt the bile rising in my throat, it didn’t matter how much I tried I couldn’t swallow it back down.

“Do you have a secret love child with her or something?” Connie’s playful laugh riddles me with guilt. My eyes begin to fill as I nibble on the inside of my cheek.

Connie’s eyes meet mine and the laughter slips, her eyes widen, and her smile disappears.

“Dad…” Connie whispers, her eyes volleying so fast back and forth between mine as she waits for me to answer her.

“It’s you, Connie. You’re the tie.”