Dear Heart, You Screwed Me

The last couple of months had flown, summer was well and truly over here in New York. The sun still shone but the evenings were drawing darker, the air nipping that little cooler at your skin.

Work was going well. I was busy. I liked being kept busy, it stopped my mind wandering back to Elijah.

Adele on the other hand was like working with Satan. She was horrendous. Everything that was laid out in my job role was non-existent. I was literally her dogsbody, doing all the shit work she didn’t want to.

But I mustn’t complain. It’s a foot in the door, one step closer to being where I need to be. Plus, they paid for my apartment for the first year. Perks and all that. Then after I pass my probation and get my visa they will contribute half of my rent.

She had been even more like Satan today, maybe she hadn’t been fucked in a few days or she had her period.

No investors had been to see her, maybe she had upset them.

I snapped out of my thoughts when Adele walked past me, stopping at my desk and looking me up and down. I was dressed up as I was meeting Connie at the hotel ready for drinks and a concert. I couldn’t wait.

“Hi,” I smile at her, my fingers still tapping on my keyboard.

“Do you have the numbers I asked you for this morning?” her tone was clipped and bitter.

“Yup,” the smile still plastered across my face. I turned and grabbed the A3 spreadsheets and handed them to her. “I also sent two copies to your email; I always like to have a backup.”

“Thanks.” She sighed, turning and stomping into her office, slamming the door behind her.

I heard a ping on my email.

Julianne: wow, she’s even more a bitch today then she normally is.

I scoff a laugh before replying.

Me: I know, God knows what has happened. You’re safe down there… I feel like I am in the firing line.

Closing my email, I turn back to the task I was working on when I saw Adele’s office door swing open with force.

“These numbers are wrong, did you even check them?!” she snapped at me, throwing the spreadsheet on my desk.

“I’m sorry… but the numbers are right. Do you want to show me where you think they are wrong?” my brows furrowed as I asked her, my eyes scanning over the document. The numbers weren’t wrong.

The answers were there in black and white. This department was losing money like there was no tomorrow. It was a bottomless pit.

“This says we’re losing money,” she rolled her eyes.

“That’s because we are…” I winced as she snatched the spreadsheet out of my hands.

“How can I give this to Killian? He will pull the plug on the department and then we will all be out of a job by Christmas.”

“It’s the events… you’re putting on these grand events hoping to get big clientele through the door. You need to wine and dine them, show them why they are the special ones. Not invite them to a massive event with their competitors.” I muttered.

She stilled; I could see the cogs turning in her head.

“You want to represent the handsome and dark Harlen Laufer from Blood Lust, so what can you do to get him through the door?” It was me questioning her… not the other way round. “When I got Coby, I researched him for weeks, maybe even months. I found out everything about him, his likes, his dislikes, his hobbies, his coffee order… you name it, I knew it.” I sat a little taller. “You need to make them feel like they’re the only person you’re interested in, as if they were the only person in the world.” I smile at her, my eyes volleying back and forth from hers.

“Then get on it,” she snapped, “is that not what I am paying you for?!” she huffed, flicking her blonde hair over her shoulder, and walked into her office slamming the door behind her again.

“No, you’re paying me to do your shit.” I grumble, placing my elbows on the edge of my desk and putting my head into my hands.

Breathe.

“Well, aren’t you a smart little cookie?” I heard his voice before I saw him. Flicking my head up I saw Killian saunter over to me, hands fisted deep into his fitted suit pocket.

I didn’t respond. I didn’t want to anger the dragon any more than I already had by talking to one of her fucks.

I sat up tall, straightening my back as I googled Harlen, and clicking straight onto his social media profile.

He sat on the edge of my desk, his toned and peachy arse fitting perfectly. He crossed his leg over the other then held his knee with his hands. My mind flashed back to when I saw him in the park. He sat exactly the same.

“Can you move?” I grunted at him, looking up through my lashes at him. He didn’t. His lips twitched as he tried to fight the smile that was desperately trying to dance across his mouth. He shook his head.

“I’m not sure how much you heard, but I am already on her shit list, I don’t need you making it worse.” I hissed as I pushed him slightly, causing him to have to steady himself.

“Oh, Buttercup. Don’t worry about her,” he cocked his head towards her office. “She is like a bear with a sore head, I’ll sort her out.” He licked his bottom lip before he stood from the desk. Eurgh.

I tsked, shaking my head as I focused on the screen for a moment. I heard his shoes hit the marble, my eyes quickly raking up and down his back before his arse held my gaze. He had a perfectly, peach bum. It looked amazing in his tight suit trousers. When he stilled and turned. I averted my eyes quickly.

“Were you just checking out my ass?”

“No!” I scoffed a laugh, it coming out a lot louder than I intended, the blush on my cheeks giving me away.

His eyes darkened, his lip curling at one side. He stalked back over to me.

“Meet me for drinks tonight?” his hands pressed onto the desk as he leant down so our eyes were level and I swear I felt the ground move beneath me. I heard the air whoosh out of my lungs as I tried to catch my breath.

“I have plans,” my voice managed to stay calm and collected.

“Cancel them.” His voice a little sharper now.

“No,” I whispered as I felt my heart race in my chest under my capped sleeved dress.

“Then meet me after, it’s a work thing…” he licked his top lip, his eyes falling quickly to my heaving chest.

“Maybe…” I breathed.

“You have my number, text me and I’ll meet you.” And with that he was gone.

Holy fuck.

Walking into the hotel with a huge smile on my face, I saw Connie standing there looking as beautiful as ever. She was wearing a gold sequin mini dress with high top Nikes.

“You look amazing!” she called out as she started walking towards me. She always made me feel good about myself, even if I was looking like crap.

I wore a black capped sleeve mid-thigh dress and had my doc martens on.

“You look hot,” I winked at her, our arms locking around each other as we embrace.

“Let’s go and see some hot rocker dudes.” She says wrapping her arms around my shoulders. We were off to see an upcoming indie band called Chord. I had heard of some of their songs, but Connie was low key obsessed with them. We were heading to Brooklyn; it was my first time on a subway. I still hadn’t braved it by myself.

“Brooklyn is going to be a lot different for you, you’re used to the upper east side baby,” she nudged her shoulder into me before locking her arm through mine.

“So are you.” I laughed, the cold air making my breath smoke in front of me.

“I know, but I am used to it there too. You are not.”

Okay so it was true.

I have wanted to go Brooklyn as soon as I was here, I don’t know why. I liked the difference in worlds. The spoilt rich girls and boys in the upper east side, and then the rest of us.

We hopped on the train and sat in light chatter until we approached our destination.

Walking towards this small warehouse, anxiety sliced through me.

Connie sensed this, lacing her hand through mine and giving it a gentle squeeze. We showed the doormen our ID before being let through into the dimly lit space.

“Drink?” she asked.

I nodded. I needed alcohol to rid me of the nerves. But to be honest, the alcohol would probably make it worse.

Connie was back quickly, handing me a beer in a plastic cup.

“Cheers.” I called out, pushing our cups together.

“Cheers,” she smiled, bringing the cup to her lips, and taking a big mouthful.

The concert was amazing, Connie was fully submersed in their music and a little smitten by the lead singer who kept winking at her while he sang. She was giddy.

Walking back to the hotel I heard her huff.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“I’m horny so I am just debating whether to use BOB or whether to call Kieran. I mean, he wasn’t the best, but he certainly wasn’t the worse…”

“Stick with BOB. At least you know you’ll finish,” I laughed which caused her to laugh too.

“I mean, can you imagine what it would be like sleeping with Tryst from Chord? I bet he is a machine in the bedroom.” I muttered. I heard another sigh leaves her.

“He prob fucks like a pro.” She said a little sheepish.

I nod in agreement.

“Talking of fucking…” she stops in front of me just before we reach the entrance of the hotel. “Have you fucked anyone else yet?” her hands on her hips as she waited.

“Nope.” I shrugged.

“Okay, I’m getting you a vibrator tomorrow.”

I couldn’t help the smirk. That’s that then.

Back in the hotel bar, the drinks were flowing, and Connie had spent the last half an hour on her phone no doubt texting Kieran.

I was getting bored and frustrated.

“Babe, if you want to go see Kieran, don’t let me stop you.” I said sweetly, hoping she got the hint, put the phone away and stayed with me.

Her big doe eyes looked up at me, “Would you be okay if I left though?”

Backfired.

“Yes, of course. Go and see your fuck buddy.” I smile at her, even though my insides are begging her not to go.

“I love you.” She leapt off her stool and threw herself at me.

“Love you too.” I held her tight before I let her go. She didn’t look back as she walked out The Palm Court and disappeared into the night.

Sighing, I swung round on the bar stool and ordered myself a vodka and lemonade. Holding the notes out to pay, the bar man shook his head from side to side. I looked at him confused, then it clicked.

Turning slowly on my stool, there was the God himself, sat a few spaces down. Killian Hayes.

And damn, him and them suits done something to me… making me all weak at the knees and shit.

I nodded, giving him a half smile before wrapping my fingers around my glass. I watched as he stood slowly, heading towards me.

“You’re welcome.” His low, gruff and sultry voice causing goosebumps to erupt over my skin. “May I?” he asked as he stood next to me, asking if he could sit down.

“Be my guest.”

He sat, ordering himself a vodka and lemonade too.

“You didn’t call,” he said as he paid the barman.

“I didn’t need too, you were here.”

“Bullshit, you were never going to call,” he tipped his head back and let out a throaty laugh, it was a lovely sound.

“I guess you’ll never know,” I winked at him.

We ordered drink after drink, we chatted like old childhood friends, and we laughed at the stupidest things.

But my god, it felt good to laugh.

We walked out of the hotel, or should I say stumbled. I was hungry, famished. I felt like I was wasting away.

“I need food.” I mumbled.

I knew this was bad. I was out with one of the investors of the firm I worked for.

“I know a great lobster restaurant.” Killian hummed as he laced his fingers through mine. I didn’t remove them. I liked the unfamiliar tingle that spread up my arm, smothering my skin. It was nice to feel something other than pain.

“I don’t want bloody lobster.” I groaned, pulling on his hand as I walked ahead of him, turning and laughing.

“Oh, I am sorry.” He pulled a stupid face while attempting the worst British accent I have ever heard. My stomach hurt from laughing so much.

“That is the worst accent ever… please don’t ever do that again,” I choked out, laughing through happy tears. He smiled, his eyes glistening as he laughed with me.

“I want a kebab or something stodgy, like a big, fat juicy burger.” I licked my lips, stopping in front of this run-down burger van.

“No way. Nah-uh,” he shook his head from side to side, “You’ll get sick from there,” he screwed his nose up, pulling me back. I resisted and tugged him back towards me.

“What’s that?” I asked, furrowing my brows as I stepped towards him, running my thumb over his bottom lip and pulling it down.

“What?” he pulled back, his eyes dropping as if he was trying to look at his lips and wiping his thumb across his bottom lip.

“Oh, sorry, for a minute, I thought I saw a silver spoon in your mouth.” I swatted him, dropping my hand from his and joining the queue for the greasy burger van. I heard a scoff from behind me but ignored him.

“What do you want posh boy?” I called out.

“I’ll wait.”

“Oh, stop it, I’ll get you a cheeseburger.” I rolled my eyes. I stilled when I felt his warm breath on the back of my neck, his large hands running around my waist as he held me into him. I wanted to pull away, take his hands off me and ask him what in the hell he was doing, but I forgot how nice it was to be held. To be touched.

His nose buried into my hair as he inhaled deeply, his lips moving to the lobe of my ear, “How about we go back to mine and we eat there…” his voice was barely audible. My skin erupted in goosebumps, my stomach knotting.

“I… I…” I stammered, turning round to face him. I buckled and froze. Lacing my fingers back through his, I ditched the idea of food and ducked into the first bar I saw, I needed tequila. And a lot of it.

I wasn’t brave enough for this shit yet.

Adele’s warning rung in my ears, I needed to step cautiously. I couldn’t sleep with him.

We could be friends, but that’s all we could be.

Even if his touch brought me back to life in that small moment.

I couldn’t fall for him.

I wouldn’t allow myself.