Chapter 38
It’s Worth the Risk
“Meet Josephine Lorraine Nash,” Jolene says, handing her over to Mrs. Nash.
The first-time grandma coos over the sweet baby as Grayson makes the introductions between Jolene and me. I know who she is since we all grew up in the same town, but she’s nearly ten years older than me, and we never attended school together.
He hands her the balloon and the stuffed bunny, and she thanks him, and I can’t help but stare at the tiny bundle Mrs. Nash is holding. It’s not the first time I’ve held one so little. Both of Beck’s girls were born by scheduled C-section, and I was a senior in high school when they had Everleigh. I was in college with Isla, and he flew me out so I could meet her the day she was born.
I couldn’t have afforded to go otherwise, but he’s a high-powered attorney who makes bank in Manhattan.
My other brothers could’ve afforded it—Alexander, an anesthesiologist in Philadelphia, and Oliver, a software developer in Chicago, both make plenty of cash. It’s a reminder how my siblings are all much, much more successful than me, and I have to admit, it’s not a small part of the reason why I enjoy being out west, far, far away from the rest of them.
But Alex and Oliver had to work, so they didn’t bother flying in to meet their nieces. They finally met each girl when the next holiday came up that forced us all to get together again.
And the Christmas after Isla was born—five years ago this year—was the last time we were all together in the same place at the same time.
It was awkward and stilted. We were forced together for two whole days, and my brothers—all three of them—spent most of their time on their laptops working. I played with my nieces, chatted with Rachel, and did my best to ignore my mother, who drank too much wine and pointed out everyone’s flaws the whole time we were together.
I don’t fit in with my family.
I’m the baby. I’m the only girl. I’m still chasing my dreams while my brothers have already achieved them.
It’s not like that in the Nash family. It’s four boys, all successful professional athletes. They seem to be very close, and I’ve never felt that way with family.
I think it’s why I made my own family when I came to Vegas. Kelly’s been like a sister to me since we met, and for a long time, she was all I needed.
Yet as I sit here with half the Nash family, I can’t help but feel like I wish I had something like this, too. I wish I was a part of a family where it didn’t feel like an obligation to reach out. It’s not that way with Beck, but he’s so busy with his job and his family that oftentimes I feel like I’m bothering him if I’m so moved as to send him a text.
And so I usually don’t. It’s him who keeps tabs on me instead.
I get the sense it’s not like that with this family. I don’t know the ins and outs, and I know Mrs. Nash and Mr. Nash are going through a divorce, so it’s not all perfect. They’re all coming together to be with their oldest brother to meet his baby, and there’s something really special about that. It’s the first grandbaby, and Lincoln is the first one to get married and start a family.
Spencer appears to be next since he proposed to his girlfriend not too long ago. As far as I know, Asher is enjoying the single life, and that leaves Grayson.
He’s still a huge, unsolved mystery.
My eyes shift over to him, and he’s staring down at his new niece while his mom holds her. He’s clearly already in love with her with the way he’s looking down at her, and my chest tightens as this fantasy plays out in my head that it’s us here, and everyone is gathering to meet our baby, and we’re married, and it’s the happily ever after I’ve dreamed of since I had my first crush all those years ago.
As if he can tell exactly what I’m daydreaming of, his eyes flick up to mine.
His are warm, and my cheeks redden as he catches me staring at him.
“Want to hold her?” Mrs. Nash asks the room in general, catching me off guard by interrupting the lock his eyes have on mine.
Grayson looks back at her, but I don’t miss the terror before he shifts his gaze. I stifle a giggle.
“May I?” I ask.
“Of course,” she says.
I head to the sink first, scrub my hands, and then walk back to Mrs. Nash. She hands the baby over, and I stare down at her as I gently sway.
She’s all bundled up in her swaddle, and she wears a pink hat on top of her head to keep warm. She’s sleeping with her little button nose and her pink cheeks.
And I get the strangest feeling that I didn’t have back when I held my nieces.
Maybe it’s age. I was in high school and college with them, but now I’m an adult on my own in the world, and I’m starting to get this feeling that I want one of these in my own future.
It hits me out of left field.
I don’t know a ton about kids, but I know how busy Beck’s two keep him and Rachel. I know when they’re first born, it’s all sweet bliss and sleepless nights, but then they grow into actual people with opinions and voices and backtalk.
What would it be like to raise one of them? Would I be any good at it? Is anybody any good at it, or are they all just winging it?
Beck and Rachel seem to have it down pat. When I have kids someday, I want to parent the way they do.
But that also means I need a partner who also wants to have them someday. Is that Grayson? Or am I just chasing down a dream that doesn’t have any possibility of coming to fruition?
Tears fill my eyes as emotion seems to get the better of me.
“She’s so beautiful,” I say to Jolene, who smiles at me. I glance over at Grayson, and he’s watching me intently, with something akin to curiosity in his eyes. “Would you like to hold her, Uncle Grayson?”
“Oh, uh,” he says, and he shifts a little on his feet. “I, uh—”
“Dude, it’s fine,” Lincoln says, slapping his brother on the back. He gently takes the baby from me. “Wash your hands, then sit, and I’ll hand her to you.”
Grayson follows his brother’s instructions, and I can’t help but feel a twinge of something in my belly as Lincoln hands the baby to his brother.
I feel myself falling deeper and deeper, and that’s terrifying.
Sure, he admitted he has feelings for me. He even went so far as to tell me he masturbated last night while thinking about me.
But he’s also dead set against anything ever really happening between the two of us, and I’m terrified he’s stubborn enough to stick to that forever. I’m only setting myself up for heartbreak.
On the other hand…what if it works?
What if my persistence pays off and I end up with everything I ever dreamed of?
I have to believe it’s worth the risk.
The door opens, and a nurse walks in. “Time to check the baby’s blood sugar,” she says cheerfully.
Grayson hands Josephine back to Lincoln, and they prepare to do their little test while Grayson and I head back to the waiting room with his mom. A man and a woman who look vaguely familiar are standing there with a little boy, and Mrs. Nash runs over to them.
“Joanna!” she exclaims as she grabs the woman into a hug.
“Have you met her?” Joanna asks, and I assume this is Jolene’s parents.
“She’s precious. So perfect!” Mrs. Nash says, hugging Jolene’s dad next. “The nurse came in, so we gave them some time. I’m sure Lincoln will be down to take you in soon.”
Mrs. Nash makes the introductions between us all, and I learn the boy, Jonah, is Jolene’s son and Lincoln’s stepson. We all chat for a few minutes when, sure enough, Lincoln comes back.
“I’m going to run down to the cafeteria for some water,” I say to Grayson. “Need anything?”
“A cup of coffee would be great. Just black.”
“You got it,” I say.
“I’ll come with you,” Mrs. Nash says to me.
Grayson glances at me to make sure that’s okay, and I nod and smile. He heads down the hall with Lincoln, Jonah, and Jolene’s parents, and Mrs. Nash and I turn in the opposite direction.
“It’s so good to see you, sweetheart,” Mrs. Nash says to me. She squeezes my arm.
“You, too, Mrs. Nash,” I say, leaning into her a little.
“Stop that Mrs. Nash silliness. Call me Missy. And it’s just us girls now. Tell me what’s going on with you and my boy.” She hits the button to call the elevator.
I giggle, not sure how much to tell her. So I dodge it instead. “That’s probably a better question to ask him.”
She raises a brow. “Do I need to have a talk with him?”
Oh, God. I have no idea what to say to that, so I just laugh. The elevator arrives empty, and we step on it together.
She fills the silence of the car. “For some reason, I always saw you ending up with my Spencer. Even way back when. There was always something about you even when you were much younger that told me you had a good head on your shoulders.”
“Thank you for saying that. The truth is that I always had eyes for Grayson. He was my first crush.” And my first bang, but I refrain from telling her that.
“How adorable is that? And now you two…” She trails off. “Well, I don’t know what it is, but I saw him looking at you when you were holding the baby, and…” She doesn’t end that sentence, either, and I’m dying to know what the ending is.
“And?” I prompt. I can’t help myself.
“I’ll be honest with you. He’s never brought a girl around before. But when I saw him looking at you, I had the strangest feeling that he’d be next. Not Spence, who just got engaged. Definitely not Ash. But Gray.” She shrugs a little. “There’s just something about the way he looks at you. He’s never looked at anyone like that before.” Her eyes get a little misty, and I think mine do, too.
I want to tell her the truth about how I’m falling for him and he will never see me as anything other than his best friend’s little sister, but I can’t make myself form the words.
The elevator opens to the floor with the cafeteria, leaving the conversation behind us as we focus on the reason why we came down here.
But her words echo in my head. He’s never looked at anyone like that before.
Maybe there’s a chance for that happy ending for us after all.