CUSP

I have never been more thankful than now, Besa walks into the Kitchen and I want to believe it’s just in my head but the way he looks at me one can tell that I am the last person he expected to see.

‘Hai Wane.’

‘Hai.’ I respond getting a hold of my phone again

His dad has poured his coffee and standing close to the cooker facing me, Besa has busied himself making a sandwich.

‘Your mum is excited to meet Astridah.’ His dad says

‘Yeah, she has had her doubts about my sexuality for a while.’ He responds and the two of them laugh

‘Let me finish my coffee and take a bath, she won’t forgive me if I don’t join them.’ He says

‘Wane stop being scarce, you are one of us.’ He says

‘I will try not to Sir.’

‘Sure, son see you later.’

‘Later dad.’ Besa responds

I look at my phone immediately a text comes on, it’s from Obrien.

‘I miss you, let me see you in an hour at our usual spot.’

I quickly delete the text and put the phone away before blocking him, I am not about to go down this road again.

‘Are you okay?’ Besa asks

‘Never been better.’ I respond with a sigh

‘How is school going? Any boys promising you a life time?’

‘School is going okay and yes there is a man.’

He raises an eyebrow

‘What?’

‘Someone actually met your standards?’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘Come on Wane, you are the most difficult girl I knew growing up.’

‘Come on, I was a child when you were growing up.’

‘True but still.’

‘What is his name?’

‘I am not telling.’

‘Come on.’ He pleads but I don’t say anything

‘Stop forcing her to tell, how long did you hide Astridah before bringing her.’ Claudia says walking in on us

‘We were just talking.’

‘Right.’

‘Leave her alone and stop forcing answers out of her, we are heading to the salon have fun with the folks.’ She says dragging me from the kitchen.

We pass through her bedroom where she gets her clutch and retouches her face, I had no idea we were going to the saloon I could have dressed more comfortably and I feel bad that she didn’t tell me.

When walking out we meet her dad in the living room.

‘Dad we are going to the salon, we need money.’ She says to him

‘Is that so?’ he asks looking at me

‘Yes Sir.’ I respond knowing if I don’t respond Claudia will make me.

‘Bring my phone.’ He says to her

She excitedly walks out of the living room and again it is the two of us, I hate being found in places alone with him.

‘You decided to change plans.’

‘Those were my initial plans before coming here.’

‘And how long do you plan on ignoring me?’

‘Not today satan.’ I whisper and he chuckles

‘You know I am not going anywhere right?’

‘This is wrong, we both know that.’ I say in the smallest voice possible

‘We crossed that bridge Wane, you and I both know that.’

I feel defeated, there is never winning talking to him.

‘Your grades have been impressive, are you ready for the internship over the holidays?’

‘I am not sure I still want them.’

‘Of course she does, you want the money.’ Claudia says

‘See, besides you are the most hard working student I know. No offence baby.’ He says

‘None taken daddy, that is a fact that even I know.’

‘I will think about it Sir.’

He gets his phone from his daughter and transfers the money before sending a 5000 kwacha to me, the side of me with pride could send it back but then I have arrears I need to clear and some other bills to sort out.

I unblock him and a send a thank you before blocking him again and deleting the chat. God this is the part of me that I hate, it is seriously draining having to delete conversations and block him.

We say bye and walk out of the house, we will be using Nancy’s car so that will mean I either drop her back home later or she will get on a cab.

‘Leave me at the station.’ She says when we have driven out of the yard

I look at her

‘You were my scape goat.’

‘And where are you going?’

‘I am not telling.’

‘Claudia.’

‘Last heart break I promised to be more careful and that is exactly what I am doing.’

‘And hiding this from me is being careful?’

‘I will tell you I due time.’

I just shake my head, this is trouble and I can smell it.

I drop her at the station and instead of going back home I find myself driving towards new kasama at one of Obrien’s apartments, we have been here together twice and I have always had a key which I move with in my clutch. I park the vehicle and open the door, a help comes to clean every other day even though I have never met her.

I go straight to the bedroom and I almost choke on the memories, I am not proud of my choices and even more I hate that there are no regrets. Trying to block out everything, I sit on the bed and try to take in the whole place. I must have dozed off because next I wake up it’s to Obrien’s voice, he is on phone and typing something on his laptop.

‘You looked peaceful, I didn’t want to disturb you.’ He says putting both phone and laptop away.

‘Why are you here?’ I ask yawning.

‘I wanted to see you.’ He responds

I sit upright and he uses the moment to capture my face, placing his lips against mine and kissing the air out of me. I always forget how good it is to be like this with him.

‘I cooked.’ He says pulling away

‘You didn’t.’

‘You know I did.’ He says standing up

I get up from the bed and ask him to excuse me, it’s not like he has never seen me nude but oh well. When he walks out I change into one of his shirts and house slippers, both extremely big but comfortable.

I follow him to the kitchen and sit on the kitchen counter, he turns around and stops as though I have just dragged the life out of him.

‘Child I am trying to eat.’ He says and I just smile

He moves close and holds my waist.

‘I am on my safe days.’ I hear myself say, the whore in me is really doing a number on me because this is not right.

..

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Winnie

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