Crimes of Cupidity (Heart Hassle Book 3)

We go back outside, and I waste no time walking through the rebels, eyeing anyone who doesn’t look like they want to stab me through the face.

“Wanna have sex with some conjoined twins?” I ask a group of fae as they walk by.

They just stare at me. Geez, hard sell. I keep walking. “How about you?” I ask a couple of water sprites. “Sex? Twins? That’s gotta be like a fantasy in this realm, too, right?”

“Pretty sure Plik and Plak don’t fit that particular fantasy,” Evert says with a chuckle.

“This is your fault, mister, so no jokes. We have to fix this or they’re gonna go to the king. They’ve been kept here on the super secret rebel island for who knows how long. We can’t let them go to him. We have to get them some sex or we’re in big trouble.”

Evert scoffs and throws his arm around my shoulder like this is no big deal. “Oh, come on. I wouldn’t actually let them leave here to do that. But we can try to help them out. Besides, it’s just sex. Fae are horny motherfuckers. It’ll be an easy sell.”

“Evert. They have hairy balls. And pig noses. And conjoined butt cheeks! This is not going to be an easy sell!” I say, somewhat hysterically.

I continue propositioning fae as we walk along the path, but no one bites. When we get to the outdoor eating area, Evert leaves my side and strolls over to an occupied table. He steps up onto the bench and then the table, not caring when his boots come down on plates of food, and fae sitting there glare up at him.

He puts his hands around his mouth and hollers, “Oy! Listen up you rebel fucks! We got a set of horny conjoined twins in cabin number fifty. First couple of fae who make it there get to experience their very own cupid Lust Breath!” he says, looking around the crowd. “And trust me, that shit is powerful. You’ll come harder than a fucking geyser. All you gotta do is sex it up with the weird twin fuckers. Who’s in?”

To my utter surprise, a dozen fae, male and female alike, hop up from their tables and start running towards the cabin.

“Huh.”

Evert jumps down from the table and strolls back toward us, looking arrogant as hell. And yeah, sexy. Super sexy. I kind of want to punch him. After I climb onto his cock.

He grins down at me, hands in pockets. “Well?”

“Well, what?”

“Come on Scratch, you owe me.”

I scoff. “I do not. I totally could’ve done that.”

He arches a black brow. “Mmmhmm,” he says unconvinced.

“I could have!” I protest. “I’m a cupid. The cupid. I’m the Head of Cupidity. The badass cupid boss. I could’ve totally gotten takers on the sex thing. I was just…letting you take the reins to teach you a lesson about correcting your own mistakes.”

“Sure you were.”

When we get back to the cabin, there’s a line of fourteen fae waiting outside the door.

“You and Ronak stay here,” I tell Sylred before making my way to the crowd.

“Alright,” I announce to the line of fae, marching up to them, all business-like. ”I’ll let each of you inside and you can decide who wants to…umm, participate.”

I open the door and let them file in, and Plik and Plak look over them expectantly. Right away, nine turn around and walk out. The rest of them seem game.

“Okay…who wants to—” They all raise their hands before I can finish my sentence. “Oh. Okay…Plik? Plak?”

“Multiple sexual–partners is perfectly—acceptable.” They say together.

“Okay then.”

“When do we get the Lust stuff?” A fae with two mouths asks. I try to ignore the way that Plik is eyeing him. I want to be far, far away when this particular physical activity gets started.

“Right now,” I tell them.

Starting with Plik and Plak, I inhale deeply and then blow out a stream of pink breath, letting the Lust loose. Beside me, Evert does the same. In just a few breaths, the entire cabin is saturated with it. Plik’s and Plak’s penises promptly rise to attention.

Evert claps a hand over my eyes. I hear clothing behind discarded. “Time to go, Scratch.”

He leads me out of the cabin and once we’re outside, he slams the door behind us. Moaning starts sounding through the walls. Yikes. Thin walls.

I see a pair of fae rushing forward. “Did we miss the Lust orgy?”

Evert and I exchange a look and then shrug. “No harm in two more, I guess,” I say, and then breathe Lust into their faces while Evert holds the door open for them.

“Enjoy!” he calls to their backs before closing the door again.

“Now let’s get the fuck out of here before I have to hear anything else and be scarred for life.”

We make our way back to Sylred and Ronak who are standing on the other side of the road.

“All set?” Sylred asks.

“Yeah, I think we’re good.”

“Hey, it’s you,” I turn at the voice, and find a familiar fae walking toward us. The metal spikes in his eyebrows gives him away as the fae I talked to when I first got to the rebel camp and was looking for my guys.

“Oh, hey.”

He eyes me. “Is it true you’re conducting a fornication function in your cabin?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Are you joining in?” he asks quickly.

Evert takes a step forward with a snarl, but I put my hand on his chest and quickly shake my head. “Nope, no fornicating function for me. I have mates.”

“Oh.” he says, looking disappointed. “Well, which cabin is the orgy?” he asks eagerly, and I point the way. He bounds off without another word.

“Wow. Word about orgies really spreads quickly here,” I muse.

“How’d you know that guy?” Evert asks immediately.

“Oh, he was showing me to the copulation room.”

Evert stops in his tracks. “Why the fuck was he showing you the copulation room?”

I wave my hand at him. “Not like that. He thought I was here to have sex. He was just being helpful. Offered to show me the way.”

Evert stares at me. “Let me get this straight. He was bringing you to the copulation room because he was being helpful?” he asks incredulously.

I nod. “Exactly.”

Evert closes his eyes and rubs a finger across his brows. “Sylred.”

My pink-haired genfin steps forward and takes my hand in his. “Emelle, let’s not talk about you copulating with other fae, okay?”

“I wasn’t gonna copulate him,” I protest.

“I know,” he says, patting me on the hand. “Let’s drop it, okay? Before Evert’s head explodes.”

“Fine. I would’ve liked to see the copulating room, though.”

“No fucking way,” Evert snaps.

Touchy, touchy.

He grumbles under his breath all the way back to the manor. Males. They’re so unreasonable sometimes.