Colder

When I opened my eyes Jasper was kneeling beside me, pain radiating from every inch of his perfect face. I was lying in the large bed in his room with one of my hands clasped firmly in both of Jasper’s. It was light outside now. It had been night out when I got stabbed, hadn’t it? Everything that had happened came back to me in a flash and I winced as pain coursed through my body from the wound in my back.

Seeing the wince, Jasper reached up to brush my hair off my forehead, “Are you alright? Is there much pain?” he whispered, hoarsely.

I nodded weakly and cleared my throat, it was dry and tickled as I tried to speak, “What happened…. What time is it?”

Jasper caressed my face softly, “It’s eight in the morning. You’ve been asleep all night.” His eyes filled with tears but he refused to let them escape down his cheeks, blinking them away, “I threw you over my shoulder…. You landed on the couch on a pile of glass. A large shard of it stabbed you in the back. Thankfully, it missed any major organs and Warren was able to stitch you up.” He buried his face into the side of my chest as the sobs began to wrack his body. “I’m so sorry, Amelia… So, so sorry...it’s all my fault. I’m a monster.”

I had a feeling that I wasn’t the only reason he was crying and placed my hand on his head, stroking his hair softly as he sobbed, “Jasper…”

“I’m glad to see you are awake. I’ve brought you something for the pain.” Said a voice from the doorway. I glanced over to see Warren as he began walking towards the bed. “You’re quite lucky to be alive. That glass missed your spleen by a quarter inch, if it had been hit, I wouldn’t have been able to save you.” He handed me a glass of water and three small, pink pills. I took the pills and swallowed them, chasing them with a big gulp of water. I’d drank half the glass of water before Warren had to pull it out of my hands, laughing, “Take it easy now, there is plenty of time for quenching your thirst and I don’t want you making yourself sick too.”

I really loved Warren’s smile, it was calm and soothing and instantly made me feel like everything was going to be ok. He was sort of like an intimidating but loving older brother.

Warren’s mouth turned up into an amused grin, “Thank you, Amelia. You’re a very sweet girl,” he answered the thought in my head. “I am pleased to see that if Jasper has chosen his mate, he has chosen someone like you.” He flashed me another more mischievous grin. “You will make a wonderful vampire someday.” he finished with a knowing wink.

I was starting to feel a little less groggy so I attempted to sit up in bed. The blanket slid down and I immediately snatched it up and clutched it to my chest. Why am I naked? Jasper stood up, reluctantly dropping my hand, “I’ll get you some clothes.” He murmured before he dashed out of the room.

I wrapped the blanket tighter around myself just as Solen walked into the room carrying a tray. She set it down in front of me and on the tray was a plate full of eggs, bacon and toast and some orange juice and coffee. It smelled delicious and I was ravenous so I dug in. After a few bites I stopped eating for a moment to ask a question, “Who’s Clara?”

Solen took a deep breath and said, “She is…was Jasper’s daughter. Jasper had to take care of her after he was tur…”

“Solen.” Warren interrupted.

She stopped.

“I think perhaps that question is better answered by Jasper.” He smiled at me politely. I nodded in understanding, going back to my plate of food.

Jasper came back in the room and set the sweater and jeans he’d picked out for me on the bed. “Clara didn’t have anybody else.” He began softly, “So when I was turned a vampire, I still took care of her, with Warren’s help. We watched her grow up.”

Warren smiled fondly at the memory of the little girl.

“I was a horrible father, I sometimes forgot to feed her or change her. I tried so hard but… I was a vampire, I’d forgotten what it meant to be human. She survived though and by the time she was 5 years old she was making her own meals most of the time. She was incredibly smart and did very well in school. When she was 10 she began to ask questions about what we were. She’d always known that Uncle Warren and I weren’t the same as everybody else she knew.” He took a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh, clearly trying to maintain his composure, “We sat her down and we told her the truth. About who and what we were. We told her it was an absolute secret and she could never tell anybody about us. She understood entirely of course…” He trailed off and looked out the window, gathering his thoughts.

“When she was sixteen she came to me and told me that she wanted to be a vampire too. So that she and I could always be together. I refused her. Her life was too important to me, too precious. There was no way I could ever do that to anyone, least of all my own daughter. I wanted her to have a full, rich human life. The life I never had the chance to live.” He paused, his voice catching in his throat, “I felt she was better off in Heaven with her mother than stuck here on Hell with me… She didn’t like that idea so much.”

“You have to understand this, Amelia… In the larger cities, like Houston for example. There is a lot more than just one vampire like there is here and being that Warren and I are what we are, Clara knew a number of different vampires, friends of ours mostly. Well there was one vampire in particular, Elliott, who she’d become… smitten with. He was turned when he was 18 years old and he was as fond of her as she was of him.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger as if trying to block out the bad memories, “When I refused to turn her and Warren also refused to turn her, out of respect for my decision as her father. She went to Elliott.” He said through gritted teeth. “She was sitting on his lap, his wrist was open and bleeding. She was just about to put it to her mouth when I burst into the room. I flew into a blind rage at him for wanting to… to steal her light like that…” He sighed painfully, “I pushed her off of him, out of the way… like I did to you last night…She hit her head on the corner of the staircase… it was a marble staircase and…” he looked away, choking back a sob “She was dead before I even reached her side…murdered by her own father… the monster.” His chin quivered and he made no effort to stifle the tears now freely flowing down his chiseled features.

Warren, who had been still and quiet as a statue during the entire story, spoke in a low voice, “It wasn’t your fault, Jasper…”

He whirled around angrily and glared at Warren, “Of course it was my fault! I threw her like a ragdoll! I let our own temperamental, demonic nature take over and my daughter paid the price for that with her life! And I almost did it again! Yes, it very much is my fault!” he growled.

I threw my arms around Jasper and hugged him closely to me, not even caring that the blanket had fallen and the only thing covering my bare flesh from the other eyes in the room was his solid, warm chest. “Jasper…” I said softly, “We all make mistakes…big ones. We are -all- monsters inside and sometimes those monsters come out even when we don’t want them to.”

He wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my neck, sobbing in anguish. “I thought I’d done it again last night… I thought I’d killed someone I loved more than my own life…”

His admonishment took me by surprise. He loves me! I hugged him a little tighter and smiled, “I love you too, Jasper…” I whispered into his ear.

He pulled back, wiping the moisture from his eyes quickly and shaking his head at me, “Don’t…don’t say that, Amelia… It makes this so much harder. I don’t want you to love me. I’m just going to hurt you again. I’m…” he gulped, “I’m leaving. I’m going back to Texas with Warren and Solen. It’s the only way I keep you safe, keep you alive.”

My mouth dropped and my eyes welled with tears, “No! Jasper you can’t! Don’t go. Please stay here, its ok! You won’t hurt me, I know you won’t. I trust you.”

He frowned at me, his mouth set in a thin line, “It’s not about you, or whether or not you trust me. I don’t trust me. Put your clothing on and I’ll take you home.” He stood up and walked out of the room to wait for me by the front door.

I stared at the space where he’d just been, tears streaming down my face, “Warren…” I choked out, “Please… please don’t let him go…”

Warren smiled sadly at me, “While Jasper has always been my brother, and looked up to me for advice and assistance… when it comes to certain matters he is very stubborn and I’m afraid there is nothing I can do.”

“You can turn me…” my voice a disheartened whisper. I already knew what he’d say.

“I’m sorry, Amelia. I can’t do that. Jasper is my family and… I can’t hurt him like that, even if I think he is hurting himself more by not doing it.” He shook his head slowly.

“Solen?” I turned to her, my eyes pleading.

She frowned and looked to Warren. Taking a deep breath, she sighed, “I too am sorry, Amelia. But for the same reasons as Warren, I cannot.” She reached for my hand and squeezed it reassuringly. “It will all work out, have hope, dear.” She smile sweetly at me before standing up and nodding her head politely in my direction before leaving the room, Warren trailing behind her.

“He already is my every hope…” I whispered to the empty air.