Cold Feet

CHRISTINE

Grady opens the door. He's learned not to be wearing a towel. I command respect and wearing a towel when I arrive means he's expecting me to simply have sex with him. It means he thinks I'm that easy. I'm glad. He's learning.

Instead he's wearing jeans and a cotton checked shirt. It's long sleeved but he's rolled the sleeves up to just below the elbows. He wearing shoes and it tells me he's ready to go out. "Going somewhere?" I ask.

"Well, I was thinking we could go for dinner," he smiles.

"Mmm," I think about it. "You surprised me twice in less than a minute. There may be hope for you yet."

"There's always hope for me," he says smiling. He's still arrogant but although he's learning, he's got a long way to go yet. I've taken off the ring, Rick gave me. I don't want to show him just yet but I will show him soon.

"Well, where are you taking me," I ask.

"Wait and see," he says. He steps out of his apartment and closes the door behind us. We leave the building and flag a cab. He gives the driver the address of the Inn of the Seventh Ray.

I stir uncomfortably. "Can we go somewhere else?" I ask.

"You don't like it?" he asks.

"I love it but I recently had a difference with the staff about a wedding reception I arranged there so I'm not in the mood to go back just yet. But, more points for choosing the most romantic restaurant in Los Angeles."

"Wow, that's three points. I could get lucky tonight," Grady says with a big smile. He doesn't know the surprise that I have for him.

I suggest an alternate venue and soon we arrive. We take a table far from the rest of the guests. It's a week night and the restaurant is not as busy as usual.

We order dinner and talk while we wait and sip our wine.

"What happened to us?" Grady asks me as he sits forward and takes my hand in his.

"What do you mean, what happened to us? You were the one who left. You were the one who asked to marry me and then left me."

Grady sits back and releases my hand as if he doesn't deserve to hold it. He looks at me, thinking what to do or say.

"I'm sorry Chris. I was an asshole. I don't know what it was."

"I meet his eyes and try to gauge his emotions. I wonder if he's being sincere. "You know, you were every girl's dream back in high school, including mine. I dreamed of you but I never dreamed we'd get together. Ever. It didn't happen in high school but then we ran into each other here in LA and it was a dream come true. When you asked me to marry you, I was over the moon. There wasn't a happier person in the world than me. And then I found out the truth. You were cheating on me. I don't know what you wanted. You got engaged to me while you were seeing that skank on the side. It was like you were trying to hedge your bets. Like you couldn't decide who or what you wanted. So, I guess I decided for you."

Grady's face is flushed as he remembers the truth. I didn't need to remind him. I'm sure he can remember everything clearly himself. "I'm sorry," he says again.

"You broke my heart, Grady. And as much as you shattered it, I've never loved someone as much as I've loved you. I've never had a relationship until now." "I have to assume he's better than me then," Grady says disappointedly.

I shake my head. Not necessarily. But time waits for no-one and time heals wounds. So, as well as I have been able to heal, I decided to move on."

Our dinner arrives and we begin to eat. We continue speaking between mouthfuls.

"Then why are you with me. Right here, right now?" Grady asks.

"I think when we met each other the other day, we both realized that we want a second chance. Am I right?"

"I guess," Grady says.

I stop eating. "You guess? Is that all you have to say? What is it you want then?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," Grady says apologetically.

I ignore him and reach into my handbag. I remove the ring that Rick gave me and I put it on. I smile cruelly and make a fist pointing the ring at Grady.

"What's that?" he asks.

"An engagement ring," I reply. "Rick asked me to marry him two days ago. I said yes."

"You said yes?" Grady asks in disbelief.

"That's right," I nod.

"Why?"

"Because, you can't even tell me sincerely if you want a second chance with me. He's committed. And I'll be damned if I'm going to turn him down just because you turned up.”

"Well then what's the point?" Grady asks. I can tell he is beginning to get upset.

I reach across the table and grab the front of his shirt. I yank him towards me across the table and look him in the eyes.

"Have I got you your attention pretty, big dick boy?"

Grady nods.

"Good. The listen. You. Broke. My. Heart. Got it?"

He nods.

"Now, if you want a second chance, I'll give you that but you're well behind the curve so you better make up time and make it up quick. If you think taking a woman to a nice restaurant, telling her nice things, and making her laugh is going to get you laid then you're wrong. Especially when you broke that woman's heart once before."

He says nothing but looks at me, listening.

"Now, you can be that spoiled, rich boy, who's never had to work for anything in his life and go find some fake chick who's going to bend over for you every time you ask, then go on and have that. But if you want a second chance here, you're going to have to work for it. And if you work for it, I promise you I'll bend for you every damn way you want me to. But you're the one whose got to prove it. And the clocks ticking. The ball's in your court."

Grady says nothing and just looks at me. "Okay, I'm sorry," he says again. "I'll work for it."

"You did before. It's not that hard."

"Yeah, but what about him," Grady says signalling the ring.

"What about it. A ring doesn't close the hole. Not until I say 'I do'."

Grady smiles and nods.

"That doesn't mean you can take your time. You see, I've told him I'll marry him but I've left everything to him to organize. Including the date. So, he's going to surprise me. It could be tomorrow or it could be next year. It's up to you to make it never."

Our conversation is subdued the rest of the evening but I think Grady's got the message. He has no idea how hard I have to work not to break down and go against everything I've told him. I know though that it do, I'll never have his respect. If he works for me, maybe he'll finally understand what it takes. I know I'll give him everything he wants but I'm not giving my pussy away like it's a non-profit.

We finish our dinner and part ways outside the restaurant. I'm sure we've made progress this evening and that Grady's getting the picture.

Rick and I don't spend every evening together. We still have our own homes and that works for us with our busy schedules. Tonight I go home to my place. I'm glad I don't have to face Rick tonight after Grady. I feel some measure of guilt for playing him against Grady but even if Grady fails I'll go through with the wedding to Grady. Why?

I don't need his money. I'm making my own. We can sign a pre-nup. I'll gladly sign one. But being with him, I can get him to support me once we're married and all my money can get saved. If I can do that for a couple of years, I don't need anything from him when I divorce him. But I'll have so much more saved when we part ways. I'm going to hit my retirement goals and I'm going to do it my way.

My mother was a gold digger. I don't admit it to anyone. I never talk about my parents. They're both gone now. Gold digging doesn't build a foundation for a good life and I always swore I wouldn't do it. So, marrying someone like Rick who's well enough off, doesn't make me a gold digger. I have my own business and can support myself. All I'll be doing is living with him while I save like hell. Besides, look at our busy schedules. Who do we think we're fooling? It's not like we're really going to have a life together.

Would it be any different with Grady? Maybe. I don't know. I can follow the same strategy if anything comes of us. But it's too early to tell.

You might think my perception of relationships is screwed but hey, I saw what my mother did to men and what men did to her. That way there's only pain. I haven't even been married yet and I've experienced some measure of pain with Grady. It's all the same. A fantasy. Some succeed but a lot don't. I think success in marriage is like genes you inherit. If your parents had a successful marriage, there's a good chance you'll marry successfully too. If their marriage failed, there's a good chance yours will go the same way.

Check the statistics. As far as I know they agree.