Chasing River

The Truth Will Set You Free

I IMMEDIATELY swung open the door and stood there in my place, having heard enough. Fabian and Keomi turned around to meet my gaze, and their hands might as well have been painted red with how guilty they looked.

“Armani…” Fabian spoke, swallowing hard.

“We weren’t expecting you.” Keomi tried to smile off.

“Oh, were you expecting me to act like I didn’t just overhear everything?” I wondered out loud, a cold chill cascading down my spine. “Because that’s not going to happen.”

“Listen I don’t know what you think you heard but—” Fabian began but I immediately cut him off. I was not the girl that I was when I first arrived at St Katherine’s, I would not allow myself to be spoken over and disregarded.

“Don’t do that, it’s beneath you. I heard everything, every single word. Quite frankly more than I wanted to.” I admitted walking in between them and taking a seat at my desk and folding my arms. “I want to know everything.”

“Armani no you don’t.” Keomi sighed, placing her fingers against her temples in frustration. “You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into, what you got yourself into by hanging out with us all in the first place.”

“I know what I heard, and this time I want to know the full story, with no hidden connotations, I want you to be honest with me,” I asked them and they gave each other a panicked look.

“Fine. As long as you promise to be understanding at the very least?” Fabian proposed.

“I don’t owe you anything because I highly doubt I’m going to be taking your side on any of this,” I warned.

“Do you want the long story or a short explanation?” Keomi asked me placing her hands on her hips.

“Tell it to me short and clear.” I directed.

“I had feelings for a girl named Elle a few years ago but she didn’t feel the same, shocker. Anyways, she was using me to get to Kennedy and I found out and I was really angry and upset. One day at camp, I found out about River and Jace having a….well whatever it was they had. I promised Jace that I wouldn’t say a word, because like I’d said, it was none of my business. But then I saw Elle’s group bullying one of their friends, and accidentally pushing her off the side of the rocks, she broke her leg. Jace knew that I was there, and wanted me to give a statement to the police but I wasn’t willing to risk getting involved. He started to question my morality in the situation and threatened to go to the police himself, but in turn, I got nervous and threatened to tell everyone about him and River. Then…well then Jace kinda started to spiral and I think that maybe that was my fault.” Fabian explained and I placed my hand over my heart to make sure my heart was still there, still beating. I couldn’t imagine what Jace probably had to go through, knowing everything that was on the line.

“Maybe?” Keomi speculated sarcastically. “It was.”

“Oh yeah? Well, you knew about them too, you could’ve talked to him and prevented everything—”

“Wait!” I paused, “How on earth would you have been able to change his fate?”

“Um…well, uh, sometimes we think that maybe Jace crashed the car on purpose.” Keomi hesitated.

“W-what do you mean?” I muttered.

“I think, he may have felt like the pressure of it all was too much and he wanted to end it,” Fabian suggested and I felt the tears begin to pool in my eyes, they then tumbled down my cheek and I wiped them away quickly.

“That’s…that’s insane.” I gasped.

“But not impossible,” Keomi added taking a deep breath and sitting on the edge of her bed. “People crack under pressure all the time.”

“That’s…awful, oh my God.” I thought to myself. “But wait, that doesn’t explain how Keomi knew?”

“We were…together at the time.” Keomi blushed. “He told me about it and wanted me to talk to Jace.”

“You dated Keomi?” I gasped in shock.

“We never technically dated but yes…we were together in many ways.” Fabian hinted and Keomi smacked his arm.

“Shut up, like seriously.” She asked of him.

“She wanted the whole truth Keomi, why spare her all the dirty details?” Fabian spat.

“Why…did you hide all of this?” I asked.

“Because some things are better left unsaid, better left hidden and digging them up always does more harm than good,” Keomi told me. “You were still new here, you didn’t need to know…everything.”

“This is so messed up.” I concluded, “River, he deserves to know.”

“No!” Fabian protested, grabbing hold of my arm. “He’s going to take it out of context, he’s going to blame us for everything.”

“Wow.” I sighed, shaking my head in disappointment. “You never did learn to grow a pair, did you Fabes? All this proves to me is that you don’t know your own friend at all.”

“Armani, wait!” Keomi called out. “Are you…angry with us?”

“I’m not angry at you Keomi, I wasn’t there, I don’t know the pain that was caused by all that was said…or left unsaid. But I do know that I won’t keep this a secret from River, he deserves this.” I concluded, “He deserves consolation, he deserves a reason at least.”

“You’re right,” Keomi spoke, her bottom lip trembling and tears collecting in her eyes. “Tell him. Give him a reason, even if it may not be right, even if it’s only a half-truth. He deserves to know.”

“I will.” I nodded but just as I was about to turn on my heel, Fabian grabbed my hand once more. His eyes turned teary as well. “What?”

“Please. If you tell him, please tell him that I— that I’m sorry.” Fabian suggested and I nodded.

“You must be.” I acknowledged. “I would be.”

“If you know anything, then know this. Know that what happened to Jace, It haunts us all, lingers in our walls and whispers cruelties in our sleep. Know that if you feel bad, then we have felt awful always. That we were young, and thought we knew everything. Only to grow up and realise that we know nothing at all.” Keomi expressed. “We don’t want to lose you, you brought such light into our lives.”

“If you stray away from us because of this, we will understand, even if it’s for a very long time. But please know that we will hope that you come back, the door is always open. We meant everything we said, we may not be certain of much but we are all sure that we will always be your friends even if you may not want to be ours any more.” Fabian narrated.

And then I left.

A day or two later

It was New Year’s Eve and I was perched on the balcony wearing nothing but a pearl necklace around my neck. River had been painting me for almost an hour and I was getting bored. Don’t get me wrong, I adored being his muse and it still gave me butterflies but I wanted to do something different that day, something fun. Then I remembered that I had my exhibit that afternoon and had to go to the bank to deposit the cash prize. I was happy about that, mostly because I wanted to distract myself for a few hours while I figured out how or if I should even tell him the truth about everything with Fabian. It would break him to find out that not only did his friends keep this secret from him but that there was a chance that Jace would still be here if Fabian hadn’t threatened him.

He was only just recovering you see, his sleep schedule was finally back on track and he was getting at least six hours of sleep every night. I would never tell him but it hurt me to watch him all those previous restless nights, having him fall asleep and wake up two hours later wasn’t just draining for him but for me too. Because watching someone you love more than anything struggle with something that should be as simple as sleep takes a toll on you too. Only after he burned those paintings and letters from Jace did things start to get better, now I don’t know exactly what that meant to him but it was almost like he was finally allowing himself to move on. And I didn’t want to be the one to tell him the truth. That there was a missing piece to the puzzle that might help him.

‘River.’ I sighed finally moving after so long,

‘Yeah?’ He replied softly and I pulled him towards me and he handed me the nightgown I was wearing so I could slip back into it.

‘We have the exhibit today,’ I told him and he quirked an eyebrow in question,

‘Yeah and?’ He asked and we walked back inside.

He sat down on the couch and I propped myself onto him with my legs on either side of him, he placed his careful hands on my waist.

‘Let’s go early,’ I suggested hopefully and he gazed back at the balcony to where his incomplete painting was,

‘I don’t know?’ He shrugged,

‘Come on please!’ I urged and I moved my hips slightly but he placed a hand on my thigh to stop me from moving, blood rushed to his cheeks and I couldn’t help but giggle,

‘I don’t think you want to do that.’ He pointed out and I realised what I was doing, I grinned guiltily,

‘I’m sorry!’ I apologised and he laughed,

‘Don’t worry about it.’ He teased, he was so easy to get all worked up.

I slipped out of my nightgown once more and made my way into the shower. I’d taken my braids out and it felt nice to feel the hot water soak through my hair and down my neck. I smoothed my face mask onto my skin and rubbed in slow circles, I turned behind me and saw River make his way in too. I smiled and he took hold of my loofah and squeezed shower gel onto it and proceeded to lather my back with soap. He wrapped his arms around me and did the same with the front of my body too. He placed a soft kiss onto my neck and I turned around to kiss his lips instead as the aroma of lavender filled the bathroom.

‘I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of being yours, I can’t wait to do this every day with you.’ He spoke into our kiss, and I smiled against his lips,

‘I remember I once dreamed of hearing you say those words,’ I recalled as his tongue swiped over my own, I’d gotten so accustomed to his taste, warm and familiar, ‘This really is a dream.’

‘Then I never want to wake from it.’ He declared as I melted completely into his touch.

Afterwards, I blew my hair out with a hairdryer and tied it into a small bun, and laid my edges neatly. All while River watched me intently sitting on the edge of the sink, I laughed at the way he seemed completely mesmerised by the simplest of things that I did. River insisted on picking out my clothes today because he wanted our outfits to match, he always had such amazing style I thought he could’ve been a fashion major. He was wearing a plain Calvin Klein t-shirt and denim jacket with a silver chain around his neck and I put on a pair of black jeans and one of River’s band t-shirts of a band I had no idea even existed.

I looked in the mirror as he stood beside me and it was impossible to deny that we looked really good together, I’d never noticed it before. Hell, if I saw us I would want to be us too. We got in the car and drove to the Amelie Art Gallery, and I had no idea just how official and elegant everything was going to be. There was a literal red carpet leading up to the doorway and all the cars parked in the driveway were expensive, it was clear that they were hosting an elite audience.

‘Monsieur Kennedy, we haven’t seen you here in a while!’ One of the ladies getting out of her car greeted, she was wearing a stunning red dress to match her ginger curls and had the most enchanting green eyes. ‘Which piece of yours did you enter, I haven’t seen it on the list of entries?’

‘Evelyn.’ River greeted and she smiled, as another woman made her way over, just as stunning and she was middle eastern and had long dark hair that spun all the way to her waist, she leaned in and kissed Evelyn’s lips, ‘Unfortunately I’m just a guest today, I’m accompanying the real star of the exhibit.’

‘Ahh I see, so this is the talk of the town, a pleasure to meet you Miss Nnandi. This is my wife Aaminah, she’s an artist too.’ I exchanged pleasantries with her as well, ‘Now I must go before she has to drag me inside, congratulations!’

‘Evelyn was my mentor when I was in high school,’ River told me and I nodded slowly in agreement,

‘She’s-‘ I begin but he cuts me off,

‘Yeah.’ He responded with a slight laugh.

We made our way over to the banquet hall first where I was being introduced to so many people in the art community whose names I’d only seen in magazines or on newspaper headlines. They wanted to know more about me, my background, my inspiration, and my future plans. And how on earth was I to tell them that I didn’t know and I didn’t have any? It was a little overwhelming I had to admit. A waiter came around with glasses of champagne and I attempted to drink it all in one go but River noticed and took the glass away from me.

‘Okay, that’s enough socialising for one evening.’ He laughed and I groaned in frustration,

‘It’s like they want this amazing story about my life, family and history that I just don’t have, I don’t want to lie to them but it’s like when I tell them the truth they’re already bored of me.’ I admitted and River smiled warmly, ‘I don’t think I’m made for this River.’

‘How about we take a break, yeah?’ He suggested and took me away from the crowd to the quiet and empty room where all the art was being kept. We sat down on the cold floor and I pressed my forehead against his and took a few deep breaths, ‘You’re the best artist I know.’

‘You don’t mean that.’ I retaliated, and he looked up and looked around him,

‘I don’t see anything even remotely better than your painting here and I’m pretty sure everyone agrees with me otherwise yours wouldn’t be the one on display.’ River said softly, getting up and pulling me up with him by my hand, ‘Come on let’s scope out the competition and determine this ourselves.’

‘What?’ I asked not really in the mood,

‘I said let’s scope out the competition!’ He insisted, but I didn’t budge. ‘Come on ma lumière, let me prove to you that you deserve all the good things.’

‘Okay.’ I agreed and he smiled and we walked over to the first painting by an artist called Jane Pauline.

It was an eerie painting of a house on a hill built atop a cemetery and all the lost souls were clawing up the hill to get revenge of sorts. In all honesty, it was mediocre at best and all wrong for this competition.

‘Someone needed to tell Jane that this was an art competition and not a weekly meeting for the Stephen King fan club.’ River joked, ‘Because it’s definitely not IT.’

I laughed at the pennywise reference and his eyes lit up when I did. I appreciated what he was trying to do more than anything. Before I could say anything he dragged me along to the next piece which was by an artist who used the pen name, Mary Jane. It was an abstract painting of the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland smoking away at a pipe dreaming up a world of his own. The brush strokes were in the wrong direction and there was a clash of colours, too many going on at the same time, perhaps that was to enhance the whole trippy effect.

‘I don’t even think the mad hatter would approve of this one.’ River critiqued,

‘Curiouser and curiouser…’ I replied in reference and he winked, ‘I don’t think McDonald’s recommends slipping the devil’s lettuce into your Big Mac before an exhibit.’

We took a look at the last piece which caught my eye far more than anything else in the entire room, it was a collection of photographs of random objects belonging to a woman. A used toothbrush, a loch of her hair, pages of her diary, the soles of her feet, her naked silhouette, a jar that said all the tears you cried for me, and her toenail clippings. It was beautiful but it was also undeniably disturbing, where one might see the love I saw a dangerous obsession. There was lettering on one of the Polaroids that read, for my wife, I serve you this instead of divorce papers. I read the artist’s name, Anon.

‘Oh wow.’ Was all I could possibly bring myself to say, ‘This is…odd.’

‘Odd is an understatement.’ River cringed,

‘If you were my husband I’d collect pieces of your hair rather than divorce you too.’ I joked and he laughed,

‘I’d expect nothing less.’ He chuckled, ‘If you were my wife I’d bathe in your bath water to absorb your very essence.’

I laughed so hard I had to place a hand on my stomach because I couldn’t breathe, ‘if you were my husband I’d knock your teeth out and bargain with the tooth fairy to keep them.’

‘If you were my wife I’d make an entire shrine for you and make daily offerings.’ He laughed so hard tears of mirth spilt over from his eyes,

‘If you were my husband I’d write an entire book about how much I love you, and I appreciate you more than you know,’ I said holding his hand in mine,

‘If you were my wife I’d tell you that I love you more and that I’m only ever happy when you are, and that we may be standing in a room full of art but I am still only mesmerised by you.’ He said placing a kiss on the palm of my hand,

‘If I was your wife I-‘ I began but he interrupts me with a kiss, his lips were soft and passionate.

‘When.’ He mumbled against my lips,

‘What?’ I questioned,

‘When you are my wife.’ He corrected staring into my eyes lovingly and yet possessively,

‘When I am your wife, I will never leave your side, not even in death my love,’ I assured him with a smile,

‘Do you know why I love you, Armani?’ He said, trailing his touch up my forearm, ‘I love you for the way you touch me without using your hands, know that- If I am a dreamer then you are my dream, for you made me feel something I didn’t believe in anymore.’

I leaned in to kiss him slowly, tenderly, and passionately, his tongue on mine was like fire on ice. He placed his hand on the small of my back and dipped me down like, in one of those cheesy rom-coms, his lips never leaving mine.

This, I could do this forever, because forever didn’t seem so infinite when I was with him.

Just then my mind drifted to the rather cruel reminder that I was withholding information from him, and that he needed to know sooner or later and I had to be the one to tell him.