Chasing Rainbows

Emma looked at the closed door in shock and wondered what the hell had gone wrong. One minute they were planning their Christmas festivities, and now she was alone. She fumed for a little while, not happy but not wanting to chase after him and continue the fight. He’d been so angry, she couldn’t believe it, he’d said some horrible things, all because she had invited his parents to join them for Christmas. Her parents were due in a few hours, and he was meant to be picking them up along with the extra groceries that she had managed to order during her mad panic that morning. Instead she was left with everything to do.

A squawk from the monitor in the corner of the room alerted her to the fact that Lena was awake. She was such a good baby, but she had the greatest timing too. Climbing the stairs she picked up her little girl and gave her a settling cuddle. Then carried her downstairs, sat in her highchair she fed her banana and some juice and she was immediately quiet.

Emma sighed, hating that she felt on the verge of tears, but the fight with Jacob had unsettled her, and she was now feeling dreadful. Her parents were due soon she didn’t have everything ready, Christmas was meant to be a fun time, but instead she’d managed to get stressed out to the max. What was happening to her?

Closing her eyes she relived the moment when Jacob had emerged from the shower hours earlier. She had suddenly realised that she didn’t have enough of anything, so she’d been on the phone to the local supermarket begging them to fit her on to the delivery list for later that day. But they were full. They offered her the chance to collect it in person, but she felt as though she was treading water, there was too much to do and it seemed that panicking was making her do very little.

Then Jacob’s parents had called.

Jacob had wanted their first Christmas as parents to be just the three of them, him, her and their little girl. But she’d insisted on inviting her parents months ago, and now that his parents were at a loose end and trying to amend their earlier scorn and disinterest she’d felt obliged to invite them too. Since Lena had arrived they’d made more effort and surely Christmas was a time to forgive? To offer an olive branch?

But he hadn’t seen it that way.

                “All I want is the three of us, a turkey and some gifts. Is that too much to ask?”

When she’d shaken her head and said, “it’s a time for family Jacob, and we both have families.”

                “And neither has given a shit about us for years. We’ve done everything on our own Emma, or do you forget that? They weren’t there for you when Theo Samuel screwed you over, and they weren’t there when you had auditions in two places at the same time and needed to get across the city in record time, and they weren’t there for you when you had a twenty eight hour labour delivering Lena. We didn’t need them then and we don’t need them now! It’s just the three of us.”

She shook her head again, “you’re wrong Jacob. If we let hatred dominate how we live our lives and how we bring up our daughter then it’ll spell disaster. Can’t you see that?” He shook his head, and she added, “the irony, have you forgotten this is your grandmother’s house? You relied on her, and now you want Lena to go without two of her grandparents?”

He scowled, “three of us or nothing, that’s what I want.”

And he’d left, stormed out.

He’d not walked out on her before, never thrown down an ultimatum. In the past their relationship had been volatile, but since Lena they’d become best friends, he had supported her in everything she did. She couldn’t ask for a better partner. He didn’t want her travelling to LA to audition for a few major roles, but he knew she wanted it, that her career was important, so he’d taken her, driven her around, supported her in every way. He cared for Lena from day one to allow her to work, and he never complained. So this disappearance scared her, nothing until now had phased him, but he’d stormed out hours ago and she felt bereft.

And there was so much to do.

After her lunch Lena was keen to get out of the chair, so Emma lifted her out, sat her down in the corner of the large kitchen on a rug with some toys. She had to stuff the turkey, prepare the veg, and make the dessert for dinner the following day, if she could do that it would leave her enough time to get to the supermarket and then the airport.

Rushing upstairs to change after spilling food onto her shirt, she fell on the top stair and bruised her knee, by the time she hobbled back into the kitchen to find Lena fast asleep on her play mat, Emma burst into tears. Where the hell was her husband?

Carrying Lena back upstairs, she laid the exhausted little girl in her cot, then pulled off her jeans to see a gash across the front of her knee. As she was about to clean, disinfect and cover it up she heard a noise downstairs.

                “Jacob? Jacob?” Emma stormed through every room in the house trying to find her absent husband. “Bloody hell, where are you?”

Throwing open the door to the garage, the last place he could be, she froze. Stood there unloading the much anticipated grocery shop was Jacob...and his parents. All three looked up and Jacob’s eyes widened with humour, whilst his parents looked a little embarrassed. Her eyes moved between the three faces until she realised that she wasn’t wearing jeans, she was stood there in a fairly short t-shirt and her lacy knickers. Jacob stepped towards her, blocking her from her parents view, a smile appearing on his face.

Emma saw red, this was all his fault, he’d abandoned her, now he was laughing at her. Without a care she reached out and slapped his face.

                “Excuse me,” he hissed at his parents as he grabbed her upper arm and dragged her towards the stairs. By the time he reached the bedroom his fury was no calmer and he turned to her.

                “What the hell was THAT all about? Hitting me? In front of my parents?”

                “YOU! You walked out, you left me, you told me that was it.”

He laughed, “you thought I’d leave you for good? Over this?”

When she shrugged he laughed dryly, “I’ve been queuing at the bloody supermarket for over an hour getting the groceries YOU wanted, when YOU wanted them, because I always do as you tell me. Don’t I?”

She shrugged looking a little more vulnerable than she had, “you said you’d had enough.”

When she dropped to the bed, her head in her hands, he noticed the blood and bruising to her knee, “what the hell have you done?”

She sighed, “I fell, trying to rush...”

Kneeling on the floor in front of her he lifted her chin, made her look at him, “I love you Emma, but you drive me up the bloody wall sometimes.”

                “You stormed out! You acted like a child.”

                “We fight all the time, you’ve never listened to me yet, so why now?”

Emma wiped a hand across her face, “we haven’t fought like this, not for ages, and you’ve never stormed out on me. That’s what I do. You are a silent fumer.”

He sat back onto his heels and laughed, “if I did differently then it’s because you make me that way! Look life was never going to be a fairytale of hearts and flowers, or smiles and fairy dust. You are a pain in the ass, demanding, annoying...” When her face fell he laughed, “and I am hot-headed and impatient and I will always say the wrong thing, we are the same people. It was all that passion and anger and fighting that has made this work. That’s what we are. We fight...but we make up, that’s what we do.”

“All I want is us to have a good Christmas, I wanted everyone to see how organised we are, how perfect our life is...”

Running a thumb across her bottom lip with a sigh he offered, “hosting a fault free Christmas dinner is not a sign of how perfect our lives are. Bringing Lena up in a home of love, devotion and friendship...that is perfect. All the things that we missed. My aim is to give her...and you, the love and support that I never had. I’ll humour this Christmas thing, of course I will...but allow me the chance to kick off every now and again when things aren’t quite how I like them, ok?”

She gave a little nod and he sighed, “I love you Emma, I really do, more than I ever thought possible, but I’m not about to become a sap who sits at home all subservient. I’ll shout and scream and fight, ok? But then I’ll traipse off to the supermarket, get the shopping you want, and even pick my parents up. Because it’s what you want, and all I want is to make you happy.”

                “Your father saw me half naked!”

He laughed, “Happy Christmas Dad, hey? Now...how long can we make this ‘discussion’ last?” As he asked the words he was already tipping her back on to the bed. “Long enough to get started on a brother or sister for Lena?”

She paused, a hand on his chest, “you want more?”

He nodded nipping kisses over her skin as he started to remove her t-shirt. “Both of us are an only child, didn’t do either of us any good, did it?”

As he devoured her, overwhelming her with his love and devotion, just as he promised, Emma thought her heart might burst with love. For her life WAS perfect, as long as she had him, and Lena...and any other child that might follow.