Celeste

Celeste was sitting on an exam room table. She was under the impression that she could make an appointment with a trauma surgeon but that’s not how the emergency department works.

She just wanted to drag Clover somewhere for some time.

She knew better than to distract him, but he never has days off. He’s always working and he would prefer to keep it like that.

He hadn’t seen her since she’s come back. He had to admit that he was worried about her. He didn’t have access to her information like he did with her two friends but he was concerned regardless.

Celeste can smile all she wants.

She hasn’t felt normal in a while.

“I wanted to ask a question...” She started slowly, kicking her feet around as she looked down at the ground. “Is there a way to talk to someone without the system knowing about it?”

“Someone?” Clover didn’t understand.

“Like a therapist.” She said.

“Oh.” Clover tried to think. His brows furrowed as he looked away for a moment. “The system hasn’t said you’re unfit for society, did it?” He asked.

“No.” Celeste was sure her stress wasn’t that dangerous yet. “But I’m just...a lot of things happened, and I’m not sleeping.” She admitted.

She couldn’t just blurt everything she’s feeling to everyone. At this point, she didn’t want to do anymore damage. She didn’t want people to worry about her. She wanted to talk to someone who didn’t know her, who would keep what they talk about confidential, who could offer tips about controlling her anxiety because she was getting older and things were changing.

She’s not a kid anymore.

She’s not an anxious teenager.

She’s drowning in terrible anxiety and she had a feeling she had to start now to get it under control because the past month gave her a headache.

Clover wanted to help but he wasn’t a licensed therapist.

“I don’t know what to do.” Celeste said, a dullness to her voice. She almost sounded monotone.

She was exhausted.

“I have a friend who’s a psychologist.” Clover offered. “She’s nice and she might keep the first few sessions just between the two of you.”

That was helpful.

Celeste didn’t say anything for a moment. She was staring at the floor, lost in her own thought. She’s been up for days, just thinking and planning. Her body was about to give out.

“Can I...ask what happened while you were gone?” Clover was careful.

“No.” She said.

She didn’t want to talk about it. But it was clear that it was still bothering her, building up her anxiety, making her tense. She’s had moments where she wanted to scream. She’s had moments where she wanted to cry.

She’s been holding it all in. Her anxiety was going to cause her to burst. All the panicking and worrying and stressing was making it hard to catch a break. It made it hard for her to sleep. She’d lie awake in bed thinking of hundreds of things.

It made her paranoid.

She had to work. But even then, it didn’t help. She was exhausted but couldn’t sleep. It was driving her insane. She was at the point that if she was provoked, she might lose it. She kept herself composed so that wouldn’t happen.

Clover wanted to listen, and she had to talk about it because keeping it to herself was killing her. “Zinnia gave my blue print to British officials.” She said plainly. “She’s in jail now, so there’s that, but the war that started was because of her.” she kept her eyes down to the floor.

She didn’t want to be upset, but part of her heart was still broken and it hurt.

Now she hasn’t been sleeping because her anxiety was keeping her awake, making sure she stayed busy.

She finally moved, bringing her hands to her face. The weight returned to her shoulders and now she felt crushed. “I’m going to have a mental break down, Clover. I can feel it.”

Anyone says the wrong thing and she might lose it.

“I can only prescribe antipsych meds in an emergency.” Clover felt bad. He’d have to see Celeste actively having a mental break for him to do something.

He figured she wasn’t sleeping. There were dark marks under her eyes, like she hadn’t slept. Her hair was frizzing, and even when she tied it up, it was still messy. She could barely get herself dressed to come here, she grabbed the first thing she could find and in the end it wasn’t her clothes, she had grabbed Dri’s clothes instead and they were big on her. She needed to sleep, but there was a nagging voice in the back of her mind that told her she couldn’t, that she had to find a permanent solution to shutting off the implants being used.

Clover couldn’t do much but he could give her a start.

He got up from his chair and went over to one of the counters, reaching up to open a cabinet and take a bottle off the top shelf. He didn’t scan it, he just went over to her and took her hand.

He placed the white bottle on her palm. “You need to sleep.” He said. “Take two of these and you’ll calm down.” He told her.

She read the bottle. He gave her generic sleeping pills.

“Can I get some heavier drugs?” She asked. “Like something that will knock me out immediately.”

“No.” Clover wasn’t surprised she asked.

She did try.

“What’s keeping you stressed out?” he asked, “besides...well...what happened.” he clarified since he felt like there was more that was making her anxious.

“There’s thousands of implants out there and I need to find a way to shut them all off permanently.” She felt the stress again.

How was she going to make her device obsolete?

Clover didn’t like the sound of that strategy. They’ve gone over this before, and paralysis was the issue. Celeste could only make a temporary fix, but it was only halting everything. “What you’re wanting to do is death.” Clover informed her. “Turning off the implant permanently without removing them will cause paralysis of important muscles, including the diaphragm.” He was telling her as a warning.

The signal doesn’t operate for long, the most she had it running was for five hours, but that drains a lot of power from her tablet.

For just one second, Celeste was okay with death being the solution because that would make everything stop.

She could literally have officials negotiate a deal to stop the war if death was on the table.

She looked up slowly at Clover, her blood shot eyes wide.

She had an idea. And instantly her past idea hit her as well. She remembered Aurora’s words when he described what happened when he trapped the European countries. Put them together, and she had a great weapon.

She just needed a few things to get herself together.

“Thanks, Clover!” She got off the exam table and hugged him tightly, just about knocking his breath out of him.

She ran out of the room in a haste.

Clover wasn’t sure what he did, but for some reason Celeste had motivation to kill thousands of soldiers.

She definitely needed to sleep.

She kept the lights off because her eyes were beginning to hurt. Dri would turn something on and she’d rush to turn it off. She could see better in the dark when her eyes weren’t burning from not resting.

Dri was concerned about her.

She’s been working non stop in the low lighting and darkness. He hasn’t actually seen her sleep, and he’s been at her place for a while.

The sunlight never makes it in any of the rooms.

Ever.

Dri would physically have to go outside to be sure that it was daytime because Celeste kept everything off. Her heart doesn’t beat as fast when the sunlight wasn’t in her face.

Celeste hadn’t moved from the living room in a long while. She was working on a blue print, but she’s had many failed attempts. She learned quickly from her mistake, however. That’s what made it hard to sleep because she found a solution to every problem.

She was actually making progress.

Dri called Clover multiple times in the past couple of days, and he mentioned that somehow getting Celeste to take the sleeping pills would be in her best interest but she wouldn't do it. She felt like she could do anything.

Though that definitely wasn't the case.

She was huddled up in a chair, three blankets over her as she stared at her tablet in the dark. There were multiple holograms in front of her, and she had other devices on the table.

She's been like this for days. Dri never saw it, but Celeste would take thirty minute naps, but that was it. Nothing longer.

She needs to sleep.

Should Dri actually drug her? He was thinking about it.

Celeste was absolutely neurotic at this point, but she had the greatest idea in the works and it took up twenty-four hours of her day. She couldn’t wait to get everything right.

“Celeste-”

She shushed him.

He tried again. “Celeste-”

“Dri, I like you, I really do, but I’m trying to concentrate.”

She had scrapped fifty blue prints in the past day, none of them working as well as she wants them to. She needed something that worked at a hundred percent. Anything less was a failure.

“I can’t believe you’re making me do this.” Dri left the living room to get something in her bedroom.

He would’ve never done this to her otherwise. He did get medical approval from Clover. Since pills weren’t going to work, a gas might.

Clover has been very helpful.

Dri’s only done this for work, catching people of interest and putting them out to transport them somewhere else. It was easier to be stealthy when enemies were out cold.

He had a small cloth in his hand, and he sprayed something on it. It was definitely legal. Clover wasn’t the type to give him something deadly. It was a mist used for non-compliant patients or for immediate surgery that needed to be done on the spot. Dri sprayed more of the mist into the cloth since Celeste was definitely going to need it.

He didn’t exactly surprise her.

He thought he should’ve because she could definitely pin him down in a second. She was fast, and she hits hard.

But with her only focused on one thing, her guard was down.

He was behind her, and in one swift movement he moved his arms around her. His hand that held the cloth pressed to her face, covering her mouth and nose. His other arm was holding her down since she did panic.

Just after a few breaths, she started to feel the effect of the sleeping mist. Her body finally wasn’t tensed. Her eyes closed and she was slumped over, Dri still holding her.

She was asleep which was a good thing. It was about time that she take a break. She needed it, even if she didn’t believe it.

Maybe she won’t be so neurotic either.

Dri picked her up out of the chair and brought her to bed. This was the first time he’s seen her actually sleeping, and he hoped it was for longer than a few hours. Now he wasn’t as worried as before.

This was the calmest she’s been in the past two weeks.

Her anxiety couldn’t touch her now that she was asleep.

When she woke up, she could hardly remember what happened. She shifted in bed under the blanket, groaning quietly against her pillow. She pulled on the blanket so she could see. She wasn’t exactly the sleeping beauty type of person. She lifted herself up, her silver hair over her face. She looked around, but shielded her eyes because of the sunlight in her room.

It was bright. Everything was clean. Her stuff was neatly put away, and that’s not how she thought she left it. She didn’t like this.

Dri was by her bedside, placing a plate of food on the night stand by the bed.

“Hey there, sunshine.” he said to her, happy to see her awake.

She wasn’t exactly bright and radiating.

“Look who’s finally awake.”

“I feel like I died and came back.” She mumbled as she tried to sit up. Her heart was racing, her body and mind trying to stay awake but there was this need to go back to sleep.

He saw her struggling. Her eyes were closing every few seconds. He figured she was still exhausted. “That’s what happens when you don’t go to bed, you feel like shit.” He said.

“How long was I...” She didn’t have a good grasp of time.

“A day.”

And that wasn’t even enough.

She pushed her hair out of her face, but she laid back down. It felt better to be in bed. She couldn’t remember what she was doing before. The past few days was a blur to her now. She groaned miserably and turned over.

She’s still exhausted.

“You have to eat, Celeste.” Dri said to her.

“Don’t tell me what to do.” She mumbled against her pillow.

“I shouldn’t be taking care of you, I’m on vacation-”

“You’re on probation.” She corrected him.

This wasn’t a vacation. No one was picking up the slack for him, he was going to come to a ton of work. Right now, that didn’t bother him. He had two weeks left and he wanted to enjoy it with his girlfriend who was close to being unemployed because she won’t go to work.

They were a mess.

She groaned miserably as she tried to get herself out of bed. It didn’t work. She just moved the blanket over her body. Dri was sitting in bed next to her, his hand petting her head. He would be okay if she went back to sleep.

She opened one eye to look at him. “I need a favor.” she said, her voice muffled by her pillow.

Dri almost didn’t want to do it, whatever it was, but he could never tell her no.

She lifted herself up. “I need to speak with your boss...bosses...whoever you report to.”

“Can this wait two weeks?-”

“You want me to not sleep for two weeks?”

That got him. He groaned but he told her he would find a way to get them to see her. She wasn’t exactly in good standing with the department so if she wanted to speak with them, it better be important.

It took Celeste sometime to get out of bed, but she finally made it. She took a shower, dressed herself, and did her hair. She felt better now that her eyes weren’t burning and her mental capacity wasn’t hanging by a thin thread. She felt much better. She was eating too, and she could think better without the fog.

She didn’t try to keep things dark.

She was actually pleasant.

Dri was finally at ease.

“Hey.” Celeste got his attention. She was working on her project again, but she showed him something on her tablet.

It was his mental and physical health.

“What’s this?” She pointed to a spike that happened in his mental health a few days ago.

Dri didn’t think she was still paranoid.

“I’m still monitoring you.” She needed to know what happened. When the implants’ baseline shifts, that means it’s enough that she needs to know about it. “What happened?”

“I took off the arm for a little while.” Dri said, clenching his fingers of his prosthetic. “I get phantom pains now and again when I do it.” He didn’t want to lie to her.

He had to admit that the pain bothered him for a while. He just forgot what it was like. His arm may be part of him, and most of the time it feels like the real thing.

But his mind knows.

His real arm is gone.

As good as the prosthetic is, as much as he feels like he never lost his arm in the first place, he still remembers when he did.

That’s hard to forget.

“It’s manageable.” Dri didn’t want her to add another concern to everything else she’s working on.

She stopped working and turned to him. She didn’t know that he took it off once in a while. He’s switched out his arm multiple times before but to take it off for some time was different.

She didn’t know he could feel pain, too.

He didn’t want to admit that he sometimes felt pain with it on. As real as it is, it’s not his own arm.

“I can help with that.” Celeste said. “I was meaning to make a new arm anyway. Let me talk to Clover and-”

“It’s fine,” he didn’t want her to lose focus on whatever she was doing. He lifted his hand, the prosthetic, and he held hers.

He could feel her, not like how it would be with his other hand, but it was something similar. It was close. That was good enough for him.

He’s been managing well with the pain, even before he met Celeste. He has it under control.

She changed the screen on her tablet and Dri caught a glimpse of more information. It wasn’t his. It wasn’t hers either.

“Zinnia still has hers?” He asked.

There was a bitterness lingering inside Celeste. "I guess so."

She looked away but she had to talk about it. It felt like she couldn’t hold it in anymore. This was why she needed a therapist. She needed someone to talk to but not someone that knows her.

“I saw her in prison.” Celeste admitted. “She’s okay...” That’s all she wanted out of this so she shouldn’t be upset.

But she was.

When Dri didn’t answer, she glanced at him. He felt bad for her, she knew that look in his eyes. That’s why she needed to talk to someone that doesn’t know her. She doesn’t need that look.

“I know I should get over her.” She said quietly and glanced away. “It wouldn’t be a good idea to...” She shouldn’t believe that things can go back to normal. “I know nothing can happen now.”

She missed her.

Zinnia was always nearby. She was always around. She was always just there. Celeste relied on her a lot and it wasn’t till now that she realized that.

“I miss her.” She didn’t want to admit it out loud.

She was almost embarrassed. She didn’t want Dri to think she was delusional, but it was getting to the point where Celeste was feeling sorry for herself, again. She hated it.

Dri pushed Celeste’s hair back behind her ear. “It’s okay to be heart broken.” Dri felt for her. She couldn’t hide her pain.

He wanted to fix it, but he knew there were some things Zinnia could do for her that he can’t. He’ll try but he had a feeling it was going to be a while for Celeste to be okay again. She still loved Zinnia despite everything that happened.

It hurt.

Celeste wanted to keep working.

Her idea only worked up to sixty percent and that was nowhere near complete. She was still working on the blue print and she was working hard.

It was a good distraction for now, something to keep her mind occupied.