Camera Shy (Lessons in Love Book 1)

Finn looks impatient as he watches me come down the stairs. I thought he’d follow me to the bedroom when I went to adjust the aquarium lights, but he stayed behind in the living room. Perhaps he wants to talk first. It’s probably a good idea to establish some ground rules anyway. I lost my mind a little in the limo, all but asking him to hold me through my orgasm. The only flaw to my grand master plan is that I’m having trouble separating emotional and physical feelings when it comes to sex.

The bottom line is they go hand in hand. Affection…safety…love… I’m realizing these are all things necessary to have a completely fulfilling experience. Therefore, with Finn, I’m going to have to find a way to accept the missing pieces of our situation.

“Finn, I think we should lay down some ground rules—”

“Hush.”

“Excuse me?”

Finn rises from the couch and reaches for my hand. I hold it out playfully, like a queen to a loyal subject, but there’s nothing proper about the way Finn yanks me into his body so hard, I crash into his chest with an audible thud. Oof.

“How about we play a little rough tonight and see if you like it?”

“Rough?” I mutter, still smashed against his pecs as he grabs the hem of my dress, pulling it upward.

“Nothing crazy. But I bet you’ll like it if I take control.”

I nod as I raise my arms so he can pull my swanky, sleek dress up and over my head. He tosses it aside, well out of reach. “Okay, I’m in. What should I do?” Glancing to my right, I see my spazzy fish friend Cherry doing her nightly laps. I don’t know why it comforts me, but it does. The world is still spinning. Everything is okay. I’m still me. The crazy, lonely, old maid who talks to fish and yet…

Finn wants it rough.

“You do everything I tell you to. Don’t think. Just do it.” He trails his thumb over one of my cheeks. “And don’t be nervous. I’m not going to hurt you. I’d never. But I’m going to boss you around and show you how I like it. Just tell me to stop if you’re not happy.”

“Okay,” I say, cursing myself when my voice cracks.

“Avery?” Finn drops his head and finds my eyes. “I’m serious. If you’re unhappy at any point, tell me. I’ll take you upstairs to the bed, turn off the lights, and we’ll do this in whatever way makes you the most comfortable, okay?”

I keep my eyes locked on his. Deep breath. “I don’t want comfortable, Finn. I want hot.”

His hands expertly unclasp my bra strap, which is no easy feat. This strapless bra is reinforced with eight clasps. It’s effectively a corset, but it doesn’t slow Finn down one bit. My breasts have barely popped free before his mouth engulfs one nipple, while he rolls the other between his thumb and forefinger. I gasp at the sensation. One side of my chest is warm and wet. The other is teased and taunted, my right nipple becoming angry and rock-hard between his touch.

“Oh God,” I moan as he switches. My tortured nipple instantly comforted against his warm tongue, while the other is completely unprepared for the almost painful pleasure.

“Fuck, Avery,” Finn growls as he suddenly rises and yanks down my underwear. “I’m sorry. I can’t even do the foreplay. I’m so turned on right now. I need you.” He yanks my hand over the hard bulge in his pants. “You’re going to take good care of me, right?”

I nod obediently. Desperately. More than anything, I want to take good care of Finn. While I unbuckle his belt, Finn undoes his shirt, making me more and more crazed as each button pops free. “Get on the couch,” he commands. “On your hands and knees.”

The flit in my chest turns into an aching pound when he talks to me like that. Domineering. Impatient. Needy for me. I make a mental note for future reference, I kind of like it when a man growls at me like that. It makes me want to growl back.

I position myself on the couch, grateful that at night we only have the low lights on. Finn can see everything…just under a hazy, flattering ambiance. The brightest part of the room is the blueish glow of the aquarium, but it barely touches us from the couch.

Finn situates himself behind me after ditching his pants and briefs. He slides the tip of his dick up and down, against my crease, and I have to bite down on my upper arm. Goddamn, that feels good. Flesh against flesh. Slick, wet, wanting… So. Damn. Good.

But I squeal when he nudges forward, the tip barely in. “Ah!” The invasion is overwhelming. Not like this. It won’t fit like this. I know he feels it too.

“Shit, baby,” Finn says in a hiss as he rips away. “You’re way too tight like this.” Clutching my waist, Finn flips me over. His smile is haughty and amused. He pushes my knees apart, scooting forward between my spread thighs, and that’s when I see his full erection for the first time.

I gawk. In horror. What the actual fuck? He just tried to put that in me?

“You’ve never been stretched properly a day in your life, have you?” Finn asks, seeming to enjoy my shocked expression.

“Maybe I just snap back.” I’m surprised my wits are still about me. My brain was wiped clean when I saw the mammoth proportions he’s packing. I don’t see his dick as fun at the moment…only terrifying. It’s not the length I’m worried about most. Although that’ll be worrisome in time. For now, it’s the girth. Why does that look like a penis and a half?

Finn scoffs. “You’re not going to snap back from this, baby. You’re going to wear my cock like a glove and no man will compare for the rest of your life.”

Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m worried about.

“Hold your knees,” he demands.

I plead with him first. “Finn, in all seriousness, go slow. I feel like I need an epidural to take you. I…just… Please don’t get carried away and hurt me.”

His brooding, bossy demeanor instantly deflates. “Oh hey now,” he murmurs as his eyes soften. “Come on, I would never.” He leans forward and caresses my shoulders, then proceeds to massage them for a brief moment. “Relax, Avery. I got you. I’ve had a big cock my entire adult life. I know how to do this.” He touches his lips against mine. “You’re going to love it,” he says, his breath warming my lips. “I’ll stop if you don’t.”

“Okay.” I grab my knees, pulling my legs out of his way. He wets the tip of his thumb and rubs little circles around my clit. Instantly, I’m at ease. The warm flood of pleasure seeps through my bones and just as he says, I relax. He enters so slow, so smooth, that the pressure is nothing but welcome. I feel myself adjust with ease as he continues to stimulate my most sensitive area, so much in fact that when Finn is finally as deep as he can go, my eyes roll into the back of my head as my orgasm crescendos. I cry out so loud, I startle myself, throwing my hand over my mouth as I explode on his dick.

“There it is. Scream for me, baby,” Finn groans as he abandons my little button and squeezes the insides of my thighs. He doesn’t move, just closes his eyes and enjoys the electric waves of my release. “You’re so damn tight, I can feel when you’re coming.”

I’m immediately wiped, ready to tuck under the covers and sleep this exhausting, senseless sensation off, but Finn’s just getting started.

“Are you comfortable? It doesn’t hurt?”

“Not at all.” I’m pushed almost past my limits, but it isn’t painful. I just feel full, like he’s touching every part of me that’s been neglected for so long.

“Good.” He rips out of me and sits back on the couch. “Climb on top. I want to get deeper.”

Fuck. This I don’t like. I blink at him, trying to think of an excuse.

“Now,” he adds sternly, returning to his prior assertive attitude.

I’m awkward as I straddle his lap, trying to widen my legs so all my weight is on my knees. There’s half an inch between his thighs and mine, and I try desperately to suspend myself in midair.

“What the hell are you doing? Have you never been on top before?” Finn asks, trying to figure out why I’m tense and grimacing like I’m in the middle of a workout as I try to hover over him without letting him feel my full weight. I decide to be honest. That’s what we’re doing here. Finn is my safe space, and even if this is embarrassing, it’s not forever…

“I’m not exactly a size two, Finn. I’m trying not to put my weight on you. I don’t want to squish you.”

He groans in frustration as he positions himself at my entrance and then pushes out my knees on either side, throwing me off balance. I literally fall onto his dick, wincing as he fills me to the brim. Grabbing my ass, he pulls me tighter into his lap, my thighs melded with his, our hips interlocked.

“Stop it,” he whispers in my ear, then lets out a low moan of satisfaction. “Put your weight on me,” he growls. “I fucking love how it feels. If you want to enjoy your sex life, you have to stop apologizing for your body. It’s beautiful. Exactly what I like. Your ex couldn’t handle it, so he didn’t deserve it.”

It’s like he’s a pussy whisperer. Every time he talks to me like that, confidence emerges from a place deep inside me that I’m still unfamiliar with. He coaxes her out. He makes me feel brave, wild, and beautiful. So I grind on him. I kiss and nip at his neck while he praises me for riding his cock. His appreciative groans drive me to unhinge and I forget about being self-conscious. I forget that he outmatches me in appearance. I completely forget that this whole arrangement is bizarre. I ride him like a savage, taking his dick like it was made for me. All that’s going through my head is how much I want to see what he looks like when he comes.

“Oh, baby, good girl. What do you need lessons for, hm? You ride cock perfectly.”

My eyes are closed, but I smile as he gently wraps his large hand around my throat.

“Go ahead,” I mumble between raspy breaths. “I’m curious.” Finn can choke me. Finn can do anything he wants to me. I’ll love it. It’s dangerous how much power he has over me right now.

“Not tonight, Avery. I’m too close.” To my utter shock, he scoops me up, his forearms tucked under my thighs as he stands, lifting me in the air.

“What’re you doing?” I squawk in alarm, but I don’t wriggle down like I want to, for fear of toppling him. Sitting on top of him was a concern. Him carrying me like this is mortifying. What if he breaks his back?

But Finn doesn’t even hesitate. He carries me across the living room with ease, still nestled into my sopping crease, and presses my back against the aquarium tank. The cool glass shocks every inch of my skin.

“Ah! Wait, Finn, we’re not supposed to touch the glass.”

“Ask me if I care right now,” he growls in my ear as he thrusts into me, hard.

“But the fish—”

“They’ll live,” he mutters as he presses me firmly against the tank, pinning me with his body so his right hand is free to elevate one of my knees. He sucks in his lips as he scours my chest, then leans back slightly as he dips his head so he can see where he’s entered me. It dawns on me why he put me against the aquarium. It’s the glow of the tank. Finn’s visual. He wants to see it. Fucking me isn’t enough. His eyes are hungry too.

“I think it’s jarring for them. It’s something about the vibra—”

“Avery,” he interrupts. “Enough about the fish. Just let me fuck you, please.” He thrusts into me like a madman while my ass and back are smashed against the aquarium. I toggle between, I’m so sorry, Cherry, and oh dear God, yes, harder, Finn, in my mind over and over. I’m shocked at his stamina. He holds me, fucks me, and kisses me all in tandem until his panting gets louder. The beads of sweat on his forehead drip down to my chest, mixing with my own. We’re so slippery. Back and forth, slipping right into each other, holding on for dear life.

“Where can I come?”

I wrap my hands around his cheeks. “Wherever you want.”

“Can I ruin your makeup?”

My chuckle is breathy between pants. “It’s already smeared, I’m sure.”

Finn stops pumping his hips and looks right into my eyes. “It’s an expression. I want to come on your pretty face.”

Oh. Another unknown. A new lesson. Never once did Mason ask me for this. “Um, yes. Okay. How do I—”

“On your knees, get low,” Finn barks. “Open your mouth.”

I debate telling him I’ve never tasted cum before. Precum, unintentionally sure, but I never let Mason finish in my mouth. He never asked and I never offered. But with Finn, I welcome it. He makes me feel so damn good. I’m grateful for how powerful he makes me feel. Whatever Finn wants, I’ll gleefully give.

He strokes his massive member a few times as he watches my eyes. I bat my eyelashes at him and poke out my tongue the way I’ve seen women do in videos. They act like they’re thirsty for it and I try my best to mirror the sentiment. It works. He growls in pleasure as the warm, thick spray coats my cheek and dribbles over the corner of my lips. He misses my open mouth, maybe on purpose as a courtesy, but curiosity gets the best of me, so I run my tongue over my bottom lip and taste the salty tang. I’m not ridiculous. It isn’t gourmet, but it is deliciously satisfying to see how impressed with me he looks at the moment.

“You’re full of surprises.” Using his thumb, Finn carefully wipes away a droplet of his release that is dangerously close to my eye. “And you are so beautiful, Queen.”

I love when he calls me that. I’m naked, on my knees, Finn’s cum coating my face, and yet—I do. I feel like a goddamn queen.

He makes his way to the kitchen and wets a handful of paper towels. I hold out my hand when he returns to me, but he insists on cleaning me up himself. “Was that weird?” he asks as he wipes underneath my eye, then my cheek, then finally my lips. He drags the warm paper towel underneath my chin one more time, ensuring he’s thoroughly cleaned me up.

“Which part? When we traumatized the fish or when you finished on my face?”

Finn laughs. “I’m not worried about the fish. The latter… I won’t do it again if it bothers you.” He taps my nose.

“It doesn’t bother me.” At all. I like thinking that Finn wants to be kinky with me. Maybe he can get something worthwhile out of this part of the deal too.

Finished cleaning me up, Finn balls the paper towel in his fist, but he doesn’t rise. His eyes turn down, a touch of sadness coating them as he scours my face. “It’s such a shame.”

“What is?”

“How he treated you.”

“Mason?” I ask and Finn nods in response. “He honestly wasn’t bad to me until he broke up—”

“Yes,” Finn interrupts, an angry edge in his voice. “Yes, he was an idiot. Lesson number…whatever number we’re on. Don’t ever forgive him for being in the presence of royalty and refusing to bow. You’re sexy, smart, kind, and loyal. You should be earned every day of your life. Don’t ever let any man make you question that.”

I inhale, my chest rising. I hold my breath for a moment before I release it. “You’re supposed to be giving me sex advice. Not advice on matters of the heart.”

Finn stands, then cups his hands underneath my elbows, helping me to my feet. “They’re one and the same. For a girl like you, Avery, sex and matters of the heart are one and the same.”

I’m honestly not sure if his words are a compliment or a warning, but either way, I’m two skips past uncomfortable. All I want to do is curl into bed, Finn by my side. I can visualize waking up together to coffee and leftover tiramisu for breakfast. I am picturing all sorts of scenarios that are not just gratuitous sex and I need to stop before I cross a line I can’t come back from.

Finn is pulling on his briefs, when he says, “I need to lock up my house and set the security alarm, then I’ll come back. Why don’t you take a hot shower and I’ll meet you in bed in a bit?”

That sounds amazing. Too amazing. “I think you should sleep at your place.”

He raises his brows at me. “I don’t mind staying. I wasn’t going to fuck you and leave.”

“I know, I know.” I cross my arms around my bare chest, feeling a little self-conscious again. “You’re a good guy, Finn. Believe me, I get it.” I wink at him to try and lighten the mood. There’s no way I can tell him that if he sleeps over, if he keeps taking me to dinner, if he keeps telling me all the ways he thinks I’m wonderful, and how it’s not my fault Mason fell short…I’m going to fall in love with this man. It’s going to hurt like hell when he doesn’t fall in love with me back. “But this is the first time I’ve been single in almost half a decade. I am enjoying sleeping alone again. I need space.”

“Oh, okay.” He crosses the space between us and kisses my forehead, easily believing my lie. “Yeah, I understand. I liked sleeping alone when Nora and I broke up too. For a while, anyway. Just let me know if that ever changes.” He pulls on his pants but doesn’t fasten his belt. He drapes his shirt over his back and pushes his arms through the sleeves, but he doesn’t button it up. Finn leaves Dex’s house looking like the quintessential male version of a walk of shame.

I wish him a good night, promising him I’ll let him know if I change my mind and want him to come back. It’s the first time I’ve had sex with a new man in a very long time. Finn’s doubting my ability to process this in the moment. He leaves me his number, convinced I might change my mind in the middle of the night.

And I think I have. But I won’t say it.

I should be crying over Mason, not swooning over Finn. I should be in California dealing with my problems, not living in this fantasy I somehow looped Finn into. I should be more worried about my business and Legacy Resorts, and probably shouldn’t be having amazing sex on my favorite client’s couch.

But Finn’s right.

My mind is changing. I’m changing. After getting a taste of how I should be treated, I’m no longer going to settle for seeing myself as undeserving. It’s time to ask for what I want and demand what I need.

I’m turning it around. Starting right now.

Thirty will indeed be my golden fucking year after all.