Camera Shy (Lessons in Love Book 1)

There’s a nervous jolt in my chest as I push through the tension-filled gate separating my yard from Dex’s. I hear the buzz and bubble of the hot tub.

Avery’s already in the tub.

Her hair is pulled up in a sloppy bun, little strands of loose hair caressing her face. She’s makeup-free, and her cheeks are pink and flushed from the heat. Her pretty eyes are sparkling under the dim deck lights.

I hold up the six-pack of beer. “I guess you chose to keep me company tonight.”

She smiles and nods. “That I did. How was your run?”

“Grueling.” I set the six-pack down and pull off my shirt and lay it on the back of a patio chair. I feel her eyes on me, but she quickly diverts her gaze when I turn around. “You can look, Avery. I’m not shy.”

Chuckling nervously, she covers her eyes. “Okay, you’re unnaturally hot. You have to know that, right? Good grief, you’re fit.”

What the fuck am I supposed to say to that? “Thank you?”

“It must get annoying when women stare at you like a piece of meat. My best friend Palmer is a total knockout. Every time we go to a bar, she gets groped or fed some sleazy line just because she’s good-looking and has a great body.” Avery twists her lips as she teeters her head from side to side. “You’d think it’d feed her ego, but it doesn’t. Men want to see her naked, but they don’t care about her name or what she does for a living. It’s crass and it gets to her more than she admits. Her entire identity is wrapped up in how she looks and it’s not fair. I’m trying not to do that to you in case you feel the same.”

“That’s awfully considerate of you.”

“Well, I respect hot people problems, you know? It’s not like I have them, but I respect them.” Avery snorts at her little joke while I plunge into the water without testing the temperature. I know the heat is turned all the way up the way Avery’s skin is so pink and raw.

“Do you work out?” I ask.

Avery rolls her eyes. “Finn, you’ve seen me pretty much naked. You know the answer to that question.”

“I don’t know the answer. That’s why I asked.”

Avery flicks a little water in my direction across the tub. “I like to walk sometimes, but that’s about it.”

“I work out a lot.”

“Shocking,” she says with a wink.

“Not to look good,” I admit. “For stress relief. It’s the only way I can work out my anxiety and frustration. So you may see a hot body”—I gesture to my chest—“but this is all the product of a lot of shitty stuff I’m working through.” I shrug. “Looks can be deceiving.”

Her smirk flattens, and the corners of her lips turn down in concern. “What stuff?”

“Nope. Not going there tonight. The hot tub is for relaxation.” I waggle my finger at her before I wade across the tub to stretch out my legs, and quickly return to the six-pack I brought. I pop the lid on two Alaskan Ambers and hand Avery one. I stay standing, lingering by her side. “How was your day?”

“Good,” she says, smiling wide.

I’m silent as I take a swig from my beer. But she doesn’t continue. She clearly doesn’t like being the center of attention. “What did you do?”

“I just worked a little.”

“On what?”

She lets out a little huff of annoyance, understanding what I’m doing. I’m trying to get her to talk. I’m trying to give her some much-needed attention.

“I think I accidentally overfed one of Dex’s fish today. I feed his saltwater fish this nutrient thing from an eye dropper every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday. It ate and then went belly up for a minute but seems to be okay now…I think.” Her eyes widen in concern. “I don’t know, actually. It’s not like I can reach in there and snuggle the damn thing. I didn’t realize how high-maintenance fish are.”

I laugh. “Just Dex’s fish. They are all exotic.”

“Yeah, I really didn’t know what I was getting into when I said I’d help. I have to feed them and check their water temperature twice a day. The auto lights over the tanks upstairs are broken, so I have to adjust them manually until they get repaired.” She shrugs her shoulders, unintentionally pushing her breasts together. I don’t even bother looking away. I thoroughly enjoy the view of her cleavage in a black bikini halter top. “I’m just going to say it—Dex hustled me.”

We both break out in laughter. Dex is the kindest, goofiest dodo on the planet. It’s from all the years of breathing in an oxygen tank underwater. He couldn’t hustle someone if he tried.

“How much is he paying you?”

“Nada. Free rent for the summer.” Avery licks her lips before she hangs her head. “I would’ve done anything to get away from home.”

I suck down half my beer in one glug. “I take it you live with Mason?”

“Yep.”

“What’s your game plan when the summer is over then?”

She drops her jaw before showing me a cute pout. “I thought we said the hot tub was for relaxation?”

“True.”

She drains her bottle and I move across her to get us another round, but she stops me. “Wait, I want a clear head when I talk to you tonight.”

“Oh? About?”

“After I unintentionally poisoned Dex’s fish this morning, I did run an audit on your website…your entire business actually. I went through your service page and looked at the packages you offer.”

I grumble. So much for relaxing. “All right, tell me. What am I doing wrong?”

I watch her entire demeanor change. Her shoulders straighten. She sits up a little higher. Even her chin slightly elevates. This is exactly what it looks like when a queen is about to give a command.

“You’re not doing anything wrong. Your portfolio is great, but you are missing out on a lot of opportunities for revenue. First and foremost, you’re not charging enough for any of your services. Second, you have headshots, family portraits, and boudoir photography on the same service pages.” She purses her lips and shakes her head. “I understand the need to be versatile, but you have to separate your boudoir clients. My suggestion is to keep your current website and place a link to a private site—eighteen and up. Require an age confirmation for entry and then show a warning of explicit images. All tasteful examples. Tease the idea, don’t become a landing page for perverts. But I think you need to demonstrate that you are capable of more risqué shoots. You said you photograph full nudity sometimes, right? I checked out your competition. They are far more forward with the services they provide. Bold sexuality and female empowerment are welcome in the current market. Women don’t want to hide anymore. It’s a great time to be in boudoir photography. You just have to give your potential clients a way to find you.”

Avery continues on about separating the sites and driving the right kinds of click traffic to two sides of the business. She discusses rebranding and merchandise ideas for additional streams of revenue. I try to soak up every word, but she’s talking so fast, my head is spinning.

“What’s your annual income before operation costs?”

I finally experience the shame Avery says she feels around me all the time. This is how it feels when you think someone is so far out of your league. “It’s embarrassing.”

“Finn, I’m not trying to embarrass you. I’m trying to tell you there’s potential here. Are you making nearly 150K a year? Because you should be.”

“Barely a third of that.”

“I can get you there,” she says with such confidence. “Give me the summer. I can definitely get you on track.”

I scoop a handful of water and wet my hair. “I happened to check out your website too. As much as I want your help, I can’t afford you. Sixteen grand, minimum?”

She cringes. “Oh, that’s outdated. Mason must not have updated the website. I should’ve caught that. We don’t take clients for less than twenty-five now, but that includes investment into paid advertising—look, Finn,” she says, holding up her palms and shaking them in the air, “it’s neither here nor there because I’m offering to help you for free…kind of.”

“I couldn’t ask that of you—”

“Actually, I’m asking it of you.” She shrivels again. Her queen-like presence, diminished. Avery looks so nervous all of a sudden as her thumb knocks against the water line, making little splashes. “A trade. I help you…you help me.”

“You want a free boudoir session?”

She scoffs with such force, she chokes on her own spit. “Oh, hell no. No, no. No. Seeing me is one thing, but photographing me? Documenting all my insecurities with a camera that adds ten pounds? No…no…just no.”

And now, just like that, I want her naked in my studio more than I’ve wanted anything in my life. Just to prove to her that she doesn’t see herself accurately.

I touch my fingertips to my temple. “What do you want then? I have nothing I can give you that’s worth twenty-five thousand dollars.”

“Yesterday…” she says as though it’s an explanation.

“Say more.”

Her eyes shift to the left, away from me. “I was with the same man for four years.”

“I know. You told me…”

“Never once did he see me naked with the lights on.”

“Really? Not in four years?”

She shakes her head. “Nope. He never acted like he wanted to. The way you”—she clears her throat and forces herself to look at me—“talked to me and…touched me. It made me feel brave. I want to be able to do that. I want to stop missing out.”

“Missing out on what?” I can feel my forehead crinkling. Where the hell is she going with this?

“Good sex. I want to know what men like and I want to enjoy it. I will save your photography business if you teach me how to have good sex. That’s the deal.”

Holy shit. I need another beer. Actually, I need a whole keg.

Reaching over Avery, I grab another bottle. I don’t bother grabbing the opener. I angle the tip against the side of the deck and pound the bottleneck. The lid rolls away as the beer foam spills over my hand. I chug the entire thing, trying to buy a little time to think. Avery is patiently quiet. She’s nervous but not pushy.

“So you want me to tell you what positions men like best or something?”

She shakes her head. “No. I could watch porn for that. I need you to show me. I need practice and real-time feedback, so when I do get back out there, I’ll know next time…” Her bottom lip trembles and she quickly covers her mouth.

“Next time you’ll know what?”

Inhaling deeply, she composes herself. “That if things don’t work out, it’s not my fault because I suck at sex.”

Where does her prick of an ex-boyfriend live? I really want to pay him a visit.

“I understand how crazy this sounds, but last night it seemed like you wouldn’t mind sleeping with me—”

I snatch her hand out of the water immediately and put it to my lips. Her lips twitch into a little smile. “If I’m hesitating, it’s not because of the reason you’re thinking. But this is complicated.” I drop her hand and step backward. “You’re asking me to take advantage of you while you’re at your lowest. And I don’t know how to represent the entire male population. Every man likes something different. I mean, what if I’m into really kinky stuff?”

Her brows quirk up. “Are you?”

I shrug. “Nothing…degrading, just sometimes I like—ah! No. Avery, I’m sorry. I can’t do this. I couldn’t even ask you out because I’m still not over my ex.”

“Oh.” Her entire face falls and I can tell it’s taking every ounce of restraint for her not to flee from this hot tub. “Okay, that’s okay. I know this was out of left field. Let’s forget it…”

I let out a heavy sigh. “I mean, I’m not over the way my ex treated me. I don’t love her anymore, but I’m still angry. I’m not ready to get involved with anyone right now.”

“I get it,” Avery says with a nod. “Me neither. I think I got a little in my head last night in front of the mirror and all. If I’m being honest, it was kind of exhilarating to be that brave. I think I’m chasing a high. Sorry. Can we forget I brought it up?”

No. I’m never going to forget how stupid I’m being right now. I should just pony up and fuck her properly. I’d make her forget her ex’s name. I’d ruin her for every single man on this planet. But that’s not what a good guy would do. This is a deal my dad would jump at.

“Sure.”

“I’m still going to help you, though, with your business.” Avery’s smile is sincere. Her eyes look even lighter, almost full gray…ghost-like. I notice they lighten when she’s about to cry. “And we’ve got a lot of work to do, buddy, so strap in.”

“What?”

“Oh, come on, Finn. Don’t be offended. It’s no secret you’ve been neglecting your marketing. You’re in a hole. We have to pull you out one step at a—”

“No, I mean, you still want to help me for free? Even though I told you I wouldn’t…”

“Yeah. Of course. I have one big project for the summer, but the rest of my contracts are on maintenance. I have the time, so why not? I’ll help a friend, no strings attached.”

No strings attached. Is that possible? Can we honestly do this with no strings attached?

“How would this go?”

“Well, we’d start with rebranding the boudoir website. Darker colors, clean transitions—”

“Not that part, Avery. Sex. You and me. If I were to teach you, how would that go?”

She reaches for her beer and tips it to her mouth to no avail. It’s empty, so she sets it behind her. She could stall by opening another bottle, but instead, she decides to be brave. “It’s simple. We’d have sex the way you like. You’d tell me what to do and how to do it. You’d just be patient with me and help me try new things and get better at them.” She rolls her wrist in the air. “I think confidence is key. Like you said in the closet. But I have to practice confidence in the bedroom. It’s not natural for me.”

“Okay… New things such as?” I’m going to pass out if she says anal.

“Do I really have to say it right now?”

I lock my gaze on hers. “Explicitly.”

She grumbles and rolls her eyes as she sinks lower into the hot tub so the water is coming up to her neck. “Have you heard of that app called Rumble?”

Fuck. “I could lie…”

“Okay, so then you know it’s for like dirty talk.”

“I’m aware.”

“I thought I’d try my hand at dirty talk. I downloaded it.” She smacks her lips. “May I just say it’s kind of terrifying that it took me less than ten minutes to purchase the app, download it, create a username, get into a chat room, and read a message from a man who said he wanted to watch cum drip down my chin as I choked on his mammoth rock-hard cock.”

I snicker at her incredulous expression. “And what did you say to that?”

She tents her hands over her face, hiding. “I said ‘Cool. Sounds good,’” she mumbles through her fingers. “He left the chat room immediately.”

I burst out into laughter. “That’s the best you could come up with?”

“See? It’s why I need your help. I don’t get it. Why do men think that’s sexy? It’s hot for a girl to be gagging and choking and crying? I don’t understand this. Is it just crude talk, or is that really want men want?”

I sigh and set my drink aside. Advancing closer, I use my body as a wall to lock her into the corner of the hot tub. I hover over her, purposely puffing up my chest. “Hold out your hands,” I command.

She does as I ask and I lock both of her wrists in one hand. Squeezing hard, I raise her hands above her head and put my lips an inch from hers. Her chest pulses up and down, and I can almost feel the nerves.

“When you get down to it,” I say in a low grumble, “we’re just animals and it’s about domination. It gets our testosterone flowing when we feel powerful. Our cocks are harder and bigger, and we have more endurance. When a woman gets on her knees or is pinned down and agrees to do whatever we ask when we ask for it, we feel like the masters of our own universe. It’s a fleeting moment in time when we have control in this chaotic world. It’s not about seeing you suffer. It’s just about us feeling powerful. It’s a turn-on.”

She’s stunned, her eyes fixated on my lips. “Yeah,” she barely whispers, “okay, that makes sense I guess—”

“But a really powerful man knows the secret,” I continue, purposely making my voice low and grisly, trying to test whether this brooding attitude works on her.

“What secret?” Her voice cracks.

Oh, it definitely works. Avery doesn’t need lessons. She needs a man who’s willing to give it to her rough and dirty. She just wants to feel wild…and wanted.

“That you come harder when your girl comes first. That’s real power.” I release her wrists and plant a quick kiss on her forehead, retreating back to my side of the hot tub. “So,” I say lightening my tone, “how’d you find out about Rumble?”

She blinks at me. “Does that also make you feel powerful? Teasing me?” Her narrowed eyes and low tone lead me to believe she’s a little pissed.

“You asked me a question.” I shrug innocently. “I answered.”

She rolls her eyes with a huff. “Mason was using it. I thought he was cheating on me, but he wasn’t. He was role-playing with some girl from that app.”

My jaw clenches when I understand where this is headed. “That’s still cheating, Avery. Phone sex is still sex.”

“It’s not cheating if we were broken up,” she mutters.

“Technicality. Why does it even matter?”

“Because,” she says coolly as her eyes narrow further, “I can’t forgive a cheater. But I could forgive an idiot.”

I might’ve crossed a line. Avery’s a big girl and can make her own decisions…but she cried in my lap last night over what this guy did to her. It’s not right. “You want to get good at sex to win him back?”

“No, Finn. I just want to feel better about myself.” She hunches her shoulders. “I don’t know how else to say it. I want sex to be exciting, not so nerve-racking that it’s scary. That’s all.”

“Okay,” I say and her eyes perk up, so I quickly clarify. “Okay as in I get it, but I need some time to think about it, Avery. It’s not because I’m not interested. It’s because…”

Because we can talk. And you’re fun. You’re comfortable enough with me to ask me to teach you how to have good sex? It’s clear we already like each other. If we fuck, we’re going to fall for each other. I’m sure of it. And neither of us can handle that right now. Neither of us can handle the fallout of yet another breakup. Not to mention Avery’s clearly not over her ex. Nora still haunts me…

This is a terrible idea.

“Because what?” Avery asks, reminding me I didn’t finish my sentence.

“I just need to think about it. I want to help you, but I don’t want to hurt you. I have to think about what that means.”

She gives me a small smile as she nods. “Okay. Think about it. In the meantime, let’s get back to business.” She sits a little taller again. “I seriously think you should consider a new logo.”

Avery

It could’ve gone worse…

Definitely.

Maybe.

Shit. What is wrong with me? Finn intoxicates me with his humble sexiness. It’s annoying really. He tempts me on purpose, just to prove I’m like every other woman in the world—enraptured by him. But then he adds to the pile by playing the good guy? Concerned about hurting me? Not wanting to be reckless about casual sex? Who is this guy? It’d be easier if he was just a sexy pig. But it’s clear there’s way more to Finn than I realize.

I shut off the hot tub and cover it back up. Finn got a call and left ten minutes ago, abandoning me with a heaping serving of regret. I can’t believe I asked him to teach me sex. I grumble out loud in frustration. I’ve never felt more stupid in my life.

I collect the empty beer bottles from the deck and rinse them before I throw them away. It’s 9:48 on a Saturday night, but it feels more like a stroke past midnight. The pumpkin has smashed. My dress is torn. My horses are rats. The spell is officially over.

Walking past the aquarium in the living room, I wish Cherry a good night. Sweet fishy dreams, my friend. The little red fish, whom I’ve dubbed she, is darting across the tank again, back and forth, back and forth, tirelessly. I’ll see you in the morning, you little spaz.

I’m on the fourth stair when I hear a heavy pounding at the door. What in the world? Palmer? No. The police? Still in my swimsuit, I tighten my towel around my body and head to the front door.

I open it a crack until I realize it’s Finn. Opening the door wide, I see he’s flushed and a little sweaty. He takes a step forward and leans into the doorframe wordlessly.

“Hey,” I say. “Did you forget something? Or did you miss me already?” I tease. He doesn’t match my humor. His brooding eyes are dark. Clouded with something heavy.

“You’re really serious about this?” he asks in a strained mumble.

What is wrong with him?

“You want me to teach you how to have good sex?”

Why be ashamed? My foot is already in my mouth. I should go ahead and swallow it.

“Yes.”

Finn walks through the door, grabbing my hand as he passes. “It’s time for your first lesson,” he grunts as he leads me past the kitchen, to the staircase.

“Where are we going?” Dumb question, I know. Bedroom, obviously. But I’m really nervous.

“Where do you think?” he asks, sounding a smidge on the side of annoyance.

“Bedroom.”

“Closet,” he says over his shoulder as he pulls me up the stairs.

Oh no.

“The big mirror.” Finn tightens his grip around my hand. “I want you to see everything I’m about to do to you.”