Caloric

Sleep proved just as illusive tonight as it was the night before. Phoenyx fashioned a crude sort of pillow by crumpling up the two paper bags. If she lay on her side with her hands tucked between the side of her head and the bags, she wasn’t too horribly uncomfortable. No matter how badly her body wanted to sleep, her mind couldn’t rest. The horrible anxiety she successfully contained ate away at her insides. She tried to stay optimistic and strong for Lily’s sake, but wasn’t sure how long she had before her fears would devour her sanity.

Phoenyx missed her mom. Mom, who had no idea yet that her daughter was missing. Mom, whose cooking she pined for since she left—it wasn’t as much fun as one might think to eat take out all the time. She wished she spent more time learning how to cook from her mom. She wished she spent more time with her in general.

She missed the sky. Even though it had only been two days in this dreary prison, two days that drug on like a broken clock with no cuckoo. The heat of the sun would feel so good right now. It used to be a sure fire way to put her to sleep, back when they lived in Arizona. Sitting on a lawn chair on the patio in the middle of summer, letting the sweet heat just smother her, it was almost suffocating. When she and her mother moved to Illinois, she could barely enjoy the sun for all the cold so coming to L.A. had been such a nice change. It was possible that L.A. was even hotter than Phoenix and she had loved it so far.

What she missed most of all, especially right now, was a bed with pillows and cushy blankets. Oh, and her kingdom for a damn light switch! If she could just turn out that stupid florescent light, she might be able to fall asleep for two seconds.

Sniff, sniff.

Phoenyx heard the softest sound coming from Lily’s corner. She was crying. Phoenyx wasn’t even aware that Lily was awake. She had been so quiet all this time. Probably only because she was doing the same thing Phoenyx was doing—dwelling.

Phoenyx crawled silently over toward Lily.

“Lily?” she asked softly.

Sniff, sniff, SNIFF!

“Phoenyx, you’re awake?” Lily asked, sitting upright and wiping under her nose. “Did I wake you? I’m sorry.”

“No, no, I couldn’t sleep either,” she said. “Are you okay?” What a stupid question to ask. Of course Lily wasn’t okay. Nothing about this was okay.

Lily’s face puckered up and turned red, then she really started balling. “No! I can’t stop thinking about my mom and dad. They have to be so worried about me right now. I can just see them freaking out because I haven’t been home in three days. I’ve never even been out after midnight before!”

Phoenyx put her hand on Lily’s back and rubbed comfortingly.

“I know how you feel,” Phoenyx said. “If this had happened while I was living at home, my mom would be freaking out too. At least your parents know you’re missing so they will have a better chance of maybe finding us. My mom won’t realize I’m missing for…geez, it could be weeks. When she calls me several times in a row and I don’t answer, and then she calls the school and finds out I never checked in, then she’ll know, and by then…” Phoenyx’s throat tightened and her own eyes teared up. “By then, it might be too late.”

“Phoenyx, what if we never get to see them again?” Lily sobbed.

“You shouldn’t think like that,” Phoenyx said.

“I can’t help it,” Lily said. “I don’t know how to keep ignoring that we’re trapped in here.”

Phoenyx paused for a moment, struggling to swallow the lump in her throat. Then, all at once, reality came crashing down on her like a huge weight she couldn’t hold up anymore. Her tears broke free in a real ugly cry.

Lily immediately and maternally threw her arms around Phoenyx and they cried together.

“I miss my mom!” Phoenyx cried. “I’ve been trying not to think about her, but I wish more than anything I was in her arms right now.”

“Me, too,” Lily cried. “I miss my dad and my baby sister. What if I never get to hug her again?”

They cried, their tears soaking each other, until the crying naturally sputtered out and the only thing to be heard was a symphony of sniffles.

“My dad always makes the world seem so small,” Lily said quietly, breaking a long silence. “He’s such a big guy; so strong, like nothing in the world can touch him or me when I’m with him.”

“I remember feeling that way,” Phoenyx said after a moment. “The feeling of being carried by my dad, so high up that nothing bad could reach me. I really miss him.”

“What happened to your dad?” Lily asked.

Phoenyx looked down into her lap, hating answering that question. “He died,” she said finally. “When I was thirteen.”

“How?”

Phoenyx sighed deeply. “A fire. Our house burned down and he was still inside.”

New, warm tears threatened her eyes at the thought of it.

“I’m sorry,” Lily said sincerely. “That’s really terrible. I can’t imagine growing up without my dad.”

Phoenyx nodded, fighting back the fresh tears and trying to push these thoughts out of her mind.

“Phoenyx,” Lily began, “do you think we are going to die in here?” Her voice cracked at the end.

“I don’t know,” Phoenyx said. “That’s what scares me the most is not knowing anything about the future. Although, I guess if we were going to die, I’d rather not know about it beforehand.”

Lily nodded.

“No matter what happens…” Phoenyx said, “you and me are in this together. I’m not gonna let them hurt you as long as I can do anything about it.” She gripped Lily’s hand and tried to smile.

“I won’t let them hurt you either,” Lily promised, squeezing Phoenyx’s hand right back.

It was then that, looking into Lily’s glinting green eyes, Phoenyx felt oddly safe. She wasn’t happy for how it happened but she was glad that she met Lily. In the short time that she’d known Lily, she was more vulnerable and exposed than she ever allowed anyone to see. She just ugly cried in front of her for God’s sake. She was dirty and smelly for not being able to take a shower and, let’s face it, there were no hygiene secrets between them anymore as the toilet was right there out in the open. If she was going to be stuck with anyone in here in such ungodly accommodations, she was very grateful that it was someone as nice and funny and unassuming as Lily.