Caged Wolf

Song of the Chapter: Hold On by Chord Overstreet

When I see Reaper moving for me I fight harder than I’ve fought ever in my life before. I want to be able to say goodbye to my mate, I want her to understand that this was my choice, that this was the only way. I want Dusk to know that this isn’t the way I want things to go, I want her to know that this isn’t what I had planned. Most of all I need Dusk to know I love her and I need her to not blame Reaper for this. If she gets mad, and she will, then she needs to blame me. I don’t want to leave the love of my life but this is the only way to ensure the pack's safety. I struggle against the madness holding me back, I struggle until I feel a crack in my own armour. I take full advantage as I surge forwards taking control, though I know it will only be briefly as my brain buzzes. The chip I was implanted with did a real number on me, it’s scrambled my brain basically making me feral. Making us all feral. Turning I fall into my human form before Dusk, tears streak my eyes. Crane and Hayley halt on either side of me stopping what I know must have been a brigade of attacks in order to protect Dusk. I let out a sigh of happiness, I’m grateful that I got to know Crane found his happy ending with Hayley. I’m glad some of us will still get to be happy. I know Dusk will be happy again at some point, at some point she will heal. I don’t want to think about that, I just want to be here with her as long as I can before I have to go.

“Noah?” Dusk cries out falling to her knees in human form before me.

I bring my arms around her as sobs rack her body and she squeezes me tightly to her. I let her hold me as tight as she needs because I think in her own way she probably knows this is goodbye.

“Dusk, I love you,” I whisper in her ear and she turns to me kissing me hard if I didn’t have so little time I would kiss her forever.

I enjoy a few good kisses caressing her body to my own memorizing her every curve and detail. I’m ingraining her into my mind so that I have something to hold onto where-ever I go from here. I’m not sure yet if I believe in a heaven or a hell, I just hope there is something good for us after this. I hope death isn’t just darkness, nothingness. The idea scares me but I can’t let it, this is necessary.

“I love you too Noah, please don’t go.” Dusk cries, I know she understands what’s going on.

“Dusk I need you to not lose yourself without me, I need you to move on, to take care of our pack.” I start but Dusk cuts me off.

“Noah no, please don’t say that.” Dusk demands through her tears as she holds onto me so tightly it hurts.

“Listen to me Dusk, please. I need you to not shut yourself off, talk to Jack, talk to Crane. I need you to try and find happiness after me, even if you think it would hurt me I still need you to do it. I need you to continue living for me.” I plead tears ripple through my own words as I can’t hold them back any longer.

I wanted to be strong for Dusk throughout this but I can’t, I’m crumbling just as much as she is. This is hurting me just as much as it is hurting her.

“Noah please, I need you, we need you. Noah, I’m pregnant with our son or our daughter and I’m going to need you here for that. I need you to not give up. I need you to stay with me!” Dusk sobs, her words send such a sorrowful joy through me that I completely break down as I press my head into her chest and she holds me.

She is having our child, she is having our son or our daughter and I won’t be here for it. My child won’t know who I am, I won’t know who they are. This isn’t fair. I sob uncontrollably even though I try to hold myself together. Working hard I get a grip on myself.

“Dusk I need you to raise our child to be just as strong as you are. I want them to know that even though I didn’t get to meet them I love them with everything in me. I miss them every day. I’m so sorry Dusk but I can’t stay.” I whisper my words barely audible.

Dusk begins to cry harder holding onto me as I let more tears fall from my eyes. I can feel the control beginning to slip from me and I know I need to get the rest of what I want to say out before I lose it.

“Crane, I need you to do some things for me,” I say trying to sound strong but my voice cracks.

Crane crouches beside us in human form tears fresh in his eyes as he looks at me.

“I’ll do whatever you need Noah.” He replies doing his best to hold his voice together but it wobbles at the end.

I reach out from Dusk and put my hand on his shoulder giving it a squeeze.

“I need you to take care of my girl. I need you to help raise my son or daughter, and I need you to help take care of my pack. With me gone Dusk will be the only alpha, you won’t be able to replace me but I’ll need you to step up and do you’re best to stand in my place with Reaper. I need you to ensure that this, what happened here isn’t for nothing.” I tell Crane my gaze holding onto his as I look at him with such an intensity that I know everyone can feel it.

Crane nods his agreement that he can do those things. I let his shoulder go and he moves back to Hayley who pulls him to her as tears brim in her own eyes. At this point Dusk is whispering babbled nothingness into my chest not willing to accept what is coming, I don’t blame her. If the roles were reversed I would be saying anything I could to try and get her to hold on for me. The problem is even if I tried harder I can’t hold it, the madness inside my mind is overpowering. I’m broken and there is no fixing me, they rewired me to be a monster and I won’t give them that satisfaction. I squeeze Dusk tight as I kiss the top of her head over and over.

“Be strong for me Dusk, be strong for our child. If I can I’ll find my way back to you. If there is an afterlife you can be damn sure I’ll do my best to get out of there and come back to you!” I promise her as I reach one of my arms up in the air.

This is the signal, the signal that Reaper is to move in and kill me. I use my other hand to turn Dusk’s head up to my own, even puffy and red she is beautiful. I stare into those green eyes that I fell in love with in my dreams before I even knew they belonged to her, I memorize every small detail of them. When I feel Reaper approach I close my eyes that way when I go Dusk won’t have to close them for me. Taking in a final deep breath I take in the scents around me looking them into my very soul fibres. Flesh touches mine and there isn’t any pain, there isn’t anything. Instantly the madness leaves my mind and I feel freer than I’ve ever been before in my life. My body feels weightless, my soul feels weightless. I’m souring away from where I belong and there isn’t anything I can do about it, there isn’t anything I can change about it. I let out a relieved sigh that my family, my pack is finally safe. They are safe from the threat that was me. I’m soaring farther and farther until everything around me turns into a blinding bright white. I’m soaring until I’m not, I land in a field of the most beautiful grass I’ve ever seen before. I’m laying on my back in it as it swishes around me with a light breeze.

‘Noah.’ - A light voice tickles my mind and I sit up.

When I sit up I see the horizon before me. Turning I glance behind me and see two adults sitting on a log huddled close together. They look a lot like Dusk, Crane and Lora. I swivel getting to my feet before them.

‘You don’t belong here Noah.’ - A woman’s voice enters my mind and I know it is Crane and Dusk’s mother speaking to me, maybe we don’t actually speak her.

‘I didn’t know what else to do.’ - I respond telling them the truth.

‘No, there was no other way. Still, you don’t belong here, none of you do.’ - A male voice speaks this time and I know it is their father.

Suddenly it all hits me and I crumble before them sobs racking my body and tears bursting forth from my eyes. They move forward both embracing me tightly in only the way two loving parents truly can. I hold them, I hold onto the only pieces I have of Dusk. I hold onto the only thing I can right now.

‘We’re so sorry son.’ - They say together.

I am too, I’m so sorry this had to be the way it ended. I’m sorry that my life will never get to go on, that I will never end up with Dusk, that our child will never get to meet me. I’m sorry that I didn’t get to do things right. I’m just sorry.