Burn for Burn

MY MOM’S IN HER BEDROOM ON THE PHONE WITH OUR dad, and Nadia and I are watching TV downstairs, sharing a pint of homemade dulce de leche ice cream from Scoops. At first, when I asked if she wanted some, she said no, even though it’s her favorite. I knew she was thinking about what Rennie said at cheerleading practice. I brought the carton over to the couch, and she watched me lick the ice cream off the top of the lid. “Just one bite,” she said, exactly like I knew she would. All the girls in our family have a sweet tooth.

The dryer dings, and I pause the show we’re watching. I go over to the laundry room and stuff the clean clothes into a basket and bring the basket back into the living room. I used extra dryer sheets, and the clothes smell so snuggly. I put my face up to a T-shirt and inhale the warmth. I start folding a stack of T-shirts, and then I see Nadia’s tank top. I put stain remover where there was strawberry daiquiri, and it came out. I didn’t even bother with my cashmere sweater. I just put it in the dry cleaning bag and hoped for the best.

“Here’s your shirt back,” I say, handing it over.

Nadia’s face goes white. “Um, thanks.”

“I got that stain out.” I watch her closely. “Alex said someone bumped into you and spilled their drink.”

“Yeah.” Nadia takes a big bite of ice cream, avoiding my eyes.

“Where’s Alex’s shirt? I tried to find it in your room so I could wash it and give it back to him.”

She hesitates and then says, “It’s at Janelle’s. Remember I was going to sleep over there after the party? I told her to bring it to school today, but she forgot.”

My phone buzzes. It’s Ashlin. Everyone’s meeting over at Bow Tie tonight after Rennie gets off work.

“Who’s that?” Nadia asks. “Are you going out?”

I set my phone down, because this is serious. “Nadia, you tell me right now. Did you drink at Alex’s, even though I told you not to?”

“No!” She has two bright splotches on her cheeks.

“Then promise me. Promise on our sister bond.”

Nadia won’t look at me. “Lillia, cut it out. I already told you.”

My heart breaks right in half. She’s won’t promise because she’s lying. She’s lying to my face like it’s nothing. I’ve never lied to Nadia. Not ever, not once. I’d never do that to her. “I’m giving you one more chance. You tell me the truth right this minute, Nadia, or else I’m telling Mommy everything.”

Nadia’s eyes go big and scared. “Okay! Wait! I had, like, maybe a half cup of strawberry daiquiri. I didn’t ask for it. One of my friends gave it to me. I thought it was a virgin one. I just took a couple tiny sips, so I wouldn’t waste it. It’s not a big deal. You drank at parties when you were a freshman!”

Okay. Yes, I did, but it was the end of freshman year. When Rennie and I started going to parties, she’d drink beer, drink whatever was around. The guys called her Half Pint, because she was so little, but she could hold her own. Unlike me, I was so scared of getting in trouble, I’d sip from the same cup of beer all night long. “Quit trying to justify it! You lied to me. You straight up lied to my face, Nadia.” I fall back against the couch. I can’t believe she lied to me. “You’re on lockdown now. No parties, no hanging out with my friends, because you obviously can’t handle yourself. And if I find out that you drank more than you’re telling me, you’re done.”

“I’m really, really sorry.”

It’s not even about the drinking. “I didn’t think you would ever lie to me.”

A fat tear rolls down her cheek. “I won’t drink ever again, Lilli! You have to believe me.”

“How can I believe anything you say to me now?” I stand up. I feel like I’m going to start crying too. I walk out of the living room and go up to my room.

I never should have left her at that party. This is my fault just as much as it is Nadia’s. Maybe more. I’m her big sister. It’s my job to look out for her, to keep her safe.

When we got to the other party, there were a ton of people there. No one we recognized, mainly out-of-towners. College kids. There wasn’t a theme or anything. Just a bunch of people hanging out, listening to music.

The guys came and found us right away. It was flattering, the way they’d been waiting for us to show up, how they paid us so much attention. At first I kept looking at my phone to check on the time. I didn’t want to stay any longer than the hour Rennie had promised it would be.

They asked what we wanted to drink, and Rennie told them to make us vodka and cranberry with a spoon full of sugar, because she knew I could only drink if it was supersweet. Every time our cups were empty, the guys were right there to fill them up again. We were having fun, the four of us, and I stopped checking the time, stopped thinking about the other party we’d left to come here. I remember laughing over every little thing my guy, the tall one, said, even though nothing he said was that funny. I guess that’s how drunk I was.

Mike. That was his name.

Around eleven I knock on Nadia’s door. She doesn’t answer, but I can hear her TV on in the background. Through the closed door I say, “I’m trying to look out for you, Nadia. That’s my job.”

I wait a few seconds for her to answer. Whenever Nadia gets mad, she holds a grudge, and it’s for sure not easy to win her back. I hate when Nadia is mad at me. I hate it more than anything. But I have a reason to be mad too.

I let my head rest against the door. “Let’s ride to school together tomorrow, okay? I’ll drive, just us two. If we leave early, we can stop at Milky Morning and get raspberry muffins right when they come out of the oven. You love those.”

Still nothing from Nadia. I sigh, and go back to my room.