Bubba And The Mayans

Serpiente Gigante

The next morning, we were roused by the sounds of a village that had swelled from barely a hundred people the day before to one of close to three thousand.

“Well, that’s great,” Bubba said forlornly as he looked at the mass of people from our hut.

“Do not worry brother. We have you covered.” I was trying to reassure him. I had sent the highlights of my plan to Danny Boy via a message over my tablet and he had assured me that everything was in motion.

“I’d feel a lot better if I knew what this test was.” Bubba returned quietly.

“Me too my friend, but I think I have a way to reduce the risk somewhat.”

“You don’t know what it is either,” he accused.

“True,” I admitted, “but I think what I have outlined will mitigate most of the risks.”

“I believe it will,” Arlo added in support.

Danny Boy had suggested we try dropping the translator microbes in a mist over the village in the predawn hour. He had done that without raising any alarms on the shuttle. He also dropped a cocktail of anti-venom treatments for Bubba to drink for breakfast. Another cocktail was given to the rest of our group. The small tubes had punctured the roof of the hut, but had hit the ground inside safely, instead of hitting one of us in our sleep.

I did not know exactly what this test was going to entail, but I knew it was going to have something to do with snakes from the whispers we had heard around the village the day before.

We skipped the offered breakfast that morning and stayed in the hut until a little after eight. At that point, the chief came to get us and bring Bubba out to be introduced to the other chiefs and medicine men from other local tribes.

Bubba went through the humiliation of stripping down again so that other mystics could observe the pattern of stars on his thigh.

He did this with quiet, if disheartened, forbearance. I was proud of him for that. I knew, like the rest of our party, that he was not a god. I also knew he did not want to be recognized as one. He did not want that kind of responsibility. Mostly he wanted to be left alone to do what he wanted, when he wanted, with Mikimo by his side. Today, she would be a spectator like the rest of us.

It was a little after ten when the ceremony began. Much to Bubba’s consternation he was taken away from the rest of us and given a ceremonial cleansing bath. They had intended to shave him down, but he was able to deter them. He was also given a ceremonial outfit that had been fashioned feverishly over the last day.

It consisted of little more than a loin cloth with beadwork that represented the ancient god Waxaklahun Ubah Kan. War paint in a variety of designs covered his exposed skin and matted down hair.

While all of this was going on, we were brought to a circle of ornately carved chairs on a dais and asked to give an accounting of his life. Mikimo knew more about Bubba than any of us. We had known him for years but knew extraordinarily little of his childhood. Our knowledge was limited to our adventures together. We tried to be as vague as possible about the last couple of years travelling through the universe.

Mikimo was not asked anything directly. She chose to defer to our accounts, although I could see she wanted to add detail or perspective to some of the things we said. I had explained to her that in this setting she was expected to be somewhat submissive in public settings.

As midday drew close, we began to hear the beat of drums and other percussion and wind instruments go from a slow melody in the beginning to a building crescendo. The whole village was working itself up feverishly to the test.

When the music stopped, Bubba was led to the council of elders and chiefs surrounded by a dozen warriors.

Not far beyond where we were sitting was a large stone pit about fifteen foot deep and forty feet to a side in a rough square. A set of steps led into it from one end.

The rules of the test were announced for everyone. They were relatively simple. Bubba would be led into the pit and to a small mound in the center that held a rudimentary stone chair. He must remain there for at least two hours. Once that time had passed, he could walk out if he were unharmed.

Bubba nodded his acceptance of the test. He did not speak, but I thought I saw a smile sneak quickly across his visage. It was ridiculously simple on the surface. I had a feeling some vital information was being withheld.

I watched with trepidation as the warriors led Bubba down into the pit. He looked a little dazed to me. I did not know if it was the shock of what he was about to endure, or the sheer simplicity of the rules.

As the warriors exited the pit, I heard a grinding noise and the stairs slowly and laboriously receded into the wall. In the distance I could see several young men turning a huge wooden wheel that was attached to the steps with rope.

A young man presented a sand filled hourglass to the chief and he tipped it over, beginning the two-hour timeline. Everything seemed surreal. Another few moments passed, and we began hearing the grating of rock against rock again. The chiefs and elders stood to look into the pit. We did the same.

On the two opposite walls adjacent to the stairs, stone blocks began to recede. Once the grating had stopped, we waited. Slowly at first, a snake or two dropped from the stone walls onto the floor of the pit.

I saw Bubba stiffen slightly at the sight of them. Fortunately, Bubba is more afraid of bugs than snakes, I thought. However, the trickle soon turned into a deluge as hundreds of snakes of unknown variety dropped into the pit and covered the floor.

Bubba’s war paint was beginning to smear as sweat poured out of his body. I was surprised he had not risen to his feet screaming yet. A little snake or two was not an issue. Even one big one might not have been that bad to bear as long as he could keep an eye on it. It seemed there were thousands of snakes covering the floor.

As I looked up from Bubba into the teeming crowd that watched in tense anticipation, I locked eyes with Janet.

Time slowed to almost a halt. Janet the Ozkerian spy! Janet who I had been accused of murdering! Janet who had betrayed us all! Janet damn it! Janet was standing in the midst of this horde of people staring straight at me. I could see her lips moving silently in the distance.

Osned had told me she was in Guatemala looking for me, but I did not expect to see her. After the initial shock I tried to read her expression. Was that malice? Was she bent on revenge? Was she going to raise a weapon at any moment and attempt to kill me or someone else in my crew?

It seemed like time was crawling in slow motion. I watched almost helplessly as she walked around the edge of the pit towards me. I saw a slight reflection of something shimmer in the distance behind Janet’s left shoulder. I knew I should not have seen that.

Every fiber of my being told me to flee, but my arms and legs felt as if they were filled with lead. Before I could even turn to yell a warning to Arlo or Dingo, Janet was standing three feet in front of me.

“Damn it Janet!” I said, suddenly at full speed.

I saw the hint of a smirk cross her face. “I told you magic still works on earth. It is just weak. I cannot stop time completely, but I can slow it down for everyone else.”

I just stared at her. If she were going to kill us, it did not seem like there was much I could do. As we stood there in silence a light rain began to fall. There was not a cloud in the sky.

I knew this was not her doing. It was mine. I had seen the shuttle from my ship appear in the sky for a split second as she walked towards me. Danny boy had released a sleeping gas in the rain that should cover the entire village and a few surrounding miles of forest. It would last anywhere from five to eight hours.

Janet’s face went from an unreadable demeanor to a look of confused shock for just a moment before she hit the ground with everyone else besides the crew of my ship. Bubba looked up at me in terror from the middle of the pit. Our cocktails from this morning had an antidote in them that made us immune.

Danny Boy transported Bubba up to the ship for just a moment, and then back down to the ground where we were standing. A quick call to Danny Boy and he reversed the process for the village medicine man Waziki.

I had a moment of temptation while I considered whether or not to do the same with Janet. In the end I decided to leave her outside the pit. She had threatened to kill us a few years ago, but we had escaped before that ever became an issue. I was not sure what her intentions were now.

“Is that Janet?” Arlo asked as he looked at the woman on the ground before me. Janet is a five foot two red-headed ball of fire with the temper to match. She had claimed to be half Italian and half Irish when I met her years ago. It was a lie. She was all Ozkerian.

“Her real name is Fellatio,” Dingo replied with a high-pitched laugh.

“Felicia,” I countered. “But yes, it is her.”

“What is she doing here?” Bubba asked. His nerves were still on high alert.

“No snake bites or anything Bubba?” I asked.

“No, I am fine. I mean I got the willies an all. That was a lot of snakes.”

“Okay, as long as your safe.”

“I said I was fine. I do not like snakes, or bugs, or spiders, or a lot of other stuff. I really do not like her.” Bubba observed as he pointed at Janet.

“So again, why is she here?” Dingo inquired.

“I don’t know,” I answered. “Osned said she was down here looking for me a few months ago. He said that she said, they had kicked her off Oz and banished her to earth because of what happened when we rescued Mikimo.”

I did not know what we should do with her, but I did not want to leave her lying around in the dirt until she woke up. “Arlo see if you can figure out some way to subdue her magic. I would rather face her on fair footing when she wakes up. Did any of you see her before the sleeping gas was released?”

Everyone shook their heads negatively.

“She said she had slowed time down.” I explained. “I saw her across the pit and before I could react, she was standing right here in front of me.”

“This is the evil Janet?” Mikimo asked as she looked down at her.

“It certainly is,” Dingo offered.

Uncharacteristically, Mikimo kicked her swiftly and violently.

I stepped between them as Mikimo drew back to kick her again. Rage filled Mikimo’s eyes.

“She was one of the people who had me kidnapped!” Mikimo accused. “I was held for ransom by her people! She tried to kill Bubba!”

“And the rest of us,” Dingo offered.

“I know Mikimo,” I said gently. “Let us start by tying her up and taping her mouth closed. We can decide what to do with her over the next couple of hours.”

I could see Mikimo had other ideas.

“Mikimo,” I began gently, “take Bubba back to the hut and help calm him down. Technically, Waziki and the rest of this group also just tried to kill Bubba. We are not going to beat them all up, are we?”

After a few moments of quiet defiance, she turned on her heal and grabbed Bubba’s arm. They walked away without another word.

Dingo found some rope and we tied Janet’s hands and feet together. I had duct tape in my bags, and we used that to cover her mouth. We found a sturdy pole in the middle of the hut we were using in the village and tied her to it for the moment.

“We could have Danny Boy take her to the ship,” Arlo suggested once we were done.

I nodded. “I was kind of thinking that myself. I just do not know how powerful her magic is. I am not sure the ship and Danny Boy would be safe with her up there.”

“We sure aren’t safe with her down here,” Dingo reminded me. “If it was up to me, I’d just drop her over the ledge into that pit and let her and her magic fend for themselves.”

“Well, I’ve already been accused of killing her,” I reminded them. “I’d prefer not to have that proven out.”

“We could turn her over to the Admiral,” Arlo suggested.

“We might end up doing that,” I replied. “I don’t want to contact him until we have what we came to get.”

“Got a point there,” Dingo agreed.

We stood in silence for a few moments. “Okay,” Arlo began, “then what are we going to do with her?”

“Let’s grab our tablets and see what the world has to say about warding off magic or evil spirits,” I suggested.

“Garlic around her neck and a stake through her heart,” Dingo called out as he came after me.

“She’s not a vampire.” Arlo commented as he too headed towards the hut.

“A stake through the heart would stop her,” Dingo continued to press his point.

“It will pretty much stop anybody,” I commented as we began searching data bases.

“What do you mean?” Dingo inquired.

“Driving a wooden stake through your heart, or mine, or just about anyone else’s is going to stop them!” I answered in exasperation.

“I hadn’t really thought about it that way,” Dingo replied thoughtfully.

“What if we throw water on her?” Arlo suggested. It was a valid suggestion in its own way. She was from Oz. She was related to the infamous wicked witch of the West.

“I don’t think it would work,” I answered. “I have been swimming with her. We took showers together.”

“Yeah, but did you throw it on her?” Arlo persisted.

“No,” I admitted. “But you don’t kill witches anywhere else in literature by throwing water on them.”

“Holy water on evil spirits and such,” Bubba offered.

“Okay, again, somewhat valid with the evil thing and all. Isn’t there something about surrounding her with salt or some other mineral?”

“Yeah, I’ve done something like that in Dungeons and Dragons games,” Arlo ventured.

“This ain’t no fantasy game,” Dingo exclaimed.

“You’re right about that,” I agreed. “We need some sort of protection amulet or one of them little bags you hang around your neck with herbs in it.”

“I think you’re talking about warding off voodoo zombies,” Arlo suggested.

“Yeah, zombies,” I acquiesced.

We began searching in earnest. Bubba and Mikimo were resting from the morning’s ordeal and avoiding the rising heat of the day. I contacted Danny Boy and he sent down a twelve pack of ice-cold ale from our stores on the ship.

He began checking with the ship’s computer on how to suppress Janet’s magic while the rest of us looked for earth side remedies.

Three hours, and an empty twelve pack, later we looked like a mixed bag of competing religions and beliefs. I had an obsidian stone in my shirt pocket and a little baggy with mug wort, wormwood, acacia berries and some yucca leaves in my pants pocket. All of us had the little baggies of vegetation.

Arlo had found a small piece of black onyx to carry. Dingo had a piece of quartz crystal. We had given Bubba and Mikimo some hematite.

They had made their way down to the local river during our search. Bubba had washed all the ceremonial paint and purifying oils from his skin. He had come back and changed into khaki pants and a light button-down shirt. He did put the loincloth back on over the pants. He liked the intricate beadwork. We had told him about our plan for protection and given items to him and Mikimo.

All of the items had been liberated from huts and houses in the village. Danny Boy had not found anything more useful in the ship’s database than what we pulled up in our earthbound searches. But he was able to use long range scans from space to find the stuff we thought we needed.

We had found salt and had about a one-inch-wide circle surrounding Janet big enough she could not slide her feet through it to break the circle.

There had been some movement outside while we were gathering our protective objects and herbs. It was nothing more than people moving around in their induced sleep.

When we heard voices yelling and asking what had happened; Dingo, Arlo, and I ventured back outside to find a group of about twenty late arrivals to the party. They were trying to wake people up and asking why Waziki was in the pit with the snakes when they knew darn well, he was not a god.