Bubba And The Mayans

Party Time!

Waziki was standing on the seat of the chair and screaming his bloody fool head off at the absolute limit of his lung capacity. I was surprised that much sound could come out of a person his size.

Even those who had not been on the edge of waking had been dragged to semi-consciousness by his wild screams. The villagers were filled with a mix of wonder and mirth. Some asked how Waziki had ended up in the pit. Others were laughing at his current situation and his reaction to it. This was especially true of Alejandro’s twenty drunken warriors. After they had finished their bottle of whiskey, they had appropriated the rest of the one we left on the table near the roasting pig.

Dingo was still tending to said pig. Bubba and Mikimo had retreated to the now empty hut. Arlo and Dingo had pulled Alejandro out of the hut and left him lying in the shade. Dingo went back to the pig. Arlo had come to stand beside me as we watched the bedlam.

After several minutes of pandemonium Chief Rugaru approached Arlo and me.

“You must do something,” he demanded.

“We have done something,” Arlo answered with a smirk. He liked it when those who deemed themselves better than thou go their karma served hot.

“How do we rescue Waziki,” he practically screamed at me. Of course, he had to yell to be heard over Waziki’s own shrieking.

“I’d drop a tree or a ladder down and let him walk across it,” I suggested.

“Yes, yes, a ladder,” he said, nodding vigorously. He charged off to find warriors to secure a ladder and extract Waziki from the pit.

Alejandro passed by us in the mix of people and stopped to look at us perplexed for a moment. He continued on, looking for his own group I assumed.

Suddenly the whole village went quiet. The villagers dropped to their hands knees and turned their heads towards our little hut. Bubba and Mikimo had just walked out of it and into the afternoon sun. Bubba was back to just the loin cloth. None of the body paint had been reapplied.

With some irritation Bubba and Mikimo walked a crooked path through the kneeling forms to where Arlo and I stood. He accidently brushed a few of the villagers on the way and they dropped the rest of the way to the ground sobbing. Waziki had even gone mostly quite watching the spectacle around him.

“What the Hell are these people doing?” Bubba asked under his breath as he approached me.

“They are worshipping their god,” I said with a smile. I led him up to the raised platform I had been sitting on with the chief before the test began and guided him to the center chair. Mikimo sat to his left and I took the chair on the right. Arlo sat beside Mikimo.

“Tell them to arise and make ready for the feast.” I whispered to Bubba.

He looked at Mikimo for a moment. She nodded her head. “They are believers,” she said.

“Ya’ll get up and get me some food,” Bubba said, less than eloquently.

“And get Waziki clear of the snakes,” I suggested to Bubba softly.

“And get that screaming idiot out of the pit,” he bellowed. “Hey, I kind of like this giving orders thing,” he said to me in a normal tone.

I hoped it would not go to his head.

No one moved. Bubba waited for a minute. Still, no one moved.

“Chief Rugaru,” I called out. “Arise and let the preparations continue.” He raised his head to look at me from twenty feet away. He looked at Bubba, but still did not move.

“Get up and get moving,” Bubba hollered.

Chief Rugaru stood unsteadily to his feet. Once he did so the rest of the villagers cautiously did the same.

Waziki began screaming again as a particularly large reptile approached his perch. The previous rescue crew jumped back into action. We watched with some small joy as Waziki crawled on hands and knees across a rickety ladder of bamboo lowered to the edge of the chair.

When he reached solid ground again, he began making his way towards where we sat. I could see he was raging mad. I had little sympathy for him at the moment. He stepped on the edge of the platform and looked ready to charge Bubba.

From seemingly out of nowhere Dingo appeared beside him with a plate of pork and handed it to him and patted him on the back.

“Go away now,” Dingo said dismissively to Waziki. Dingo walked up and took the open chair beside me.

Waziki seethed, he stood where he was. It was plain to see the hatred in his eyes. It was also obvious he did not know what to do about it at the moment.

After what seemed like an eternity of him standing there with a menacing look and a plate full of pork; he dropped the plate to the ground before turning and storming away.

“Waste of some good pig,” Dingo commented.

“He is going to be trouble,” I stated. “We will have to do something about him and probably better sooner than later.”

“What’s he so mad about anyway,” Bubba asked.

“Everyone in the village, including the chief, has relied on his wisdom and council up until now,” I stated.

I could see Bubba’s confused look. “Now, he thinks they are all going to come to you instead,” I explained further.

“I ain’t got a whole lot of wisdom to give,” Bubba said thoughtfully after a moment.

“Dang straight about that,” Dingo added.

“Why don’t you back to tending the pig,” I suggested.

Dingo waved his hands around and pointed in the general direction of the fire pit. “Bunch of sheilas over there claim a man do not know how to cook. They run me off,” he said forlornly.

I noticed several young men and women standing at the edge of the dais. “What are you guys doing?” I asked.

“We offer our service to the god,” the eldest of the girls said.

“In what way,” Mikimo said defensively.

“In any way he wants,” the girl answered demurely.

“Well, Bocephus,” I said with a wink, “what do you want?”

“I want something to drink and something to eat.”

He looked at me for a quick moment and smiled. “And make sure they don’t bring me none of them hamlets.”

Several of the group hurried off quickly. A few remained before us. I directed Bubba towards them. “They also need something to do,” I told him.

“The rest of ya’ll just go back to doing what you were before. If we need anything I will let you know.”

All of them but a young boy of about eight dispersed. After a full minute of watching him fidget I walked over to where he was.

“And what do you want young sir?” I inquired.

“I want him to bring my parents back,” the boy said sadly, “they were killed last year.”

Bubba looked at me with genuine fear. “I’m afraid he cannot raise the dead,” I answered. “Some things are beyond his power.”

I did not know how best to answer the child. He slowly nodded his head and turned away from us.

“What am I supposed to do now?” Bubba asked, watching the boy walk away, as I sat beside him again.

“I don’t know,” I answered. “I know we can’t stay here for very long though or they are going to find out there is a bunch of stuff their god can’t do.”

Several of the kids from earlier appeared with wooden plates piled high with food and several mugs of water. They stood a few feet away and waited for Bubba to acknowledge them.

“Hey, bring that stuff on up here,” Bubba said. “And give some to my friends too,” he amended as they all approached his chair.

After food and drinks had been handed out, they all stood silently a few feet away from us; waiting for their next orders.

“Guys and girls,” I said, “go back to your regular chores and duties. If Bocephus has need of anything we call for you.”

They all shook their heads in understanding. They also all stood there waiting for Bubba’s next order.

I nudged him gently.

“Skedaddle,” he said, waving a hand dismissively. Finally, they began to turn and walk away.

“Bubba,” I interrupted his concentration on eating, “we need to establish that one of the first things you are going to do is visit the ruins at El Mirador.”

He nodded agreement but did not stop eating.

“I believe it would be wise to appoint Arlo or myself as your envoy to manage requests from the people. We can set limits on what items you actually have to deal with.”

“What do you mean?” Bubba asked between mouthfuls of pork.

“They may want you to settle land disputes, be a judge for grievances, interpret their customs and who knows what else.”

“I don’t want to do none of that stuff,” he answered.

“We are well aware of that,” Arlo responded. “We need to talk to Chief Rugaru and find out what their expectations are. Then we can temper those ideas with what we think are reasonable responses.”

“What do you have in mind?” I asked Arlo.

“Let us find out what kind of structure they have and see if they actually want any changes made. For the most part they may be happy with the status quo.”

“I would like to believe it will be that easy,” I replied. “Somehow, I doubt that it will. Let us finish eating and then we can talk to Chief Rugaru.”

Arlo agreed and we continued with our meal.

“There are many people who want to speak with you.” Chief Rugaru said when he came to sit beside us. “The first thing we need to decide is what to do with the snakes.”

“Get rid of them,” Bubba answered.

“Well, uh, yes, but how?” Rugaru asked.

“How did you get them all in the first place?” I asked.

“We gathered them over the last few days. After Bocephus was seen in the jungle we began to prepare for the test.”

“And who was in charge of this collection process?” I inquired.

“Waziki,” he answered.

“Seems like the perfect man for overseeing the removal,” Dingo stated.

I nodded in agreement. “How did you get them into the pit in the first place? I know the blocks in the wall were pulled back to let them in. Where did they come from?”

“There are several small rooms on each side that they were dropped into to await the test.” He pointed to stone blocks around the pit with metal rings attached to them.

“How many snakes are still in those rooms?” I wondered.

“I don’t know,” he answered. “We can find out though.” He walked away and a few minutes later two men brought a stout wooden pole over to one of the blocks.

Dingo, Arlo, and I walked over to where they were. They slid the pole through the ring and lifted it out of place. The beam of sunlight revealed a mass of writhing reptiles remaining in the room.

“So, besides the ones in the pit, we need to get these out of here too,” I surmised.

“I don’t suppose you have any mothballs?” Arlo asked.

The Chief shook his head no.

“That might drive them out of the village,” I offered. “We have to get them out of there first. I do not think anyone wants them slithering around here for the next few days.”

“Why is this our problem anyway?” Dingo asked. “Didn’t anyone think about what to with them after the test was done?”

“I can’t think of a way to kill this many snakes,” I stated.

“Oh, they can’t be killed,” the Chief said quickly. “We honor and admire them.”

Dingo threw his hands up in the air and went off looking for a drink.

“We may need a little bit of time to think about this,” I offered.

The chief nodded his head and motioned for the men to put the stone back in place.

“What’s the next thing?” I asked Chief Rugaru.

“Many people wish to approach Bocephus and offer their service and loyalty to him. Also, there are many who wish for him to settle old disputes about the interpretation of the ancient stories and symbols.”

“Even the prophecy about Bocephus?” Arlo asked.

Chief Rugaru nodded in embarrassed agreement.

“So, you are telling me that Bubba went through all of this and there are questions about the specifics of the prophecy?” I said exasperated.

Chief Rugaru dropped his head and looked at the ground for a moment. “These things are not an exact science,” he answered.

“Looks like they got the god they deserved,” Arlo commented. “Just act regardless of the consequences. What if he had failed the test?”

“His body would have been left in the pit for the snakes to devour. You know,” Rugaru said thoughtfully, “no one saw him get out of the pit. Everyone just accepted that he had passed the test and left Waziki there as punishment or amusement. Just how did he get out of the pit without being bitten?”

“Carefully,” I answered. “When he walked out of the hut it appeared to seal his fate since he had survived and Waziki was in the pit. Trying to challenge his status now seems a bit late.”

Chief Rugaru nodded in agreement again.

“Your test established him as a god,” I stated, “but we need to know what you expect him to do. He is not going to be performing miracles or healing people. He cannot bring back the dead. Even if he is a reincarnation of your ancient god, he has been raised in the United States. He does not know your language or your texts.”

“He is going to need an advisor, or several advisors, to familiarize him with the customs and ceremonies of your people,” Arlo explained. “We are going to need you and some of the other leaders to decide who those advisors are.”

Chief Rugaru nodded his head thoughtfully as he considered this current information.

“In the meantime,” I suggested, “why do not we continue with the celebration. Spread the word that Bocephus will not address any major concerns until this is done.”

“This I can do,” Chief Rugaru replied. “Still, we must get the snakes out of the pit before sunset,” he insisted.

“Why?” Arlo and I both asked.

“That is where we will perform the ceremony of his ascension. It symbolizes his transition from man to god. After that he must choose his bride, or brides, and be wed when the moon rises in the sky and crosses the serpent constellation.”

“I’m not sure Bubba is going to like that idea,” Arlo offered.

“Mikimo either,” I replied.

I pulled out my communicator, which was remarkably similar looking to a smart phone, and opened a channel to the ship.

“Hey Danny Boy, are you monitoring us?”

“Yeah, I have been watching the whole thing go down boss. Looks like there is going to be one heck of a party tonight.”

“Yes, there is, and apparently a wedding too. We are going to need to do some prep. I will send you a message in a few minutes outlining what I have in mind. After I talk to Bubba, and Mikimo I may need to visit you for a little while.”

“That might cause quite stir in the middle of the village,” Danny Boy pointed out.

“I agree,” I answered. “I am going to see if I can find a bit of solitude somewhere in about half an hour or so.”

“Sounds good boss, just let me know.”

“Okay, thanks. I will get that message off in a few minutes.”

I put the communicator away. Chief Rugaru looked at me suspiciously.

“That’s my navigator,” I explained. “Is it okay if we air drop some stuff into the village in the next couple of hours?”

“What do you mean?”

“Parachutes with supplies and gifts for the god and the people?” I explained.

“I suppose so,” he answered after a moment.

“Okay Arlo,” I said as I turned back towards the dais, “let us go tell Mikimo she is about to be a bride.”

“How do you think Bubba is going to take it?” Arlo asked.

“He will be fine with it. Mikimo is the one who will have to explain it to her father later.”

“I think that task might fall to you,” Arlo indicated.

“I imagine that it might,” I replied.

After some discussion with Mikimo and Bubba the decision was made that if Bubba had to marry someone then it was definitely going to be Mikimo.

Her family was bound to be upset, but after we got all this stuff settled on earth, we could try to arrange a formal wedding on Lakanica. If Bubba was considered a god to some people on earth, her family might see him as more acceptable. He was still an earthling though. That was a pretty big strike against him.

We asked that Bubba and Mikimo be left alone while they prepared for the wedding. Arlo and Dingo would fend off anyone attempting to approach Bubba in the meantime.

I wondered off into the forest and found a fairly high piece of ground with no canopy and Danny Boy maneuvered the shuttle down to a short space jump could be made.

What is a space jump? It is a way to cover vast distances in space between planets. I have no idea how it works. I do know the ship cannot be orbiting a planet or on a planet. It has something to do with gravity wells and the magnetic resonance of subatomic particles.

You cannot pull people off the surface of a planet and into outer space because of atmospheric variations and the possibility of creating a gravity well on the surface of a planet. Space is a vacuum, so the gravity wells are not much of a problem unless you try to move something really big, like our moon. Something like that would create a black hole. You can transfer people around inside a planet’s atmosphere along sightlines.

The best way I can describe the actual feeling of a jump is it is like you are standing perfectly still in the middle of a room, then the whole house jumps sideways and slams you through a wall into another room, but you remain standing perfectly still, and the wall is intact.

I called Osned and Dahlia to invite them to the impending wedding. Since the shuttle and the space jump had not set off any alarms or defense systems from El Mirador or any other locale, we thought it would be safe for Danny Boy to run back down and grab them.

The cloaking device on the shuttle allowed us to make a quick flight up to Texas. We landed near a mostly deserted fireworks stand and bought everything they had. From there I called a car who took us into a midsized town.

A quick call to Mikimo to get her size and some video allowed her to choose a white wedding dress with tons of beadwork. She also chose a set of rings.

With those items out of the way I was able to get a driver with a van to take us to a liquor store where we obtained several cases of whiskey, scotch, rum, and champagne.

Back at the fireworks store we unloaded everything in the parking lot and waited for the driver to leave after a large tip.

Danny Boy transferred everything onto the ship via the computer and instant jumps of a few feet and we were back in Guatemala in just under two hours.

We already had parachutes on the ship for dropping cargo on various planets when conditions were unacceptable for the shuttle to land.

Danny Boy worked with the computer to project a helicopter skin over the shuttles cloak. Just before sunset we dropped the fireworks, liquor, and Mikimo’s dress from the shuttle. The last item was strapped to my back as I parachuted in after the other items had been dropped.

Danny Boy went to get Osned and Dahlia while we finished the wedding prep.

I took Mikimo her dress and kept the rings in my pocket. She had several women and girls who were helping her prepare. By the looks on their faces I knew we had done all right with the dress.

I talked with Chief Rugaru about the fireworks and the liquor distribution. He agreed to close off the side room entrances to the main pit. I told him to hold back on extending the stairs. I explained that Bocephus would remove the snakes just before the ceremony began. Finally, I took a bottle of high dollar scotch and found Bubba. He was happy to see the bottle of scotch.