Bubba And The Mayans

In the Jungle

Three days later we were hiking through dense forest and drenched in sweat from the heat and humidity. It was good to be back on earth though.

Not everyone was in good spirits though. “If you don’t quit singing that stupid song, I’m going to beat you to death while you sleep,” Dingo commented to Bubba.

“I think it’s cute,” Mikimo stated with a light laugh.

“Hakuna matada, hakuna, matada,” Bubba had been singing softly, as we continued our trek through the undergrowth.

“You know, Bubba,” I observed, “I think that movie was about the jungles in Africa.”

“It’s gonna take a lot to take me away from you,” he crooned after a moment.

“It’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do,” Arlo and I joined in.

“I may have to kill you all,’ Dingo grumbled before we could continue.

“What would Shakespeare think if he knew what his words would become?” Arlo mused aloud.

“I didn’t know Shakespeare inspired Toto,” Dingo said with surprise.

Arlo shook his head and looked towards me.

“Not Toto guys, the Lion King is a twist on the play Hamlet.” I explained.

“I thought a hamlet was one of them thin slices of meat they put on those tiny little sandwiches at dinner parties,” Bubba said seriously.

I stopped walking and looked at Bubba for a moment. I did not know how to respond to his last statement. Bubba took my silence for confusion. The whole party ground to a stop.

“You know, them little sandwiches you got to eat like twenty of to get full? They are like one or two bites each, which seems like a huge waste of time,” he continued. “Why not just make one big sub sandwich? That would make a lot more sense to me.”

“A sub sandwich would never fit on one of the little plates they give you,” Dingo replied.

“Well, I hadn’t thought about that,” Bubba responded. “Mikimo, you know all the high falooting royalty stuff, why can’t they give you regular plates at one of them parties?”

“It is only supposed to be social appetizers honey. Your full meal is later in the evening. An afternoon affair is for light snacking while you talk to the other guests at the party.”

“Well, when they put out food, they ought to expect folks to eat it, that’s all I’m saying.”

“A hamlet?” I asked looking Bubba in the eye. “Seriously?”

“Well yeah, what do you call them?”

I shook my head and turned around to start walking again. Arlo followed, and soon the whole group was on the move. I saw Dingo jog up ahead of us to one of the guides who was about fifty feet ahead of our group.

“Hakuna matada, hakuna, matada,” I heard in the background.

Dingo dropped back to where we were a few moments later. “Eduardo says we are going to have to be careful for the next couple of days as we travel. The tribes in this area do not take well to outsiders.

“He also said to keep our weapons and electronics out of site as much as possible.”

We had brought back light arms from the ship and a few devices similar to tablets we could use to connect to the ship’s computer and satellites surrounding earth. I had been using mine to catch up on news on the planet and learn all I could about the Mayans. Osned was right about there not being much there related to their time on earth. I had watched a few episodes of the show he talked about. It did offer some interesting views.

“Okay guys and girls, did you all hear that?”

“Hear what?” Bubba asked.

“Keep your weapons and electronics concealed, especially if we encounter any of the locals. Do not pull them out at night. Just because we think there is no one around does not mean we are not being watched.”

“Danny boy is on the ship, kind of scanning our progress, can’t he just warn us if we are about to be attacked?” Dingo inquired.

“No,” Arlo responded. “We are trying to run as silent as possible and keep hidden from anyone on earth, or other vessels that may be in the area. Danny boy is on emergency standby, but he is not watching us too closely.”

“I’ll let you know if anyone is watching us,” Mikimo offered. “Growing up on Lakanica I am much more aware of the forest and the things in it than you are. You might say I am in tune with it.”

“And is anyone watching us?” I asked curiously.

Mikimo shook her head, her long black hair swaying with the motion. “No, not since yesterday afternoon,” she answered.

“Why didn’t you tell us we were being watched?” Arlo asked incredulously.

“We were not in any danger,” she answered. “What you refer to as the locals, were just curious.”

“Maybe we should have some sort of code or something so you can warn us if we are in danger.” Dingo suggested.

“Or I could just say; guys we are in danger.”

“That would be effective,” I observed.

“Now I wish we had brought some body armor or something.” Arlo quipped.

“Oh yeah, let’s hike through the jungle in hundred-degree heat in body armor,” Dingo suggested sarcastically.

“Since we are back on this side of the universe, maybe we should talk to the Khelids about developing something along the lines of a personal force field.” Arlo mused. “We could tie it into the triggers on our weapons so we could fire out, but it would repel incoming fire.”

“Yeah, and we could check on their cryogenics program, and see if the base is set up on the moon.” I suggested.

“Hey, I saw where us and the Ruskies are both talking about setting up bases on the moon. I wonder how they would react to finding a giant spider base up there.” Bubba laughed, and then shivered. He did not like bugs. So far, the ones in the jungle had not seemed to bother him though. Maybe he had not thought about it yet.

“I saw that too,’ I commented. “I had not thought about the Khelids being up there. It is really not our concern though. Who knows where we will be in ten to fifteen years?”

Our conversation died out and we continued our trek through the jungle until the sun began to set. Our guides found a small clearing in the forest floor for us to set up our tents and cook an evening meal.

“You know, I kind of miss this,” Bubba offered as he used his fork to point vaguely at the jungle.

“When were you here before?” Mikimo asked.

“Oh, not here specifically,” He answered. “I just meant being in the fresh air, hiking around in the woods, not breathing the air on the ship. I miss not knowing about all the planets and different aliens out there.”

“I know what you mean my love,” Mikimo responded. Her people were dedicated to taking care of their planet, nurturing it, being one with nature. “This reminds me a little bit of home. Being there last week, I was reminded of the things I love about it, but also of the reasons I left.”

“Your sister seems to be coming along quite well as a diplomat and heir to the throne,” I commented.

“Well, it is what she always wanted and thought she could never have, because I was the first born. I suppose it has all worked out for the better.”

I could detect a hint of regret in her words, but that was for her and Bubba to discuss. No one on the ship was required to stay. We had all just kind of hung together after we had rescued her from the Elvi.

Bubba and Dingo took care of the engines and electrical stuff. Arlo and I took care of the programming and ship systems. Danny Boy and I took turns piloting. Mikimo seemed to take care of everything else, from cooking an occasional meal, to keeping a small garden, and assisting the ships computer in medical.

Of course, the ship needed little care or help most of the time, so we interacted with guests and moved cargo around.

“I have not really thought about it too much Bubba, but you are right. We have not had a whole lot of down time. Maybe we should take a vacation after this is over. I would not mind seeing the Grand Canyon again or hiking in the Smokies or the Rockies.”

“Maybe go see the Northern lights up in Alaska or visit Iceland or Norway.” Dingo offered. “You know Jack, we saw a lot of Europe and the Middle East, but there is still a lot we missed.” Dingo and I had been enlisted in the Navy together years before.

“I never got down to Australia when you were there. I always said I was going to go there one day.”

“Nothing but Jackalopes and crocodiles my friend, you have not missed much in my opinion, but to each their own. Did you ever want to hike the jungles of Guatemala?”

I shook my head negatively. “No, that was not on my list, but I have done some reading on the Aztecs, Incas, Mayans, and such. I never studied it hard, but I have had a passing curiosity. Maybe we can find some answers down here.”

We were eating roasted iguana that the guides had caught along with yellow rice and some small fish we had caught the day before. Although our route was arduous, we were not in any particular hurry. We were trying to enjoy the scenery along the way and reacquaint ourselves with some of the pastimes we had missed in space.

If someone wanted to stop for a few minutes, we stopped. If someone wanted to drop a line in the water, or investigate a strange noise, we let them. Admiral Anastasi had given us no timeline. If they had been waiting thousands of years for this, a few hours, or days even, would not matter that much.

“I know we ain’t supposed to pull out our electronics, “Bubba said, “but did you see where ol’ Donald Trump got elected President? I was reading about it yesterday.”

“Oh, I bet Janet would have loved that,” Arlo replied, referring to my previous, deceitful, Ozkerian spy girlfriend. He looked towards me.

“Now, I have to wonder if all that liberal stuff she was defending was just part of her act, or if she thought it was what earth women were really like.”

“Are some of them like that?” Mikimo asked.

“Well,” I said gathering my thoughts, “there is a lot of variety to earth women. There are some who think like Janet spoke, and others who are on the opposite end of the spectrum, and millions of variations in between and more extreme.”

“On Lakanica most of the women are the same,” she replied.

“Most of the men too,” Arlo observed, but you have a central religion and a central government. You also have a relatively small population.”

“And when someone is deviant of that, you put them into military service or send them off world,” Dingo added.

Mikimo nodded her head. She too would have been labelled deviant because she was unwilling to do what was required of her. It was why she had fled the castle after her rescue and sought out Bubba.

“Didn’t the Simpson’s have that in a cartoon one time? The Donald as President I mean,” Dingo inquired.

“Yeah, I think they did,” Arlo answered. “Wow, Donald Trump! I am kind of glad we are not living on this planet anymore.”

“A lot of people seem pretty upset about it,” Bubba commented. “Of course, people were getting mad about pretty stupid stuff before we left. Maybe we need one of them apocalypse things to wipe out a bunch of folks where people can start over from scratch.”

“The time of the great nothing,” Mikimo said solemnly.

“The what?” Dingo asked, swiveling towards her.

“We believe that the creator made all things in the beginning. Therefore, all things are holy. Eventually all things wear out, all things will fade away and the cold emptiness of space will cover our world.

“Our devotion to the planet, the plants, the animals, and the people on it are just delaying the inevitable time when there is nothing left, perhaps not even a memory of our people.”

“That does not offer much hope for the future,” Arlo stated.

Mikimo shook her head. “Perhaps, but we also believe if you live this life well, and in harmony, you will be given a new and better life to live. However, you will not remember this one.”

“I always thought your dreams were of a different life you lived, like a parallel universe bleed over or alternate timeline stuff,” Arlo offered.

“Nah,” Dingo commented, “this is all you got. This life is your one chance. I do not want to come back as nothing else. It puts a whole hierarchy on the universe I do not want to think about. What if one species is better than another? Considering earthlings are considered base and violent by most of the species we have encountered, what is the next step up the ladder?”

Everyone was quiet with their thoughts for a few minutes until Bubba spoke. “I kind of like what Mikimo says. It is a lot like what people here believe in one way or another. You live a good life and do good things and maybe you get a better life the next time around.

“I used to believe in Heaven and Hell, and I guess I still do, but maybe our picture of God is too small for all that was created.”

We fell back into silence until Dingo looked at me. I had not voiced my thoughts on the matter. “What about you Jack? You and Janet, or Felicia, whatever you want to call her, you used to talk about that stuff a lot.”

“I think Bubba’s right.”

“You do?” Bubba said with surprise.

“I have seen too much in the past couple of years to believe this is all random. Too many things on each world and the universe as a whole have to fit together for it not to be created. Maybe we will stand before that being and be judged when we die, maybe not. I do not know about that part, but I still believe in God.”

“What about Jesus and all the apostles?” Bubba inquired.

“I still believe in them too. It is just one story of many here on earth, but it is the one I find most meaningful. It offers hope of something better beyond this life.”

“We are in danger.” Mikimo said as if was just part of the conversation.

By the time we realized what she had said we were already seeing faces in the foliage around the camp. They had waited until nightfall to approach.

“Danger like we should defend ourselves?” I asked as I slowly reached for the weapon tucked in the back of my pants.

“Not yet,” she replied.

I stayed my hand. “Everyone stay calm. Let us see what they want.” In our galactic travels we had been injected with universal translator microbes that allowed us to understand any given language on just about any planet. We could understand the natives, even if they could not understand us.

“We want you to surrender the god to us,” the leader of the group stated as he stepped closer to the fire. He was flanked by perhaps two dozen other men and women holding bow and arrows, spears, and a couple of firearms mixed in.

“Eduardo,” I said calmly. “What do they want? What god are they talking about?”

He asked the leader, who pointed his spear towards Bubba.

“Me?” Bubba said with surprise. “I’m pretty sure I would know if I was a god.”

“Our legends tell of a time when a reincarnation of Waxaklahun Ubah Kan, the war serpent, will return and destroy our enemies, bringing peace to our people.”

“Eduardo, could you tell him that Bubba is probably not that guy?”

This was translated and the leader looked from Bubba to me several times. He finally settled his eyes on me.

“Is this man the chief of your tribe?” He asked Eduardo.

I nodded to affirm it, knowing everyone else would disagree somewhat. I was the captain!

“Why do you follow him?” the leader asked Bubba directly. “You should be in charge.”

“Tell him we didn’t know Bubba was a god.” I said. “How do they know he is?”

After the translation, the leader turned towards me again. “It is foretold in the legends and the calendars when he would arrive. Our people have waited a thousand years for him. We have been watching you for the past three days. He must come with us to be assessed.”

“What kind of test?” Bubba wanted to know.

“He must be checked for the markings of the warrior God and defeat the great snake challenge.”

“I don’t like snakes!” Bubba said nervously.

“You don’t like much of anything wild,” Dingo reminded him.

“Can we come with him to observe?” I inquired.

The leader thought about this for a few seconds, then nodded his head. “Yes, all of you must come.”

“And what if we don’t want to?” Dingo asked, being his usually ornery self. He jumped to his feet and a small laser piston appeared in his hand as if by magic.

Several darts from blow tubes, unnoticed until now, sprang from his skin and he quickly tumbled to the ground.

“That will happen.” The leader answered.

He turned to me. “You understand what I say?”

I nodded that I did.

“But you do not speak our language.”

I shook my head that I did not.

He pondered for a few moments before turning towards Eduardo. “Your men will no longer be needed. I will leave it to you if you want to stay with us and translate for me. If not, I have a man who knows a little English and Spanish and that will have to do.”

Arlo had worked with the ships computer to produce a dissolvable patch we could place on someone’s skin that would let the universal translation microbes work their way into someone’s system. We found it invaluable when trying to communicate with other species and races. It took about five minutes or so to gain full function. As we walked through the night, surrounded by the Mayan warriors I whispered that we might want to get a couple of those onto the leader and any Medicine man the tribe might have once we got to their village. We had a few dozen stashed in our packs.

Eduardo and the rest of his group had abandoned us to the warriors. While they headed back home, we lugged our gear through the dark jungle. Dingo was excluded from this as he had been carried thus far.

The group of warriors carried torches. We could hear animals scurrying off into the darkness and the calls of birds and mammals as we disturbed the path.

It was approaching midnight when we arrived at their village. I was mildly surprised that they had not taken our weapons or our gear. Dingo’s gun had been given to the chief after one of the warriors had hoisted his body over a shoulder. I was not worried about it though. All of the weapons had DNA safeties on them. Anyone in our crew could fire any of the weapons we carried, but no one else could fire them. Few things sucked as much as getting shot with your own weapon.

There were some stone buildings, but many of the huts were built from wood. We were ushered into a wooden framed building with guards posted outside the door.

“The god can stay with you tonight. He will be examined tomorrow. There is much I must discuss with other chiefs this night.” He turned and left us.

“You don’t look like no god to me,” Dingo stated quietly and groggily from when he had been dumped on the floor.

“Oh, he has the body of a god. I thought that was obvious,” I said with a chuckle.

Bubba smiled and flexed his muscles. He was squat and stout, but the last couple of years in space had seen all of us gain a few pounds.

“I’m thinking Hercules, or Apollo, or one of them Roman gods.” Bubba stated as he strutted around the small room.

“I was thinking of the Buddha,” I answered with a laugh.

“What will we do?” Mikimo asked seriously. “What kind of testing do they intend to do?”

“Yeah,” Bubba replied. “I don’t want to be fighting no giant snake or anything.”

“Well, why don’t we see if you have the markings, they are looking for first,” I suggested. “Without that, there won’t be much need for the rest of the test.”

“Okay,” Bubba replied. “I ain’t got any magical markings anywhere.”

“You have that snake tattoo across your back,” Arlo reminded him.

“Oh crap! I forgot about that.” Bubba said sadly. “I got that in the Philippines ten or twelve years ago.”

“Just the sort of thing a snake king would have.” Dingo observed.

“Can we burn it off with one of the laser guns?” Bubba inquired quite seriously.

Arlo shook his head. “I don’t think that would be a clever idea.”

“I do not think having to fight a snake is a promising idea. Didn’t you see that movie in the Amazon with all of them giant snakes? That did not go so great!” Bubba said excitedly.

I laid a hand on his shoulder. “One, that was just a movie Bubba. Two, it is no use worrying about it now. Let us try to get some sleep and see what the morrow brings.”

He looked into my eyes for a moment and nodded his head. He turned away and went to Mikimo. She wrapped her arms around him. They began whispering to each other.

I grabbed my pack and picked a spot on the dirt floor. “We may as well try and get some rest guys. As with most battle plans, we did not survive first contact intact. We will have to improvise to get back on track.”

“Improvise, adapt, overcome,” Dingo stated from somewhere in the room.

“We aren’t Marines,” I reminded him.

“I guess Bubba may get to test that Army of one slogan from a few years ago,” Arlo observed.

“He will be okay. After all, he is a god.” I reminded everyone.