BLUE IRIS

Iris

IT'S SELFISH. But if I had to turn myself in for their own good, I would do it.

I knew Colt was angry that I had to decide on my own without asking his opinion, but I would not think twice for as long as he and my friends were safe out there.

It was also hard for me. I cared about them, and it broke my heart that I had to leave them this way-at least I didn't have to watch them die while trying to save me.

If those people were capable of killing the Fischers, and God knew maybe the Hamids and Dr. Hull were also dead, then they would not hesitate to kill my friends to get what they wanted. What they did to the camp was their way of sending their message to me, and they would do it again if they would win in the end.

Darick and Gael had not said a word, but I could see the look in their eyes that they were not pleased with my decision. Lois stayed silent at the corner after she cried in my arms, and I knew how would she felt when one of these guys died in front of her. I could not let that happen. And how was I supposed to handle it as I watch them die because of me?

I'd been there, and I knew exactly how it felt-every time I closed my eyes, the face of my brother was a constant reminder of their heinous crime.

"Think about it." Frost pointed at me before he went back to the car.

I was left to think alone again, struggling to stand at my own feet without anything to grasp on, without someone to lean on/

I met Colt's gaze, and we stared at each other, silently begging for understanding. I knew he was hurting, and so was I—I was scared of losing him of losing them. If this chaos would be over, I might still get a chance to see him again, and they would all live. Not like this.

Still speechless, my tears kept falling. And that was all. It was over the moment he looked away. My world just began crumbling down on me.

I ran toward his side to beg and bang against the window, but he didn't seem to care anymore. He was determined to stand to what he believed, and what he thought about what I was about to do was not right. And I admired him for that. He was tough, strong, badass, stubborn, and the most wonderful person I'd ever met. But I was a stubborn as well. Despite him being controlling and hot-blooded, I was lucky I met someone like him. I hoped one day, he would be able to understand and forgive me.

"Colton!" I banged my fists against the window. "I'm doing this for all of you."

The sound of hissing that seemed took years for the window to completely slid down.

Without looking at me, he spoke, "Nobody asked you to do that."

"You don't get it." Every word I spoke seemed like a beg. I gripped and nudged his arm for him to understand me, to give my idea a chance, but he was hard to convince and determined on his own.

His head snapped at me. His intense stare gave me shiver-hatred and pain were glowing in his eyes. "Oh, I get it. You want to leave, just go, but don't tell me about your bullshit idea that what you're about to do is because of us. You want it, and you choose to decide alone, and you think your plan is fucking brilliant. Just leave!"

The last two words hit me hard. "You have to trust me on this, Colton."

"Trust you? How about you trust me? How about you hear me out first? You will just leave me like this? And how about what happened between us, doesn't mean anything to you? It was just two people who wanted to forget the world for a while. And we're over it, that's it?"

"Colton, just hear me out, please?"

"What? We just used each other, and now we're done scratching our itches, it's time to part ways. I fucking get it. It's crystal clear!"

"You are not listening to me."

"You are the one who doesn't want to fucking listen to me! How about Gael, Darick, Frost, and Lois? How about the one who died back there? Think about your brother for fuck's sake! He died protecting you. He died because he wanted you to stay away from those people, and yet you want to go back? You choose to go back. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Don't do this to me, please?" I couldn't breathe. All I did was beg for him to agree, but the more I begged, the more he got angrier and would never accept my opinion.

"You don't do this to me. To us. We don't leave our group behind for as long as we live. We don't decide on our own that's why we have Gael. We've been through a lot, but we are still here because we are not selfish. We think about how we feel. And for the last time, think about what you said when you came to us. Have you forgotten what was your mission? Should I remind you? Your mission is to survive. To live. How about Lois? Did you ever consider her feelings? Does she mean nothing to you?"

"That's why I am doing this because I can't think straight. Right now, all I can think about is what would they possibly do to all of you once they catch us, and I know you won't just watch them as they drag me away from you. Eventually, you would resist them. I've seen them killed people, Colton. Frost was right, they're murderers."

"Then come inside and let's plan it out!" Darick shouted from the back of the car.

"I'm sorry, Darick, but I can't. My conscience is eating me, thinking there are people who are looking for me, and here I am doing nothing but putting your lives at stake. Those people back at the camp-thinking that they died because of me, do you know how it feels? So, call it selfish, but I'd rather die, trying to save the remaining lives than saving my own ass!"

"Just get in the car, Iris. We'll talk about this once we find a safe place to stay," For the first time, Gael spoke. He may be our leader, and I respected him, but I couldn't watch them die while I still had a choice to save theirs.

"No." I shook my head. "If I know, they're on their way here. I can't risk your life again, all of you, you deserve better than just running and looking over your shoulders every day. You know for a fact that they won't stop looking for me until they have my head." I looked at Colt who was glaring with a clenched jaw. "I'm sorry, Colton."

Colt blinked repeatedly and threw out curses. He then looked at me and swallowed hard. "How about my feelings, Blue Iris?" he bellowed. His deadly and sharp voice made me jump and shake me to the core. His words cut deep into my skin and rang through my ears like a blast of an explosion. He'd never been angry like this-it was a matter of desperation, and he meant every word he said.

And everything seemed to sink in now. He cares a lot about me more than I know.

My body trembled in fear.

My chin dropped in shock.

"Do we mean anything to you?" He winced, slightly shaking his head. "And damn it! Do I mean anything to you? You almost died earlier, and do you know how it feels to watch you die? You don't fucking know until you feel it!" Colt gulped. "Now decide, Iris, either you get in the car, or you go on own," he demanded.

The window rolled up slowly, and I watched my arms being lifted, and I couldn't do anything but pulled back helplessly and pressed my palms against the only thing that separated us.

I stepped back, shivering, and shaking as I sobbed to cry. Alone.

God, why do I have to choose between my life and theirs?

I wiped my tears away to clear my vision and took a deep breath. I turned around and walked away, nothing but myself.

As I looked at the endless road, I realized something I meant more than anything to them than I ever thought, and they were willing to sacrifice their lives because that was what family should do. Selfishness was not the answer-what mattered most was that we were together.

"Iris, please!" It was Lois, who was running toward my direction.

Instead of stopping, I ran faster away from her. If I stopped, the chance of changing my mind was huge, and I would definitely go back with her.

I loved Lois. She was like my sister, and she was one of my weaknesses. She saw what they did, and watching her getting hurt in the hands of those murderers would kill me.

"Iris, please, stop? I just want to hug you goodbye!" Her pleading voice made me stop.

With my chest heaving, I turned around, and she was crying.

I launched into her and pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Lois. Forgive me if I have to do this on my own."

"I know. I'm sorry, too."

We cried for I didn't know how long until we pulled away from each other, and I was so shocked that Lois was pointing my gun at me. I lost focus and she managed to snatch my gun from my back.

I didn't see it coming, and the sudden turn of events caught me by surprise.

Would she ever pull the trigger and shoot me? Was she doing this on her own, or she was ordered by Gael to do this drastic measure?

"I know you won't shoot-" I jumped and screamed at the gunfire. My heart was beating a mile. My chin was trembling. "L-Lois, what are you doing?"

"I would rather shoot you than surrendering yourself to them. How could I sleep at night knowing you are dying because of me. Because of us. Now, walk back slowly to the car, or I will shoot your right foot." "Just let me go, Lois, please?"

"Or what? You will threaten me back just like what you did to Colt? Jesus, Iris! Have you seen the look on his face? I told you I will crush your heart if you will ever break his. And you just did the moment you walked away. Now, do me a favor and walk toward the car." She gestured the gun toward the car.

I raised my hands and shook my head. "I can't."

I was trembling-not because I was planning to snatch my gun back, but because there was a minuscule of chance that I could take it back from her, but the accident of shooting ourselves, in the end, made me think twice of doing so. "Walk!" she ordered.

"How about no," I said firmly.

"Fine."

"Don't!" I stopped her before she could fire again. "I can't believe you. Of all the people, Lois, I treated you like my sister."

"Oh, really?" She laughed sarcastically. "Well, let me remind you. No sister would ever leave her sister alone just like what you did! You're gonna leave me, huh?"

"Lois, don't do this," I begged.

"I can't let you go on your suicide mission, Iris. Cora thought I was the weakest of the group. Now, I wanted to prove her wrong where ever the hell she is right now. If it's not because of her, our lives won't be in danger, and those guys back at the camp are still alive. This is all her fault, and none of this is yours. Stop blaming yourself." She gestured my gun. "Now, move!"

"Damn it, Lois!"