Black Blood

At first I do not realise what has just happened, what I have done. My blood boils with rage. I want to throw Novak’s motionless body against a tree once more. I enjoyed his pain. The moaning sounded like music to my ears, the begging even more so. It is that feeling of power that my father always hunts for. The feeling that you are invincible, that people do what you want. I understood him and as soon as I realise this, my anger subsides.

I stare in total bewilderment at Novak’s body. He gives no sign of life, just like the man hanging a few trees away. The longer I look at Novak, the more it dawns on me what I have done. The more regretful I begin to feel. I run to Novak as soon as I realise that he doesn’t seem to be moving any more. I kneel down next to him.

‘Novak,’ I try. He doesn’t make a sound, not one bit alive. My heart starts beating faster, my hands sweat. He cannot be dead. How will I continue my journey without him? Then I really am doomed.

‘Novak, please wake up,’ I beg against the motionless body. Tears start stinging my eyes. Did I kill him? The fear in my body is indescribable. I refuse to believe that I am the one who did this.

‘Novak, come on,’ I say, crying. As soon as he doesn’t make a sound I put my fingers on his neck. I look for a heartbeat and when I find one, an intense relief washes through me. He is still alive.

Now we come to the next thing: how do you wake someone who is unconscious? As a child, I helped my mother in the infirmary, but I don’t remember much about it. What I do remember were injuries. Not unconscious vampires. Would he be very angry if he woke up?

I sit back slightly. The only way to wake someone up, which I’ve read about in books, is to hit them. Would that work? Wouldn’t that just make him angrier? Sitting here in this murder forest is not a good idea either.

I finally decide to raise my hand and gently tap his cheek. He still doesn’t move a single fin. I sigh deeply and tap his cheek harder. I start to get irritated when he remains motionless.

Without thinking, I hit him hard on his cheek.

I breathe a sigh of relief when his eyes open. A groan leaves his mouth. I sit next to him in the grass, too afraid to speak. He blinks a few times, brushes his hand over his face and slowly sits up. He grabs his forehead with his hand. He closes his eyes. I do not know what to do or say. As soon as his eyes open, they are focused on me. For a moment, he doesn’t seem to realise what just happened. His eyes are blurred, his face whiter than usual.

‘You almost killed me,’ he mumbles slowly. He seems to be saying it more to himself than to me. I say nothing. He removes his hand from his forehead.

‘Jesus Celeste, you almost killed me. What was that for? Are you crazy or something,’ he says in a raised voice. I partly understand his anger, although I have my reasons to be angry too. Novak pushes himself off the ground and staggers for a moment as soon as he is standing. I turn in his direction.

‘Well, are you going to say anything?’ he insists. This is the comment that makes my shame and guilt subside. My eye falls on the dead man and I immediately remember why I was angry.

‘I am mad? I wanted to help a dying man and you forced me to watch him suffocate. There is no explanation that can make up for that. I’m not the one who’s lost his mind here, you are,’ I reply angrily. Novak folds his arms.

‘That man was a thief. You can see it in his clothes, and if you hadn’t noticed, there’s a bag of stolen goods behind the tree. There was nothing you could have done for him. If you had gotten him off, which you didn’t, he would have died of his injuries. Above all, the chance of the branches grabbing you was many times greater than being able to free him. You had committed suicide.’ His tone is mocking and only makes me angrier. I can also see that it might have been a lost cause but he could have said that. Not forcing me to watch him die. Besides, I haven’t forgotten his comments about Nelly. I get up from the floor.

‘You could have just told me that instead of making me watch that man choke,’ I tell him. He laughs scornfully.

‘Had I stopped you with words then? You wouldn’t have listened to me anyway. It’s probably better that you saw it.’ Again that mocking tone that makes my blood boil.

‘What?’ I ask in response to his last remark. He sighs deeply, rolling his eyes as if I’m crazy.Not everyone can survive. Death is part of life and it is better that you have seen that too’. With this remark, I lose my self-control again.

’You seriously think it is necessary to show me death? You have lost your mind. I can say with certainty that I have seen death more often than you. I have seen people beheaded, hanged, tortured, shot and skinned alive. Do you have any idea what it is like to see someone skinned alive? I will never get that screaming out of my head. I have seen my only friend and her dragon shot out of the sky.

Don’t tell me I have to see death because I have seen it often enough,′ I shout angrily. I am about to throw Novak into trees again. Obviously, I hit a nerve with this. Novak is silent and doesn’t move a finger. He stares at me in silence. I don’t say anything either, waiting for him to reply.

‘How long does it take to skin someone alive?’ His eyes are fixed on the ground. I look at him in surprise at his question. I cross my arms.

‘That depends on how long the victim can hold out. Usually an hour. Why?’ I explain. Novak runs his hands through his hair. His look is anything but cheerful, nor aggressive. He slowly lets himself sink back into the grass. He puts his head in his hands, his elbows resting on the ground.

‘You know that my mother was picked up and killed?’ he asks softly. He looks up from under his eyelashes. I nod.

‘We never knew exactly what they had done to her or how she died, Myles and my father still don’t. Neither did I until a few months ago when I found out she was skinned alive,’ he says. All my aggression has left my body.

What I feel now is a strong sense of pity. I have seen how cruel it is, how much it must hurt. The man’s screams, which I was forced to watch, never leave my mind. It is one of the most horrible ways to go. It takes a long time, the pain is immense. I cannot imagine what it is like to know that a loved one is suffering that fate. I walk slowly towards Novak and sit down next to him.

‘I am sorry,’ is all I can think of to say. If I had known that his mother received this punishment, I would never have mentioned it. Novak shakes his head.

‘No you can’t do anything about it. In a way I’m glad to know what happened to her, then I don’t have to think about it anymore. I don’t want to dwell on it too long, it would only make it worse.’ I understand his point and nod. It is quiet again for a while. I don’t know what to say, so I fidget with my nails.

‘I’m sorry I forced you to look at that man, I shouldn’t have done that. I’m also sorry about what I said about Nelly and you when we were walking. I am very grateful to Nelly and all this is not your fault. I wanted to go on the trip with you, you didn’t ask me,’ he apologises. I want to say something, but am stopped.

‘I don’t have a good explanation for my behaviour either. It’s just been a lot these past few days and I’m hungry so I lost control.’ The latter comes out as a kind of mumbling. I am not angry anymore, although the little voice in my head says I should be. Almost losing him has made me realise that I cannot live without him. I slowly get up and walk to the bag I was carrying. I pick up the piece of cloth with our last bit of food and walk back.

‘Apologies accepted. Here, eat something,’ I say as I hand the bag to Novak. Slowly he raises his hand and picks up the bag. I expect him to take the food out immediately but he does not. He puts the bag in front of him in the grass. His look expresses discomfort.

‘Thanks, but that’s not... not what I mean,’ he says softly.