Black Blood

I swallow at his words that bounce against my neck. There is fear in my body but also a curiosity. I trust Novak although I still wonder if that’s a good thing. Is it possible to have sex for pleasure? Is that so different from what I have always been taught and put up with? I hope so.

‘May I?’ Novak’s voice still sounds in the same place against my neck. The warm breath slides along my skin, leaving a trail of goose bumps. Normally I get goosebumps from fear or cold, but this time it’s neither. My head strongly tells me to reject his offer, but my body yearns for action. My muscles are tense and I can feel my heart pounding in my throat.

‘Yes,’ I reply after thinking for a few seconds. I am scared, but my curiosity wins over my fear. I trust Novak so this is the only answer I can give. Novak puts his hands at my side. It is a gentle touch, one I am not used to. My body is stiff with stress, but relaxes slightly at that small touch.

‘Tell me when to stop, and I’ll stop right away,’ he says softly. This is the first time someone has said this to me, it feels weird and I almost don’t believe it. I only nod because I can’t get any more words out. He notices it anyway, even though he can’t see my face.

The next moment I feel something soft and slightly wet pressing against my neck skin. It takes a while for it to dawn on me that these are his lips. They are soft, a little moist, but mostly warm. Christiaan has kissed me on the neck several times but never in a pleasant way. It was always quick, violent and without any kind of pleasure.

My body stiffens the moment Novak’s lips touch my skin. Yet I remain still. For a moment he removes his lips from my skin to place them again an inch below the previous spot. The touch is so soft and slow that I begin to relax, my muscles letting go a little.

Once again, he places a kiss against my skin. My body is completely relaxed by now. The soft-touch gives me strange jolts through my body, and makes my skin tingle in a good way. For a moment, Novak removes his lips from my neck. His hands give me a little squeeze in my side, which startles me. I hadn’t realized that my thoughts were empty and I didn’t move until now.

‘How did you like that?’ Novak asks softly next to my ear. He’s still standing behind me and doesn’t seem to be bothering to stand anywhere else. His question makes the wheels in my head spin. It’s hard for me to describe how I felt. In any case, it was not unpleasant or against my will. I swallow and have to think about my choice of words. Novak waits without moving or saying anything.

‘Not annoyingly,’ is my reply. I hear Novak chuckle behind me. I want to turn around to him, but I am held by my side.

‘Is that a good thing?’ he asks as I feel his lips slide over my neatness. A shiver goes down my spine at that small touch. My heart slams into my throat again, my breath falters.

‘Y-yes,’ I say, a lot less smoothly than I had hoped. His touch does something to me, makes my body move beyond my control. I am now completely relaxed while a boy is standing behind me, touching me. This way of being touched is something I am not familiar with and strangely enough I do not find it unpleasant.

‘Do you feel those tingles down your back?’ he asks in a whisper as he places another kiss on my neck. His lips press harder against my skin this time. It’s different, but in a way that I still don’t find unpleasant. Novak pulls me closer to him until my back touches his chest.

I automatically lean more towards Novak. Certain places feel more intense than others as soon as his lips touch my skin. As soon as his lips hit a spot in the middle of my neck, more towards the back, I let my head hang back. My eyes are still closed.

Novak’s hands slowly move away from my sides and close themselves around my belly to hold me better. A few times his lips touch the place where it feels more intense. I hold my breath briefly. His lips slide apart slightly and then gently suck on my skin. My body does exactly what he wants as soon as I grab Novak’s forearms with my hands and move my head to the side to give him free rein. How he started softly sucking on that spot now moves to something harder.

‘Mmm,’ leaves my lips before I know it. The moment the sound leaves my lips I notice how nice it feels. I am shocked by my own reaction. I have never made that sound while being touched. It is not a sound of fear or protest, but of something I would almost call pleasure.

My eyes shoot open and I quickly let go of Novak’s arms. Apparently, that is also a sign for him to free himself from my neck. His arms slide away from my body. I am stunned and ashamed of my reaction. Christiaan’s words are whirling through my head.

Sexual pleasure is only for men.

He has repeated it so often that I have come to believe it. Novak finally walks around me until we are face to face. His eyes sparkle and there is a smile on his face. I don’t know what to say or do, so I look at the ground. Somehow, I am afraid that he also wants something from me now.

Only then does it dawn on me that I’ve just let a vampire suck on my neck and enjoyed it too. A red colour enters my cheeks in shame. We are both silent for a while until Novak’s fingers settle under my chin and lift my head. We stand and look at each other eye to eye.

‘Don’t be shy,’ he says with a smile. I don’t know what to say so I don’t say anything. My eyes try to find a way to something other than his gaze.

‘Celeste look at me,’ he says. I can’t refuse so I do as he tells me. His eyes are soft and inquisitive.

‘Intimacy can be pleasurable for men and women, it should be pleasurable for both. If a man cannot please a woman, it is because of the man’s skills.’