Black Blood

My eyes shoot open as if a knife is being stabbed in my back. My eyes lock onto Novak’s blue ones. My breathing is rushed and my heart palpable in my throat. Nightmares about that one night, they have been following me every night for months. Each time the feeling returns, the feeling of total powerlessness.

Despite all the pain, mental and physical, the feeling of powerlessness is what scares me the most. The feeling that you can’t do anything, that you can’t resist and that you are totally at the mercy of someone else. I will never be able to come to terms with that night, it will always stay with me.

‘Maria, look at me.’ I look at Novak and only then do I notice a tear sliding down my cheek. I wipe it away full of aggression. My breathing starts to slow at the sight of Novak’s blue eyes. They have a shade of grey here and there which makes them deeper.

‘You okay?’ I don’t remember Novak coming or being in this room when I fell asleep. Usually when I have this nightmare I shoot awake, drenched in sweat. Christiaan didn’t pay any attention to it, he slept through it.

Novak is the first to wake me up and I don’t know if I’m happy about it. I hate the questioning and worried eyes, I hate the pity. Somehow I’m glad to be away from those memories, grateful to him for them. I’m glad my head didn’t have time to remember the worst part.

‘Maria.’ Startled, I meet Novak’s eyes and realise that I have totally ignored his question. His blue eyes look so concerned that it makes me feel guilty. I can’t remember what question he asked me but am too scared to admit it. As if Novak can read my mind, he repeats his, probably, earlier question.

‘Are you alright?’ he asks softly. My body continues to tremble slightly. The images never leave my head, the feeling of that night keeps creeping up on me and Christiaan’s hands will never be able to wash off my body completely. It has scarred me in every way possible.

Then I realise that I have ignored Novak’s question for the second time. Quickly I turn my head and look into his blue eyes.

‘Yes,’ I lie. What else can I say? I have nightmares about the man who abused me for months in every way possible? It doesn’t seem like a good start to getting to know someone. I don’t even know how to get to know new people. I was always introduced and never allowed to introduce myself.

‘You don’t look like that.’ I don’t know whether I should feel insulted or caught after Novak’s observation. Should I deny it, remain silent or confirm it?

Novak gets up from the floor. I quickly run my eyes over his body. He is dressed in nothing more than black sweatpants and a black short-sleeved shirt. He is thin but muscular. His dark blond hair hangs in tangled strands along his face, betraying the fact that I woke him up with my nightmare.

‘Well... then I’ll leave you alone again.’ Something in me doesn’t want him to leave. His presence distracts me from my reliving of Christiaan. I try to find something easy to keep him in the room. Novak is already starting to walk towards the door, panic is hitting my body.

‘Wait.’ Surprised, the boy turns around and looks at me with his sleepy blue eyes. I hadn’t thought of a reason to keep him here yet so I sit on the bed with my mouth full of teeth.

‘I was wondering.’ What was I wondering? I wasn’t wondering anything. Is there anything I want to know from him that would be useful to ask at night after a nightmare? The longer I think about it, the more idiotic the situation becomes. Then a question comes to mind that I really wanted to know.

‘What is your position here?’ What kind of crazy idiot asks this in the middle of the night? Apparently me.

Novak seems momentarily taken aback by my question. He lets his hand slip from the doorknob and turns completely in my direction. He runs a hand through his tousled hair and lets out a sigh.

‘As I see it, nothing more than a visitor, as others see it, the second in line for power’. He confuses me with his strange answer. A visitor? That would mean he won’t be here long. Second in line would mean that, as far as my knowledge of vampire statuses goes, he must be related to the ruler. I look at him, confused, hoping he will explain more. Novak takes a step further into the room and folds his hands behind his back.

‘My father is the mayor here, my brother Myles is next in line.’ I know how a division of power works. As second in line, you’re just as much a nothing as an ordinary citizen. It seems like a shitty position where you have nothing more than your name. Novak takes another step closer to the bed.

‘Don’t you find that... annoying?’ I ask cautiously. Novak laughs shyly.

‘What annoys me is that my father is still trying to give me a title. I have no intention of being mayor, or anything with a title. I hate hierarchy and the royal house.’ At the last part of his story, I bite the inside of my lip. I should have known that the royal family was less loved than it looks when you live there. My father always said that the people adored him, but somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that was nonsense.

Novak takes one last step towards the bed and sits down on the foot of it. I can’t deny that his presence, in that spot, makes me slightly uncomfortable.

‘That dress you had on looked quite rich. Are you of nobility or do Night Riders steal from those balls of mince?’ He laughs at his own joke. What should I say to that? After his confession about hating the royal family, the truth is not the best idea either. Denying it is just one more lie that I don’t want to keep up.

‘Something like that,’ I mutter. I fiddle with my nails and look at the black and white blankets.

‘It’s not that I condemn you being of nobility. You don’t look like a ball of mincemeat to me at first glance.’ Is this a compliment? It feels somewhat like a compliment. They’re a bunch of self-righteous idiots together, I’m not going to deny that. I once had a noble rank’. It’s not a lie, it’s just part of the story. I was once the heir to the throne, until my father sold me to Christiaan.

‘Had?’ asks Novak interestedly. Novak pulls his feet up on the bed and leaves his hands on his knees.

‘Yes had. Something came up.’ Just now I thought it was the middle of the night and the sun is slowly rising. I have no idea how long I slept, it feels like a few hours at most. At the appearance of the little morning light, my body starts to move and my stomach starts to make sounds.