Bitch: Transformation

That next day, Apoc was particularly affectionate, but I felt nothing. It was as if when he put himself into me, the last part of me that was me, was pushed out somehow. There was nothing of me left anymore, just a shell of some animal.

I felt empty, like I’d lost something and didn’t know what or where.

I felt so disconnected, like nothing I did mattered.

I couldn’t look Apoc in the eye now.

I was so ashamed. I’d made him do it. I’d given him all the wrong signals. I’d let him lick me, and I wriggled into him. It was really my fault, he was just an innocent in all of this. I was so mad at myself. I’d been so stupid, such an ignorant girl. And now, now I felt like I couldn’t go back to being a human. I’d crossed a line. I’d become a monster. I wondered absently, what would I tell my parents?

I would never tell them I decided.

I spent the whole day thinking to myself. Playing it over and over in my head as we walked, trying to figure out what I should have done.

As we topped the next hill I heard it. The sound of cars passing on a highway. Civilization at last. Help. Rescue. Salvation. And it was within our grasp.

Now was an even bigger question, how do I tell the people my story? How do I get them to understand?