Bitch: Transformation

I was having the most wonderful dream of Daniel. My freshman boyfriend from college had just discovered oral and was trying his best. There was no way that I was going to cum from all that slobber, because truthfully I was on the verge of laughter. I swear he stuck his tongue in my belly button at one point. I remember I didn’t want to stop him though, I was so very happy that he was making the effort. It just made me love him more. And anyway he’d gotten better, much much better. No doubt he was making some other girl very happy. But we’d broken up two years ago and...

Ahh!

I woke with a start. Was it a dream? I was laying on my side and my backside was wet and cooling, but the tongue from the dream was gone. It had felt so real. My body was even still tingling. I scooted up against the wall of the snow den. It was dark, quiet and warm in the den, cold against the wall.

I couldn’t see Apoc. So I listened, nothing. I held my breath and listened so hard my ears were ringing. I sat in the darkness for a minute unsure what to do. So I began quietly scooting around the den and bumped into Apoc’s hind quarters. His tail flopped once and I heard him shift in the dark. His cold nose nudged my face and he licked me. My face. And yep - that was me too. He had been licking me.

Somehow that made me flip flop happy inside. WTF?!? But now I was angry. Angry at Apoc. Angry at me, at my body. Angry at Shen. Suddenly it was very hot and the air felt very close. Too close. I had to get away. I couldn’t do this. I found myself back against the cold wall, barely breathing. The wall was sucking the heat away.

Apoc sighed.

I wanted to talk.

I wanted to scream.

I wanted to explain.

I wanted him to know what I was feeling.

I wanted a wolf to know what I was thinking. Was I losing my mind?

Instead I started crying. I didn’t even realize it at first. I’m not the kind of girl who cries at stupid things. I don’t believe having a period is the perfect excuse for being a bitch. This was more about being overwhelmed. I felt like I’d been dangling from a ledge for so long. Facing death at the hands of a madman. I felt like I’d been living in a perpetual twilight, never fully awake or asleep. Everything was just collapsing in on me. I was tired and sore all over. And to top it all of I was hungry and thirsty.

I slid to the floor in the fetal position, sobbing.

All that I’d lost.

All that had been taken.

To escape and find nothing. It was one hell to another.

It had all been for nothing. I was done. An empty husk, I had nothing else to give. There was nothing left of me. Even my hope was gone. I’d never make it, it was a fate worse than death.

My pity party was in full swing when Apoc laid down behind me and curled around me. His fur soft and silky warm against me. I was going to move away as soon as I stopped shivering. He put a paw on my shoulder to hold me still while he licked the back of my neck. And damn me, but it felt good. I drifted off to sleep before I realized it.