Chapter 116 –
Robert's POV
My mother was released from the hospital after Anton came back. Kevin and Luna had come to visit, so I had too. I didn't want to be alone. My world was crumbling around me, but I had no one else to blame for it. I did this. My mother and Raven had drilled into me that my
cockiness at thinking that I could control Adra because I had before had been a bad idea.
Raven told me that she fully understood why Saoirse was upset with me. Her lecture had been even longer than the one my mother had given me. It wasn't like I didn't want to hear what they were saying. I was fully aware that I had screwed everything up. What I needed to hear from them was how I could fix it. I just wanted to get my mate back. I had stayed in the living room, listening to them talk in the dining room. I needed not to be alone. I didn't leave even though I wasn't ready to talk.
Seeing Saoirse today but unable to touch or hold her was painful. I knew she was hurting. I could feel just how much through our bond. Being away from her was harder than I ever imagined. All I wanted to do was take her into my arms and show her how much I loved her. I had to calm myself down now. Just thinking about taking her to bed had me aching for her. I just needed someone to help me out here. Tell me exactly what I need to do to fix this because I refuse to lose her. I can't, I won't. I don't want to know what it feels like to live without her. I saw Alexei walking up, and I immediately stood up and asked, "Alexei, please get Saoirse to speak to me. I will do anything to repair what I broke."
"It isn't going to be a quick fix, Robert. I know you love her. We all do. She knows you love her too. But you have to see where you messed up. You are not looking at this properly. You want your mate back, and that is all that you are focused on," Alexei started to speak. I couldn't stop myself from interrupting him. "I will do anything to get her to forgive me, Alexei. I know I screwed up. I have heard that fact several times. I need to know what I need to do to fix it. I swear I will do anything to get her back," I said.
"Robert, you need to calm down and listen. You need to make an effort. You didn't take her feelings into account. You thought that Adra was just a friend with a crush. You didn't listen to Saoirse's warnings, and she was right. You promised you wouldn't hurt her, but you did, and in less than a week, I might add. She knows you love her, but love isn't always enough. It is about listening to your mate. Do you understand why she asked you not to go there now? I know what you thought. You thought you could do it, that you could shut Adra down. How did that end up working out for you?" Alexei asked, his eyes assessing me.
"I thought I was just going there to help Adra. She has depended on me all these years to help care for her. I was a shoulder to cry on. I listened to her issues and concerns. I reminded her that we would keep her safe. I didn't flirt with her, not once. You know that I have always wanted my mate. I am the Gamma here, and with that comes specific responsibilities. Adra was assigned to me, but she just needed a friend. On my weekly visit, we usually had dinner, as she always asked me to drop the groceries off around five. She had never shown an interest in me until the day I brought Saoirse with me. I know now that she had been jealous, but I was trying to do my job. She got upset that Warrick had brought her food the last time. She was inconsolable that day and Chase asked me to come and help him. No one knew what she was planning to do," I insisted. I hope Alexei doesn't think I intended to play along with what Adra wanted to do to me.
"Just because you're a strong wolf doesn't mean you can control everything. Saoirse had a gut feeling about it, yet you completely ignored her pleas. She didn't know what was nagging at her either, but she was afraid for the both of you. Afraid you would do the same thing as James did to her. Like not respecting or listening to her. You dismissed her concerns and did exactly what you wanted to do. Not until she felt the pain of betrayal did she know what Adra had planned. You know that Cara stepping in like she did saved you from losing Saoirse forever, right?" Alexei told me.
"I already told you I had no idea she would go so far. I went there to help comfort a friend. I was instructed to do so by my Beta. It was not my idea to help her. I had been requested, as Chase said she was begging for me. You are acting like I welcomed or encouraged this, and I didn't. I have never been interested in Arda. Not like that," I snapped back. Alexei's words were pissing me off.
"Robert, stop fucking arguing and listen to what Alexei is trying to say. You need to ask yourself, who is more important to you? Adra or Saoirse? Stop making fucking excuses before you ruin your bond with Saoirse. You made the wrong call. Stop claiming ignorance in all this. You knew Adra liked you, yet you still went there to help her. Adra's clinging to you the day Saoirse went to her cottage with you, should have clued you in on how she felt about you. Just because you didn't make out with her at her little dinners doesn't mean you didn't know she liked you, not as a friend, but as a lover. She wanted you, and you knew it. You are not an ignorant wolf, Robert. You knew she liked you, but it wasn't causing problems then. Not until Adra pulled this little stunt with Lena," Anton's voice hissed out behind me. He tried to keep everyone from hearing his words, but the truth was like a hard slap to the face. I had wanted to be with my family so the guilt wouldn't eat me up inside. I had known that Adra liked me. She didn't make a secret of it when we would have dinner. She had feelings for me, but I didn't reciprocate them. I liked her as a person, and I enjoyed the home-cooked meals she made me. She always tried to make my favorites, and I enjoyed the attention. She made me feel needed.
I had never made a move on her. I didn't like her like that, but the attention was quite flattering. She made me feel like I was the strongest wolf she knew when I was with her. I was an Alpha-born, but that would never be my position, and I didn't want it to be either. I was content to be a lower rank. I had earned my position. Not due to who my family was but because I had earned it on my own. I had kept how she made me feel to myself. Since I just got confronted, I guess it was no longer a secret.
Anton knew, which was why he was so frustrated with me. My mother was right behind him, and she was visibly upset. My Mom had a hard time of it with my father when I was younger. At one time, she had to run away to protect herself and Kevin from being killed. I knew from looking at her that she would not be backing me in this. I was ashamed that Anton had outed me like that. I had forgotten that he knows your heart and mind. It is impossible to lie to him. I guess he got fed up with me arguing with Alexei and decided to go for the jugular with me to stop my protests. It worked.
"You can lie to yourself all you want, Robert. I am not going to stop you. We are not going to stop you. We want to warn you of the consequences of not admitting it. It would help if you admitted it and then got to work to try to fix this. Do you want Saoirse as your mate? Do you plan on living out the rest of your life with her? Was this ego stroke that Adra was doing a one-and-done? I am asking if you can let go of all other women and be with Saoirse?" Alexei asked.
I knew that he was concerned because he was with Cara, which could cause a real issue between them. But I never cared for Adra. She was just someone who made me feel better about myself. The only woman in my heart was my mate. I will always want my mate. Despite my having messed up so badly, I wanted her with a passion that grew with each passing day.
"I love Saoirse, and I only want her. She is my mate, my everything. I never wanted Adra; she did give me an ego boost, but I never touched or physically wanted her," I replied soberly. Saoirse was my beginning and my end. I wanted no one else. The hard part was watching my mother and Alexei look at Anton for confirmation that I was telling the truth. The fact that they didn't believe me let me know just how badly I had messed up. If they didn't trust me, how could Saoirse?
They both relaxed at Anton's nod, and my mother sat on the couch next to me. Anton sat on the coffee table in front of me. They surrounded me, and I suddenly felt like they were here to support me, but I wasn't necessarily going to like what they were about to say. "Son, this isn't our place. I spoke with Anton and Alexei about it to see if I should mention it. I decided that it was best that you know just how serious this matter truly is. Anton noticed something earlier today. After he told me, we think it is best that you know. Now that we know you truly love Saoirse and want her, you need to act fast. Anton told me that Saoirse plans to return to her village for a while. You know how long it took her to get past what James did to her. If she leaves, who knows when she could return," my mother told me. My blood ran cold. I don't want her to leave. I wouldn't even know how to find her again if she were to leave here. I need her. I thought once she calmed down, we could talk things out and straighten everything between us. I never thought she would be so upset that she would leave me. Before I could recover from that blow, my mother spoke again.
"You have got to fix this son. If she leaves, she may never return. You also need to know that Saoirse is pregnant with your child," my mother announced. I swayed in my seat, suddenly overcome with a level of fear that I had never felt before. Please, Goddess, don't let me be too late to correct my mistakes.