Becoming Rain: A Novel

I feel like I haven’t seen the sun in years.

Maybe that’s why I’ve been lying in Rain’s spare bed for over two hours—ignoring the fact that I need to take a piss—to stare at the broken lines of muted light stealing through the blinds to stretch over my sheets.

It sure as hell doesn’t feel like it should be sunny outside.

I don’t get all the legal shit that Rain was explaining last night, but I got the gist of it: that they’ve got a ship with cargo containers filled with stolen cars and car parts, one of Vlad’s guys in a room identifying Vlad as the mastermind, and a bag of cash that I assume is Miller’s payment but is only a fraction of what Vlad would have paid out to Rust.

But no Vlad.

And nothing to tie Vlad to anything beyond hearsay.

So basically, Vlad is going to get away with everything. So is Andrei, by default.

I hear a soft knock just a second before the door creaks open. Licks and Stanley tear out of my room.

“Coffee?” Rain holds up a mug.

“Yeah, sure.” I think that cold rain seeped into my bones last night. Even after a hot shower, I still woke up shivering.

“I’ll take the mutts out!” a deep male voice calls out from the living room.

“Thanks, Warner.” Rain strolls into my room and places the mug on my nightstand. “Black, right?”

I can’t help but stare into her light blue eyes. They’re lined with dark bags, telling me she didn’t sleep much. “Was that in my file, too?”

She smiles and her gaze drags over my body, stalling on the tent that my morning dick is making, before quickly turning away with a blush.

Part of me wants to tease her, just like I used to do. “What’s he doing here? Does that mean we’re not keeping up pretenses anymore?” Disappointment stirs inside me.

“I need a few hours of sleep. Otherwise, I may shoot you.” A sly grin touches her lips. “I don’t think you want that.”

“No, that would suck after all this.” Rain, with a gun. Sure, I know she’s a cop. I know she has a gun, but actually seeing her pull it last night, right before ordering me to move, made it hit home.

“What would have happened last night, if Vlad had showed up?” Vlad wasn’t waiting in the shadows to kill me. He probably hasn’t given me two seconds’ thought since the funeral. But for those five minutes between the phone call and getting home, all I could think about was keeping Rain safe. Ironic, considering she was the one with the gun, protecting me.

I’m beginning to understand that she’s been protecting me for a lot longer than last night.

“If he was armed, I would have shot him.” No hesitation.

I believe her. Something’s shifted between us since last night. I think it has more to do with me than her. I spent hours lying in bed, trying to review every moment since the day I met her. All the ways she deceived me for her case.

But doing that made me realize all the ways she also helped me. This mess with Vlad was going down one way or another. If Rain hadn’t been here, who knows where I would have ended up?

Maybe in that SUV with Rust.

In a sense, she saved me. So no, I don’t hate her.

I miss her. She’s standing a foot away from me and I miss her so damn much.

Her eyes flash. “What?”

I reach out to graze her knuckles with mine. “Thank you. I know you’re doing it for the case, but . . . what’s gonna happen now?”

With a sigh, she turns and sits down on the edge of my bed, her back to me. “They’re searching the cargo containers for any evidence. But we’re waiting on Sinclair to make the call. They may have enough to issue an arrest warrant for Vlad in Rust’s murder soon.”

“So that asshole wasn’t bluffing when he told me they had something?”

She chuckles softly. “No, he actually was. But the guy they brought in last night for the money exchange with Miller was more than happy to offer information on Rust’s murder. Apparently he knows exactly which Dumpster Vlad pitched the gun into.”

That same chest pain that flares at mentions of Rust throbs again. “That was over a week ago. The Dumpsters would have been emptied.”

“I know. The police are sifting through trash as we speak. They also have some surveillance video that they’re looking into.” She sighs. “It’s not over yet.”

“But what about this case?”

“Sometimes it takes months. Sometimes we get a lucky break.” She pauses. “And sometimes we have to just be happy with scaring people into stopping without ever being punished. There are a lot of cars on that ship and we’ve gathered a lot of names. We’ll get some arrest warrants out of this and do more surveillance, which will lead to more arrests. It’s a long process.”

“So . . . does that mean you’re going to be here until it’s all wrapped up?” Hell, three days ago I couldn’t even look at her. Now I don’t want her to leave.

“The case is going to go on for months. Maybe years. But for me . . .” She takes a deep breath. “Yeah. My part’s pretty much done.”

She’ll go back to her life as a cop. Or not, if the way she’s helped me gets her into trouble. “What’s going to happen for you?”

“I don’t know yet. They’ll send me back to D.C., for sure. Then . . . I don’t know.”

No more Rain.

My fingers curl around the hem of her T-shirt, reveling in its softness, her slender figure now striking me as so much stronger than it ever did before. “You wore this that night on the yacht.”

Her profile is so beautiful when she smiles. “You remember.”

“Of course I do.” With only slight hesitation, I slip a hand under to graze her back, letting my finger trail up along her spine, all the way up to see that she’s not wearing anything underneath. She shivers but doesn’t stop me, doesn’t say a word when I slide my hand around, letting her right breast fill it.

“Rain?”

She turns to look at me, her lips parted, her eyes burning. “Yeah?”

The front door slams shut and the sound of paws on the hardwood announce Warner’s return.

I hear a soft “shit” escape Rain’s mouth as her eyes close, her frustration so obvious it makes me chuckle. She stands, moving away from my touch. “I’ll see you in a few hours, okay? I need to sleep.” She can’t peel her eyes off me.

Fucking Warner. “Okay.” I know I shouldn’t, but I’m running out of time with her. I can’t help myself. I toss my bedsheet off and stand, earning her wide-eyed stare, before I head for my bathroom, feeling her gaze on me the entire time.

“Do you always watch this much baseball?”

“Yep.”

One-word answers. That’s what I’ve been getting out of Warner for the past four hours, when he isn’t answering calls. Sometimes he wanders off to the other side of the condo while he’s talking, but he holds onto the damn remote so I can’t change the channel.

I could just go back to my bedroom and watch TV there—and that’s likely his aim by being such a dick—but I feel caged in there.

Plus, truth be told, I’m just waiting for Rain to wake up.

With a sigh, I head over to the fridge and crack open a beer.

“That better not be my IPA!” he barks.

I pour half of it down my throat before I hold up the can. “You mean this one?”

He glares at me.

“Want one?”

“Can’t. I might accidently shoot you if I’m drinking,” he mutters, eyes back on the screen.

“Everyone’s talking about shooting me today.” He’s in a pissy mood. I wonder if it’s because of me or because of losing Vlad. Either way, with a gun holstered to his side, I probably shouldn’t irritate him. “When do you think Rain’s going to wake up?”

“You mean Clara? I think I heard her shower running, actually.”

I frown. I didn’t hear a damn thing.

“You know that whatever you two had is over, right?” He watches me through those dark, shrewd eyes, like he can read my every thought. “She’s a good cop and she’s got a big future ahead of her, as long as no one drags her down.”

“I’m sure she’ll figure out what she wants.” I take another sip.

And silently hope that what she wants involves me.

“She wants to make a difference in the world. She’s not the kind of girl to play house. She wouldn’t be happy.”

“What are you two talking about?” We both turn in time so see Rain step out of her bedroom in those yoga pants that she knows I love, her hair dark and wet from a shower. Eyes still weary but more rested than before. And not carrying a gun, to my relief.

“Did Sinclair get hold of you?” Warner asks. There’s excitement in his voice.

She frowns slightly. “Yeah. He did.”

“Good news, right?”

She takes a deep breath and then nods. I could be wrong, but it doesn’t seem like good news.

“What’s going on?” I blurt out. “Is this about the case?”

“Sort of. Clara’s heading home and you’re free to go. Your Russian friend is no doubt aware of the investigation by now, so you two don’t have to keep faking your romance.”

My stomach sinks with his words. That’s it? Just like that?

Rain takes a deep breath. Is it one of relief? Frustration? Does she feel any of the sadness that just washed over me? Stanley trots over to climb her leg. She picks him up and hugs him. “You ready to fly to your new home?”

He snorts in answer.

“Did someone book my flight already?” she asks, her eyes not leaving his bug eyes.

“Ten a.m. tomorrow.”

Tomorrow?

“Okay.” There’s a long pause. “So I’m officially off this case and Luke is officially free?”

“Yup.”

She takes a deep breath. “I want the cameras shut down.” Warner opens his mouth but she cuts him off. “Please, Warner. Make it happen.”

His jaw tenses as his gaze flickers between me and Rain. Finally, he nods. “I’ll take you to the airport in the morning.”

“Sounds great. Thanks, Warner.”

Heading for the door, he stops a foot away from me. “I don’t want to ever see your fucking face again, so stay away from trouble.”

With that, he’s gone.

“So . . .” Rain tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, her fingers trembling slightly. “You’re free to go home anytime you want.” Wandering over to the counter, her back to me, she unscrews a fresh a bottle of wine and pours herself a glass. I watch in silence as she takes a long, slow sip of her glass. An agonizingly slow sip.

Where do we go from here?

I don’t want her to leave. That’s all I know.

“Do you remember when I told you that I didn’t like the idea of looking out my window and you not being there anymore?”

Her head bobs up and down.

I step forward, resting my hands on her shoulders, able to see the tears sliding down her cheeks. “I’m dreading tomorrow.”

“Me too.” She leans back and turns her face to rest against my chest, her eyes closed. This is the real girl. And I’ve seen her before. Rain may not have been real, but this person right here is, and I know her. I’ve known her this whole time.

“Can I show you something?”

Glossy eyes open to stare up at me. “Please.”

Curling her fingers into mine, I lead her toward my bedroom.