Becoming Honey

Amber sat on the floor with her back against the wall as she attempted to catch her breath. The reconstitution process had really taken it out of her and her entire body tingled as if she was suffering from the worst case of pins and needles imaginable. She was not at all aware of her surroundings, either, which is why it came as such a shock when she noticed that the freckled redhead was crouched before her, grasping Amber’s hand in her own and dabbing at her forehead with a damp cloth.

“Hey,” she said, smiling gently. “Welcome back.”

“Thanks, I think... What the Hell happened?”

“Reconstitution,” the redhead replied. “The first time it does that to you, makes you feel like, well... I don’t even know how to describe it but I know that the first time I experienced reconstitution, it felt as though I’d died.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right I reckon,” Amber replied, her breathing heavy and laboured. “Hey, did you really say ′route us, Scotty?′ I didn’t imagine that, did I?”

“No you didn’t imagine it,” said the redhead with a chuckle. “It’s a bit of an inside joke really, and I don’t think I need to tell you that it’s a tribute to Gene Roddenberry. The Agency allowed him to use the idea in his movies and since then, all teleport techs have been referred to as Scotty.”

“I see,” Amber replied. “What’s your name, anyway? I mean, I can’t keep thinking of you as ′the hot redhead.’”

“Lara,” she replied with a chuckle. “And thanks for that compliment.”

“Don’t mention it,” said Amber with a smile. If she was going to say anything else at that moment Lara never knew it, because Ryan chose that very instant to jog over towards them.

“Sorry to interrupt, ladies,” he said. “But as soon as you’re feeling able, Amber, we have something of a situation that requires our attention.”

“I’m good to go,” she replied, although she did accept Lara’s hand as the redhead helped her up and she stood for a few seconds, testing her weight on her still shaking feet. “Yeah, I’m good... What’s the situation? I thought we were just up here for a tour?”

“We were, originally,” replied Ryan as she and Lara followed him towards the exit. “But it seems that the guy whose ship materialised within range of our Grabbers an hour ago claiming to be from an alternate reality, had other ideas.”

“That kind of thing happen often, does it?”

“No,” Lara replied. “I’ve been with the Agency for what, seven years now? I’ve never even heard of anything like that happening before.”

“Right then,” Amber replied with a chuckle. “I guess this is something a wee bit different for all of us.”

Ryan led the way along a corridor similar in length to the one they had walked down beneath Dunnottar Castle. At the end of the corridor, however, Amber found that she was unable to prevent herself from staring out of the window.

“A pretty awesome sight, isn’t it?” said Lara after a few seconds.

“It really, really is.”

“Trust me, it’s a view that never gets old, either. I could quite happily look down at Earth from up here for the rest of my life.”

“There’ll be time for that later,” said Ryan, forcefully yet kindly. “The impression I get is that this guy really isn’t enjoying his time spent in our interrogation room.”

“Fine, fine,” replied Amber, as once again she and Lara followed Ryan. He led them through several sets of doors and along countless corridors. Amber suspected that Lara knew full well where she was going and thought it likely that she was just showing a kindness to both herself and Ryan by allowing the latter to take the lead.

“Right,” he said, coming to a halt outside a particularly heavy looking door. “I’m going to take the lead on this one if that’s alright with you ladies. Lara, take Amber here through to the next room. You can both watch and listen in from there.”

“Yes Sir,” Lara replied, gesturing with her head that Amber should follow, which she did. The two women arrived in the next room just in time to see Ryan close the door to the interrogation room behind him.

“Fucking lovely, another one of you idiots.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not the best way to start an interrogation,” said Ryan, shaking his head as he turned from the door to face the man. He struggled to make out much of his face due to the fact that his dreadlocks were covering his features and he held his head down at roughly a forty-five degree angle. “Now why don’t we start at the beginning?”

“Ain’t got time to start at the beginning, friend,” the man replied. “And trust me, I speak true when I say that you don’t wanna’ hear the crap I’ve been through in my time. Reckon it’d shit you right up.”

“Maybe not from the beginning then. How about we start with how you and your vessel came to be a little bit too close to this facility for comfort?”

“Fine. I’ll go through this shit again for your sake, if it’ll make you feel better.”

“If you’d be so kind.”

“Right, whatever. It’s my own fault for taking my ship out without so much as a mechanic on board but I knew what needed to be done. I needed to blow that fuckin’ Rah’k mothership outta’ the fuckin’ sky. Terrorised the entire fuckin’ Universe for far too long, so they have. Don’t seem to make no difference how many of the fuckers you kill, either. The slimy, spider-legged motherfuckers keep on coming back.

“Thing is I must’ve got too close. Took a fuck loada’ fire an’ most of my systems went down. Good fuckin’ job Orca’s a bioship, means she was able to repair the majority of her essential systems but she couldn’t fix the Drive, one of the only man-made parts she carries.”

“The Drive?”

“Aye, that’s what I said,” he replied, quite clearly irritated by the interruption. “Let’s whatever ship it’s hooked up to travel pretty much instantaneously between two separate points in Space and Time... Anyway, Orca couldn’t fix it. The next barrage of fire she took went straight along the hard-line and overloaded the Drive. ’Course, I didn’t realise that ‘til it was too late so when I’d launched a fuck loada’ nukes straight at the Core of the Rah’k mothership I engaged the Drive, thinkin’ I was gonna’ beat a hasty retreat lest I wind up as dust drifting along with the interstellar tides.

“Next thing I know I’m light years from Gamma Twelve which is where I should’ve rematerialised. My engines aren’t firing and you fuckers are hauling me in with some kinda’ fuckin’ claw affair.”

“That doesn’t explain how you know that you’re in a reality alternate to your own.”

“Managed to get basic functions back on line whilst y’all were reeling me in,” he replied. “Figured that was the best way to breathe, y’know? Anyways, I recognised the Sol System right away but listen to my words, fucker... I’ve seen a lot of different versions of the Sol System and at least half of them have been destroyed by the Rah’k or a race equally as fuckin’ nasty.”

“Say for argument’s sake I believe you,” Ryan said as he took a seat, resting his elbows upon the table directly opposite the dreadlocked fellow. “Say I do believe you, what then?”

The man did not reply straight away. Instead he slowly lifted his head until he was staring directly at Ryan.

“You see the scar that runs from my left eye down to my torso?” he asked, and Ryan nodded. “That’s courtesy of a Rah’k Juh, a Queen. You ever met a Rah’k Queen, friend? I’d guess not because if you had you wouldn’t be sitting there wasting my time by asking me fuckin’ stupid questions. What you would be doing, is everything you possibly can to ensure that a Juh don’t set claw nor tentacle on Earth because the moment that happens, your planet’s fucked.”

“Well clearly, you survived your encounter with a Rah’k Queen.”

“That’s ‘cos I’m a double-hard bastard,” he replied with a smirk. “All this time you’ve been sat in here askin’ me pointless questions, and you’ve not even asked my name.”

“Go on then, I’ll bite,” said Ryan, pausing for a moment before he asked, “what’s your name, friend?”

“Colt,” he replied. “Sir Daniel James Colt.”

A frantic banging upon the glass between rooms drew Ryan’s attention and he glanced up, furious that his interrogation had been interrupted.

“If you’ll excuse me,” he said, turning back to Sir Daniel James Colt for a moment. “I have a subordinate to berate.”

“No need for airs and graces as far as I’m concerned, you go do what yer gotta’,” he replied with a chuckle. “Don’t suppose you’d give me a free hand so I can smoke though, eh?”

Ryan nodded and went around the table, only to discover that the man already had a free hand.

“Just proving that I ain’t a threat to you folks, tryin’ to build a good rapport an’ all that.”

“Fine, smoke away,” said Ryan, shaking his head. “Sir Colt, you may smoke.”

The man nodded his thanks as he produced a cigarette from somewhere about his person, and stuck a match upon the table to light it as Ryan left the room. He turned as he closed the door behind him to find that both Amber and Lara were right there, waiting for him.

“You’d better have a damn good reason for interrupting that,” he said, his tone low and menacing. “I don’t care if you are Hardcore bloody Honey.”

“She does, Sir,” said Lara, speaking up before Amber had the chance to do so. “Tell him, Amber. Tell him what you told me.”

“Well, I was going to do that anyway,” Amber said with a chuckle. “I know him, Ryan, or at the very least, I recognise him because a previous Hardcore Honey encountered him. I don’t know why or where, I don’t know any of the circumstances that surrounded their meeting but I do know that some kind of meeting took place.”

“You’re sure?” he asked in more normal tones.

“Aye, I’m sure,” Amber replied. “He’s telling the truth, all of it. Apart from anything else he’s got no reason to lie and he’s quite clearly not an Amazon or Rah’k.”

“I definitely believe that last part.”

“Come on,” Amber goaded. “What about his ship, this ′Orca?′ Have any techs had a chance to give her a proper look over yet?”

“Not yet,” he conceded. “Thus far no one has been able to access the interior but she is most definitely organic.”

“If that’s the case then you’ve gotta’ believe he’s telling the truth, right?” she asked with wide, pleading eyes. “Unless there’s something else you’re not telling me and that level of biotechnology actually does exist?”

“Fine... Go in there and talk to him. If you still think he’s telling the truth when you’ve seen him face to face, then we’ll go with the instincts of Hardcore Honey, as they rarely seem to see us wrong.”

“It’s the right call, Ryan,” Amber replied with a smile. “But before I go in, I need a case of beer.”

***

Five minutes later and armed with a six-pack from the Officer’s Mess, Amber entered the interrogation room and closed the door behind her.

“Nice arse,” he said. “I see you’ve brought beer, too. If you’ve got a dancing Polar Bear out there then we’re golden.”

“No such luck, Dan,” she replied, watching his face for a reaction. Any kind of reaction would have sufficed but instead his expression remained impassive. With a shrug she placed the beer upon the table and helped herself to a bottle, the cap of which she removed with her teeth and gestured that he should do the same.

“Well I ain’t gonna’ argue,” he replied, and a moment later both of the room’s occupants had a beer in hand.

“So I just gotta’ get something out there and put all my cards on the table right away,” said Amber, taking a brief pause to allow her to swig deeply from the bottle. “I believe what you’re saying, every single word.”

“Reckon you an’ me are gonna’ get on just fine then.”

“You’re probably right, in fact I’m sure you are, but I didn’t come in here to get all pally-pally over a couple of beers.”

“Well I’m up for a fuck if you are; pretty sure your boss is watching though.”

“No you dirty bastard, I didn’t come in here for a quickie, either.”

“What then?”

“I know you, or at least one of me has met you before.”

“That wouldn’t surprise me, to be fair,” he replied, draining pretty much the entire bottle in one and helping himself to another. “I’ve lived for a long damn time, met a fuck loada’ people so I have. Sounds to me like you’re in a similar situation.”

“Similar is right,” she replied. “Did you ever watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer?”

“Yeah, I always had a thing for Willow, especially when it turned out she liked pussy.” He paused and swigged deeply from the second bottle, then placed it on the table so that he could light another cigarette. “Hang on a sec, are you saying that you’re the latest in a long ass line of badass chicks who just so happen to know the plural of apocalypse?”

“Hardcore Honey,” she said, tipping her bottle towards Dan. “Pleased to meet you.”

“Honey...” he mumbled. “Honey... why the fuck do I know that name?”

“Like I said, you’ve met one of me before.”

“Aye but that was a long fuckin’ time ago; a lifetime or two but who’s counting, eh? Anyways, if I remember it straight, I got one of you outta’ Hell.”

“I don’t know the details,” Amber replied. “All I know is that we essentially met, sometime in your past.”

“Aye, in my past it might’ve been but I must’ve been knockin’ on eighty years old at the time.” Noticing the slightly confused expression evident upon Amber’s face, he went on to explain. “Downside of temporal travel, upside of being me. I might not look a day over twenty-eight but chronologically I’m probably a couple of hundred thousand years old by now... I dunno’, I lose track.”

“You’re losing me,” she said. “I’ll be honest with you, I’m pretty new to this Honey malarkey.”

“You’re doing fine, gorgeous, and the rest you’ll pick up as you go on like the rest of us do,” he replied with a smile. “If I know anything about anything, I reckon you’ll find that the memories of Honeys past will merge with your own an’ it’ll be like muscle memory, your body will function on instinct.”

“Full of surprises, aren’t you?”

“Aye, well I ain’t just a pretty face. Now are you gonna’...” Dan was interrupted as the entire facility shuddered violently and the lights flickered. He had to grab hold of the table to ensure he did not take a tumble to the floor. That would not normally have been a problem for him but as his left wrist was currently handcuffed to the leg of the table, he really did not want to have to contend with a broken bone caused by an awkward fall.

“Sounds like someone’s playing my favourite tune,” he said with a smile. “Now as I was about to say before I was so rudely interrupted by what felt like some kind of sonic wave, are you gonna’ let me outta’ here or do I have to do it myself?”

At that point the door swung open and Ryan entered the room.

“Our systems are down, Amber. We have to get out of here, and quickly.”

“Like fuck,” she replied. “We’re under attack, we have to defend ourselves.”

“This facility has no offensive weapons,” he said as Amber reached across the table and snapped the metal of Dan’s handcuffs with the greatest of ease. “Our ships are currently taking up defensive positions to give us time to make good our escape. The entire facility is under orders to evacuate.”

“We should make our way to one of those ships,” she said with urgency. “What’s the point of the Agency if not to protect the planet? And come on, Ryan, the best place we can do that is right up here, where the action is.”

“You want to run a shuttle between vessels whilst we’re taking fire?” He shook his head, slowly. “It doesn’t matter how hard I try, every Honey is completely and totally fucking insane.”

“You do know I have a ship, right?” Dan spoke up, smirking at the exchange going on between the two Agency operatives. “She’s got weapons and I’ll guarantee she’s a whole lot more manoeuvrable than those great hulking battleships y’all have out there. Got plenty of room, too.”

“I’m with Dan, Ryan,” she said defiantly. “It’s up to you whether you come or not.”

“There’s no way I’m boarding that bioship,” he replied. “She won’t stand a chance against Rah’k weaponry.”

“Oi!” Dan yelled. “That’s my baby you’re talkin’ shit about.”

“Regardless, I’m heading to Earth via the Route whilst it’s still functioning.”

“Then I guess I’ll catch you later,” she replied with a nod, turning to Dan. “You coming or what?”

“Yes Ma’am,” he replied with a wink, grabbing another bottle of beer as he followed her from the interrogation room.

“Amber!” She turned at the shout and halted as Lara ran quickly over to her. “Come on, the Route’s still active!”

“I’m not going back to Earth, Lara,” she replied, stepping first left then right to get out of the way as a stampede of personnel rushed towards the Route. “I’m going out there.”

“Then I’m coming with you,” Lara replied without hesitation.

“The more the merrier,” said Dan with a smile. “But if we don’t hurry the fuck up we’re gonna’ go down with this big bitch!”

***

“There she is, that’s my girl.”

“She’s a beauty for sure, but have you noticed she’s surrounded by Rah’k?”

“I count eight of them.”

“Just means we’re gonna’ have a little fun before we go for a jaunt.”

“I’ve never fought a Rah’k, let alone without a weapon.”

“That makes two of us.”

“Well if it’s weapons you ladies want then it’s weapons ye shall have,” said Dan with a smile. “I’ll be back in a jiffy, you two don’t go anywhere.”

Amber and Lara turned and watched in awe as a swirling circle of glowing lights appeared on the floor behind Dan, and he simply allowed himself to fall backwards into it, through it. No sooner had the swirling lights encompassed him did they disappear, only to reopen a fraction of a second later directly above the point they had been and he fell from it, landing upon his feet.

“All right, I’ve got a katana and a P-90. I’ll let you ladies fight it out between yourselves.”

“What about the rocket launcher? And by the way, what the fuck just happened?”

“Temporal fold, a direct route through Space and Time. As for the rocket launcher, Betty’s mine. She eats pieces of Rah’k shit for breakfast.”

With a nod, Amber took the katana leaving the P-90 semi-automatic machine gun for Lara, who was more than happy with it.

“Just a hint, ladies. You’re gonna’ want to aim for the centre eye, located near the front underneath that armour. It’s a bit of a cliché, I know, but I don’t make the rules. Getting rid of their legs slows them down though, but watch out for the tentacles... They’re pretty fuckin’ painful if they get into any of your orifices.”

“Sounds like you’re speaking from experience.”

“Yeah... I couldn’t sit down for a fortnight an’ that bitch didn’t even buy me a drink first. Anyway, ready?”

Without waiting for an answer, Dan leapt out from the shuttle behind which they had been taking refuge and released the most brutal battle cry either woman had ever heard. By the time either Amber or Lara had got to their feet he had already fired Betty, the result being that a very pissed off Rah’k with cracked armour was scuttling towards him. Amber leapt into the fray and with a single swipe of the katana, she rid the alien creature of its two forelegs. It reared up in pain, emitting a guttural roar as it did so, and Lara took the opportunity whilst its defences were down to fire a short burst towards its temporarily unprotected central eye, causing the creature to fall backwards onto its shell-like armour, dead.

“That’s what I like to see, a little teamwork,” said Dan with an almost maniacal laugh.

The rest of the Rah’k were dealt with in a similarly effective manner until only one remained.

“This is when you wanna’ watch ‘em, when they’re on their own,” said Dan, quietly. “Dunno’ what it is about the motherfuckers but they’re always more dangerous when their back’s against the wall.”

Despite Dan’s words of warning Amber ran forwards towards the lone Rah’k, the katana held aloft.

“What did I just say, seriously?” he muttered with a shrug, then with much more volume he shouted, “Fine, whatever. If that fucker kills you it’s your own fault!”

“Just get your fucking engines running,” Amber yelled back over her shoulder. “I’ll deal with this bitch.”

And deal with that bitch she did. Running quickly in a tight circle around the Rah’k, she sliced each of its legs off at the hips whilst the creature flailed wildly with its tentacles, attempting in vain to capture her. Legless, it dropped to the floor in obvious pain, yet Amber knew that it was still dangerous.

She leapt atop the Rah’k, almost losing her footing upon its hard, seemingly polished armour, and the creature reared, pushing itself up with its tentacles as it tried to sight her.

That was exactly what Amber was hoping for though and she caught one of its flailing front tentacles and jumped, allowing her own weight and momentum to swing her down and around so that she was approaching its undercarriage but more importantly, its exposed centre eye.

She drove the katana into that eye right to the hilt and purple goo – Rah’k blood, she hoped – spurted out, coating her in the stuff.

She removed the katana and dropped easily to the floor, sheathing the blade as she stalked over to the bioship.

“Nicely done, I’m impressed,” said Dan, as he and Lara had been watching from the top of the flight of steps that granted access to the vessel. “Take us out, Orca.”

“With pleasure, Sir,” the vessel replied.

“You’ve got a ship that talks?” asked Amber, as the three of them made their way into the bowels of the vessel and Dan led the way to the bridge. “I’ve got a car like that.”

Within moments, Orca left the disabled facility in her wake as she sped out to meet the Rah’k fleet head on.

“Well shit, that ain’t a fleet,” said Dan with a low whistle. Looking out through Orca’s forward facing windows, the mass of vessels was quite plain to see. “How many are there, d’you reckon?”

“I wouldn’t like to say,” Amber replied, “but you’re right... It ain’t a fleet, it’s a damn armada!”