Becoming Fae

“So, what exactly am I supposed to do here?” I asked Netiri the next morning as Immail packed their things up for the journey.

“Most of the people here in the Sidhe use this method to a degree to feel the types of fae they’re looking at when they can’t see them, either by magic, like glamour, or by physical obstruction, like a disguise,” she replied. “However, we’re going to take it one step farther. Instead of simply sensing the lesser fae like pixies, you’re going to use it to actually see things around you, even inanimate objects with no magic to sense.”

“Like bat and echolocation?” Blaine said.

“Can we not compare me to cave rats?” I huffed.

“Moles and sensing vibrations?” Mal tried and I rolled my eyes.

“Much better comparison, thanks,” I muttered.

“That is the idea, yes,” Netiri giggled.

“That takes a lot of focus and I’m not sure how well that will work when she’s still adapting to being blind,” Mal said.

“This will help,” Netiri said confidently. “Now, let’s start.”

I was glad to know that both and Blaine joined me in the lesson, which, as it turned out, was a guided type of meditation, intending to bring me closer to the ever-untamable Spirit. After two hours, I didn’t feel any different than I did before so I’m not sure how well it went, but Netiri seemed happy, so... I guess that was a good thing.

“So... how are we getting Blaine out of here?” I asked. “Are you butt-traveling out and we’ll just meet you at home or...?”

“Can we not call it that?” he groaned.

“I think it’s sticking,” Mal said, and I heard him pat Blaine on the back. “At least it’s not a nickname based on a fictional female Primadona that wears far too much green.”

I giggled and turned towards the sound of Immail’s heavy feet on the ground.

“What’s the plan, old man?” I asked him.

“The hound goes back ahead of us. From what I understand, your other Bonded Guardian is probably upset right now,” he said, and I heard him lift something heavy. “Then we go over the Vale. Unfortunately, that’s about as far as we can go in the air. With you unable to see and Netiri and I out of shape, we can only do so much.”

“Okay, so... how am I getting out? I mean, Naz can’t fly so someone needs to carry him and he’s a full demon so he’s super heavy. I’m not exactly light with my wings and feathers either,” I said, rubbing my arms. “Mal can’t carry me that far and your hands will be full with Naz. Netiri hasn’t flown much since you came here and even Harmon can’t carry me far enough to get out of the Vale.”

“I’m out of shape, not broken, embrasa,” Immail chuckled. “I can carry both you and Garloth.”

“We’ll also be carrying all of your belongings,” I pointed out.

“I’m storing it, not taking it with us,” he corrected. “Most of this can be replaced, but I can come back for the rest later. It’s the supplies we’ll be taking. Food, water, things of that nature.”

“Makes more sense,” I muttered.

“From what my brother has told me of you, Fae, you will come back from this little snag,” he said, putting his hand on my shoulder.

“I’m blind, Immail. I’d call that more than a little snag,” I huffed.

Someone cleared their throat and I turned towards the sound out of habit, looking for the owner.

“Harmon,” Immail said. “I’ll let you two talk.”

“You mean he’ll talk, and I’ll listen, since he obviously can’t,” I snorted. “I can’t even see to write a message, so... We make a heck of a team, huh?”

Immail chuckled and patted my shoulder before leaving and I heard Harmon come closer. He stayed quiet after he stopped for a few seconds before he sighed.

“I’m sorry, Fae. The curse was rebounding onto you, using the blood you share with Netiri. I didn’t know how long it would hold on or what all it would destroy before it ended for good. It could have killed you,” he said. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea... I’ve only ever known sight, so I didn’t think anything of it.”

“I know you can’t hear me, but I don’t blame you, Harmon,” I said and reached out for him. He took my wrist, and I moved closer to put my hands on his shoulders. “I’m still going to give you a book of a scolding to read, though.”

“Should I refill the ink when we get home?” Mal asked and put his hand on the small of my back.

“Or I start learning sign language. And he starts learning to understand it,” I said and held my finger up. “Am I pointing at him?”

Mal moved my finger over a little and I glared at Harmon, making him chuckle.

“I can imagine the words you wish I could hear. I’m beginning to think that I’ll rather enjoy this silence,” Harmon said, and I gasped and shoved his shoulder.

Mal laughed and I covered my ears as Immail whistled loudly.

“Time to go!” he called, and I felt the ground shake and Naz’s gasp of fear as Immail ran.

Tuck your wings, love,” Mal pecked my lips quickly and he and Harmon took to the air just as the shaking of the ground drew closer and I was snatched up under Immail’s arm.

The feeling of being lifted quickly and suddenly made my stomach drop and I never hated the darkness more. You never truly understood how greatly your life was affected by the things you saw until you saw nothing. You relied on your eyes to tell you if you were leaning a little too far, you depended on it to give you information about how to move in the smallest ways to keep from falling over. Forget the sights I’ll never be able to take in again, just the simple nuances that none of us even noticed were now glaringly obvious and missing.

“Lesson one; expect everything,” Immail said over the whipping wind.

“Seriously!? Now!? We’re doing this now!?” I shouted back. “What is wrong with you!?”

“What are you truly afraid of, Fae?” he shouted back. “Is it the darkness? What hides in the darkness? Or is it something else? Is it because the darkness makes you feel like you have no control? Or that you feel vulnerable when you can’t see everything?”

“All of the above, you psycho! I swear to the gods, if you drop me, I will haunt you from beyond the grave, because I will quite possibly die from terror!” I screamed at him.

“I’m evil, not cruel,” he scoffed. “Garloth, on the other hand... Well, that’s up for debate still.”

“Immail!” Naz yelped. “Don’t joke like that!”

“I wasn’t joking,” Immail replied. “Now, Fae. Use what Netiri showed you. Focus your magic and see.”

“That’s slightly impossible, you flying nincompoop!” I growled, clawing at his arm as I tried to hold on tighter. “My focus is on how I plan on getting retribution without pissing off Netiri at the present moment, among other equally unpleasant things for you.”

“You flatter me, embrasa,” Immail said wistfully.

“You’re insane!”

“Quite possibly,” he laughed.

“That’s not helpful or comforting!” I yelped.

“It’s not meant to be,” he laughed louder. “Focus, Fae!”

“I am focusing! On not hurling my breakfast into the Vale,” I replied. “Disorientation, Immail! It’s a real thing. As is vertigo, which I also am feeling nearly as much as the sudden and uncontrollable desire to pummel you like a training dummy!”

“Sift through it. Find the reason for the fear and confront it,” he gave me a shake under his arm.

“Says the demonic spawn of Creation that’s never felt fear in his life,” I snapped.

“I’ve felt fear plenty, embrasa,” he replied. “Fear is the reason behind the drive to survive, after all. If you fear dying, you fight harder to live. Emotion is the key to instinct and fear is a very powerful emotion, as you undoubtedly know.”

“I’d rather find a different key, if it’s all the same to you,” I huffed.

“That’s the idea behind all of this, Fae,” he chuckled. “But in order to find a different key, you have to take this one off the ring.”

“You make it difficult to argue when you make sense,” I complained.

“You get used to it,” Naz grumbled from Immail’s other side.

“Has he always been this unhinged or is it new?” I asked him.

“I wish I could say it’s new, but he’s been like this for eons,” Naz sighed.

“Focus!” Immail shook me again.

It took over two hours before we landed just outside the edge of the Vale. Two hours of Immail’s “coaching” and feeling like I was one wrong sensation away from throwing up. As soon as my feet touched the ground, I threw open my wings, catching Immail in the jaw and making him grunt as he stumbled back slightly.

I laughed like an evil mastermind and stumbled away towards where I could sense Mal when he landed. Somehow, I think it only served as an endearment to Immail’s twisted mind. As we walked towards the nearest village, Netiri took over, guiding me through more mental exercises to help me establish a more stable link with the well of magic inside of me.

She said that not only would it help me “see” but it would also help me get a better handle on it and, eventually, stop the unintentional episodes completely. That alone was enough to motivate me to put all of my effort into it. I might not be dangerous anymore, but there was still a risk of static shock when my emotions were higher than usual and with everything that was going on, that was basically always.

We reached the outskirts of the village just before dark and decided it would be best if Naz and Mal went into the village alone to get horses and a few more supplies. Harmon and Netiri would draw a lot of attention, and Immail was very clearly a powerful demon, though I doubted anyone would guess just how powerful he really was. I stuck out pretty blatantly as well, and everyone knew me to be the princess. That was all well and good, however with my newly acquired handicap, it was best if I didn’t get noticed.

Riding a horse when you couldn’t see was an odd experience. Not nearly as terrifying as being carted around in the air, but still unsettling. Once we made camp for the night, Immail replaced Netiri and I was glad to know that my feet would stay firmly on the ground this time.

“Garloth is going to help,” he announced after we had been talking for some time already.

“I’m not scared of Naz,” I lifted an eyebrow.

“He’s a dream demon. He’s going to bring me into your dreams and force you to have a nightmare,” he said.

“Like hell,” Mal blurted. “Fae’s nightmares are painful for her. You aren’t going to force her to go through that.”

“I can control the things she feels and experiences while dreaming. There won’t be any pain,” Naz assured him. “But I’ll not do it if Fae doesn’t wish me to. I swore I wouldn’t feed on her dreams unless she asked me to. This won’t be a real feeding, but I’ll see and hear everything she does, which might be something she wishes to keep private.”

“You aren’t doing it,” Mal said firmly. “Find another way.”

“This is the best option considering the circumstances,” Immail pointed out. “If the Sins are involved, it won’t be long before they come for her.”

“I’m going to regret this, but they have a point,” I put my hand on Mal’s leg. “I barely stood a chance when I could see, but now I’m dead as soon as they look at me. I need to get over the fear of the darkness and there’s no time to let it happen on its own. I have to force my mind to accept the fact that this is my new normal.”

“I’m completely against this,” he said with a sigh. “But I know that look. You’re going to do it anyhow, aren’t you?”

“I’m not thrilled about it, but yes. Immail and Netiri are old as dirt. I’m pretty sure one of them outdates dinosaurs, even,” I said.

“Hey. I’m not old, whelp,” Immail muttered and Netiri giggled.

“With all of their experiences and knowledge, if this is what they suggest and they’re sure it’s the best option, it’s worth trying,” I continued. “There’s a war coming, and I can’t fight if I can’t see and I’m nothing more than a liability if all I do is jump at every sound that I hear.”

“You don’t have to fight,” Mal said, but he lacked conviction, knowing as well as I did that I would have to be in the middle of the battles that were coming for us.

“She won’t feel pain. I promise,” Naz said. “The sooner we begin, the farther along she’ll get before waking.”

“Then it’s a good thing I’m tired,” I nodded.