Becoming Fae

“Mal!” I laughed, waking up to him tickling me.

It’s been nothing but bliss since we got here ten years ago. Every day started with the feeling that today was going to be the best day yet, each evening, that feeling was met as we went to sleep. It was pure happiness all the time. But something was bothering me. Something in the back of my mind that wouldn’t go away and couldn’t be solved.

Mal could sense something wasn’t right, but he knew I would tell him on my own. But he also knew that I needed something. He just didn’t know what it was, which meant he did everything he could think of to give me whatever it might be. Intimacy, gifts, food, affection, showing me new skills or hobbies, building a freaking hot tub on the back deck. I loved him for the effort, but there was nothing he could do about this.

His tickling turned into passion and hours later when we were eating a late breakfast, he looked at me and sighed.

“I’ve been trying not to ask, but I think you need to tell me, Fae,” he said, putting his toast down and brushing the crumbs off his hands.

“It doesn’t matter,” I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile, but it felt forced and sad, even to me. I sighed and let it fall when I saw he wasn’t buying it. “There’s nothing that can be done about it, so it doesn’t matter if I say it or not.”

“It’s bothering you, so it matters. To me, it matters,” he said.

“Stubborn fairy,” I huffed.

“Stubborn princess,” he smirked back at me and I glared at him. “What is it, love?”

“We’re dead, Mal. There’s no point in talking about this,” I said.

“I have eternity to annoy the hell out of you until you tell me,” he crossed his arms. “We both know I can be very annoying. You discovered that the first year here when you decided to argue about the glass roof on the back deck.”

I smirked sideways at him. He really was annoying about me letting him do it. Now, we spend most evenings out there watching the night sky.

“So?” he prompted me and I sighed and looked away, staring at the sun shining on the floor.

“I want a family,” I said quietly.

“You mean... A baby?” he asked and I nodded.

“Not exactly possible here. We’re dead,” I said and closed my eyes. “I don’t regret anything. I’m happy like this. Immeasurably happy. We have exactly what we wanted here. Except for that. We don’t age or get sick or anything because the dead don’t change and they don’t have children.”

“I want one, too,” he said, making me look at him in shock. “I love you so much, Fae. Why would I not want more pieces of you to love? Even better, because they’ll be part of me, too. Pieces of us.”

“It’s not possible, though, so...,” I shrugged and looked at the floor again. “Maybe it’ll pass with enough time.”

“Fae,” he reached across the table and held his hand open for me and I gladly took hold of it. “The first time I saw you, I knew that I wanted a family with you one day. I never expected us to be Bonded, though in hindsight, it was pretty obvious I was going to fall in love with you. It’s one of the reasons why I did the Unspeakable Thing.”

“Don’t,” I held up a finger, warning him not to start apologizing for leaving so very long ago. “It’s been nine years. Don’t break the record now.”

“There’s not much I wouldn’t give to have that family I saw with you that day,” he smirked at me. “It won’t pass, love. I want it more than ever. Worse, now that I know you want the same.”

“That doesn’t change things, does it?” I sighed and brushed my fingers over his knuckles.

We sat like that for a long while in silence before there was a knock on the door, making us both jump. In the past ten years that we’ve been here, not once has there ever been another person here. We shared a look and Mal shrugged before getting up and going to answer the door while I trailed behind him, curious.

Quinn

Mary leaned into me heavily as we watched our daughter being moved from her viewing bed to the carriage that would take her and Mal to the family crypt outside of the city. She was crying silently, staring blankly ahead. I hated it, but I understood the need for her detachment right now. Gods, I wished I could shut off, too.

I thought I understood pain.

I thought I knew the hollow feeling of loss.

Nothing compared to seeing my little girl like this.

Gray.

Unmoving.

Lifeless and frozen in the grip of eternal slumber.

Harmon had taken it hard. He demanded to feel for her soul, denying the truth of her death until he felt nothing within her or Mal. He left shortly after that and hasn’t been back. Netiri and Immail were grieving as if Fae was their daughter, which should have angered me, but it only brought a touch of warmth to my cold heart that she had been so loved by her forebears.

Honestly, that guy scared the hell out of me in normal times. Well, as normal as it got before they went off to a war that, had I known my little girls wouldn’t come back from, I wouldn’t have sat by. We would have gone with them, fought beside Fae and maybe protected her, if she had only asked us.

But she didn’t.

At the time, I had admired her will to keep demon matters to the demons, not wishing to involve others if it could be avoided, but now I curse her independence.

I held Mary a little tighter as the attendants closed the glass doors on the carriage and watched as the team of hellhounds pulled it away. Her shoulders shook and instead of trying to calm her grief, I shared it with her. I knew it wasn’t good for her or the baby, but her mind and her heart needed to grieve. We both did.

Life would continue on as it always did. Time stopped for no one but the gods and us mere mortals had to learn to deal with our burdens. But that didn’t change how much we wished we could change things.

We arrived at the crypts and Immail stood beside the open tomb that would soon become Fae and Mal’s permanent residence. He spoke. I heard the sound, but I couldn’t focus on the words or what they meant. I was just staring at my baby girl, hoping in vain that I would see her chest rise or a finger twitch. Anything to prove that this wasn’t real.

But it was.

It was real and it was horrible.

Mal

Fae’s squeal nearly pierced my ear drums when the shock wore off. She ran by me, nearly knocking me over, to hug our visitor. I knew she missed the idiot, but I knew the joy wouldn’t last before...

“What the hell are you doing here!?” she snapped angrily and punched him in the stomach, making him double over with a groan as his wings spread to keep him balanced. “Harmondious, I swear, if you did something stupid and got yourself killed, I’m going to kick your eternal butt all over this place!”

“A trance,” he wheezed, looking up with a grimace. “Feels real, though.”

“Trust me, I know,” I smirked, moving to put my arms around Fae, mostly for my benefit, but she looked about ready to hit the Celestial again.

“What are you doing here?” she asked him.

“I came to get you,” he groaned and straightened up as much as he could.

“No, Harmon,” she sighed. “That’s not... That’s not how this works.”

“Not usually, no, but in this case... exceptions were made,” another voice said and I stood up straighter when this... person walked up behind Harmon.

If I had to describe him, I would say he looked like one of those pretty faced bad boys Fae had admitted to obsessing over before we met. He certainly had the feel of ‘bad’ around him and I frowned at the feeling. It was extreme and raw, but it also kind of felt familiar, but I couldn’t place my finger on it.

“Unholy One?” Fae tilted her head to the side. “Sired Immail and Naz?”

He nodded with a smile and I shuddered.

“I don’t understand what’s going on here. Ten years and we haven’t had anyone else here and now Harmon, who is alive, right?” Fae glared at him and he smirked and nodded. “And... what do I call you?”

“Grandfather would suit me fine,” he grinned and Fae rolled her eyes. “No, seriously.”

“I’m not calling you something so plebeian,” Fae replied, making the literal god chuckle.

“What’s going on here?” I asked.

“I’m a god, Malachi. I pulled some strings,” he lifted an eyebrow at me like I was being slow.

“For wha- Dark Papa!” she exclaimed, pointing at him in excitement.

“Fae,” I sighed and pushed her arm back down before pinching the bridge of my nose. “Just... No.”

“Nope,” she lifted her chin. “It’s done. That’s him now.”

Harmon laughed and shook his head.

“I think I could grow to like it,” the god said after a moment. “Anyhow, it hasn’t been ten years. Time doesn’t flow the same here. You have only been dead for about three days, give or take. You’re being interred in a little while, so we’re on a bit of deadline.”

“Ha. Deadline,” Fae said flatly and her... Dark Papa grinned proudly.

“I think I’m seeing where she gets the humor,” I muttered.

“I’ve arranged for you to return,” he said and I felt Fae jerk.

“That wasn’t the deal,” she whispered.

“This is a new deal,” he nodded. “I might be made of Chaos, but I have... Well, ‘soul’ might be stretching it, but there’s something there.”

“Why?” Fae asked him.

“Why did I make Immail?” he countered. “Or my other children, for that matter?”

“I... honestly don’t know,” she blinked.

“Love, my dear,” he answered. “I’m Darkness, remember?”

“It’s lonely in the dark,” she whispered and shivered.

“Yes,” he said softly. “Very lonely. I wanted progeny to share my existence with, since I couldn’t share it with my other half.”

“The Light?” she asked and he nodded as her arms went over mine and held on tighter. “That’s awful.”

“You, little one, are very, very loved,” he smiled fondly at her. “Not just in the mortal realms, either. You are my child, but you are also the child of the Light. She’s furious, by the way. It’s incredibly attractive.”

“What? Ew,” Fae made a face. “I don’t need to know that.”

“She’s not happy with her daughters. And I’m furious with my son. Mischief is unruly at best, but Fate and Destiny know not to get sucked into his antics,” he sighed.

“There is a lot to unpack there,” Fae said blankly.

“Agreed,” I nodded. “So, what is this? A cosmic redo?”

“No. You two love-souls, are going back to your bodies as they are now,” Dark Papa said.

Dammit! Now it was sticking.

“Well, as they will be. Blaine might have gone a little overboard in trying to keep you alive by shoving all of the energy at you at once, but the Mother has Her ways,” Harmon bowed is head.

“I don’t understand. Why?”

“Because we know, Fae,” Dark Papa answered seriously. “My Light and I. We know what it is to want something that can’t be had and that’s not how things should have been.”

“I don’t want what should have been,” Fae said firmly. “I already made that choice and I’ll never change my mind.”

“I know,” he smirked. “Needless to say, my Light made her daughters rewrite a few things. You’re going to live again and this time, it’ll be what you deserved the whole time. You’ll be together, as Fate paired your souls, but Destiny will give you the life you never would have gotten.”

“Why is Harmon here?” I asked.

“The trip is... difficult. You need a guide and since Harmon fused part of his spirit to Fae, he’s the best candidate,” Dark Papa said.

“And that’s it? We just go back, forget all of this, and keep living?” I asked.

“You’ll forget some of it. Some things seen and experienced here are not meant for mortal minds and all that, but you’ll remember most of it,” he answered.

“Is it non-negotiable?” Fae asked. “Do we have to go back?”

“What? Fae,” I looked at her confused.

“I miss them, Mal. I really do. And I want to have more, but I don’t want to give this up, either,” she turned in my arms and looked at me. “This is the peace and happiness we always talked about, only without an expiration date. Going back means more troubles and worries and burdens that we never really wanted.”

“That’s part of life, my love,” I took her face in my hands.

Harmon and Dark Papa left subtly and I kissed my Bonded fiercely.

“You know I can’t argue when you do that,” she groaned and let her wings relax.

“This is always going to be waiting for us, Fae,” I gestured around us. “It’s eternity. It literally never ends. But there’s more for us to live for. Children, Fae. A family made from the two of us. Nieces and nephews to see growing, hopefully siblings to spoil. We are literally getting a second chance to have the life we saw for ourselves. To finish living and making our lives meaningful, however we see fit, but hopefully not by dying again.”

“I love you, Mal,” she closed her eyes and smiled softly. “You know exactly what to say to help me see what I really want.”

“And?” I smirked.

“You better be ready for a big family, Tinkerbell,” she laughed and pecked my lips before bouncing out of the house to tell Dark Papa that we were taking the offer.