Becoming Chosen

All my life I’ve felt like there was something big going on, something that no one would talk about. Now, at the end of my life I find out what it is. I can’t believe that every one of the Elders before me has kept this secret. It seems to go against human nature, but it is true. So, yes, of course, I give my consent. To know you are part of something so much bigger than yourself, isn’t that the true meaning of being Chosen?

-Lynda Morgan, the Book of Elders

Captain Collins was quite pleased with the day. He had his teams in Propulsion and on the Bridge run several high-speed simulations of the turn. They had completed it successfully every time, even when there had been programmed problems. Another few days of training and they would be ready.

Combined with the excellent progress young Ms. Blaylock had made, he was as happy as a man who had to make the final decision on all things could be. If he could have just put off this next meeting, the day would be just about perfect.

Things with the First Officer had been less than ideal lately. If Collins was honest with himself he would have to admit he had been putting off a distasteful job for too long.

There was much to recommend Damon Nesbit as an officer, yet for all his zealous adherence to the Way, he just was not the right man for these times. It was out of a sense of fairness that Collins had let the little provocations and challenges to his authority pass.

He had hoped all that was needed was some time for Nesbit to come to grips with the changes they all faced. Sadly, there was no evidence this was happening.

Collins knew Nesbit expected to be the next Captain, but there was just no way someone that inflexible could lead the Tech and the Chosen. Which was probably why he’d avoided bringing the situation to a head.

Now, his First Officer was coming for yet another meeting to try to hold back the tide of history. Part of the Captain wanted to have the final confrontation and be finished with it. But perhaps things would be better after the turn. After all, telling Nesbit he would never be more than First Officer would mean a significant reduction in his effectiveness. Better to wait until things were more settled.

The door chime rang, and the Captain said, “Come in,” causing the door to his quarters to open.

As always F.O. Nesbit looked like he had just stepped out of a picture. Even at the end of a long day, every crease in his uniform was perfect, and his baring was upright and solid. Sometimes it made Collins tired just looking at him.

“Come in, Damon, come in,”

“Captain,” Nesbit said, giving his commanding officer a slight bow instead of a coming to attention.

Captain Collins’s quarters were huge compared to all the others in the ship. A bedroom, a washroom, and a large lounge gave him plenty of space. The lounge had a couple of couches to one side, on the other was a desk and two chairs. It was towards the desk that he ushered his guest.

“Would you care for a drink, F.O.?” Collins asked, as he headed towards the drinks cabinet.

“A small one, sir,” Nesbit replied.

The Captain poured two fingers of amber whiskey into glasses. He handed one to Nesbit, then walked around his desk and sat. The F.O., always one for protocol, waited until Collins nodded to sit in one of the visitor chairs. He carefully set his drink on the wide arm.

“So, what can I do for you?” Collins asked, taking a sip of the whiskey.

“Sir, I hear that you are sending the Blaylock girl back to the habitats.”

It was nominally a question, but without the uplift of tone at the end it came out as a statement.

“Yes, we will be turning the ship in a few days, it is time for her to start explaining what is going to happen to her people.”

“Is that the best course of action, sir?” Nesbit asked. “I am sure she is a nice girl, but surely someone else would be better?”

“Who, exactly would be better? Blaylock is in love with all things technical. She will bring a sense of wonder to her fellow Chosen. Personally, I can’t imagine a better choice.”

Nesbit took a sip of his drink. “Perhaps, sir, it is not necessary to explain at all. These Chosen, they hardly know we are in a starship, let alone what it takes to keep it running.”

“And what do we do when we arrive? The Chosen will be the backbone of our colony. Would you wait until it is time to start landing them before they know?”

“Well, sir, I am not at all convinced that we ever have to land anyone. We have lived by the Way, in this ship, for six centuries. Frankly I see no reason why that should change.”

Collins suppressed a sigh, he’d been down this path before. “F.O. you know our supply situation, better than I do, I am sure. We have plenty of resources for the next twenty, twenty-five years, but the twenty after that it starts to get tight, then it gets worse from there. We simply cannot go on indefinitely.”

“I have no argument with that, sir. We must complete the turn and decelerate into the new star system. But once we are in the system, we will be able to find and extract all the supplies we would ever need from the asteroids and small moons we are sure to find. There is no reason, no reason at all, we should risk our lives on a world we have very little information about.”

It was as he’d feared, the same argument. Though this time there was something more intense in Nesbit’s delivery. What had changed?

“No reason except it is not what the Builders wanted for us.”

“Sir, no one has more respect for the Builders and the Way they gave us than me. But even with respect to them, they are six hundred cycles gone. For all their foresight, they couldn’t know what we might want.”

“If you start down that line of thought, you will wind up questioning the Way of Maintenance as a whole.”

Nesbit shook his head, vehemently, “No sir! Not at all! I am proposing we keep to the Way, always! All this talk about planets and living without environmental control is breaking the Way. I believe we should stay with what manifestly works. Keep things as they have always been!”

Collins studied his second in command for a moment. “I think you take too narrow a view of the Way, First Officer. Yes, we have followed it, all our lives and the lives of all those who came before us. But it is a means to an end, not the end unto itself. The Builders created the Way, and gave it to us so we could achieve their goal of founding a new world.”

“New, yes, but better? I strongly doubt that, Captain,” Nesbit said leaning forward and spearing Collins with his eyes. “How could it be? When we leave the ship, we will have none of the things we’ve always relied on.”

“We will have new things, my friend. As soon as we start deceleration, we will gain access to the Sealed Archive. Who knows what we might find there?”

Nesbit shook his head. “Captain, no amount of knowledge is going to make things better. We know this. Otherwise why would the Chosen preserve such primitive skills? When we descend to the planet we will have a very short time before we start to lose what technology we have. There is just not the population to support building what the Builders had.”

“I think you worry too much,” Collins said kindly.

“No, sir! You worry too little!”

Captain Collins had been willing to give his First Officer some space, but even this was too far.

“Remember who you speak to, F.O.,” he said harshly

“But sir,” Nesbit said, but the Captain cut him off.

“No buts, Nesbit. This has gone on long enough. I have been patient with you because of your excellent work and our long history together, but that is over. We will do as the Builders intended. Their foresight has seen us through our journey so far, and there is no rational reason we should change things now.”

Nesbit sat staring at Collins for a long moment. The look was so cold and hateful that the Captain was stunned. Nesbit had worked with and for him for decades, but this look cast any assumption of knowing the man into doubt.

The F.O. stood, and finished his drink in one long gulp. “Very well, Captain. If that is how it must be.”

“It is,” Collins replied. He wanted to say he was sorry, but command sometimes meant not being the nicest person.

“In that case, if I might be dismissed?”

“Yes, dismissed, Nesbit.”

The Captain watched as the officer saluted, turned and left. He moodily sipped at his drink, still looking at the door.

Well, that was one decision that was finally made. As soon as the turn-over was complete he was going to assign a new F. O. It would be disruptive, yes, but he could no longer afford to have a second that doubted the premise of their mission.

The day had been a blur for Miri since leaving the bridge. There seemed to be a million and two things which had to be done before she returned home. There was even a small party with Ronan’s friends that evening. It was a bittersweet affair, with everyone being extra nice. Except for Ami. She tried and failed, to keep how happy Miri leaving made her. It had only been in the last few days that Miri had realized that the Tech girl’s coolness to her had more to do with Ronan, than her. As far as Miri was concerned it just pointed out the fact that she would be going back to the place she’d run from just a few weeks before.

How could something that seemed like the answer to all her dreams suddenly be so unbearable? Some part of her had never really believed that she’d go back to the Chosen. Now she knew that part had been fooling itself. Which did nothing to keep it from wailing a constant “Why?!?” in the back of her head.

She thought she’d have so much more time. More time to learn about the fabulous technology of the ship, more time to learn to live like the Tech, and, if she was willing to admit it, more time with Ronan.

Now that was all coming to an end. How could a time so wonderful turn out to be so unfair in the end?

Worse, she was wasting time moaning about the unfairness rather than using what little time she had with Ronan to better ends.

The two of them were walking slowly towards her quarters. A sidelong glance showed the young officers face was nearly as morose as she thought hers was.

“It’s not like you will never be back here,” Ronan said, as if he was reading her thoughts.

“Oh, aye, I’ll be back, but not like this. When I come back it’ll be with a herd of others to be the rest of the bridge the Captain wants built. I’ll be the one who knows what is going on, the one to show them ‘round. You’ll be busy bein’ a junior officer.”

“That’s probably true. I have a ton of course work to do. Most ensigns start their path earlier. There’s a lot of catching up to do if I am going to be a real officer one day.”

That sad recognition brought the two of them to Miri’s door. She indulged an impulse. “Would you like to come in for a while?”

“I’d like that,” Ronan said with a smile.

Miri had thought about inviting Ronan to her room more than once. Now that she had what she wanted, she found she couldn’t imagine taking it further. Her mood just wasn’t right. Once a misfit, always one, it seemed.

She sat on the bed, and Ronan joined her. Neither of them said anything, and just when Miri thought she might overcome her mood, she was horrified to find that she was crying.

“Hey, hey, now,” Ronan said, seeing the tears. “Look, we’re making this worse in our heads. If you want to spend time with me, I will make time. It’s not like anyone except the Captain really expects me to be a good officer. Too much evidence to the contrary in my past.”

Miri knuckled the tears from her eyes. “That’s not it. Ronan, I don’t want to go back! I know I agreed to help the Captain, but he doesn’t understand!”

“What doesn’t he understand? Maybe I can help.”

Miri took a deep breath trying to calm herself. If there was anyone who might understand, it was Ronan. All it took was the courage to admit her failings.

“See, I ran away from the Chosen because I couldn’t stand it. They never look beyond the preservin’ o’ the knowledge. They don’t even know the Gods of Earth were the Builders! They really think some divine beings chose them. Anyone who’s the least bit different is mocked and picked on until they act like everyone else.”

Ronan nodded. “And you wouldn’t bend, would you?” Miri nodded her agreement, trying to fight back the returning tears. “I know what that is like. But can’t you see? It is the very fact that you wouldn’t bend, that you would rather cast away everything you’ve ever known, instead of letting them be right, that makes you exactly the person who can teach them new ways.”

Miri smiled a cracked smile. He was so kind and sweet, but he still didn’t understand. “You might be right, but I’ll be all alone again. Even if the Elders support me, I’m still the Chosen who went to the Town. Nothin’ I do or say will ever make me anything else.”

“Oh, I see,” Ronan said, then fell silent. The silence filled the room for a moment as they both thought of things they could not change. Then Ronan spoke.

“I wish,” he started, looking at her, then looking away. “I wish I could go with you. Then you wouldn’t be alone.” He said it like he was afraid she was going to laugh.

“Do you mean that? Really?” Miri asked, putting her hand on his shoulder.

Ronan turned back to her, and she could see his eyes were shiny with unshed tears. “Yes. You wouldn’t be alone, and I wouldn’t have to be under Nesbit’s magnifying glass all the time. But it’s just a silly wish.”

“Does it have to be? Just a wish?”

“What do you mean? You know what’s going to happen, and why. So yes, it’s just wishing for something we can’t have.”

Miri felt her chest loosen. The dread of going home was changing into a feeling of exultation. “Why can’t you come with me? We’ll just get the Captain to order it. Then there is no problem.”

“Wait! It’s not that easy, we can’t just make the Captain do something.”

“Oh, I think we can. After all he needs me to be the bridge, and if I say I need you with me, how can he argue?”

Miri stood up and grabbed Ronan’s hands pulling him to his feet.

“Miri, no, it doesn’t work like that. The Captain decides and that’s the end of it.” Ronan told her, but his tone betrayed a sliver of doubt, more than enough for Miri.

“Oh, the Captain likes me. He’ll do it if I ask the right way. C’mon, let’s go!” she said and started for the door.

“Hold on,” Ronan all but shouted, and grabbed a hand keeping her from leaving. “If we are going to do this, just showing up at the Captain’s door is a very bad way to start. You might be new and important here, but no one goes to the Captains quarters without permission. Not even you.”

Even though Ronan was being forceful, Miri caught the important part. “So you’ll come with me, if we can get the Captain to say yes?”

Ronan looked a little shocked, “Of course I will. Didn’t I just say I wished I could?”

“Righteous!” Miri said punching the air. “Then I’ll call the Captain and tell him we are comin’! He gave me a call code to use if I ever needed to talk to him, and now I do!

There were seven senior officers along with the hulking Ensign Ferro waiting for F.O. Nesbit when he entered the officers lounge. One of many lounges, this one had slowly been taken over by Nesbit and his group. There had never been an official notice that others should stay away, just an attitude as cold as the Great Void. After a while, no one else would even try to enter.

“How did it go?” asked Colm Harrison, the overall Chief of Life Support.

Nesbit sighed and took a seat with them. “As expected, unfortunately. I had hoped that old Cecil would see reason. But he is blind to what leaving the ship will mean.”

“I’ve always thought it is because he doesn’t expect to live to see the new star system,” put in the Deputy Chief of Electrical Systems. “What does it matter to him what happens to the rest of us? He’ll be long gone.”

“It doesn’t matter why,” Nesbit cut in. “He had to be offered the chance to see things our way. Now all we can do is remove him before he does something irreparable.” The First Officer looked around his group of conspirators, checking their commitment to what had to happen. There was no dissent. “We need to move tonight. The Captain is sending his pet Chosen back to her people tomorrow. If we let that happen it will make managing them much harder. It is earlier than we planned, but now is the time to act.”

“Actually, I think it is a good time. Everyone is so focused on the turn-over they will have little time to be upset by the new command structure,” Colm said. “And by the time we have completed the maneuver, well, it will be too hard to change again.”

“Indeed,” Nesbit agreed. “Very well. Ensign Ferro and I will do what is required. The rest of you should go and check in on your departments. When the news of the Captain’s death comes down, you will be there to keep things calm.”

The plotters all nodded their agreement and stood. Ferro had a thin smile on his face. Nesbit knew he was looking forward to the next part.

Miri felt a slight pang of guilt when she and Ronan were admitted to the Captain’s quarters. For the first time since she had met him the old man was not dressed in the full uniform of his office.

Without his jacket, in just the blue pants and white shirt, the Captain looked far more human, and very tired to boot.

“Very well, Ms. Blaylock,” the Captain said, waving the two of them to seats in front of his desk, and taking a seat himself. “What is so important that it could not possibly wait until the morning shift?”

Here it was, the make or break moment. Miri took a deep breath and started in on her pitch.

“Captain, you’ve often said I would have anythin’ I needed from the Tech to make my assignment a success. Well, I have found somethin’ I believe I must have.”

“And that would be?”

“Sir, I would like to have Ensign Candemir assigned to go with me. When I go back the Habmo’s.”

The Captain looked at her, then at Ronan. Miri wanted to roll her eyes. She had told Ronan that he needed to be enthusiastic about this, but all that met the Captains gaze was that strange blank face everyone put on around him.

“As far as I know, the ensign here has never been interested in the Habmo’s. What would he do?”

“He would add credibility, sir. You see, I’m just the odd duck to the Chosen, no one of very high status. I’ve always worried that what I had to say would be discounted because of that. If I have Ronan with me, it changes everythin’. It is not just the weird girl spoutin’ somethin’ ridiculous.”

A gentle smile creased the Captain’s lips. “I think you underrate yourself. After all you are the only Chosen in living memory who has come to the Tech. If the conversations with your Grandmother are any indication, there is an enormous amount of interest in you, and what you have been up to.”

“With due respect, Captain, the impression you get from someone’s family, especially the older ones, is likely to be overly positive.”

Miri was fairly proud of this sentence. She’d heard someone correct the Captain with these words, and figured that if it worked for a real member of the Tech it should work for her too.

There was another silent pause as the Captain gazed at them for a while. It was killing Miri. She wanted to rush in and bury any doubt the Captain might have in a haystack of words. But her Gram had taught her when bargaining, the less said, the better. So, she waited, if more than a little impatiently.

“You may have a point there,” the Captain allowed, leaning forward to put his elbows on the desk and lace his fingers together above. “But you should also know that Ensign Candemir has duties other than you, which we need him to perform.”

“Oh, aye, sir, no doubt. But there are a lot of ensigns, and while they would all be able to do those duties here, Ronan is the only one you have who actually knows one of the Chosen. It is part of why he needs to come.”

Miri could have bitten her traitor tongue in half. Why in the world did she say part? She could tell the Captain had caught it too, as that twinkle was back in his eyes.

“If that is part, what’s the rest?” he asked, his bushy white eyebrows raising.

Miri looked away, thinking furiously. The last thing she wanted to admit was the truth, but fact of the matter was she was a horrible liar, even if she wasn’t talking to someone as sharp as the Captain.

Taking a deep breath, she looked up to the Captain’s pale blue eyes. “Sir, I need Ronan with me. I won’t be able to keep my mind on the job if he’s not there. I’ll be spendin’ too much time wonderin’ what he is doing, and if he is thinkin’ of me.”

Miri could see Ronan looking at her out of the corner of her eye. Her cheeks were burning so brightly, she was sure they were adding light to the room. Still she didn’t break eye contact with the Captain. She’d had to say it, but she wasn’t going to lose her chance to convince him by looking away now. She was embarrassed to have to admit her feelings like this, but she’d be damned if she was going to back down.

“I see,” the Captain said his smile now showing all his teeth. He leaned back in his chair. “This seems like a supply and logistics problem to me. I’ve never been one to deny mission critical supplies. Though I don’t often have to ask the supplies if they agree. I assume you are in favor of this assignment, Ensign?”

The question must have startled Ronan because for a couple of seconds he kept saying “I” over and over.

The Captain took pity on the poor boy and held up a hand. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

Miri could hardly believe her ears! The Captain was going to say yes! She tried to keep her excitement under control. No point in blowing it at the last moment.

The Captain opened his mouth to say something, but the door chime interrupted him.

“Now who could that be?” Captain Collins asked, as startled as the two of them at the interruption. He stood and went to the intercom unit by the door.

“Yes? Who is it?”

“Captain, it is F.O. Nesbit. I need to speak to you, urgently.”

Something in Nesbit’s tone must have troubled the Captain, his brows knitted together as he thought. “I was getting in bed, Nesbit. Can’t it wait?”

“No, sir, I am sorry.”

The Captain gave Miri and Ronan a worried look. “Fine, just give me a moment to put on some pants. Dignity of the office and all that.”

“Yes, sir,” Nesbit replied.

Turning back, the Captain said, “Perhaps it’s best if you two are not seen here. The FO doesn’t like either of you much and he seems upset about something, no point in making it worse. You two go into the bedroom, and close the door. This will only take a moment.”

Ronan and Miri stood without a word and went into the bedroom, and the door slid shut.

There was a small light on the table by the bed. It barely lit the room, but it was enough for Miri to see the concern on Ronan’s face. She started to ask him what was wrong but he waved her to silence.

Unlike the outer door of crew quarters, the internal ones were not air-tight and so the two could hear a slightly muffled version of what was going on in the next room.

“Very well, Nesbit, what is it that couldn’t wait?” the Captain asked as the outer door hissed open. “Ferro? What are you doing here? What? Get your hands off of me!”

There were sounds of people bumping into furniture, and a horrible gasping hiss. The sounds of struggle quieted, then stopped altogether.

“Is he dead?” Nesbit asked after what seemed like a long while.

“Yes,” said Ferro, and then something clunked on the floor.

It had happened so quickly that neither Miri nor Ronan had been able to react. She could see his eyes were big and round with shock, just the way hers felt.

“Good, now report to Commander Harrison, he’s expecting you and will be able to swear you were with him the whole time.”

“Yes, sir. A question, sir, who will we blame for the Captain’s death?”

“Haven’t you guessed? His nephew, Ronan Candemir. Whenever you have the chance to remove two problems at once, it should be taken, Ensign. Dismissed.

“Yes sir, Captain,” the massive ensign said, obviously relishing the term. The door hissed open and then shut.

Miri grabbed Ronan by the collar and dragged him to the far corner of the room.

“They killed the Captain!” she hissed under her breath.

Ronan was getting over his shock, Miri could see his eyes hardening as he nodded. “I’m going to go out there and,” he started to say.

“And what?” Miri cut him off. “Kill him? Do you really think you could do that? Then you’d be on the hook for two killin’s. Ronan, he’s goin’ to blame you! You can’t be here!”

“We can’t do nothing!” Ronan whispered back, his voice rising dangerously. “He just killed the Captain! I can’t just stand by!”

Of all the times for Ronan to start being like other boys, this was absolutely the worst. His was puffing like a bull ready to charge, and just like the bull, his brain was turned off. It was time for a girl-solution, not a boy one.

“Yes, you can and you will!” Miri said grabbing his jacket and pulling him eye to eye with her. “If you go out there now, you play into their hands. You’ll get the blame and everyone will believe it. Right now, they are strong and we’re weak. We need time to change that!”

She could see the sense of this sinking in, but as his eyes lost their angry cast, they gained one of despair.

“But we can’t stay here!” Ronan said, just a bit of a panic in his voice.

He was right. They needed to be somewhere else, but the only door led out to where Nesbit was doing whatever he was doing. Miri looked around the room, a bit of panic speeding her heart. Then she saw what she needed, low on the wall by the dresser.

She smiled a big smile. “Right, and that’s our way out,” she said pointing at the air return grate.