Barren Waters, A Post-Apocalyptic Tale of Survival

A man who was completely innocent, offered himself as a sacrifice for the good of others, including his enemies, and became the ransom of the world. It was a perfect act.

-Mahatma Gandhi

Chapter 21

10 Years Prior

“Did you know about this Mom?”

Jeremy was furious. So furious, in fact, that he hadn’t spoken to his father for the entire journey home. Shaking Susan’s hand from his shoulder, he’d abandoned them both and walked alone, lumbering up the mountain, seeing red. He was the first to return to the cabin, and with fists clenched, threw open the door. Dirt and grass fell from his boots as he trudged straight into the living room. Olivia was busy, bent over the hearth, while Sam still slept in her bed. Olivia had clearly been busy. The rich scents of hand-ground coffee, maple oats, and freshly squeezed juice hinted at her industriousness. A bowl of fresh dewberries from the shrubs by the stream had been set beside four mugs and matching saucers. There was powdered cream in a crystal saucer, and a silver-handled spoon with which to ladle it. The scene felt wrong, the space too warm, the arrangement too polite and civilized. It was inconsistent with Jeremy’s foul mood and with what he had witnessed that morning. Their family was in trouble. This felt like pretend.

His abruptness startled his mother. Her eyes flew open and dropped to his boots. “Forget something, Jeremy?” she asked with a frown.

Ignoring his boots, he repeated the question. “Mom, I asked you a question. I asked if you knew about this.”

“About what?” Confusion knit her brow. “Tell me what’s happened.” She slowly crossed the room to stand in front of him. “Did you not find anything useful out there?”

Jeremy’s hand trembled as he pulled it through his hair. “I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about Dad. Did you know about his Mother Theresa act?”

She flinched. Recognition flickered across her face. “Come sit down. Let me pour you a cup of coffee.” She peered at the door, which he’d left wide open. “Where are Susan and your father?”

Jeremy’s patience was running thin. He was angrier than he’d like to admit, yet an unwelcome weariness was beginning to take its place. His shoulders were suddenly heavy as stones, his boots too solid and dense on his feet. “Mom, just tell me the truth. Dad stopped taking his pills, didn’t he?”

She bit her lip before answering, which made her appear to be spinning a lie. “It’s not that simple, Jeremy. Sit down. You must be starving. You must be—”

“Jeremy.” Susan strode into the room, angrily, Liam quietly in tow. “You’re acting like a spoiled child. Let’s discuss this together, as a family.”

Rubbing his eyes, Jeremy sank to the divan. He didn’t have the energy for this. Not now. They’d been out all night, and had returned with little to show for their efforts. Not to mention the two men his father had killed. I wonder if that will be discussed at family time. He massaged his brow, and then met his father’s gaze, lifting his hands in resignation. “I’m out of fight, Dad. I’ve got nothing left. I’ve seen too much for one evening, I think. But I need to understand this decision you’ve made.”

His father slipped out of his boots wordlessly then crossed the room and perched on the divan. Without a word, he poured himself a cup of coffee, ladled powdered cream with the dainty little spoon, and when he met Jeremy’s gaze, it was difficult to breathe. Liam was clearly out of sorts. Confusion etched fine lines around his mouth, which was odd; Liam was rarely confused about anything. He was a self-possessed man of action, a caretaker who always knew what to do. But this situation had him flummoxed. He was flying by the seat of his pants, so to speak, a behavior that set Jeremy off balance. Liam had no idea what he was doing, and improvising wasn’t his strong suit. He was facing a situation he hadn’t planned for, and the lack of forethought was tearing him apart.

The full-bodied aroma of coffee did little to clear the fog from Jeremy’s head. Sitting forward, he fixed his gaze on his father. “Dad, what you’re doing isn’t necessary. Last night, if I recall, inside this very room, you said we could figure this out as a family. We agreed to find a solution, together, but we never agreed on this.”

Liam was never one to beat around the proverbial bush. “Son, we don’t have enough insulin.”

“Well, isn’t that the news of the day? When did you figure that out?” Jeremy shook his head. “Isn’t that what we’ve been saying for weeks?”

Liam held up a hand. “There isn’t enough for both Sam and I. So what do we do about that?” He slurped from his mug, a faraway look on his face. It was as if he pondered his own question. “Think about the people out there,” he said slowly, “the foragers, pillagers, criminals, and gangs. When people have next to nothing, Jeremy, they conserve what little they have. It’s called rationing. It’s the smart thing to do. All I’m doing is rationing our supplies. I’ll resume my dosage once we find more pills.”

“We’re not talking about bags of rice, here, Dad. We’re talking about something you need to survive. If you don’t take the pills, you’ll die.”

“Who said I’ve stopped taking pills? I’d be dead or in a coma in a matter of days. All I’ve done is decrease my dosage, Jeremy. You’re making too much of this.”

Jeremy poured coffee with hands that trembled. “Right. I’m making too much of this. Great. So instead of dying in a matter of days, you’ll be dead in a matter of months. Wonderful. Because a matter of months is so much better. Thank you for considering our feelings on this.” He dropped his head to the cushions, his eyes slipping closed, despite his anger. “This is absolute madness,” he murmured to himself. “One family member dying in place of another. How did we end up here?”

“What’s the alternative, son? All we can do is accept what is. Jeremy, be honest with yourself, and with me. What would you do if you were in my position? You would do the same thing, and you know it. To deny that truth is to lie to yourself. Admit what you know to be true.”

Jeremy didn’t have a response for that. Well, to be fair, he did, but he was too damned stubborn to say the words aloud. If he were in Liam’s shoes, he would do the same thing. Any parent would. It was a natural-born instinct, an impulse so strong it overpowered logic and reason. Ignoring the question, Jeremy asked a different one. “How long can you survive on a smaller dose? What will it do to you? Long-term, I mean?”

Olivia gripped her husband’s thigh desperately. Jeremy had forgotten she was there. Tears had pooled and spilled down her cheeks, and he suddenly felt like an ass. He hadn’t considered her feelings in all of this. Smiling at her husband, she fondly squeezed his leg. “Let’s focus on the positives, shall we? We’ve diagnosed Samantha. That’s half the battle. And now that we have, we can put our heads together. We can develop a plan. And as flimsy as our plan may sound to us,” she added, “at least we have one, which is better than nothing. Anything is better than not knowing.”

Susan picked up the thread of her enthusiasm. “I, for one, will never stop foraging. Remember what we said last night. There are hundreds of hospitals in this state alone, hundreds of clinics and urgent care facilities. Let’s put together an exploration schedule. Let’s log where we go to avoid retracing our steps.” She peered around the room and brought her mug to her lips. “What else is there to do but try? We can’t sit around here feeling sorry for ourselves. Let’s get out there. Let’s solve this problem.”

Jeremy was grateful for Susan in that moment. It was time to face facts. She was right. It was time to accept what was, and then act upon it with courage. Liam would do what he wanted to do, despite Jeremy’s or anyone else’s objections. He’d convinced himself it was the right thing to do, and Olivia had chosen to back his decision. She must have come to terms with his logic—or realized there was little she could do to change it. The only way to make him stop was to find a long-term solution. “Okay,” he acquiesced. “I guess I understand. But like Susan said; let’s solve this problem. We won’t give up. We’ll never stop looking. Not until we find a viable solution. I’ll make you a commitment right now, Dad, if you make a commitment to me in return. Promise you’ll never take less than half a dose. You can cut it to half, but never less than that. Can you commit to that? That’s what I’m asking.”

Liam nodded. “Consider it done.”

“Okay.”

An uncomfortably silence followed his words. Liam dropped his gaze to his hands guiltily.

“Oh for God’s sake, Dad. What aren’t you saying? Can we please air out this family’s laundry right now?”

Liam pulled a bottle of pills from his pocket. “There’s one more thing I should tell you.” He rattled the bottle then cupped it in his palm. “Over the past few years, the pills have changed. I’ve been forced to slowly increase my dosage.” He took a breath to steady himself. “You have to understand: though diabetics are insulin dependent, insulin doesn’t behave like a drug. The body doesn’t acclimate to a specific dosage, and then demand a higher one to achieve the same effect. It just doesn’t work like that. So the only explanation for what I’ve experienced is that the pills have weakened over time. A dose that was effective for me three years ago, is no longer effective for me now.”

Jeremy swallowed. “So you’re saying half a dose isn’t really half a dose anymore.”

“I’m saying that taking what amounts to half a dose still won’t leave enough for Sam.”

Susan had gone stiff at Jeremy’s side. Her response was clipped and businesslike. “This just confirms what I said before. We need to be out there every week—every night, if that’s what it takes.” She wagged a finger at all of them. “I won’t lose my daughter to this. I’ll travel all the way to New York City, if I have to, or to the smelly Florida Keys. I don’t care where we go.”

Jeremy slid closer to rub her back. She was practically hyperventilating. A small cry escaped her lips as she leaned down over her knees. “This wasn’t supposed to happen,” she murmured. “This was our unlikely paradise. I’ll never forget the first time I saw it. We had everything we needed inside this house, enough for us, and enough for Sam.”

“We still have everything we need,” Jeremy said, smoothing her hair and rubbing her back. “We’ll figure it out. There must be a way.”

She lifted her head, her cheeks smeared with tears. “You’re not listening to what he just said. You missed the point he was making. If what he said is true, the pills will eventually become useless to Sam—maybe not now, but one day they will. It doesn’t matter how many we find if what we find doesn’t work anymore. And I’m worried about foraging, too. Foraging will be our new way of life, but what happens when it’s just you and me? We can’t leave Sam alone in the cabin while we venture out into the world. I’ll be damned if I take her out there. And it isn’t safe to go out alone, particularly after what happened last night.”

“What happened last night?” Olivia asked.

Liam and Jeremy exchanged worried glances before an inappropriate laugh bubbled from Jeremy’s lips. He had no idea where it had come from, or why. Nothing about what had happened was funny. Perhaps he was just overtired, he thought, or stressed by these new revelations. Or maybe he’d finally lost his mind. Whatever the case, he suddenly couldn’t hold back. He barked a laugh, which soon gained momentum. Beside him, Susan’s shoulders began to shake. Rolling to her side, she lost all control. Liam and Jeremy soon followed, and while hearing Liam laugh felt good, it also made composure that much harder to regain.

“Mom,” Jeremy choked, “I’m sorry about this. We really shouldn’t be laughing. Nothing about what happened is funny.”

“Oh,” Susan said, pointing at her father-in-law. “But it is. It’s the funniest joke I’ve heard in years. Billy the Kidd over there shot two criminals in the head last night.”

Olivia sucked in a breath. “He did what?” She peered at her husband in awe. “You killed someone last night?”

“No. Not someone,” he replied. “Someones.” The corners of his smile suddenly bled to a frown when he saw the incredulous expression on her face. “I’m sorry, Liv. It isn’t funny.”

“No. It isn’t. I fail to see the humor in this.”

“I don’t think we actually find it funny,” he said. “I just think we’re coming down from an emotional high. It’s the incredulity of it all—the absurdity that our lives have suddenly become. The truth, simply put, is that it’s harsh out there. You haven’t been out there for quite some time. Things have changed, Liv. The tone has changed. Many more people have died and starved. And those who haven’t are vicious and heartless. Savagery is the only way to survive.”

“People are desperate, Mom,” Jeremy added. “It’s the aftermath of the apocalypse, and everyone is searching for the same exact things. Susan is right. We can’t forage alone.”

Liam pulled his wife into his arms. “I’m sorry, honey. We’re punch-drunk here. What I did isn’t funny, but it was something I had to do, and if I’m being honest with you, I’d do it again. We’re not rejoicing in the act of killing. Trust me. It’s nothing like that. It was more of a rude awakening. Last night we discovered the truth about things—about how things are for other people, I mean. The bottom line is this: we have to protect ourselves. Those men would have killed us if I hadn’t killed them first. They were toying with us. They would have taken our packs in an instant, if I’d let them, and left us for dead without a shred of remorse. And if you think about it,” he said with a shrug, “what they did makes perfect sense—mathematically speaking. The fewer people who are left in this world, the longer the supplies will last for those who remain. It’s the basic principle of conservation. Those who have persevered will find bounty and abundance, but only if they act savagely against others.”

He pulled the new bottles of pills from his pack, and Olivia’s eyes lit up. “So you did find something. It wasn’t a total loss.”

“We did,” Jeremy said, “But don’t get too excited. We had to visit three different facilities to find those pills. It took too much time. Our plan sucks. We have to think bigger and better.”

Peering over the rim of her mug, Olivia answered casually. “What if we take a different tack? What you did last night, if you boil it down, was search for a needle in a haystack. Why don’t we work smarter instead of harder?”

“Explain.”

“Go back to the hospital tonight,” she suggested. “Well, maybe not tonight. The three of you look exhausted. But maybe tomorrow night, or the night after that. But this time, look for something else. Try to locate the old patient records.”

“Why would we do that?” Susan asked.

“Because if we can create a list of diabetic people, we can focus our foraging on them. We can do it better, smarter. Get a list of diabetic patients. Get names, addresses, and ages, if you can.”

A slow smile dawned across Liam’s face. “You’re a genius, Liv. That’s brilliant.”

“It’s not brilliant, Liam, but I do think it’s better. But it brings up other important considerations. We need to ask ourselves what kind of people we want to be. Who are we? How do we want to act?”

“I’m not sure I follow, Liv,” Susan said.

Jeremy did. He knew exactly what she meant. Setting down his mug, he set his palms to his knees. “She’s saying that this is a different kind of plan. This is scavenging on a completely different level. When we steal from hospitals and urgent care centers, we’re taking medications that would have otherwise spoiled. If we visit people’s homes, we’re stealing from them.” He rolled his neck, which was stiff and sore. “What we’re doing right now isn’t hurting anyone.” Peering at his father, he winked. “Well, what Susan and I are doing isn’t hurting anyone. This, of course, would be totally different.”

“I’m not comfortable with this,” Susan said, shaking her head. “Think of it in a personal terms. What if someone came here, to our cabin, intent on taking what’s ours? What are we saying? That we plan to do that? That we’re comfortable stealing from the hands of other people? That we plan to break into their homes by force? Like carry-a-gun-and-steal things by force?”

“No,” said Liam. “I don’t like that, either. I agree with you. We would never do that. But logically speaking, many of those patients are probably dead. Diabetics need insulin, yes, but they also need water and food, which we can all agree are in higher demand. It’s possible—probable, even—that many of the people on this would-be list have already died from thirst or famine, or even flu for that matter. We just don’t know. For all we know, there could be bottles of insulin pills wasting away inside hundreds of empty houses, never to be found or consumed by anyone. If we tweak this idea just a bit, it’s brilliant.”

“Okay,” Jeremy said. “Let’s compromise, then. We do it Mom’s way. We compile a list of diabetics and visit their homes, but we only take from the dead. We do this humanely. We do it with respect. We only take from empty homes.” He glanced at each solemn face. “Do we agree?”

The other three nodded and Jeremy felt sudden relief. He let his head fall to the cushions, his adrenaline waning, leaving him exhausted. He felt hollow inside. And though the topic of conversation was unsettling at best, it felt good to have developed a worthier plan.

“Hi, sugar,” Susan cooed, as Jeremy’s daughter stepped into the room. She was standing barefoot in a small square of light, a blanket clutched beneath one arm, its edges trailing behind her like a bridal train. The sun reflected from her pale smooth hair, and added sparkle to her soft blue eyes. She was innocent and beautiful, so much like Susan. It broke Jeremy’s heart to look upon her. He offered her a hug, but of course she refused, moving instinctively to her grandfather’s side. She padded to his chair and he lifted her up. She molded herself to his chest.

Children are instinctual creatures, Jeremy thought. Sam had always been drawn to her grandfather. Theirs was a special connection. It was something that transcended biology. Perhaps she sensed his desperate love, or his willingness to sacrifice anything for her. As she curled her arm around his neck, Jeremy moved his gaze to his father. Liam had shown a different side of himself tonight. He’d taught everyone a different lesson. Dear God, Jeremy thought, in awe of the man. Will he never run out of special wisdom to share? Liam had always touted the importance of planning, but last night he demonstrated the importance of strength, of protecting the ones you love at any cost. He’d acted bravely, and without hesitation.

As Jeremy stared at his father and child, he vowed to protect them with the same tenacity Liam had shown last night. To keep Sam alive, he would do anything. He’d go to the ends of the earth, and back again.

Well, he thought smiling, maybe not that far, but certainly to the ends of the country. But it would never come to that, now, would it?