Aynsefian

I wake sometime later. The pain in my left shoulder is severe. The whole joint feels wrong. I don’t know how long I’ve been unconscious. My head hurts too, but my shoulder is worse. I wonder if I should even move. It might make things worse. Then again, no-one is going to come to my rescue here. I’ll have to do something.

Hunger, thirst, uncleanliness, isolation, loss, and now severe pain. My world is horrendous.

How did it come to this? I couldn’t have foreseen that I would step in a concealed hole while running. I get that. I just don’t see how fate keeps making my situation worse and worse. I told myself I wouldn’t think that way, but right now, it’s so hard not to.

I still feel near death, despite having had my fill of fresh water. Now I’m in excruciating pain. I have to get up and help myself, though. No-one is coming for me.

I try to initially move a little, just to see how much it hurts. I let out a cry of pain. My left shoulder moves as I try to raise my body off the ground with my right arm. My head hurts too, and I’m not sure if I’m bleeding or not. It’s a bit numb up there. Also not great.

I have to try to get to my feet. I bring my left knee up, underneath me, towards my stomach. Then I plant my right hand in the moss and push down. It works. I’m seeing a way now that I can get to my feet.

As I lift myself off the ground, my left arm hangs down awkwardly and fresh bolts of pain go through the shoulder joint.

I’m feeling mild panic. It’s dislocated. I’m sure of it. I have to put it back in. I don’t know how.

I lean heavily on my right arm, then bring the other knee up. Now I’m on my knees. How appropriate. This planet has done so many terrible things to me. I wonder when they’ll stop.

Wrong thoughts again. Focus.

Still using my right arm heavily, I plant my left foot flat on the ground, giving myself a base from which to push myself to a standing position. Then I slowly rise to my feet. Now: how am I going to fix my dislocated shoulder?

No-one is here to help me.

I can feel panic starting to take over. I don’t know how to fix my shoulder. A thought comes to me and I just go with it. In desperation I swing my arm around in a semi-circular motion, first pointing at the ground and then at the sky. God knows why I have that thought. It’s based in panic and sheer desperation at my situation. It hurts terribly but when my arm reaches the top of the arc, it works. I feel the arm slide back into the joint. It’s a distinctly uncomfortable feeling.

However, the panic subsides and the joint is restored.

The pain is still severe but it’s less than it was. My whole arm aches now. Quite strongly. I put my right hand across the shoulder joint carefully. It feels normal, unlike it did when I first regained consciousness. The ache is strong, but least I know the joint is restored. For now.

My thoughts turn to my head.

I feel my forehead. There’s a bump there, but no blood. Just a significant graze. I have a headache as a result of the bump. I can cope with the pain here. It’s not as bad as my shoulder, although it adds to the ongoing wretchedness that has become my life, of late.

I can walk, though. Therefore I now have to fight the pain and discomfort in my body and get the vials of water out to Arlyss and Cindlyss. They surely must be worse off than me. They need water more than I do, and they may already be dead. If not, surely they can’t be far from death. I must shove all the horribleness aside and get to them as quick as I can. I need to hydrate them as fully as possible, and then bring them in here to Salvation’s Creek.

I’ll survive. I’m not thirsty anymore and that helps tremendously with my state of mind. I now just need to fight exhaustion, pain and hunger. It seems easier now that thirst has been defeated.

Then again, I also need to fight the cold and the wind again after I exit the cave. I groan internally at that prospect.

There’s something else, too. I did actually inhale some of the moss and swallow it. My stomach feels a bit weird but I don’t feel sick. The moss at least is not poisonous. Perhaps. Maybe it’s a slow acting poison. Another possibility that I shove aside.

I don’t know if the moss is edible, but I do remember it tasting sweet. That puzzles me, and I’ll need the Purlinians’ help to sort that out. It’s impossible to tell at this point if it’s even remotely nutritious but at least on first impressions it doesn’t appear to be poisonous.

Salvation is still waiting for me. I forgive him for not coming to my aid after I fell and giving me painkillers. He’s not perfect. I smile to myself that I can still find a bit of humor in the situation. Then I wince as I take my first steps. My left shoulder aches terribly.

I must override this and keep moving towards my companions. Their needs are greater than mine.

Once I can, I trudge after Salvation. His value is immense. Without him I am sure I’d already be dead several times. I curse myself for not thinking of switching him to “find life” yesterday when I momentarily lost my companions. It would have been easier than running in a blind panic and hoping to get lucky.

Then I choose once again to not blame myself and fault my own decision making. I’m learning. I’m doing the best I can at each turn. Life is hard. Certainly it is at the moment.

I can see the cave opening, even from here. It’s smallish. I can see the sky too. It’s slowly darkening. I must have been unconscious for a few hours then. I really don’t know. My sense of time is all messed up.

The soil on the floor of the cave is still soft and sandy. Now that I’m hydrated, my vision is improved compared to when I came in, and I can see things I missed on the way in.

There are small plants on the floor of the cave.

There’s not many, but they are present. Little wisps of a grassy sort of plant. It’s a massively hopefully sign and it means that water is abundant on this planet. I just never saw even the remotest sign where we were dumped, or on the trek here to the cave. It’s most curious.

For a moment I reflect again on our banishment, and what it must have looked like if we were awake. I can visualise that ship – I forget its name for now – dropping us on the surface where it did and then vanishing off to some other part of the… wait, we’re not even in a galaxy here. Did they return to Melcheisa? They must have. I don’t know, and actually I don’t care.

I’m feeling more detached than before. I’m not even feeling angry at who did this to us. I’m just accepting it. I like my new attitude. I was so angry and depressed in those first few days here. Now I’m facing things and working through them so that they don’t cause me grief. I congratulate myself on my fortitude.

One foot in front of the other. That’s all I need to do. Keep following Salvation and trust that he’s heading me in the right direction. So far so good: we’re almost out of the cave.

What isn’t so good is that I can now hear the wind again. It’s howling, as it did on our trek. I hate it. I really do. It gives me no other choice than to hate it. There is no way to even be indifferent to it, let alone love it. Hating it is the best option. It works. It’s clean and it cuts through. I hate the wind.

I’m going to try something else, too. Despite the oppressive ache in my shoulder and to a lesser extent my head, I’m going to take it on. I’m going to brave the wind and face it with courage.

I will save my companions. I will get to where they are and bring them to shelter. I even grit my teeth.

My fatigue is almost overpowering. That little sleep when I was unconscious has taken the edge off it, but I haven’t got much energy left. I’m going to need all of it to get the Purlinians to safety.

I head away from the cave, through the wind and following Salvation. I remember this well. It’s exactly like the last two-and-half days.

His readout says zero-point-three-eight kilometres until life. I can’t see anything.

Where have they gone?