Aynsefian

When I wake again, I am now quite hungry. I have more energy than before.

I shuffle back out into the central living room area I was in before and now there are several people here. Erishijea is still here, as is a man, and there is one other person as well.

It’s Zarasena.

How is she awake before me again? My earlier trip out here doesn’t count. I’m offended that I require more sleep than she does. Only mildly. It’s such a joy to see her.

She looks tired. That all changes when she sees me. Her eyes light up and that familiar grin crosses her features.

“Too good of you to join us, Fernea. Enjoying your sleepy time, were you?” I wonder for a moment if she has reverted back to her former self and forgotten our kissing, our closeness and our declarations of love back there in that frigid cave.

Only for a moment. Her face tells a whole other story. She is delighted to see me in a way she never was before. Our eyes meet and I don’t have to look away. I know now, for sure. I’m so happy. Even calling me “Fernea” means a totally different thing now. It’s a tease, and I love it.

I feel like I should answer her back. Now I’m responding from a place of joy, certainty and strength. It’s vastly different. Still, I’m at a bit of a loss as to how to come up with the right words.

“Some of us don’t have absolute iron constitutions, you know. And I was up earlier. Did they not tell you that?” My tone is light and gentle, as much as I’m able to muster.

“Yeah, they did, but I’m just having a lend of you, you know that.”

I take a big risk. “Yeah, I do. Like the first time we met.”

Zarasena doesn’t even flinch. “You didn’t know that then, did you? Caught you off guard a bit, I expect. But hey, look what happened after that, eh? You can’t say our lives have been dull, can you?”

She pauses, not giving me a chance to respond, and changes her tone, looking at our companions. ”Anyway, I think you’ve met Erishijea already, but this is Hon. Hon is the unofficial leader of this colony we are in, although he tells me that leaders here are different to the way we might perceive them. He’s here on a semi-official purpose to greet us and talk about how this colony came about.”

She’s referring to the man sitting on the couch next to Erishijea. He looks as nice a person as she does, and he also has sandy blond hair, which is similarly tied up at the back. His hair is thinning somewhat, so I’m guessing he’s some number of years older than me.

Hon nods gently towards me. I return the gesture.

“Pleased to meet you Axin. Please do sit down and enjoy some of our food. You must be hungry.”

I never even saw the food laid out on the table between the couches. I only had eyes for our rescuers and especially for Zarasena. I really am hungry.

“Thank you so much,” I say, meeting Hon’s eyes and smiling in appreciation. Clearly Zarasena has had something to eat already as about a third of what they’ve brought us is gone. I sit down on a thick-pile deep blue rug on the floor next to the table and in front of the arm chair Zarasena is sitting in.

I’m quite close to her. She shuffles off her chair and onto the floor behind me, resting her back against the chair she was just sitting on. She puts her arms around me from behind, clasping her hands together across my chest. Joy courses through me. I’ve never been this happy in my life. I’m sure of it. Not in all the times with Nikse, nor anything in my mostly positive childhood. This is real, and this is special. Hon and Erishijea are smiling at us warmly, their eyes shining. I don’t have to feel embarrassed. They would know how we were found and would know we were together romantically.

My thoughts turn to finding out how we got here to safety. I must eat first, however.

I reach out towards the table. I don’t have to move far, but she moves with me, staying in full contact. In every movement, every thought, I am aware of her. I am giddy with joy at her touch, at her love. It is a constant glowing aura that presides over every single action I perform, from the mundane to the more serious. If she’s with me or she isn’t, everything I do is affected by her glorious presence in the forefront of my mind.

The food consists of several varieties of a sort of soft cake. I pick up a tan-coloured one. It has a savoury taste that I can’t place. It must be some sort of Aynsefian herb combination. It’s really nice. There’s some of my favourite berries too.

They let me eat my first cake in silence. The respect afforded to both of us is of immense relief to me. Our previous experiences here in Aynsefian have been nightmarish, to say the least. I can still feel all of Zarasena, who is now fully leaning into me, her chin on my right shoulder.

I can’t get over how good this feels. Why was I asexual before this? How did it even happen? Why did it disappear so quickly? The floodgates seem to have opened in my mind and I don’t know how or why. It’s hard to comprehend. Nonetheless, this is not just physical touch. This is someone I love, and who loves me back.

Hon speaks and draws me out of my thoughts of the woman behind me.

“I’ve got a few things to tell you, and I’m sure you both have questions, so please stop me any time.” Hon pauses, but I have nothing to ask. I can feel Zarasena withdrawing a bit. She’s not letting me go totally. I think she’s getting ready for conversation. Her hands are still clasped joyfully across my chest.

“Will do,” she says. “Thank you so much again for saving our lives.”

Erishijea responds instead. “Oh, it’s no problem at all. We’ve done this before. Central from time to time tend to throw people away and we see it as our mission to save them.”

I stop eating for a moment. “Can I ask one question, before you tell us anything more?”

“Yes, you sure can,” says Hon.

“You two are both talking as equals and treating us as equals. That is definitely not what we experienced back there in this Central place you speak of. In fact that was the whole reason they banished us. When we first arrived I spoke to one of their women before Zarasena did, and it turned into a major crime. Can you explain why that is?”

“I can,” replies Hon. “That’s just the way they are. They have always been that way. It’s accepted within their masses and they believe it forms the basis of their continued existence. The men do the grunt work, the women do the thinking. They’ve been that way for many thousands of years and they’re all used to it. They believe absolutely that without it they will perish.”

“But you are totally opposite to that,” I say. “Why is that?”

“We are of a different mindset. As you can tell. We believe in harmony and equality. We think it sustains us equally well.”

“You have been here for thousands of years too?” asks Zarasena.

“No,” replies Hon. “Not much more than a hundred. We are just finding our feet, so to speak.”

“So… how did you end up here?” asks Zarasena.

“Much the same way you did. We used to live in Central, or should I say, our forefathers used to live in Central, and all of a sudden some of them started to question things. A little light was turned on in their minds. They said that they could talk to the women they lived with in total freedom, but only inside their homes. Out in society, it was a different story. They hated the duality of it. Both the men and the women. So they started to politely question things. As you might expect, they got cast out. Many of them died, as we later found out. One or two survived, then a few more, and a few more. We have since learned to tune in carefully to the subtle shifts in energy, so that we could detect when another banishment was about to occur. Now we save just about everyone. It brings us joy.”

Erishijea continues. “The early survivors found a stash of materials and some vacant buildings. They built this town that you’re now in. It seems central don’t totally abandon us to die. They make it really hard, though, and many have died, although not so much recently. We want our numbers to grow, and they are. There’s several thousand of us, although you might not realise that from looking at our town here. We are aware from talking to recent cast-outs that the schism in the main society grows, and the more it does, the more paranoid they get. They think that more discipline is required when the answer is the complete reverse. They need to grow and evolve and they are choosing not to. It will be their downfall. It is obvious to us, but strangely enough it isn’t to them. The writing should be on the wall clearly for them to see, but they choose to ignore it, or they’re blind for whatever reason.”

Zarasena and I are silent for a moment as Erishijea finishes speaking. This completely explains the harshness of our treatment and the paranoia we experienced at their hands.

“So…” muses Zarasena. “This does explain a whole hell of a lot. I hated it really. I love this guy. I have from the moment I saw him. I...”

I turn around partially towards Zarasena at this comment. I must interrupt. “You did? So that’s why you came back for me? For us?”

“Yes. That plus all the other things I’ve already told you. But now’s not the time for that. She kisses me quickly on the back of my neck. Bolts of joy flow through me as a result. I’m pretty sure I’ll never get tired of affection like this.