Aynsefian

I get a tool and remove the panels, telling myself it’s a ship that I’m doing this to, not my former best friend. They are flexible but sturdy and will serve as windbreakers during our trek and walls for our overnight shelter.

I cram the water vials into a small backpack and then have to decide what I’m going to wear. The Purlinians will wear the suits. They’ll still be cold but they’ll die without them. Me, I will have to cope with my indoors suit, two jumpers, an extra pair of pants, extra socks and a woollen hat. I’m glad I have this hat. I remember scoffing when I saw this item in the ship’s manifest one time, thinking I would never use it. I was wrong.

We are soon all outside, standing in front of Salvation. My backpack is on with our water vials in it and I’m carrying the shelter panels. I’m noticeably colder than before without proper clothing and the Purlinians look decidedly uncomfortable, even with the all-weather suits on. There isn’t anything for it now but to start walking. I wish I could drink another vial of water, but I have to wait. I turn Salvation to “leading” mode, and it starts moving gradually in the direction of the supposed ground water.

It’s already so hard, with depression, hunger and thirst devastating me. I also feel decidedly unclean, having not washed in two and half days. I’m sure my companions are struggling just as much as I am. Now we three are facing a painstakingly long walk through a bitterly cold environment with unceasing winds and inadequate protection from the elements. We also have no heat source and nothing to eat. I have no idea how to solve that problem. Maybe there’s something edible where the water is, but I can’t imagine what.

A particularly strong gust of wind blows sandy soil straight into my face, almost blinding me. I turn my head for a moment, blinking hard and waiting for my vision to clear. Salvation bleeps because I’ve stopped walking. Our mission, our trek, feels nearly impossible, and we’ve barely walked a few metres, let alone forty-five kilometres.

I want to quit in the worst way, but I can’t. We can’t. We walk away from the ship towards possible water, or we die.

There is no other option.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

From the IR84U Captain’s Log, found on the body of Capt. Zarasena Fen, in the wreckage of MGC Ship IR84U on Farrister (Endyst planet 3), MGC date 3041.87.2.21. Edited by Myronelli Tschadze of Wyrissa (Unbrindo planet 7), MGC investigator.

Entry #: 45

Date: 3041.87.2.4

I hate ignorance and stupidity. So much of it abounds in this universe. Spare me the fools, please. I’m not going to ask nicely anymore. They ruin my life. Lanemu is no fool. He brings me drinks when I ask him to. That’s about the only joy I get these days: having a cocktail after vanquishing another idiot. So few pleasures left for me. Sometimes I think I’d rather die.

[Investigator note: there it is. She had a death wish.]

Entry #: 46

Date: 3041.87.2.4

It seems I’ve got more to say. What a waste of space that last guy was. What was his name again? Axofea Dinna or something? Absolute waste of a human being. Swanning around the universe with no actual purpose, just to wander into our galaxy unannounced. I had no choice but to terminate him. And he takes those two Purlinians out with him. The idiot probably has no clue whatsoever as to how powerful they are. Soon to be “were”, that is. I have no idea why they’d waste their time tripping around with the likes of him. What a tragic misuse of their personal resources. Maybe I underestimate the worth of their species. But getting back to him: what an absolute fucking waste he is. He’ll be dead soon – good riddance. And so young, too.

It’s always the good-looking ones who end up dead before their time. Like Sunzirani. I can’t write my brother’s name easily, as the pain is still fresh even though it’s been several years. He was so gorgeous and such a wonderful spark of joy in my life. I may never get over him. The loss of him.

This Axofea guy isn’t a patch on Sunzirani. Looks much the same, but not even half the brains and presence that my bro had. God I miss him. He was the only one who ever got me. Understood who I was and what I wanted out of life. Knew what I was doing and why I was doing it. He and I were a refuge for each other through all of those dark years of childhood. It’s a curse being gifted in this galaxy. Any chance of a normal life is gone once they spot you. We didn’t even see it coming. Fuck this galaxy. I hate it. Now he’s dead and it’s THEIR FAULT. I’ll never forgive them.

[Investigator note: clearly angry at us. Her brother’s unfortunate death in 83 has been investigated and attributed to self-harm and hedonistic tendencies, leading to an unfortunate overdose of psychoactive materials. MGC was not even involved other than being his employer. As I said, his death was thoroughly investigated and was found to be accidental.

And another thing: did she not think we’d read this? While she was still alive, perhaps? It’s hard to fathom why she wrote all of this stuff. She’s dead now, anyway, and maybe it was her plan all along to leave angry notes aimed at us, for whatever reason I’m yet to fathom in this log.]

[Entries skipped due to non-relevance to the investigation]

Entry #: 52

Date: 3041.87.2.5

Still thinking about my little bro. Sunzirani was so funny and intelligent. I used to look at him all the time when we were younger. When he wasn’t aware I was looking. Or maybe he was, I don’t know. I remember thinking how he could be absolutely anything and be brilliant at it. I can’t deny I was attracted to him, but of course I would never have acted on it. It was just… there. None of that matters now anyway. I was his big sister, and I am more than capable of shelving those sorts of feelings. He knew I liked him in that way, but he was really open about it and understood where it was coming from. I think he may have felt similar about me, but I’ll never know. He kept his cards closer to his chest than I’m ever able to. He never held that attraction against me and was able to still have a deep relationship with me that I’ll always treasure. You’re such a tease, Zarasena! He’d say. I’m pretty sure he fancied me. But like I said, nothing could ever happen and it never did. It was bittersweet in many ways. I’ve never met anyone who is even remotely his equal. His courage in facing those difficulties back on Sylla in his Adept testing was something I’ll always be astonished by. They put him under so much pressure, and he survived longer than anyone ever has in that program. I’m so proud of him.

I can’t stop missing him, probably ever. They day I heard the news was the worst day of my life, by far. I don’t believe their bullshit about his overdose. He would never be that stupid. I can’t prove anything, and I’ve given up trying. It just upsets me too much each time I attempt to resolve it. There’s also the potential damage to my career to be mindful of. It’s best I attempt to move on in whatever way I can.

This job has its perks, but the downside is the long periods of nothingness, where you are essentially alone with your thoughts. My crew aren’t much help. They keep to themselves. When they’re not accusing me of subterfuge, that is. Even the androids tend to avoid me. Scurrying off from a stationary spot whenever I enter a compartment they happen to be in. It’s depressing. At least I have 84U and Lanemu. Don’t know what I’d do without either of them.

Entry #: 53

Date: 3041.87.2.6

84U is surely the best ship ever. He gets my vote in any sort of hypothetical awards ceremony. He’s amazing. He does whatever I ask of him. Anything. It’s critical to our success.

[Investigator note: a worrying sign. This is not how the IR line is supposed to function. They must override any captain’s directive if it is not in line with the MGC surveillance charter. I have previously reviewed ship communications back to Central Command and there appears to be nothing out of the ordinary. At this stage I am unsure if anything untoward has occurred on board IR84U.]

Entry #: 54

Date: 3041.87.2.6

My androids are useless. How hard is it to bring me a decent meal?? I asked for the potato souffle and they bring it, but it’s too hot and I have to wait for it to cool down! How hard can it be to bring it at the right temperature? For fuck’s sake they are completely useless. I’m reassigning Lanemu to take over food operations. I know he’s got a lot on his plate right now, but I want my meals done right. I’m the captain, after all. Can’t they see that? Damn, I wish I could have chosen better help.

At least I can have solace in the knowledge that those idiots I dropped off on Farrister are not getting any good food. Hahaha! They deserve their fate for being so dumb and naïve. I’ll bet they’re all having the most *wonderful* time on that gloriously inhospitable planet. I’ve half a mind to go back and check on them after we get back from Hynetherine, just to see how much they’re suffering. Actually, maybe I will. I’ve got nothing better to do.