Aynsefian

I stare blankly at my left-hand wall. I’m not feeling as desperately depressed as I was earlier. At least that’s a good thing. From my vantage point in the bed I can see a small cabinet where I keep sentimental personal items. A ring my mother gave me. A favourite soft toy that I never grew out of. My diaries. A few beautiful crystals of varying colours.

There’s not many cabinets on this ship. It’s not Nikse anymore. I’ll just call it a ship. That helps a bit. My hunger remains, and my thirst is even wo…

Wait! There’s a few other cabinets of this size; the same size as my personal cabinet. One of them is where I keep my water samples, the ones I’ve taken from the planets I’ve visited in the past year.

It’ll do. It’ll help, in the short term.

The dream version of Nikse was telling me something. Clearly. I carefully extricate myself from between my Purlinian companions and climb out over the bedhead. I hope I haven’t woken them. They stir a little and then go back to sleep. Good. I want to surprise them. They enabled me to be warm enough to sleep deeply, and it allowed me to dream, gaining access to my unconscious, my higher self, to where I could find a potential solution.

Now that I’m out of bed, the cold assails me again. I grab a pullover with long sleeves from the clothing drawer and pull it over my suit. I also put on some spare socks, over the top of the current ones. Then my boots go on.

I’m getting to work. I’m going to find things that will maybe save us.

That line of thinking helps also. I should have through of all of this earlier. I was too shocked and depressed to think clearly. Doesn’t matter now. The present is what matters.

My sleeping quarters is on the ship’s ground floor. I have to go upstairs into Nikse’s – the ship’s – central corridor, and then down into the ground floor storage room. The water samples are in there.

I’m even mildly excited at the thought of being able to drink something. I wish I could eat, too, as the hunger pangs are constant and severe. Water will be nice, though. I race to the cabinet, right at the floor level, like the one in my room. I can’t remember how may samples I’ve saved from various places. It’s not a detail I would have previously needed to recall. All I know is that they were all drinkable.

I yank the drawer open. There’s twelve samples in all. I want to drink all of them at once. I must be smart. Rationing is essential if I am to ensure survival.

More to the point, Cindlyss and Arlyss need water more than me. Their constitution demands it. I will give myself the four smallest samples and split the remaining eight between them. I rustle around in some other cupboards, looking for a container or basket to carry them in. I find a small shoulder bag. That will do. The vials are made of a soft composite material and won’t break if I throw them all in the bag together.

I race back upstairs to the ship’s central room and then back down again to my quarters. The Purlinians are sitting up in bed. I race over to them, feeling like a nurse in a hospital, or something. They are both regarding me curiously.

I dump the bag on the bed and pull out two vials, giving them one each. A flash of joy crosses Cindlyss’ face. They almost smile at me. I’ve never seen that expression before. Usually they are almost completely unemotional when they look at me.

I give them a vial each. Arlyss immediately hands me back their vial. I’d say his or her, but they’re both genderless. I’m puzzled for a moment but then realise what’s going on when they glance at each other. They will share this one between them.

I put the other one back in the bag. I get one of mine out. We all drink. It’s heavenly. A bit metallic, but it’s okay. The roughness in my throat is relieved and I can feel life returning. It’s only been two-and-a-bit days without water, but it feels like forever.

Still, we have no food. It’s also still bitterly cold.

My vial is empty. I couldn’t stop myself. Their shared vial is also empty. Nonetheless, we still have ten more vials of varying fullness levels. We can work on restraint later.

I have to keep thinking. There has to be more that I can do. It’s difficult because I have been down so very low in the past two days. My grief at losing Nikse and at our situation has sent me to depths I never knew existed. Exacerbating this has been the lack of food, water, or any meaningful way of getting clean. This combination of challenges has made me both miserable and lethargic. That is putting it mildly.

I feel a change in direction now, though. Drinking at least a small amount of water has cut through my mental fog. I’m still tired, and sad, but I have something to cling to. Something to drive me just a little bit. My mind returns to what else I have stored on this ship.

I have lots of extra clothes. I can get those out. Wear as many layers as I can. Give as many to the Purlinians as possible, even if they don’t fit properly. They have their own clothes, but I’m guessing they never expected to be in such a cold climate as this.

I have my all-weather suit, and the spare. They can each have one! It’ll keep them warmer. This is all very positive. I’m feeling a little better again. I will go down and look in the storage room again; go through every possible compartment, looking for things that might have alternative uses.

I race back out of my bedroom, up the stairs and back down there into the storage room, opening cupboards and drawers, looking for anything useful. The first cupboard is empty, the second one has cleaning implements. On the third cupboard I hit the jackpot: the surface probe. Oh my god. How could I have forgotten!

The surface probe is internally powered and is fully charged. It doesn’t need Nikse… it doesn’t need power from the ship. It can run for days and days by itself. I can send it out on to the surface of AA48103. If there is any, any, water on this god forsaken planet, this probe has a chance of finding it. It’s fully charged too.

There is hope. I can get redemption for Nikse.

My next thought is not so positive. I think of what we might have to do to get to any water that my probe finds. We, all three of us, will have to walk across the surface of AA48103, braving not just the cold temperatures, but the biting winds as well. Winds that I can hear constantly and have done since I awoke on this horrendous planet.

Anyway, we have to try. I sigh internally and begin collecting items near the exterior door of the bridge. Clothing, all-weather suits, water vials, and… I need something to carry that will protect us from the wind. Some sort of protective shield or barrier. There isn’t anything obvious.

I look around. I may have to resort to using some of Nikse’s wall panels. Nothing else presents with the same size and ease of carrying. I really don’t want to do this. Nikse is already dead and this would degrade her further. I’ll wait first and send the probe out, seeing what it finds, and then bring myself to prise some panelling off of Nikse’s walls if need be.

To set the probe on its way, I must go outside with it. I’m not keen.