Ardennia: The Unlikely Story of Cinderella's Prince

Comte

A modest stream marked the border between Ardennia and Comte, and Guy and Henry forded it with ease. Almost immediately the bucolic pastoral scenes of Ardennia gave way to forest lands where cultivation only took place in the occasional glade or meadow. They rode on beneath the boughs of great deciduous trees that had blocked out the sunlight from the forest floor for millennia. Ferns abounded in the shade of the boughs and everywhere squirrels scurried about in the canopy. Woodpeckers – not as easily seen – hammered away at any dead or rotting tree for grubs, making a pleasant racket. Suddenly a young girl ran out of the woods, and seeing Guy and Henry headed toward the travelers. Close on her heels came an angry black bear that turned tail at the sight of the men on their palfreys. The girl stopped, out of breath, in front of the two.

“That mama bear almost got me this time,” said the girl, tossing her golden curls with a shake of her head.

“This time?” said Henry.

“We have a running feud over the berries that grow along the edges of the glades and meadows. I have to be on the constant outlook for her, her cub and for the papa bear too,” said the girl.

“If I were you I’d not fight with bears over a few berries,” said Guy.

“But you’re not me, and if you had a sweet tooth for berries like I do you’d fight with the bears too. I have just as much right to the berries as they do.”

“Yes, but you don’t have sharp teeth and claws,” said Guy.

“That is true, but my wits are keener than theirs and that gives me the advantage,” said the girl.

“Do your parents know you are feuding with the bears?” asked Henry.

“My parents are long dead. I live with the Baron as his ward,” said the girl.

“We were just on our way to see the Baron, are we on the right track?” asked Henry.

“No, you need to go back to the fork in the road and take the other fork,” said the golden headed girl, who then skipped behind them, patted Adele on the head and beckoned Henry and Guy to turn around and follow her to the Baron’s estate house. When they arrived the Baron greeted them effusively and offered to show them his salt mine while his daughter was making herself presentable. The two could not very well refuse him and they followed him out the back door of his home, and were soon at the entrance of the mine. The Baron lit a torch and took them inside. It grew cool and was claustrophobic, just like Lord Phillip’s dungeon.

“The miners are working at the bottom of the shaft down there. But what I really want to show you is the crypt were my ancestors have been laid to rest,” said the Baron.

“Lead on,” said Henry.

The Baron led on, and soon they entered the crypt where the salted remains of several former barons and baronesses were on display.”

“That is my mother and that is my father,” the Baron said with satisfaction as he pointed them out.

“They are marvelously preserved,” said Guy.

“Yes and someday I shall be just as marvelously preserved over there,” he said, pointing at an empty recess in the wall.

“How very much you must be looking forward to it,” said Guy.

“Well, I can’t tell you I’m not. Life is so full of cares that I often feel envious of my father and mother,” said the Baron, looking wistfully at them.

“And who are they?” asked Henry, referring to another pair of corpses.

“My grandparents: and in the recesses of the other wall are my great grandparents. My great grandfather opened up the mine so he and my great grandmother started the tradition of being interred down here,” the Baron said.

The tour concluded. Henry was introduced to the Baron’s daughter, who Henry did not test with the slipper because she was pigeon-toed. There was some polite conversation and Guy and Henry made their excuses and set off for the estate of Baronet Chevrolet.

They rode for hours through mostly unbroken forest, passing meadows now and then where cattle sometimes grazed and Purple Phlox blazed in their summer glory. As it began to grow dark they made their bivouac and roasted a hare they had procured from a young man who said he had permission from the Baron to snare hares. After they devoured the hare and washed it down with a moderate amount of wine, they spread out their bedrolls and Guy plugged his ears with beeswax.

“Are you sure you don’t want to plug your ears?” asked Guy.

“I’m sure,” said the Prince.

The Prince fell to sleep quickly but Guy did not. In fact he hardly slept a wink and when the morning came it showed.

“You look peaked,” said Henry.

“I feel peaked,” said Guy.

“Did you have trouble sleeping because of the beeswax?” asked Henry.

“No, my Prince; I couldn’t sleep because I was too worried about the pixies coming around and whispering in your ear,” said Guy.

“You worry about them too much,” Henry said.

“I cannot help it. I think of you as my responsibility; and not only that, I think of you as a boon companion,” said Guy.

“Alright, if I must plug my ears at night in order for you to get some sleep I will do it,” said Henry.

“Thank you, Milord,” said Guy.

They packed up and continued on their way. Soon the forest transitioned into a bog consisting of peat mats, a little open water here and there and some stunted spruces growing on raised ground. When they stopped to water the palfreys and pack mule, Guy inspected some curious plants that turned out to be carnivorous. Some trapped insects and tiny frogs in a modified leaf that formed a pitcher. Others had a sticky dew covering protrusions that stuck out of a globular structure. Still others closed upon their unfortunate victims like two hands coming together.

“Come look at these plants, they are like nothing I’ve ever seen before,” said Guy.

“Exceedingly strange,” said Henry, taking a look at them.

“I wonder if these are full-grown plants or juveniles that will grow up to be big enough to eat a man,” said Guy.

“Let us hope they are full-grown for I would hate to end up being digested alive by such a creation,” said Henry.

Keeping their eyes out for man-eating fly traps, they rode until they saw a hillock on which Baronet Chevrolet’s home stood. They proceeded to the hillock and when they reached their destination Henry dismounted, walked to the front door and banged the knocker against its base. The Baronet’s wife opened the door and peaked out timidly.

“Who is it?” she asked.

“Prince Henry of Ardennia,” said Henry.

“The Prince Henry?” she asked, opening the door completely.

“Yes.”

“Please come in,” she said.

“Thank you,” said Henry, entering the house.

“My daughter can’t stop talking about you,” she said, leading him into the parlor.

“I’m flattered,” said Henry.

“You should be. She is not one to talk much. If you wait here I will go tell her you are here. She won’t believe it.”

The disbelieving Priscilla showed up a few minutes later. Henry bowed and introduced himself; she cast her eyes down and gave him a barely audible greeting followed by an invitation to sit. He waited until she sat, then he sat.

“I apologize for dropping in so unexpectedly, but I didn’t want to miss a chance to meet you,” said Henry.

“You need not apologize,” she said as if speaking those words required superhuman effort.

“Your mother said you can’t stop talking about me. I am curious to know why. Can you tell me?” asked Henry.

“I. . .”

“You can tell me, don’t be shy,” he said.

“But I am shy, shy as a nightingale at dawn,” said Priscilla.

“You needn’t be with me. I am only here as a courtesy,” he said, thinking she could not possibly be the vivacious young woman who had captured his heart at the ball.

“Alright, I can’t stop talking about you because you were so brave at the masquerade ball,” she said.

“Brave?” he said.

“Yes, the way you got up in front of all those people and danced with that woman. How brave that was. I could never do that,” she said.

“I see. Thank you for telling me and being so gracious. And let me tell you something. You have no reason to be shy about anything. You are a lovely young woman with great sensitivities. Just be yourself and everything will fall into place for you. Will you remember that?”

“I will. And I will always remember this day. Thank you for dropping by,” she said.

Henry said it had been his pleasure, stood up, bowed and made his exit. He rejoined Guy.

“Not the one,” Guy refrained.

“Not the one,” said Henry.

The two Ardennians departed the hillock and continued on their road and in due course gained the foothills of the Comte Alps. A fresh wind blew through the needles of the evergreen trees that grew here, and they made their camp under one of these trees – an especially tall pine. They then started a fire, sweetened it with cones and cooked a hearty meal of bacon and beans.

“This is pretty country,” Guy said as he began eating his bacon and beans.”

“Yes, a nice change of scenery after the bog,” said Henry.

“But the bog was interesting and smacked of mystery. If I were a witch that is where I would make my home,” said Guy.

“You believe in witches too?” asked Henry.

“I believe in everything except dragons and sea monsters,” said Guy.

“Does that mean you believe in gargoyles?” asked Henry.

“A gargoyle carried away the bride of my cousin. It was an awful thing,” said Guy.

“Tell me more,” requested Henry.

“They got married on midsummer’s eve – when gargoyles are most active – and the officiating friar neglected to give the blessing that protects newlyweds from demons and such. Sure enough, the moment my cousin turned his head away from his beloved, a gargoyle snatched up the bride with his talons and flew off to his lair with her.”

“And you witnessed this?” asked Henry.

“Not in the first hand, but there’s no doubt at all that it happened,” said Guy.

“I see, well I’m going to turn in,” said Henry, finishing his bacon and beans.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” asked Guy.

“Oh yes; hand me the beeswax,” said Henry.

The next morning they were off to see the daughter of Baron Garcon. En route, not too far distant from Garcon’s mansion, Guy and Henry came upon a large clear cutting in the forest and several axmen.

“You are doing heavy work here,” said Guy to them.

“Forsooth, but the Baron will have his firewood or it’s the axe for us,” said the chief axman.

“All this for firewood?” asked Henry.

“He has six fireplaces in his mansion and he burns wood in them morning, noon and night,” said the chief axman

“Even on a day as hot as this,” said Henry.

“Even so,” affirmed the man.

“Whatever for?” asked Guy.

“He has thin blood and cannot tolerate the cold, coolness or even moderate warmth,” the axman answered.

“Very odd, he must have thin skin as well,” said Guy.

“That I do not know,” the axman said.

“How far is it to his residence?” asked Henry.

“Half a league,” said the axman.

“Good morn to you,” said Henry as a farewell.

“Good morn to you,” said the axman.

Half a league later Guy and Henry arrived at the Baron’s mansion and spied a beautiful young woman sitting on the front veranda waving a fan to cool herself. Guy stood back while Henry approached her.

“Who might you be?” asked Tempeste, the daughter of Baron Garcon.

“I am Prince Henry of Ardennia,” said Henry bowing.

“How extraordinary it is to see you here. How have you been since that extraordinary masquerade ball?”

“Well enough,” Henry said.

“Good. Please sit,” she said.

“And how have you been since the ball,” he said, sitting down.

“Extraordinarily bored and hot; there is nothing to do here and my papa has made an inferno of the house,” said Tempeste.

“I’ve heard that he likes to stay warm,” said Henry.

“That’s an extraordinary understatement. He is sitting in front of a fireplace with his great coat on at this very moment,” Tempeste said, still waving her fan.

“Extraordinary,” said Henry.

“Yes, extraordinary. So tell me, what brings you to the hinterlands of Comte?” asked Tempeste.

Not wishing to beat around the bush, and thinking Tempeste could very well be his enigmatic lady, he took out the slipper and said: “This.”

“That,” she said.

“Yes, this: And if you are who I hope you are, it will fit your dainty foot to a tee,” said Henry.

“What an extraordinary thing to say, what an extraordinary proposal. But what harm would it do,” she said, putting out her hand.

Henry gave Tempeste the shoe, trying to remember if his enigmatic lady had used the word ‘extraordinary’ even once during their evening together.

“It is awfully small,” she said, trying to jam her dainty but not dainty enough foot into the slipper.

“Yes, I’ve been told that a number of times,” said Henry.

“No, I can’t do it, but maybe if I get some butter,” she said.

“That isn’t necessary. Thank you for trying. I better get going now,” he said, putting out his hand for the slipper.

“What; can’t you stay a bit longer, if nothing else to play a hand of hearts with me to relieve my tedium,” she said, giving him back the slipper.

“I guess I can, but only one hand,” said Henry.

After the hand of hearts Henry and Guy set their course for Baron Trottier’s chateau which was situated high up in the Comte Alps. The air became thinner and the road more rugged. Lofty pine trees gave way to gnarled and twisted cedars and alpine flowers. Marmots cautiously fed on the vegetation that grew among the talus of the steepening slopes, ever alert for the great golden eagles that preyed upon them. As Henry’s and Guy’s palfreys and the pack mule breathed harder and harder to supply their lungs with enough oxygen, Adele romped in her native habitat.

“She is at home here and having a good time,” said Guy.

“So good she may never want to leave,” Henry said.

“I hope not. If she was to stay here on her own an Iberian lynx or a mountain wildcat would be sure to get her in these wild environs,” Guy of Lucent said.

“Then you had better put her on a tether,” said Henry.

“I haven’t the heart, she’s having too much fun,” said Guy.

On they rode; the equines laboring with ever greater difficulty, Adele having too much fun and the Ardennians marveling at the scenery. At length they came to a bridge that spanned a deep chasm. Just as they were about to cross it a figure emerged from underneath it. Guy’s first instinct was to draw his sword and smite down the ogre. But the figure turned out to be a beggar dressed in ragged clothes.

“Alms for the poor,” the beggar said.

“Would a hunk of cheese suit you better?” asked the Prince.

“Much better,” said the beggar, extending his hand that was covered with lesions.

Guy rummaged through their provisions and gingerly gave the beggar the cheese.

“Thank you. May God give you blessings for your charity,” said the beggar.

“And may God ease your sufferings,” Henry said.

“I am sure he will, after I have suffered enough for the sins I have committed,” said the beggar.

“What sins could you have possibly committed that would merit being cursed with leprosy?” asked Henry.

“All of them,” said the beggar,

“That is quite a feat,” said Guy.

“Which took years to achieve,” said the beggar.

“Would you mind enumerating them for us?” asked Henry.

“I have nothing else to do. First I ate to excess.”

“I have done that too,” said Guy.

“Have you ever eaten a whole leg of mutton in one sitting?” asked the beggar.

“No,” answered Guy.

“Then you are not even close to the glutton I was. Second, I was so greedy that I sunk to selling ordinary pieces of wood that I said were from Jesus’s cross, and thereby amassed a fortune that I flaunted by building an immense country house and giving lavish parties to gratify my excessive pride. Third, despite my wealth I was envious of those who were richer than I was. Fourth, I was quick to anger when I felt crossed or ill-served by my hirelings. Fifth, out of lust I laid with more women than you can count, including my brother’s wife. And last but not least, I became so lazy that I lost everything I had accumulated.”

“Did you confess all of this to a priest?” asked Henry.

“Yes, and with my last gold crowns I also paid for an indulgence that the priest said would absolve me of everything I had done,” said the beggar.

“And how did you end up here?” asked Henry.

“I was driven away from everywhere else because of my leprosy,” said the beggar.

“Well, at least you have a roof over your head,” said Guy.

“And now, some cheese to see me through another day or two. Once again, thank you kind sirs,” said the beggar; and he slunk back under the bridge.

Guy and Henry continued their ascent up the mountain side and were rewarded with a glorious sunset when they set up their bivouac at dusk. The next morning they struck out again and by midafternoon they arrived in front of Baron Trottier’s chateau. Henry dismounted, walked to the front door and knocked upon it. A servant answered the door and allowed Henry in. In no time Henry found himself conversing with Baron Trottier on the upper balcony of the chateau.

“My daughter will be with us soon,” said the Baron, who was quite short in stature.

“Thank you for allowing me a tete-a-tete with her,” said Henry.

“Not at all; so what do you think of the view?”

“I think it is incredible, but I wonder if it is worth it to live this far out of the way for a view,” said Henry.

“Oh, I didn’t build this chateau just for the view,” said the Baron.

“What did you build it for then?” asked Henry.

“So I could look down on everyone,” said the Baron.

“I see,” said Henry.

“It gives me great satisfaction to be so far above the other barons and baronets; and I know it must irk them to think of me observing them from such lofty heights.

“I’m sure it must,” said Henry.

The Baron’s diminutive daughter appeared on the balcony at this juncture and the tete-a-tete didn’t last very long, for Henry – not needing to administer the slipper test – was on his way as quickly as good manners would allow.

“We are down to our last three chances,” said Henry to Guy as they descended down the mountain.

“Don’t despair, my Prince; three chances are better than none,” said Guy.

“But not as good as the fourteen we started out with,” said Henry.

“Well, it’s always darkest before the dawn,” Guy said, attempting to keep Henry’s spirits up.

“That depends on what phase the moon is in,” said Henry.

“I didn’t mean it literally,” said Guy.

“I know,” said Henry.

Two days later they were closing in on the residence of Baronet Badeaux when they were ambushed in a wood by bandits. It was very cleverly done and before they knew it Henry and Guy were the prisoners of five brigands who all happened to be females.

“How now, what do you want with us?” demanded Guy.

“Your coin and anything else you have of value, you dolt,” said the apparent leader of the outlaws.

“I am not a dolt,” said Guy.

“Then you are an exception to the rule,” she said.

“What does that mean?” asked Guy.

“It means she thinks that most men are idiots,” said Henry.

“And brutes as well,” she said.

“Some of us certainly are,” said Henry.

“And you are not?” she said.

“No, I can be brutal when called upon, but I am not a brute,” said Henry.

“And when are you called upon to be brutal?” she asked.

“When the heat of battle engulfs me,” answered Henry.

“A fair answer and not the words of an idiot,” she said.

“My mother would be glad to hear you say that because she wanted nothing more than for me not to be an idiot,” said Henry.

“And it seems she got what she wanted,” said the leader of the outlaws.

“I’d like to think so,” said Henry, remembering how many times Guy had called him a dunderhead over the years.

“But that won’t save you your valuables; you have forfeited them by falling into our hands,” she said.

“Oh but it is you who did the falling; right on top of us out of the branches,” said Henry.

“Ah, one more pun like that and I will leave you without clothes as well as coin,” said the brigand.

“I don’t like his puns much either,” said Guy.

“You are permitted to keep your mouth shut, old man,” she said.

“I found it,” said a second bandit; the one who had been going through Henry’s saddlebag.

“Was it worth our trouble?” said the leader of the outlaws.

“Yes, more than worth it,” said the second bandit happily.

“Did you find anything else of value?” asked the outlaw chief.

“No,” said the second bandit.

“Then we shall be on our way. You can release the idiot and the one who isn’t an idiot,” said the leader of the outlaws.

Henry and Guy were untied and the bandits vanished into the woods.

“Curse them, they got away with all your coin,” said Guy.

“Not all of it. I have the greater share of our coin in my money belt,” said Henry.

“Smart boy; you made it easy and profitable for the outlaws to find your pouch, knowing that they would probably take off with it as soon as they thought they had made a good haul,” said Guy.

“Yes, so let’s get out of here while the getting is still good,” said Henry.

And they did.