Another Half

May 2012

Blue Ponderosa

Rex pushed open one of the white-paned windows in the Alpha’s office on the second floor. He then dragged the tan wood cabinet full of bottles that sat in the corner to the window and made sure there was no one below before he proceeded to throw the cabinet out. With immense satisfaction, Rex watched the liquor cabinet crash and shatter below, startling some of the wolves that were walking nearby on Main Street.

He looked around the office. He hated it. Faux wood linoleum flooring; the blue wallpaper had faded into grey, making the room look drab despite the brown leather couch. There were two pieces of art, one of a group of wolves playing poker, and another of a she-wolf in nothing but red panties puckering her swollen red lips suggestively. He stared at both images, decided he didn’t like either of them, and chucked them both out the window.

“Fucking asshole,” Rex muttered. “This is the Pack House we should've burned down.” And he hadn’t even gone into the bedrooms yet.

We still can, Nakon said.

Rex was surprised that Nakon had spoken to him at all. He had been silent for the three days since they had lost that alpha female by the river. Neither of them understood how she disappeared.

Poof!

Gone.

There had been no trace of her at all, but they couldn’t spend time looking for her then, while her scent was fresh. This is what had pissed Nakon into silence. That and the fact that he felt personally hurt by her disappearance.

Our mate is our first priority. We could have tracked her until we found her. She might be hurt or taken from us.

Nakon continued to doggedly insist that she was their Fated Mate. And Rex, however reluctant, couldn’t disagree. What he had felt when he smelled and saw her was—

It was real, Rex. And it was stronger than what we felt with Caroline and Lily. Way stronger. You know this. Stop doubting it.

“Yeah, but where are they now?”

We have to go look for them, Nakon said. NOW. Right now. Give all this bullshit to our underlings. I don’t care who.

Rex sighed. If only it were that easy. Nakon’s laser-like focus often impressed Rex, but he couldn’t just leave right now.

He sat at Maverick’s desk and opened the red bottle of bourbon he had brought from home and took out the container full of fresh brownies Maude had sent him early this morning. The container was still warm. He poured himself half a glass and inhaled the spirit’s warm vanilla scent before savoring a slow sip.

Neat. Rex liked his bourbon neat and preferably in a square whisky glass. He had figured out a long time ago that you can’t add anything to something that’s already perfect.

Rex laughed when Nakon snorted with exasperation.

You and your damn bourbon and brownies. Two glasses. No more. And only because you deserve to celebrate.

Rex snickered and took another drink. He opened his brownies, took one out, and quickly bit into it before his wolf could stop him. Nakon bristled.

Brownies and bourbon for breakfast?

Rex grinned with a brownie-filled mouth. His wolf was not pleased.

Ax barged into the office with a pink bundle in his arms. He looked so spooked that Rex didn’t chide his gamma for not knocking.

“Rex! Are you busy? I brought you something.”

The bundle Ax was holding--mewled?

Rex scowled at the bundle. “What’s that you have there? A cat?”

Ax approached him and showed him a baby.

Rex waved him off with the hand that held the glass. “Do I look like a nanny to you? Take it to its mother.”

“I can’t,” Ax said, and his voice lowered. “I found her abandoned in the Alpha’s quarters. The Pack House cook said she’s the Luna’s pup.”

Rex froze. He knew he really didn’t want to hear what Ax was about to say.

Ax stared at the baby and continued. “Caroline went into labor late last night. She gave birth while we attacked. The cook delivered her,” he said. “She says Maverick never saw his daughter, and that Caroline was hysterical with fear, said something about finding a nancy, and ran out before giving the pup a name.” Ax lifted his eyes, full of guilt and pity, and Rex knew what his gamma was thinking. “I can’t imagine dying without seeing my newborn pup.”

Shit.

"What's a nancy?" Rex took a sip of his drink.

"I don't know," Ax said with a shrug.

This was Caroline’s baby with that moron whose office Rex was sitting in and whose liquor and ugly art he had just dumped out the window. He set down his glass, shut his eyes, and rubbed his temples hard.

“Any sons?” Rex asked.

“None,” Ax said. “The cook said Caroline miscarried several times and that this was the only pup that made it.”

Rex opened his eyes, surprised. Unbeknownst to anyone else, Maverick had sent Rex at least four ultrasound pictures in the past two years, making it seem like he and Caroline had a big, healthy brood.

I guess they lost all the boys, he thought.

Served him right, Nakon said.

Rex would have asked about any relatives that could take the pup in, but it was futile. He had waged a war and his orders concerning the alpha and his family had been clear. It was simple: Executions today prevented insurrections later. Not that it mattered. Maverick’s brothers had all died within the past decade, and his father had mysteriously disappeared, too.

A part of Rex wished Ax had simply executed the pup without telling him. Of course, Ax, a soon-to-be father, would never even think of doing that without direct orders. Rex was sure Sergio wouldn’t have done it, either.

Rex sat back in his chair. He drank the rest of his drink in one gulp and slammed the glass down.

Great. Just fucking great. One more thing to worry about--

And then a realization hit him. He had personally orphaned this pup, and now she was all alone in the world. This was a justified war, true, but Rex had taken a special interest in revenge-killing this baby’s parents.

But I didn’t know about this damn pup at the time I killed Caroline!

That wouldn’t have changed anything and you know it, Nakon said. War is war.

Nakon was right. If Rex had known--well, Rex would have still killed Maverick and taken over the pack, but he would have considered sparing Caroline for the baby’s sake. He was a monster, but Rex liked to think he was a principled monster.

No, we would not have spared her, Rex. I would have made sure of that. Stop mind-fucking yourself.

“What should we do with her, Rex?”

Kill her. Order Ax or someone to kill her. They should’ve done it by now. It would be a mercy killing, Nakon reasoned. Fuck. Shift and I’ll do it!

No. We’ve had enough revenge, Nakon. We will not murder an innocent pup.

That bitch rejected us and then killed Lily. She doesn’t deserve to have any descendants. At least, none that live.

Rex frowned. Julia had said that Caroline had run off to the woods mid-battle. Caroline seemed to have abandoned her baby to face her horrible fate alone and not to run away from the battle as Julia strongly suggested.

Julia was just trying to make herself look good, and will you please stop thinking about those two bitches? We should be looking for our Mate! Our real Fated Mate.

Rex rubbed his temples again.

Will you shut up? Let me think!

He agreed with Nakon; he had to stop thinking about Julia. She was a dead end.

“Maybe we should give her to Julia, y’know, to soften her up a bit?” Ax said.

Rex glared at him, and Ax immediately dropped the grin on his face. It didn’t surprise him that Ax was joking about this.

“There’s nothing wrong with Julia.” Rex poured himself another drink. He desperately needed it right now. “How’s your sister Sara doing these days?”

Ax looked back at him with surprise. “I don’t know. She’s fine, I guess. She’s still adjusting to living in the Saxe Oaks pack and to being the beta’s mate. Your cousin is not the easiest guy to live with, y’know. Her boys are a handful, too.”

Rex smiled. He knew his cousin Spencer well. He was devoted to his mate and their four sons and loyal to Rex as his cousin and alpha. Spence was a strict and gruff leader that was blunt to the point of aggravation, but he was neither cruel nor unkind.

“Didn’t Sara say during Christmas that she wanted a daughter more than anything in the world?”

Ax’s jaw dropped before his eyes lit up with a grin. He strode around the desk and dumped the newborn baby in Rex’s arms. Rex barely had enough time to set his glass down on the desk.

“Here. I’m calling Sara right now. She’s gonna be thrilled!” He took out his cell phone.

“What the fuck am I supposed to do with a baby?!”

“I don’t know, but you can start by not looking like she’s going to bite your dick off. Just hold her. Like this, see?”

Rex gave Ax the most murderous glare he could muster.

Ax laughed at him. “I’m assuming I won’t tell Sara who this baby is?”

“That is correct. This baby’s identity dies and will be buried today along with this pink blanket you will pour blood on first. You’re also going to make sure that at least someone in this house sees you dump it in the mass grave. Do you I have your word, Gamma?”

“Yes, Alpha,” Ax said solemnly. “Shit. She doesn’t even have a name.”

Rex looked down at the sleeping baby. She was so tiny.

Violet. The name floated gently from Nakon.

“Violet. Tell Sara her name is Violet. And leave me out of everything.”

Ax nodded in acknowledgment, and Nakon rumbled his approval. He curled up again and continued to nurse his sadness for his missing mate.

Why Violet? Rex asked, poking his wolf.

Because she glows with violet fire, but I don’t know her name yet.

“Sara!” Ax bellowed into his phone. “I have all my presents for you for the next twenty Christmases right here with me!”

Rex continued to look down at the baby in his arms while Ax babbled excitedly at his sister. He realized he didn’t feel anything for this tiny baby, not hate, not resentment. All he felt for her was a desire for her to be well, as he would wish on any member of his pack. It wasn't cold, it was impersonal to the point of indifference.

For the past couple of years, Rex had thought that taking over Blue Ponderosa would be the pinnacle of achievement, of overcoming a hard obstacle that he neither desired nor deserved. But as with everything that Caroline had touched in his life, Rex’s victory was overshadowed by sadness, pain, and bitterness.

I hope you know what you’re doing, Rex. This could come back and bite us in the ass.

Violet would never know who her parents were. She wouldn’t forgive Rex if she did, and who could blame her? He knew he would never regret killing her parents. Ignorance would treat her kindly from this moment forward. As it was, he wasn’t sure he could forgive himself for orphaning an innocent, but at least now Violet would be properly cared for, with the added bonus that Rex would rarely see her. He wanted no part in Violet’s life. He never wanted to see her again.

I hope I know what I’m doing, too.