And her name is…

I skip lunch, not intentionally. I’m reading about my mother’s home land and get sucked into the book. I polish off the book before dinner and, while I didn’t learn much in the way of new information, it’s the closest I’ve felt to her since she died. Sticking the book in the top drawer of the side table I get up and ready for dinner.

Everyone is already in the dining room when I arrive and I take me usually seat but across from me, where it’s normally Ignacio, sits Helion.

“We missed you at lunch,” he says with a smile.

“I lost track of time,” I return, adjusting myself in my chair.

I slide my chair in and move my legs but my bare foot lands on top of Helion’s boot and I pull it back quickly. For just a moment I felt the worn leather and it brings back every memory of being kicked or stepped on. I keep my face composed and bring my feet up on to my chair.

When Tiago sits beside me he immediately tosses my fork and knife down the table. He’s done it every meal I’ve eaten with him and then he eats with his fingers beside me. The whole scene never fails to make me smile.

Helion observes the exchange with a frown but when he meets my eyes his face lights into a smile. “Theodosine, I spoke to my people who have assured me Kheliq is too busy making up for your absence to worry about prisoners. But I have also inferred to him that I am interested in acquiring human servants for a hearty sum. He would be an idiot to do anything until I arrive for the party.”

“Unfortunately he is,” I mutter taking a bite but Helion continues to look at me so I speak around the bite. “.. an idiot. Kheliq is an idiot.”

“Our inside man has assured me he will keep him from killing anyone until the party,” he assures and I level him with a glare.

“How is it possible that you get word in and out of Kheliq’s court so quickly and easily, when it took someone inside the court more than a day to get word out that I’d escaped?” I challenge.

He returns my glance and smiles. “Come with me and I’ll show you the letter.”

“We’re in the middle of dinner, can’t it wait?” Ignacio asks but his brother levels him with a glare. “Fine.”

I get up and follow him to his room, the second in the hall beside Ignacio’s. We enter his room and it’s just how I remembered it, except for the additional luggage piled against the wall and the personal items scattered over the table. He opens a drawer and pulls out a paper.

“Theodosine, you can see here on this paper that they swear to protect any humans until we arrive at the party. From there I will have Kheliq bring them to us.” He smiles like he is the most clever man to ever live and I roll my eyes as I take the bait and glance at the paper.

“Why would he bring them to us?”

“It’s custom to offer a couple betrothed a gift, one often requested.” He looks at me, gauging my reaction and I quirk my brows at him.

“Me?”

“You,” he chuckles. “It’s the perfect excuse. Newly engaged women often wear a vail until their wedding day, and bringing someone to a big social event that the host had never met is typically frowned upon, but as my wife-to-be he won’t be able to say no. We’ll spend the time until the party having small social gatherings at my domicile, where you will meet some of the other ladies and aristocrats, and they will be able to vouch for us with Kheliq.”

I hate this plan.

“This sounds like a lot,” I say instead. “Especially when I could just sneak in on my own right now and kill a dozen people to get what I want.”

“If it were that easy, you would have done it already,” he points out and I bite my lip.

“The only thing stopping me is long range weaponry,” I grit my teeth.

“Theodosine, trust me. This is the best plan, and the party will disperse the guards and Kheliq’s attention.”

I have to admit he’s right. With so many guests and me not in the cells he will be less on guard. He would never expect me to come back as the betrothed of an ally kingdom and with a vail I may stand out, but I’ll be quickly left alone as a woman off the market. His plan makes sense.

“Fine,” I grumble, “we willtryit your way, but if it doesn’t go according to plan I will turn Kheliq’s party into his funeral.”

We return to dinner where everyone is still sitting like they were waiting for us to return. As we enter the room Helion wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me close to him. I turn to berate him but as I do he kisses my cheek.

“Meet my future Queen,” Helion boasts, squeezing my hip.

There are several gasps and I elbow him. “Not really.” I shove away and return to my seat. “Something about the engaged wearing a vail and not being a suspicious plus one,” I mutter.

“Ouch, why do I feel like I’ve been rejected?” Helion mocks, grabbing his chest.

“Don’t feel too special,” I return. “I’ve been rejecting people my whole life.”

“I’m not sure that makes me feel any better, but I wouldn’t say I’m surprised. You are beautiful, Darling.” Helion is smiling at me and I brush my cheeks with my cold fingers to calm the heat there.

He watches me start eating with my fingers again and makes a comment about needing a solution for that. I know he’s right, in a way, that me eating with my hands in front of aristocrats would stand out, but I take it as an insult. In a second I’ve swiped Nyx’s knife and stabbed it into the table between my thumb and pointer finger. My palm burns from the silver but I pull it away fast enough that I’m sure no one has noticed.

Everyone is frozen in their seats. They stare at me and then look at the table. Ricard roles his eyes and returns to his food without even looking at me directly. Ignacio groans and laments another mark I’ve put in his table, but I’m looking at Helion, my hands shaking despite myself.

“Kheliq made it near impossible for me to hold cutlery. Believe me, if it was as easy as just picking it up again I would. I hate that the prick can still control me from here,” I grimace and pull my hand away, realizing with a little embarrassment that I didn’t completely miss my flesh like I thought I could.

Nyx scoffs and holds her hand out to accept mine, but I can’t help the shaking I display as I give it to her. Picking up that knife is the first time I’ve touched a utensil since my conditioning in the cell. The memories are all too clear.

There are some apologies, and promises that we’ll come up with something so that it’s not an issue. I, in turn, apologize for the table and admit I had hoped I could fight the reaction better than I did. To that Ealdian drops his own fork and it clatters against his plate.

“That was a reaction?” He confirms. “Against your control?”

Nyx holds my still trembling hand up and I fight to try and stop it. It doesn’t work and I roll my nails in to stab into my palms.

Pathetic.

Everyone understands this information differently. There’s anger, sadness, fear, regret, and denial. The denial upsets me the most, but I don’t respond to it. Nyx fixes the cut and I finish my food before we walk together to our rooms. I’m not looking forward to sleeping tonight, and I have a strong feeling of what memory I’ll fall into tonight. I check my windows, set up the glasses, and get into the wardrobe to sleep.

I won’t wake up screaming. Tonight I will not scream. They are only dreams.

When I wake up the next morning, the memory of my fork and knife pinning me to the table, that they used to bring into my cell for meals, was fresh. If I so much as glanced at the cutlery I would hear a happy sigh from Kheliq before I felt the pain. They would remain through my hands until I ate my food. I was never so happy to be fed so little as I was during this conditioning.