And her name is…

I kick the wardrobe doors open so hard the door swings around to hit the side. My lungs feel like they’ve been squeezed in a vice and I fall to the floor gasping for air. I had forgotten about the sensory deprivation room, and now I look at the wardrobe with a sense of horror.

I can’t.. I can’t…

I don’t know what to do. I should shower but I feel paralyzed on the floor. The need to leave this room, just to prove to myself that I can, even if it’s too early to be up. I wash up quickly in the bathroom and throw on a pair of pants and a sweater then start running through the house to the front door. Before I’ve really thought about it I’m running barefoot through the woods away from the house.

I run until my lungs burn and then I collapse and scream into the snow. My feet feel like icicles and after my ice cold face wash I’m shaking like a leaf. Without the energy to go back to the house right now I just crawl into a clear patch beneath a tree and breathe. I take a long slow breath in, anger fuelling me, and then let it out, hearing it break into four uneven whimpers.

I will not go back there. I will not watch more friends die. I will not accept lies. I am strong enough, and if I’m not…

I feel the growl in my throat from my affinity; the animal within me. That is the main affinity of the Orthoire people. We are shape shifters with magic that can rival the deities in our strongest. Our balance is constantly having to battle with the animal, the embodiment of our affinity, for control. If we slip, if we give in to the power Orthoirian people could shift and never shift back, slowly becoming more animal than person until that’s all that’s left.Let me out.For me, I’ve never completed a full shift. If I lose control I don’t know what I’ll end up as.Incredible.

I slip, mentally. I feel my affinity slip out and start taking the energy around me. The snow hides the number of things I kill in the few seconds I slip.. I hear a loud creek and the tree I’m leaning on starts to fall. I shriek and dodge out of the way as it starts to push me forward.

“Fuck!” I whisper yell to myself. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. Vera might hate me for this one.”

I look at where’s it’s broken off and it looks like my handy work. The whole tree looks healthy except from the ground where I was sitting up to the break. I move to the tree and drain it more evenly, making it look like it may have had a root infection. No one seems to be up yet and I start back toward the house.

If anyone saw that particular meltdown… I don’t know how to even go about explaining myself.

By the time I get back I run into Nyx in the main entryway and she looks at me with her large eyes. I try to look casual, but she’s already seen my blue feet andrunsto me like she intends to pick me up.

“Tiago!” She calls and I hadn’t even noticed him up the stairs.

He’s beside me and her a second later. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I insist with a laugh. “I don’t even hurt.”

She lifts my foot and I tip, making Tiago balance me, and then she runs her knuckle up the arch my my foot. I sharp pain runs up my leg and my knee buckles, sending me down but Tiago halls me up by my arm. Nyx gives me a look like ‘I told you so’ before dropping my foot.

I roll my eyes. “I was up early and went for a walk. I forgot my boots and was too stubborn to get them. I guess I wandered farther than I meant to. It’s cold,” I attempt to defend myself, but I don’t really care to. My feet are clearly in the first stages of frost bite.

They both chastise me before Tiago puts me on a bench and Nyx starts to work with them against my request not to bother. I don’t feel much, but after a minute I shriek and leap away from her. I’ve got my foot protectively in my hands and I look at her firmly. She looks surprised, which I don’t understand since she’s the one that hurt me.

“I know it was dumb to not wear shoes but there’s no need to stab me,” I accuse, warming my toes in my hands.

“Is that what it felt like?” She asks and I nod obviously. “Theodosine, I was doing the same thing I always do. I think you may have stepped on something.”

“I think I would have noticed…” I turn my foot over and noticed a big purple circle with a darker point in the middle. “Oh.”

I poke the middle and that pain returns, running so deeply through me that I want to pass out, or throw up. Nyx takes my foot and looks at it again, trying to be careful about touching it but I can hear her disapproving sounds. Tiago is doing something similar and I can’t help feel like they think I’m dying.

“It’s a quill, so it’s barbed, and it’s poisonous. If I pull it out it will hurt, like a lot, and it’ll break the barb and leak the poison out faster.” Nyx is chewing her lip in thought and I decided to use this.

“You can knock me out and remove it surgically. You can also just pull it. It’ll put me out for a day or two but won’t kill me.”

“I don’t like the thought of you being put out for any amount of time. Tiago told me what’s going on with Helion and I don’t trust he’s acting alone on anything, ever.” Nyx is firm and I sigh a little with relief.

“Leave it alone, it’ll fix itself,” I urge.

“Not a chance,” Tiago mutters, taking both of our hands and then we’re in his room. “Nyx we’re taking a field trip, grab one of my coats for you and one for Theodosine.”

“What are you…” I start but he looks at me sharply and I close my mouth.

“I know you’re planning to wait until after breakfast but I think that’s a terrible idea. We’ll just go now. You were going to have to tell Nyx anyway,” he insists and tosses on his own coat.

Nyx is levelling me with a glare that says all she needs to.

“Healing means I need more energy.” My fingers are knotting together and I can’t bring myself to look at her. “I’m not safe to be around when I take what I need. I was the cause of all the major forest fires around my town. It was a good cover up for the large dead patches.” I laugh uncomfortably. “Tiago caught me..”

“Caught you implies you were doing something wrong,” he interrupts. “You were trying to get away from everyone, you just didn’t know how far to go.” He turned to Nyx. “She needs more energy, and you’re not going to believe how much.”

In a second he’s taken our hands again and we’re out in the woods. My foot is throbbing now and I move to sit in a clear area. I don’t mean tomake a sound but I do when I put weight on it and Nyx runs to check it when I sit down.

“It’s fine,” I say again, feeling the anticipation in my head as my affinity wakes up. “You need to go.”

“It’s not fine!” She demands but Tiago pulls her away.

“Trust her,” he says softly and then nods to me before whisking her away.

I’m so surprised by someonetrustingme that I forget to send out a warning to anyone nearby. I’m sure there are no people. Ihopethere are no people, but it’s too late to reign myself back in as I let up control and my affinity rumbles with approval. It takes greedily and I am pushed away from perception.

Back home, people trusted me, but it was different. It wasn’t because I earned it, it was because my dad earned it, and my mom gained it, and then I was justthere.I was trusted because of my lineage, and the duration of my existence, but with Tiago…

-

I’m not sure how long I’m lost in thought for, but distantly I feel the pain in my foot as my body speeds up the healing and pushes the foreign object free. It hurts more than I expect it to and I find my mind wandering off again as I work it free. Running through the snow barefoot definitely wasn’t my brightest idea, and as I chastise myself for it I remember why I did it.

Amelia, Josh, Gregory, Wilhelm….

I tune out again and my affinity takes and takes… I hear a snap that jerks me out of thought and I’m standing in a second. My head rolls to the side and I look towards the sound. This feeling is new. I’m aware, and I’m somewhat in control, but I can feel myself hissing and snarling. Out from the bush comes a large white ape-like creature, with two more at its sides. I know they would be around nine feet tall if they were upright, but they’re nearly crawling with exhaustion and I find myself cutting off the pull of energy abruptly. The one on the left slumps with relief but the one in the lead growls and snarls at me.

I hiss back, my fangs on full display. “Next time move farther away from me and you won’t be so affected.” I speak harshly in Orthoirian but the voice isn’t completely mine, though the irritation is at least half mine. “I could have killed you.”

They’re snarling and slamming their fists into the ground and that’s when I realize they’re all men. I’m willing to bet the women were more strongly affected, being smaller they would have lost more strength comparably, and a sudden fear hits me.Where are the children? I forgot to send out a warning, and I wasn’t all that concerned about any people, but I didn’t think about those that may be hibernating or nesting.

Animals and creatures have never harmed me.

They seem to relax as they see me understand. “The young? Did I hurt the children?” I continue speaking to them in the same dialect as it’s the one they would understand.

The one in front makes a pained sound that hits me through the heart. It feels like a direct blow to the chest and my mind starts running through how bad it could be. They are watching me and I’m pacing in thought. The least of my concerns right now is Tiago coming back for me to find I’m not here, and I’m much more concerned that I might be the cause of an entire generation of Yeti dying.

I look up to him, and realize what I’m about to do is a risk. “Take me to them.” He looks at me skeptically so I continue, “unless they’re fine and you don’t need my help. You know you won’t kill me before I get you, and killing me won’t give them their strength back.”

With more understanding than I thought he would have, the leader looks at my feet as I start to follow them and then swings me onto his back. I grip his fur and we start off, but I don’t relax my claws or fangs. Creatures and animals have an innate understanding of those from Orthoire. It’s like they know we’re one wrong step away from living among them, and my mom told me that she had seen packs adopting the Orthoirians that had fallen too far from humanity.

When we arrive at the cave I hear the soft whimpers of those inside and my heartbreaks a little more. This isn’t what I wanted when I came out here. I find the mother’s clutching their babies and making soft cooing noises. They growl at me as I approach but this isn’t the time for me to be hesitant. I bat their hands away and cut my thumb on one of my teeth before wedging it into the infants cheek. The mother goes to swipe at me but I hiss harshly and she backs down.

The others watch intently and I slip in my pointer finger to squeeze the blood out before removing my hand and moving on the the next. There are three young babies and one child who were greatly affected, the rest would recover on their own, but I give each of the young that same treatment as the first and they recover quickly. With the amount of energy flowing through my veins my blood is very potent, and I have no doubt these poor parents will be run ragged by the end of the day.

“I’ll move further East next time, they will be fine, probably more energy than usual.”

I reach out to the leader and touch his hand, taking more energy and the cutting my palm on his claw and squeezing my blood into his upturned hand. He looks curiously at me, but I gesture for him to drink it and he does carefully. I see his eyes light up as he tastes it and goes to lick his hand clean but I keep my glowing eyes trained on him.

“I will be able to sense you when you’re close now, but if you hunt West we shouldn’t cross paths again.” He nods with a sort of understanding and I move passed him to leave.

He grabs my arm suddenly and I snarl, flashing my fangs and eyes as I round towards him. He doesn’t flinch, taking my arm and throwing me around his shoulder onto his back. I huff and he makes a sound I can only consider a laugh based on the uneven exhalation before we’re off. He moves more at a run this time, my blood returning the energy I took and we’re back where he found me quickly, though I can only tell from the increase in dead things around us.

I hear a short shriek and I recognize it as Nyx. The Yeti snarls but I tap him gently on the shoulder and whisper that it’s fine. He reaches around himself to grab my arm and lift me from his back. I watch Tiago and Nyx’s eyes go wide and I try to keep my face in a firm line to show my confidence but my heart is racing.

He hears it and keeps his arm on my shoulder in a sign of support. “It’s ok,” I say again. “They are my friends, they are my pack. Go home to your family. Hunting should be easy today.”

He gives another several uneven huffs that I consider a laugh at my last statement before turning to go and I pat his arm as he passes. My face never leaves Tiago and Nyx as this exchange takes place. I know this is a very telling situation to have caught me in and I either drain them and hope they forget, or come clean. It’s not as easy of a choice as it should be.