Alphande'

I brushed out the final snag in my hair and took up the thin shawl to cover my head. I felt his hand stop me and took it away from my head.

“May I at least have a few more minutes to look on your beauty that has now been preserved only for my eyes.” said Bastian as he slipped his fingers through my hair.

“You could look at it for hours if I didn’t have to wear the head covering and veil that your customs prescribe that I should.”

“They are no longer my customs, but ours.” He said as he slipped his arm around my hips and turned me around so that I was fastened to his bare chest. His chest was hard and muscular and I could feel his body heat burning through my dress. “It isn’t like I make no concessions Noräin.” He said as he ran one hand up and down my back. “I allow you to accompany me to the meetings with the other leaders.” His voice became husky which further accentuated his southern burr.

“And though your kindness is appreciated my prince, there is nothing that you could have done to prevent me from doing so even if you had not given me permission. I am still the recognised leader of the Nuwanhe.”

“Yes, but when the war ends, the Nuwanhe will cease to exist and you will only be my wife.” He said as he pulled me closer and placed his lips over my mine, kissing me roughly. I could feel his desire raising as he squeezed me closer to himself. His hands pushed my hair away and his teeth and lips grazed my neck hungrily.

“I thought we agreed that we wouldn’t again, not until after everything has settled.” I managed to say before he crushed his lips back to mine.

“That was when I was rational and your beauty and form had not fully dawned on me. Right now I am far from rational.” He said slipping the sleeves of my dress down my arm and attacking my shoulders this time.

I pulled myself away and fixed my dress. “I don’t want to be with child who could possibly be your heir while we are still embroiled in the middle of a battle.”

“The struggle will only make him stronger.” He said as he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me back to him, kissing me again.

“No!” I said as I bit down hard on his lower lip until I tasted blood on my tongue. He stopped kissing me and pushed me away.

“What are you doing woman?” he asked angrily.

“I refuse to get pregnant.” I said curtly.

“And I refuse to have a wife who is defiant.” He used the back of his hand and slapped me across the face. I stumbled backwards, but before I fell he caught me and held my jaw tightly in one hand as he forced my head up to face him. “In our custom, the marriage was arranged that the heir would be conceived on the very first union. It was not so for us as the wedding was rushed. But woman, if it did not happen on the first night it will the second time we are together.” He said as with one hand he tore away the top of my dress. He pushed me away slightly pinning my arms to my side so that he could look at my bare chest. “You are indeed lovely.” He said before ripping the rest of dress away.

He forced me against the floor and pinned me down with his upper body while he removed his pants.

“This will not be pleasant for you as it will be for me.” He said as he drove himself inside. Repeatedly he battered himself against my loins, until they the inner part of my legs were bruised and I felt like the inside of me was being cut repeatedly by glass. He finally let out a groan of pleasure. The daggering stopped has he lay limp on top of me.

He lifted his head from my neck and I felt his breath on my face. “Now kiss me sweetly.” He said as he let his lips settle on mine unmoving. Slowly I kissed him and he responded softly in kind. “That was indeed better, don’t you think?” he asked and I nodded slowly. “It didn’t have to be that way Noräin. It can be pleasant for the two of us, but if you try to deny me again I guarantee that I will do much worse.” He said as his lips moved softly against mine. He stopped kissing me and brushed my hair back from my face. “Well at least you didn’t cry this time.” He said as he kissed my cheek once more and moved from on top of me.

I got up slowly fighting against the pain that cut between my pelvis.

“The meeting will be starting soon. You are allowed to come, but I could apologize for your absence if you are unable to make it?”

“I will be there.” I said hiding the whimper of pain from my voice.

“Very well.” He said and left the tent. I fumbled over to the small bed that we had shared and sat down pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them.

I thought about what Evander had said the night before. ‘Your beauty had assuaged my spirit and charms enraptured my heart.’ He did love me and I told him that it was too late and that it didn’t matter. Time and luck it seemed was against us. Why had he not said it earlier? It took everything I had to not kiss him for if I did it might have not ended there. Avandor knew my wicked heart and so many times I had dreamt of being with him instead of Bastian. That was how I made it through the wedding. I imagined it was him I was marrying, and the night I lost my virginity, it was his arms I imagined were wrapped around me. I imagined it but knew it was not true that was the reason I cried that night.

I wanted to blame him for letting me marry Bastian, but I knew it would be an unjust charge. Though I was in love with him, I’d chosen my country over myself. I wonder now if I had chosen wrong. If Bastian could be so cold towards me, how much colder would he be towards my countrymen?

In choosing to give up love, I had made a mistake and given up on everything and now everyone would suffer. A single tear rolled down my cheek. I wiped it away quickly before others followed.

“Princess?” I heard my handmaid Clarissa come in and I wrapped the sheet around myself. Other ladies preferred young women for companions, but I had known Clarissa long as she was a maid in my father’s court and someone I knew I could trust.

“I am here.”

“Princess the meeting has started and you are not yet dressed.” She said coming closer to me. “Oh princess your face.” She said as she touched my jaw and I winced.

“Could you please make me a bath and find something else for me to wear as I am indeed running late.” I said straightening up.

“At once ma’so.” She said. I wrapped the sheet around me and waited for her to come back. “It is done ma’so. It will be a plain bath as the soap will sting.” She said.

“Thank you.” I said getting up but as soon as I took a step forward. I felt a spasm of pain cut through my lower abdomen and I had to sit back down. “I might need a little help.” I said and wordlessly her motherly arms were wrapped around my waist as she carried me towards the tub.

As I sank down into the warm water, the sharp pain slowly dulled to a soft ache. I leaned back and allowed her to pour water into my hair and down my back washing out the dirt from the floor.

She began humming a soft lullaby of our people as she washed my back gently. I hadn’t realised that my back was bruised as the pain in my belly had overshadowed it.

“It might not be my place to say it princess, but I will regardless, as you are the one we here of Sebán love and it is you that we follow. We know that you married for our sake, but if for our sake you suffer, we would rather fight outnumbered and dying than taking help from the one who brings you harm.”

“What has been done cannot be undone.” I said morosely.

“Ah but it can.”

“How?”

“If it pleases you ma’so I would happily pour boiling lard down his pants and tie him up while I do a jig on his groin. That would teach him a lesson.”

Not being able to help it I started to laugh and she joined me. “I don’t see how that could help, but thank you for the offer.” I said still laughing.

“Maybe it wouldn’t but it would make you feel a whole lot better.”

“Maybe.” I said thoughtfully.

“You are our princess, not the beating stick of Rá Leat. You have risen out of adversity and let no man whether he be beggar or king treat you any less than what you are.” She said with firmness.

“Thank you Clarissa. I needed to hear that.” I paused. “There is something I hear women whisper about but I do not know if it does exist.” I started. “It is supposed to… if someone forces themselves on you it will…” my face coloured with embarrassment.

“I think you are speaking of the burn.” She said.

“Does it really exist?”

“Ah that well it does.” She said sounding slightly amused.

“Do you know where I could get it?”

“Yes.”

“I want one. This is the last time you will ever see me like this again.”

“Your husband underestimates you princess.”

“I know. He had chosen to play with fire now he will be getting exactly what is coming to him.” I said getting up forgetting the pain.