Alpha Divided

We snuggled together on Dastien’s couch to wait for the news. I started working on a tub of Haagen-Dazs Pralines and Crean and tried to focus on the TV—currently a mom was yelling at her toddler as she teased the shit out of the little girl's hair. Poor kid. Dastien cuddled me to his side and absently rubbed my shoulder. I'd been pacing his cabin for the first hour, but it started driving him batty; thus, the ice cream and reality TV therapy.

Then the knock came, and all other thoughts vanished from my head.

Come in, Dastien said.

I'sat up and put the nearly empty container on the coffee table.

Mr. Dawson stepped through the door. A decision has been reached. It's time for you to come back.

I reached for Dastien’s hand and he squeezed it. It's going to be fine, he said through the bond. You'll see.

The walk back to the bonfire felt like a funeral march. No one said a word. Forest sounds that were usually so peaceful and relaxing suddenly felt suffocating. My breathing was heavy, and it wasn't because I was walking fast.

Athick silence greeted us as Dastien and I stepped into the circle. Everyone sat motionless.

Maybe it was because I was so used to my visions and being flooded with too much information, but all that silence and quiet made me antsy. The calm before a storm.

I hated it.

Dastien jumped up onto the stone and then reached to pull me up. Last thing I needed to do was look like a klutz in front of everyone. They were already here to judge me.

Mr. Dawson stepped forward. I want to start off by saying that the original calls for the tribunal—Tessa’s loss of control when confronted by Imogene and Dastien’s breaking of our laws—have been totally dismissed.

Thank God the pack wasn't made of total morons. If I got into trouble for that after everything Imogene had done, I really would've lost it.

We've had a heated debate and are almost evenly divided on what we should do regarding Luciana’s claim, Mr. Dawson continued. The complication that the witches brought forth—their wanting you back and willing to go to war over it—has been divisive among pack members.

I nodded. How could it not be? I didn't like the idea of the pack having to fight for me either.

However, most agreed that you two should be together. We understand that Dastien lost control only because he met his mate. No one is faulting him for that, but we can't let a war start because of it.

That wasn't something I wanted either. But what did that mean? I clenched Dastien’s hand tighter.

Sebastian stepped up. We've come to a decision to appease the witches. For a period of one lunar cycle, you, Teresa Elizabeth McCaide, will live on coven lands. You will have no contact with Dastien—

No. Dastien’s voice was so harsh I jumped. I reject this. I will leave this pack. Go lone wolf.

Gasps rang out. I wasn't sure what being a “lone wolf’ meant, but from the reactions, it was obviously a terrible idea. Dastien. You will wait to speak until I've finished.

No.

I squeezed Dastien’s hand. Calm down. We have to know what we're up against.

Dastien stared down at me, his eyes two glowing orbs of yellow. It wasn't him talking anymore. It was the wolf.

No one takes my mate from me.

I don't know how I knew, but right then it was like my life flashed before my eyes. If I didn't get Dastien to calm down and agree to this, he'd destroy this pack. They were nearly evenly divided. Among those that had mates, the desire to keep us together had to overshadow the desire to keep the witches satisfied.

The pack would fight. Fear leading some. Love, honor, and tradition leading the rest.

The witches would come. It would be war, and the pack would be too weak to defend itself.

Visions of blood and death flickered behind my eyelids, but they moved too fast for me to pick out the specifics. All I knew was that we were about to head down a terrible path. Really, really bad.

I let out the breath I'd been holding.

While I'd been out of it, Dastien had started yelling. Others were shouting back.

We're asking for a bit of leeway from you. Donovan's clear blue gaze met mine. I know it's a lot to ask—

No! Would you ever let someone separate you from Meredith? Let them take her away? Dastien leaned over Donovan. She won't be going anywhere. His face contorted as he slowly began to shift. His jaw popped and expanded. Fingers lengthened into claws. It was a grotesque sight, and it hurt to look at him.

The bond revealed the full spectrum of Dastien's emotions. His gut-shaking terror. Anger enough to boil the waters of Antarctica. And a healthy dose of I-don't-give-a-f**k. He wanted what he wanted, and he wasn't going to let anyone tell him different.

He'd always told me he was more dominant than any other wolf. None of those gathered here could really make him do anything. And that was the problem. If someone didn't convince him that this was the right thing to do, no one could make Dastien follow along. He couldn't be ordered. He only obeyed orders out of respect for his elders.

But threatening me had taken away all that respect.

I was the only one who could fix this.

You will obey us, Donovan shouted. Power backed the words, his eyes glowing bright blue.

As soon as Donovan said it, I felt Dastien’s anger swell. He was never going to obey that order.

Dastien leaped off the rock, hitting Donovan with the full force of his alpha energy. The power rolled into the gathered crowed. Donovan hit the ground, and Dastien pinned him. But only for a second. Donovan rolled and sprang up, throwing Dastien into a tree. Branches crashed down.

I had to do something. I had to stop this before he tried to rip out Donovan's throat.

Stop! Dastien! He wasn't listening to me. I tried to get to him through the bond, but he was too much wolf, and not enough o his human mind was left to see reason.

My gaze slipped to Mr. Dawson. He was the only one not watching the fight. Instead, he stared steadily at me. Waiting for me to say something. To do something.

A sudden chill came over me and I hugged myself. I'l do it. I agree to the terms.

Not The roar startled me.

Dastien had paused long enough for Donovan to get the upper hand. He pinned Dastien to the ground on his stomach, but Dastien’s gaze was on me. Why?

The pain in his voice made my heart ache. There isn't another choice. Fighting Donovan won't change that.

He was too distracted to notice Dr. Gonzales moving behind them. She darted in, using her Were reflexes to stab the needle into Dastien’s arm and depress the plunger.

Dastien tried to thrash, but Donovan held him firm.

My heart pounded as I stood there and let them sedate my mate. I felt like the worst person ever. Not worthy of Dastien and his trust and love. Not when I'd just quit so easily. I watched as Dastien'’s eyes slid closed within seconds and my knees weakened so much that I couldn't stand anymore.

Oh God. What have I done?

Everyone. Leave. Now, Mr. Dawson said.

It didn't take long for the pack to file out, but Mr. Dawson, Donovan, Meredith, Sebastian, Muraco, and Dr. Gonzales stayed behind. I sat frozen, watching Dastien breathe from across the fire.

Way to freak out, Dastien. What am I going to do now? I muttered as I settled on the ground next to him, putting his head in my lap. His features slowly sank back to human as I

held him.

After our talk with him this afternoon, we thought he might react this way. Mr. Dawson squatted next to me. It was always your decision to make, not his.

I rolled my eyes. You're not dumb or naive enough to believe that, right? He's my mate. We're a team, I said, echoing all the times Dastien had said as much to me.

I knew what I wanted and I knew what I should do, but those two things were totally divergent. Like everything else in life, I knew it was going to end in a compromise, so I had to figure out what I was willing to give up and what I wasn't.

Did Luciana agree with the decision? Did it satisfy her?

We haven't asked yet, but if she wants more than one lunar cycle, the pack won't stand for it. I can't imagine her not agreeing.

But there was still a chance. Hope for me to cling to. I'm going to leave it up to you to negotiate, Donovan. I'd helped him ou with la Aquelarre, and I was calling in that debt.

Pll do whatever it is you ask. I owe you more than I could ever repay.

I nodded. I'd usually deny that, but not now. I needed his help too badly. I want to be back before the next full moon. I'll giv the witches until then, max. No extensions for any reason. I'll burn the witches’ compound to the ground before I miss the next ceremony.

Are you sure that's what you want?

I scoffed and bit my lip, trying to stop the tremble. No. My voice was thick. What I want is to be left the hell alone, but apparently I don't always get what I want. I ran my fingers through Dastien’s hair. He's going to be so pissed at me when he wakes up.

Indeed.

Mr. Dawson put his hand on my shoulder. I've taken care of him since his parents died. Don’t worry. I won't let him lose control while you're gone.

It's not for forever. Just a few weeks. I brushed away a tear that slipped free.

Let's get Dastien back to his cabin. Mr. Dawson hauled Dastien over his shoulder and started back through the woods. The rest of us followed behind him in silence.

When we got to Dastien’s, Mr. Dawson laid him carefully on the bed.

I'm trusting you, Dono, I said as I sat on the bed next to Dastien.

Aye. And you'll not have misplaced that trust. I'll see what I can do. Donovan moved toward the door. Let's go.

Wait. Dr. Gonzales? I said.

Yes, Tessa?

Can I have one of those shots? Just in case he’s..you know.

She gave me a tight smile and reached into her bag. Here. Just do it quickly. If the needle breaks off in him, give me a call.

I nodded and stared at the syringe in my hand like it was a poisonous snake. Sure thing. I placed it carefully on the bedside table.

Ill be back as soon as we come to an agreement with the coven, Donovan said.

Am I doing the right thing? I asked without taking my eyes from Dastien.

Muraco nodded. Yes, child. I think you're being very reasonable and responsible. Very adult.

Great. Because that was what I'd always wanted. To be more adult-like.

I hoped Dastien could forgive me for this.

I wasn't sure how much time passed, but Dastien was still asleep when Donovan returned.

The verdict was that I had to be on the coven's land by nine tomorrow morning, and had to stay until the day before the nex full moon. While I was there, I had to fully suppress my wolf. The witches wanted me to live as a coven member, not as a Were. It was the stupidest thing I'd ever heard. Like it or not, I was a Were. Nothing was going to change that.

I'd been warned that the Internet was nearly nonexistent at the compound. Apparently, the witches thought technology was a crutch. An unnecessary distraction. I hadn't been without my cell in years. Years.

50, probably no FaceTime. No Skype. No video chatting. I wouldn't even get email.

Donovan had left me to break the news to Dastien. Smart guy. I'd seen Dastien pissed before—he'd nearly decimated a tree once when he punched it—but this was different. I knew he'd be angry, but he'd lost his shit. One hundred percent blown lid It was hours before Dastien’s eyes blinked open.

Hey, I said. How're you feeling?

He closed his eyes, and I wondered if he'd fallen asleep again, but he finally spoke. Terrible. When his eyes opened again, they were golden. What happened?

Dr. Gonzales knocked you out.

He laughed softly, and I wondered if the drugs were still making him a little loopy. I got that much.

I swallowed. He wasn't going to like this. Better to rip off the Band-Aid than to drag it out. I have to stay with the coven. He sat up and started to speak, but I put my finger over his lips. I'm back the day before the next full moon. We're not missing the next ceremony. I told Donovan I'd burn the coven compound to the ground before I missed it, and I wasn't joking at all Dastien pressed his lips together, and his emotions swelled. But it wasn't anger that dominated him anymore. It was fear, which worried me. What was he so afraid of?

It's only a few weeks, and then we'll get to be together. And—

I won't be able to feel you through the bond. It'll be like you died. I won't know if you're hurt or in danger or lonely. I won't know when you wake up or if you're eating enough. He traded our positions, lifting me into his lap, and nuzzled his nose against my neck. I'll go crazy without you.

I rested my head against his chest so that I could hear his steady heartbeat. Don't go crazy. We can do this. I sat up straighte so I could look into his eyes. Humans do long distance all the time. It might seem like the end of the world, but it isn't. We have a stronger bond than humans do, and they manage. I cupped his face in my hands. So, we can do it, too. It's not going to be super fun and awesome, but we'll be okay.

He closed his eyes and his shoulders hunched. I don't know that I'll be okay. The words were little more than a whisper, like he was confessing something that weighed heavily on his heart. It was so sweet and so sad that it made my heart ache.

I rubbed my thumb along his bottom Lip. I love you so much.

I love you, too.

I gave him a soft smile. Say it in French, please.

That made him actually smile. No dimples yet, but it was better than the pout. “Je t'aime, chérie.”

I pressed my lips to his and stood up. Help me pack?

I don't want you to go.

“I don’t want to go, but I have to. We both know that la Aquelarre was never going to stop until they got at least a piece of me. So we give them this little bit. Plus, Luciana is up to something. What better way to find out than by being there? And if I learn some more stuff about my powers and being a bruja, well then, all the better."

I wish you didn't have to go do all that. He huffed. He actually huffed, and it made me want to squeeze him tight and never let go.

Me, too. But I do need to pack. It's getting late and I have to be there by nine. I got up and started toward campus, knowing Dastien wouldn't be far behind me.

It took him a minute, but then he got up. His long stride caught up to me in a few steps. I'l take you there in the morning.

I want to have my car with me. If shit hit the fan, I wanted to be able to get away from the coven, and fast.

Fine. I'll go with you and then I'l shift and run back.

That was over an hour drive. It's kind of far.

He put his arm over my shoulder and pulled me into his side. His need to be close to me beat along the bond. I've done it before.

That was true. Okay.

Did you tell your mom what happened?

Maybe I should've called her, but I was too busy watching Dastien sleep off Dr. Gonzales’ cocktail. I haven't really had time. Wasn't I out for hours?

My cheeks heated. He wasn't going to let me get away with this one. Yeah, but I was brooding and watching you sleep.

He squeezed me tighter. Now who's creepy?

It's not creepy. I elbowed him. I'm your mate.

He was quiet for a long moment. Almost so long that I thought he was done talking, but then he said, That's definitely true. I'm your mate. And you're mine.

It didn't take us long to pack what I needed. I wasn't taking everything, only the essentials. It was like a long, mandatory vacation. Only it was definitely not my idea of a good time.

Meredith stopped by as we were about to get into bed. She fidgeted with the bottom of her T-shirt. Meredith wasn't one to fidget. Are you guys okay?

Of course.

Meredith relaxed a little. Good. I was worried after his reaction and it's kind of my fault—

None of this is your fault. At all.

But you went to the coven to help me and—

No. They were always going to be upset about this. I'm surprised they didn't show up before now. So just push that guilt away because it shouldn't exist.

She hugged me. You'll be back before you know it.

I gave her a small smile. That was something people said when they didn't know what to say. This plain sucked, no matter how I cut it.

Ill see you soon. Okay? I didn't meant to be short with her, but if this was the last night I was going to sleep in the same bed with my mate, then I wanted to enjoy it.

She gave me a tight nod. Sure. Goodnight.

"Night, Dastien said. He was already under the covers, but he lifted them up for me as I walked to the bed. The bed was all nice and warm thanks to his body heat. I rested my head on his shoulder and wrapped an arm around his stomach.

You still want to wait until after the ceremony to...you know?

That got me the first laugh of the evening. Your mom's right about one thing. If you can't say it, you shouldn't be doing it. Have s*x. My cheeks burned.

Make love.

Same thing.

No. It's not.

We'd talked before about his “active’ life before me, although I'd made him shut up halfway through the conversation. I didn want to hear about him with other girls. It made me feel inexperienced and childish.

It also made me jealous. Extremely jealous. Just remembering a bit of the conversation had me grinding my teeth.

He kissed my forehead. No reason to feel jealous. No one could ever compare to you.

You don’t know that, I said. Because it was true. He didn't know that.

You're my mate. That makes all the difference. He opened the bond and all his emotions for me flooded my senses. It was like being wrapped in a blanket of love.

I put my leg over his, and scooted as close to him as I could. I'm going to miss this.

You better.

I bit his chest softly. I'm sorry I have to go.

It's my fault. If I'd done something differently, well..maybe we could've avoided this.

I thought about it for a minute, but all roads led to Luciana being a total a*****e. It didn't matter how I became a Were. I wonder if she ever would've let me go without a fight. I mean, I didn't even know anything about the coven when I moved here. When I met you, I didn’t know that I was supposed to be leading them. So, how would I know to ask permission? Or even know that I needed permission? And even if I did know about the coven and my place in it and asked permission, she never would've said yes. Not in a million years. The more I thought about it, the more inevitable it seemed. It is what it is, bt I know we can really get through it. It's not forever, and we are.

He ran his fingers lazily up and down my arm. I don't know that I can be okay with you gone.

I kissed him. You have to be.

He was quiet for a second, and I felt a little strand of hope along our bond.

What?

I was thinking about our land.

Our land. What about it?

Just that. The future. I hope that we get to have it.

My bottom lip trembled, and I bit it. No use getting upset now. Me, too.

Sleep.

I sighed. I didn't want to go to bed. I didn't want tomorrow to happen. And yet, despite how much I didn't want to sleep, as Dastien trailed his fingertips lightly over my skin, my eyelids grew heavy.

I hoped I wasn't wrong. That we'd get through it. And that I wasn't putting my mate through hell for no reason.

If I didn't come back from my stint with some answers, heads were going to roll.