All The Wrong Signs

Once I started reading, I couldn’t put the book down. I don’t know what I had expected when I had first started reading, but I found myself fascinated by it all. I even began tabbing pages I wanted to go back to.

I woke up late the next morning, having stayed up till almost sunrise reading, but I felt better than I had since Collin turned my world upside down. Getting up, I let the dogs out and started a pot of coffee.

Pulling up my computer, I checked my email going through a couple of job inquires from potential clients. I had done enough work that I didn’t have to go out and dig too much to find good-paying projects. Most of my work was from recurring clients, but occasionally I would get emails from a new source.

Once my coffee was done, I poured a cup and went and sat outside so I could watch the dogs run around. Seeing it was almost 11, I decided to text Lakyn.

“I started reading the Beginner’s guide to Wicca last night and OMG I couldn’t put it down. Everything in it is so fascinating.”

Lakyn was fast to respond. “Right? What part are you on now?”

“Tarot cards. I wanted to finish so bad, but I couldn’t hold my eyes open any longer.” I responded.

“That’s probably one of the most complicated things to learn. I took a couple of courses to learn more about it. Did you try meditation?”

Taking a sip of my coffee, I sat my cup down. “I highlighted the chapter to go back to. I was afraid if I tried, I’d end up asleep.” Before I forgot, I added. “Thanks for the extra goodies, by the way. I love the bracelets and I got some good crystals.”

“I’m glad you got good ones! I try to mix them up so it’s always an intuitive pull. You should come by later if you don’t have anything to do. I’ve got some new stock that was delivered today and you can help me go through it.”

“Yeah, I’m going to try to unpack some, then I’ll walk down.”

Setting my phone down, I realized I did want to unpack. I mostly wanted to get my bookshelf filled in so I could set up my stones on the top. I was already wanting to get some more. I tended to get obsessive over things I could collect and I was afraid that this was the beginning of a potentially expensive hobby.

The dogs were happy sitting in the sun, so I left them outside and headed to my room. I didn’t have a lot of boxes. There were very few things I wanted to take from the house. Collin never let me decorate the way I wanted to. We had two different styles, and he always won out.

My bedroom in the duplex was painted a deep purple. The landlord had told me when I moved in that I could repaint it, but I actually liked the color. It went with my black furniture.

Even though I wanted to go straight to my box, that was labeled books/bookshelf. I did the responsible thing and started unpacking my clothes. Shopping was an addiction of mine too, and by the amount of clothes I had, it was more than evident.

I ended up throwing a bunch of things away that I hadn’t worn in years or knew I wouldn’t wear. It felt kind of refreshing to see my closest with clothes hanging up in it and my shoes stacked neatly on the floor.

Hollie was right. I knew she would be happy that I was actually unpacking, so as I went to let the dogs back in the house, I called her. Answering my call, she hit the button to FaceTime. As I answered, I made a face. “What are you doing?”

“We were invited to dinner tonight, so I’m baking a cake.”

I laughed, “you baking? Since when?”

Hollie smiled, “girl I’ve been whipping it up in the kitchen. Mom gave me some of grammies old recipes.”

I made a face, “well ok. Don’t burn the place down.”

“Whatever. Ok, so I left a pizza in the oven for like 2 hours one time. It was ok. No-one died.”

“That pizza did,” I giggled.

She rolled her eyes, laughing. “So you are in a better mood today. Did you go to that shop?”

I nodded, “yes, and I even unpacked my bedroom this morning.”

“Thank God, I told Kyle last night that I was afraid I was going to have to make a trip back down there to pull you out of your funk. Did you buy anything?”

“Yeah,” I said. “The place is bigger on the inside that what it looks like. I bought a few crystals and some books. The owner of the shop is really cool. We exchanged numbers, so I might have a new friend. Are you happy now?”

“I am actually. Look at you!” Hollie sat the phone on the counter. “See, I told you getting out would do you some good. You have always been the antisocial one of us and I’ve always had to drag your ass out. You always end up having fun. it’s just getting you to participate.”

I rolled my eyes, laughing. “Not everyone can be as sociable as you. Besides, Collin forced me to be some outgoing, shallow person. I can’t believe you let me marry him.”

Hollie tilted the phone where I could see her better. “I mean, I knew he was a douche but…” She sighed, “I knew you were unhappy, but you would never talk about it. You say you don’t know who you are anymore, but I see more of you now than I did when you were married to him. You were like a stranger. I knew you were my sister, but everything about you was gone. You were like his little puppet.”

I looked down. She was right. Collin had never liked Hollie. We had all gone to school together, and he had always avoided her like the plague. She was the outspoken one. The one who didn’t care if it hurt your feelings. She was going to tell you how she felt. Well, with me, she was different. She shielded me from a lot of her thoughts, but I could read them on her face. I knew she hated him, but I thought I was in love.

Maybe I was.

I had lied to myself so much that even I thought I had been happily married. I had a handsome, successful husband, an amazing house, and the best group of friends.

Or so I thought.

Most of my friends had been our friends. Friends that he kept most of in the divorce. It had upset me, and first, until I realized that those so-called friends didn’t even know who I really was. They would be horrified by some of the books I read, and if they knew I had stepped foot in a metaphysical shop, they would fall completely out.

“I bought a book about Wicca. It’s pretty interesting.”

“Really?” Hollie asked. “You always were attracted to that kind of stuff. I remember when you and your little group of friends went and bought all those books when ya’ll were supposed to be at the library. Remember, Jennifer got so freaked out that her mom would find them that she ended up giving the ones she bought to you.”

I laughed, “oh God, I forgot about that. She was totally on board and then fell off the map.”

“I mean, she is married to a preacher now.”

Kyle’s face appears on the screen with Jeremiah. “Look there is Aunt Riley. Tell her we are about to ship you to her.”

“Send him on,” I said, laughing as Jeremiah tried to swipe the phone off the counter.

“Ugh, I got to go, girl. Call me later. And yes, I’m so happy you made a new friend. Don’t ghost her!”

“I won’t. You know me. I love you Hollie.”

Hollie made a face. “yes, I know you all too well. That is why I said don’t ghost her. But I love you too. Sister for life, right?”

“Always.”

Hanging up with Hollie. I walked into my bedroom and took a couple of pictures of the room for her. I knew she would be excited. Sitting on my bed, I grabbed my laptop and searched for some decorations I would need to make my little boho room a reality.

The only thing I wasn’t sure of was where to buy plants. I made a note to ask Laky. She had a lot of healthy looking plants in her shop that was exactly what I was looking for.

While I was still in the mood, I turned some music on and went to the living room and started unpacking. The more things I took out of the box, the more I realized that most of my decorations I had taken with me weren’t even things I had liked. They were things Collin liked.

In the end, I took 5 boxes to the curb and set them out for the trash. If anyone wanted the things in them, they could have them. I was going to decorate my house my way, and I didn’t care if I was the only one who liked it or not.

Going back to my computer, I added way too much to my amazon order that I already had going and hit order without thinking twice. I’d worry about the rest later.

Opening up my email, I read through the offers that had come in this morning again. I normally took a little break between big jobs, but I wanted to get a good savings built up now that I was alone. I chose one smaller job, and one that I’d probably regret but was too good to pass up.

I knew I should probably get to work researching for the bigger project, but I found myself once again drawn to read more about Wicca. I was a researcher by nature, so as I read, I took notes, tabbed and even jotted down thoughts. It fascinated me.

It took everything in me not to grab my purse and run back down to the shop. I had a compulsive obsession when I got into things. A year ago, I got really into essential oils and I had way too many bottles that I rarely even used anymore. Would the crystals be the same way?

It was still early so I would go later. Maybe by then I wouldn't feel the need to buy the entire store.

I’d always been attracted to the unknown. Never felt like I belonged in the here and now and the book just seemed to speak to me. Right now I’d take anything that got my mind off of the reality of my real world. Even if it was a little magic. I mean, what could meditating around a couple of crystals hurt. Nothing. Not a damn thing.

Turning the page, I tilted my head. Oh, sigils. I’d always thought they were so neat looking. Running my hand over the page, I began looking through them. They were beautiful and I once again found myself getting lost in my book, ignoring everything else.