All or Nothing: A Love by Design Novel

I should’ve just cut my losses but I knew I wouldn’t. Spending time with Braydon made me feel alive and desirable in a way I hadn’t felt before. I wasn’t ready to give that up. Besides, part of me felt a little guilty that both times we’d hooked up had been solely about me. I hadn’t returned the favor and I was dying with curiosity to know if the chemistry we had would translate into mind-blowing sex. I wanted to touch and explore the body I’d admired from afar since the moment I’d met him.

So when he texted me later that week, it was with shaky fingers that I pondered what to write back.

Braydon: Hey gorgeous. How’s your day?

Me: Hey. It’s fine. It’s been a long day and I could use a massage.

Braydon: Let me come over tonight and I’ll give you a gentle massage from the inside out. 😉

This was how it started. Naughty texts. Flirty comments. My heart squeezed tightly in my chest. There was no denying I wanted to see him tonight. To see his big smile light up his face and watch his playful eyes dance on mine. I wanted to poke fun at him and hear him chuckle. I just liked being near him.

I still hadn’t responded when he sent another text.

Braydon: Shall I bring dinner again?

Me: Sure. I’m craving Italian.

Braydon: One extra-large Italian sausage cumming right up. See you at 7.

I laughed out loud and stuffed my phone back in my purse. Tonight should be interesting.

• • •

When Braydon arrived promptly at seven, I was wrestling a cork from a bottle of wine in the kitchen. I needed some liquid courage tonight. When the buzzer sounded from the intercom on my wall, I abandoned the wine to buzz him in. A few moments later, I pulled open the front door to discover a deliciously polished Braydon. Gone were his beat-up Converse sneakers and his vintage tees. He was dressed in a button-down shirt and dark gray slacks, his hair neatly combed and ready to be tugged on. I held my breath as I drank him in and his lips smirked.

“Hiya, kitten.”

“Come in.” I pushed open the door and he followed me inside. I headed back to the kitchen to finish fighting with the wine bottle. Braydon chuckled at me and promptly removed it from my hands, easily finishing the job and pouring each of us a glass.

We sipped our wine while Braydon unloaded the cartons of food he’d brought. Fettuccine Alfredo with chicken, rosemary Parmesan breadsticks, spaghetti carbonara, and antipasto salad. Once again he’d brought more than enough food for just us. I could get used to eating delicious leftovers from our takeout dinners. I had just finished the Thai.

The aroma was heavenly as he dished up hearty servings into the bowls I provided. “This smells great. Where’d you get it?”

“Giovanni’s. It’s a hole in the wall, but the food is fantastic.” He twirled a forkful of pasta and held it up, intending to feed me the bite. “Open,” he commanded.

I obeyed, accepting a mouthful of spaghetti. My eyes slipped closed, savoring the subtle flavors of homemade pasta, black pepper, and crisp bacon. It was delicious. And I liked that he fed me. I accepted another bite while Braydon’s eyes watched my mouth. The temperature in my apartment seemed to ratchet up in an instant. I licked my bottom lip and chewed slowly, swallowing the bite of food while his breathing grew shallow.

“Everything okay?” he asked, his voice low and commanding.

I nodded slowly. It was as if he could tell when I was retreating into my head to overthink everything and knew when to distract me to keep me from questioning things between us.

“Good. Let’s eat.” We sat down at the table that I used so rarely, though we’d used it two times together this week already. We even had our own spots at the table. A little routine was developing.

“You’re dressed up,” I noticed, taking him in.

“I had casting calls today. Dress to impress.”

I nodded. Made sense.

“How was your day?” he asked, taking a bite of his dinner.

“Good, actually. I’ve been giving our arrangement more thought, too.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes.”

“Tell me.”

“Well, you want to be penis pals . . .”

His brow creased as he squinted at me. “Not exactly. I hope you don’t have a penis, kitten.”

I frowned at him. “Fine then. You want to be best friends with my vagina.”

His head cocked to the side and a slow smile overtook his mouth. “I thought I already was.”

I rolled my eyes. “Unfortunately, you do seem to be.” My eyes dropped to my plate and I twirled strands of pasta onto my fork. I didn’t know how to ask about our arrangement and stared down at my food, poking at the lump of pasta, hoping he’d pick up the conversation where I’d dropped it. Only he didn’t.

“Eat up.” Braydon grinned, his dimple peeking at me. “You’ll need your energy.”

Yes, sir. “So bossy.” I shook my head.

We kept up a casual conversation through dinner, enjoying good food, pleasant company, and the easy conversation that flowed so well between us. But I didn’t find the courage to bring up our arrangement again. And Braydon didn’t push it. This was all so new to me. I was hoping he’d take the lead, but so far he seemed content to discuss my job, local sports teams—anything but why he was here.

Soon, we were both full and Braydon was helping me pack up the leftovers. I wanted to inquire about his diet requirements for his job, but I didn’t want him to stop feeding me like this. I was getting spoiled already and I liked it.

I lingered in the kitchen, wiping a nonexistent spot on the counter.

“Hey.” His hand curled around my shoulder pulled me from my thoughts. “Whatcha thinking about?”

“Nothing,” I lied. Everything. This. Us. How much better homemade pasta is than boxed. Why your dimple makes me weak in the knees.

“Come sit down. Finish your wine.” He refilled my glass, pouring a healthy amount.

“Trying to get me drunk?” I smiled.

“Will that work?”

I shook my head slowly. “Nope.”

“I know.” His thumb traced the crease between my brows. “You’re too smart for that.” His thumb stroked the spot again before he lowered his hand. “It’s something I like about you. But sometimes you’ve got to stop thinking so hard and just feel. See where things take you.”

I brought my glass to my lips and took a fortifying swallow. He was right. I wanted to feel alive. To have a naughty little escapade. My life was so mapped out and organized, just him being here threw off my routine in a good way. Normally I’d be in pajamas, flipping mindlessly through the channels and feeling sorry for myself. Or worse, torturing myself by trolling the Internet, looking at my friends’ pages on social media and seeing engagement rings and baby bumps.

“There, that’s better.” He could read me way too well. It was like he could see the exact moment my brain stopped fighting my body and I mentally gave in. “Don’t be scared. I won’t bite.” He narrowed his eyes. “Actually I might. But you’ll like it.”

Pressing his fingertips into my lower back, he guided me to the living room and we settled on the sofa. I pulled my legs up and hugged my knees, suddenly feeling contemplative. How was it that this man I’d known only a short time could read me better than anyone?

Braydon watched me carefully, moving the throw pillow between us to the floor, as if needing to remove any and all physical barriers between us. “Tell me something, kitten, because I won’t pressure you into this. I won’t make you do something you don’t want. How sure are you about this arrangement I’ve proposed?”

No thinking, Ellie. Feeling only. “No one has ever made me come like you have,” I admitted softly. Holy crap! I can’t believe I just said that.

“I’m just getting started, baby. I can’t wait to show you all the things I can do to your body.”

Sucking in a soft inhale, I unconsciously leaned closer, letting him draw me into his orbit. He pressed forward and touched his lips softly to mine, lingering there, not rushing me, and in turn making me crave him even more. His breath mingled with mine, the soft warmth teasing me, promising a raw heat between us, if only I’d give in. Give up control. I brought my hands up and pushed them into his hair, rumpling it into a sexy disarray, just like I’d wanted to do when I’d opened the door earlier tonight and seen it styled neatly. I clutched his dark locks between my fingers and forced him closer, kissing his full mouth like I wanted to, giving in to my body.

He groaned into my mouth, matching the intensity of my kiss and massaging my tongue with his. He tasted of wine. It was intoxicating. He pulled my hand into his lap and pressed it to the erection pushing against his zipper. “See what you do to me. You get me so worked up just by being near me.” My hand curled around him and I squeezed, enjoying the soft way his breath pushed past his parted lips. Suddenly rising from the couch, Braydon found my hand and tugged me up. “Take me to your bedroom.”

I nodded and guided him down the hall.

We fell back onto my bed, which I’d made that morning in anticipation of our date—er, arrangement. He pushed my thighs apart with his knee, caged me in with his firm body, and kissed my neck, trailing rough kisses and small nips. It felt forbidden and intoxicating. He was marking my flesh, and I wanted to wear the evidence of this erotic encounter tomorrow. I couldn’t resist rocking my hips and pushing myself onto his thigh, needing contact against my swollen, achy center. Lifting himself off me just briefly, Braydon unbuttoned and unzipped my pants and slid them, along with my panties, down my legs before I even knew what was happening. But we both knew I wasn’t about to stop him. I was whimpering with need and squirming already.

I sat up and pulled my T-shirt over my head then reached behind me to unclasp my bra. I wanted to be bold just then. To undress for him. Not some quick and dirty fuck. I wanted to take my time. Get the full experience, in case this was it—all I would get from him.

Braydon watched in wonder as I let my bra drop away from my shoulders, but at the last possible second I brought my hands up to cover my naked breasts. Maybe I wasn’t so brave after all.

“No.” He shook his hand, his fingers circling my wrists. “I want to see all of you. Don’t hide from me.”

My heart pounded steadily and I let him pull my hands away, baring myself to him fully. His eyes lingered on mine just a moment before sliding down my chest.

He swallowed roughly. “Perfect. Gorgeous tits. Never hide these.” His head lowered and without warning he began sucking on my breast, his tongue circling my nipple, his teeth lightly grazing the peak, drawing it into a hardened bud. Damn, that felt incredible. He wasn’t shy about using his teeth. And he did so expertly, eliciting pleasure from my body in ways I’d never even imagined. I slipped my fingers into his hair again and pressed my breasts forward with a low moan. Sparks of primal need coursed through my system. He captured my wrists, pinning them at my sides. Oops. Maybe I’d been pulling his hair a little too hard.

“Sorry,” I murmured.

His mouth pulled suddenly from my breast. “I love when you play with my hair. I just want you focused on feeling the sensations I give you rather than touching me.”

Oh. He was too thoughtful. Too in tune with my body. It sent a shudder through me.

He continued licking and nipping at my breasts, the warm pad of his tongue sending pulses of pleasure through me. He was right; the sensations were stronger when I wasn’t preoccupied with touching him. I closed my eyes and just let myself feel. He slowly moved lower, planting soft kisses against my rib cage, my belly, as he made his way south. My pulse spiked in anticipation, already imagining his skilled tongue against me. But rather than obliging me with his mouth at my core, he positioned himself lower on the bed, between my parted legs, and observed me writhing for him with a tug pulling his mouth upward. I hated how he alone could turn me into a wanton creature, so ready to dive off the deep end with him. I reached for him, wanting to pull him closer, and my fists twisted in the folds of his shirt.

He had far too many clothes on. I wanted to see him, to feel his warm skin, to breathe him in. I began tugging at his clothing. “Your shirt.”

He looked down.

“Take it off,” I said breathily.

“Anything for you.” He unbuttoned just the first few buttons then pulled it over his head.

“Your pants, too,” I begged.

He made quick work of his belt and then pushed his pants down his hips in one quick movement, discarding them beside the bed. I couldn’t help but steal a peek. My gaze wandered down the length of his lean torso, taking him in. He was masculine. Beautiful. Toned and solid from his broad chest to his chiseled abs to his . . . wait. He dropped his boxer briefs to the floor and looked up at me. I couldn’t help my eyes from widening, and then squeezing closed. Holy shit!

“Kitten?” My eyes flew open and then I looked down at him again, shifting on the bed uncomfortably. He followed my gaze downward and his mouth pulled up in a lazy grin. “What’s wrong?” He looked down at himself and then back up at me. “You don’t like my body?”

I shook my head in disbelief. “Your body is insane; you know that. It’s just, well . . . that”—I looked down again—“is . . . um, bigger than I was expecting.”

His chest ballooned out and his smile broke wider. “I won’t hurt you. I promise.” He bent forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead. The gesture was sweet. Almost too much so. It implied a closeness between us that shouldn’t have been present. This was just sex, yet it felt like more.

“Just tell me what you can handle,” he whispered, rubbing his nose along my jaw. “Okay, miss?”

I nodded, my mouth curling up in a smile. Feeling braver, I attempted another look at his member. A glint of silver caught my eye. What the? “What’s that?” I felt like a kid at the zoo, pointing and staring. But I couldn’t help myself. I’d never seen something like that in real life.

“It’s a piercing. You’ll like it, I promise.” His hand captured his steely length and he stroked himself slowly while I watched, utterly mesmerized, his hand gliding up and down over the head and the silver ball of his piercing. “You ready for me, kitten?” His hand slid along his thick shaft. He was long and straight. Deliciously so. I couldn’t wait to slide my mouth around him, to flick my tongue across his naughty piercing. But I didn’t get that chance.

Positioning himself lower on the bed, Braydon pushed my legs apart. “Open for me,” he whispered, and my body obeyed, legs sliding wider to accommodate him. He pressed a single finger inside me, slowly, achingly slowly, parting me and making my back arch up off the bed. His finger penetrated me in a steady rhythm, curling up just slightly to massage my inner wall. He added a second finger, fucking me with his hand, and I moaned out, taken back by how incredible he made everything feel. Everything was about me. He was solely focused on my pleasure.

His cock pressed against my thigh as he shifted closer. He was rock hard, warm, and ready. The hint of hard metal warmed to body temperature tempted me beyond belief. What would he feel like inside? I twisted and writhed as he fucked me with his fingers. My inner muscles clenched around his fingers as I came. Pleasure blinded me momentarily as white spots danced in my vision.

Slowly opening my eyes, I found him watching me. I’d never had an orgasm so fast. Holy shit, this man was talented. Was that my G-spot? I thought that was a mythical creature, like a unicorn or a Sasquatch.

He crawled up my body, kissing my stomach, my chest, my neck, until his lips found mine. He kissed me fiercely, my only clue that he was as desperate for me as I was for him. Blood pounded in my ears as my body took control. He was an itch I desperately wanted to scratch, a need so deep I felt it in my core. My heart pounded erratically and my lungs screamed for oxygen, but stopping wasn’t an option. I’d never felt anything so intense. Tongues stroked and mingled as we fought to get closer. Braydon pulled away, his mouth moving to my throat where I felt the pinch of his teeth graze my skin.

I squirmed against the mattress, boneless and content. The deep ache within me was momentarily soothed, but still I wanted more. “I want to come again,” I murmured.

“I know you do.” He reached for a condom packet he’d inconspicuously placed on the bedside table. When had he done that? The package was gold and I recognized the brand. Magnum. “Roll over,” he commanded with a firm gentleness to his voice.

I watched as he tore open the packet with his teeth and began to unroll it onto himself before I obeyed, rolling over onto my stomach. Cool air rushed over my skin, my backside exposed as I waited.

Lying flat on my stomach, I felt him move on top of me, his thighs on either side of mine. His fingertips lightly trailed down my spine, softly tickling and caressing me. I craved him and whimpered at his lightest touch. Anticipating the moment he’d take me, I squirmed, holding my breath for the invasion.

He positioned himself against me and pressed forward. The blunt head of him nudged against me, seeking entrance. “Relax your body. Breathe for me. You’re too tense.”

I closed my eyes and focused on relaxing and accepting his length. He disappeared inch by inch, sliding slowly inside me from behind, keeping his grip firmly on my hips until his fingers bit into the skin. The too-full sensations gave way to raw pleasure and I pressed back against him, taking him in.

He kept his pace slow and careful as I got used to him moving behind me, sliding out and pushing in again incrementally. It’d been a while since I’d had a lover, and he felt incredible. The piercing provided a bit of extra friction in just the right spot, and I whimpered out loud. Unable to resist working my hips against him, I was soon restless and moaning into the bed beneath me, grasping the sheets in my palms.

I wanted to see him, to kiss him, to watch his eyes as he took me. “I want to fuck you,” I moaned.

He leaned closer, his lips brushing the shell of my ear. “You want to ride me?”

“Yeah . . .” I groaned, happily pushing my bottom up to meet his hips. Suddenly he was retreating and helping me up. Positioning himself, he propped his back against the headboard, and I climbed onto his lap. His hands cupped my jaw and we kissed deeply, just like I’d been craving. “Let me,” I groaned, needing him to fill me up once again. I aligned his length to my entrance and slowly lowered myself down. Gasping at the invasion, I pressed my palms flat against his chiseled abs and rotated my hips lightly, adjusting to the feel of him. Whoa. It was deep like this.

His palms cupped my naked breasts and he pinched my nipples, pulling slightly. “Ahhh . . .” I groaned. “Gentle . . .” I reminded him.

“I can be gentle with you . . .” he murmured, lightly trailing featherlight fingertips across my skin. He took my hands and moved them to his throat. “But you can be rough with me, kitten. Choke me if you want.” His eyes were smiling, but his tone was sincere. I wasn’t much into kink, but the idea that this man could open me up to a new world excited me.

I circled my hands around his throat without applying any pressure and leaned down to kiss him again. His breath left his lips in a rush, spurring me on. Rubbing my sensitive nipples against his chest, I circled my hips slowly, drawing in more of his length.

Once he was buried inside me, his hands clutched my waist, his fingers nipping into the skin. “Ah, shit.” His eyes dropped closed and a look of complete bliss overtook his features. “Your pussy feels so good.”

“Don’t they all feel the same?” I wasn’t sure how many girls he’d been with, but surely the number was up there.

“No.” His tone was firm.

“How does it feel?” I seriously wanted to know. I knew what this felt like on my end—an intense, breath-stealing fullness as he pushed into me—but I had no clue what it felt like for him.

“Are you going to talk the whole time?” His mouth quirked up in a smile.

“Tell me,” I demanded.

He let out a deep groan as I lifted and lowered slowly. “You feel warm and wet, nice and tight. Perfect.” Gripping my hips, he pushed upward suddenly, his long cock bumping against my cervix. Gah! He was so big. My movements turned frenzied as I started to ride him again. His hands caught my hips, lifting me against him. All too soon, he flipped me so that I was lying on my back and he was on top once again. At least this time I could see him. He kissed me softly and thrust forward.

Holy God. I flinched involuntarily. “You’re too big.”

“Am I hurting you? I’m trying to be careful.” His voice went all whispery soft and concerned. It was sweet.

“You’re too rough.”

“I’m being gentle,” he whispered. “But I’m not going to stop biting your clavicle.” His teeth grazed the tender skin again, making me shiver. He pushed into me, his entire length owning me, making my back arch off the bed.

“Not so deep.” I curled my hand around the base of him, my hand blocking his last few inches from entering me. There, that was better. “Do you normally have this problem with girls?”

“Sometimes,” he admitted. Holy fuck, of course he did. This was ridiculous. “But I wouldn’t call it a problem. You’ll see once you get accustomed.”

Maybe it was the piercing, but something about him was causing my entire body to shiver and blossom in awesomeness. Wait, was that even a word? I didn’t care. I was going to come. Again. I wrapped my legs around his back and let him pound into me. The pleasure-pain combo heated my skin and made me whimper. I buried my face against his neck as I came, my entire world exploding in brilliant white light. He held me tight, wrapping both arms around me.

Coming down from my release, I tried the biting thing he seemed to be so fond of. I nibbled his jaw, his throat, and felt his blood pumping there, sure and strong. It was kind of fun, and Braydon’s groan when my teeth made contact with his neck was a plus. He still hadn’t finished, despite the several orgasms I’d already had.

“You’re too big,” I groaned again. “Let me give you a hand job instead.” I needed to climb off this ride. It was too much. Far too intense for me to handle.

He chuckled against my throat. “I can’t have a hand job after this. Your pussy feels so fucking good,” he groaned. He kept the next few thrusts shallow and whispered against my skin, “I’m going to come.”

Fuck, thank God.

He pressed his lips to my throat, suppressing his groans as he spilled himself inside me.

Afterward, I curled into a ball and pulled my knees to my chest, my heart thumping wildly. What in the world was that? Braydon, who annoyed me to no end, was the best lover I’d ever had.

“Are you okay?” his voice had gone all soft and concerned again.

“Oh, you mean other than having a punctured ovary? I’m fabulous.” I could seriously use some pain reliever right about now. I considered sending him into the kitchen for a dose of medicine, but decided against it. I didn’t want to stroke his ego any more than I already had.

He chuckled under his breath and bent down to kiss my forehead. “I’m not that big, kitten. You’re just little.”

I waggled my finger at his protruding member. “Well that’s not happening again.” Shit, at this rate I’d need to call in sick to work tomorrow. I doubted I could walk right now. I’d be bowlegged at the very least. I peeked one eye open and watched him yank off the condom with a snap. Ouch. That just looked painful. He treaded into the bathroom, the soles of his bare feet padding against the tiled floor. What little light there was in the room provided a view of his toned backside. Mmm. Maybe there’d be a repeat after all, once I was all healed up. At the very least, I’d let him do that G-spot thingy to me again. That was fine by me. Seriously, what was that?

The bathroom door closed behind him and I heard the water running. I lay there, watching the light filtering through the crack at the bottom of the door, wondering if he’d dress and leave when he emerged or if he’d want to stay the night. The thought of him leaving just now, after such an intense experience, was depressing. I had no clue where these feelings were coming from, but cuddling sounded amazing right about now. Feeling his strong arms around me . . . drifting off to sleep with his firm body beside mine . . . sounded like bliss. Maybe I was just starved for male attention. This was Braydon, after all. Male model and man-whore, whom I had fought to steer clear of, initially. Yet, he’d been nothing but a gentleman so far, using a condom without me having to request it, ensuring I got off first, which sadly was more than I could say for most guys, and adjusting his style when I said it was too rough. He’d already exceeded my low expectations for what a one-night stand was supposed to be.

The bathroom door opened and the light flipped off. Braydon crossed the room to the bed and climbed in beside me. My lips curled up in a smile. I liked that there was no question, no discussion. He was sleeping over.

In my apartment.

With me.

I relaxed into the mattress and let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. Maybe this arrangement would be okay after all.

He pulled the fluffy down comforter up around us and curled both arms around me, burying his face against my neck. “That was amazing, gorgeous,” he said, his warm breath whispering across my neck.

“Mmm,” I returned, unable to form words just yet.

“You feel perfect.” He tugged me to him, closing all distance between us. Surprisingly, it was comfortable. I wasn’t the best cuddler, and considering he and I had never even come close to sharing a bed, I shouldn’t have been so at ease. Yet, I was. Totally and completely. Without overanalyzing every little thing, I relaxed into his embrace, just enjoying the moment.

Nature called, though, and all too soon I was crawling out of bed to use the bathroom and get ready to sleep. My reflection in the mirror was unexpected. My cheeks were flushed, my hair was a mess, but mostly I just looked happy. Huh.

“Are you brushing your teeth in there?” Braydon called. The sound of running water must have given me away.

“Yes,” I said around a garbled mouthful of bubbles.

“I’m so jealous right now,” he admitted.

“You can too if you want.”

“Use your toothbrush?” he asked.

“Why not?” His mouth had been on my most private of parts. Cooties were null and void at this point.

Braydon remained in my bed, though, looking rather comfortable I might add. He somehow knew which side was mine and positioned himself on the opposite one. When I crawled back in beside him, he wrapped me in his arms and whispered goodnight. I settled into his broad, warm body, closed my eyes, and promptly fell into a deep and restful sleep.