All He’ll Ever Be (Merciless World Series Book 1)

I can’t get the sound of her pleading for me to forgive her out of my head. The words are etched inside of me, ricocheting around the walls of every room I enter.

Exactly how her words years ago followed me, but these pleas are haunting in a way I’ve never felt.

It was too real.

Even though I’m in my desk chair, waiting on my brothers, I can’t stop staring at where she was last night. I’m still staring at the spot when the door opens and that’s when I glance at the monitor, expecting to see Aria sleeping, but she’s already up and getting dressed.

I don’t know who’s come in, but I start talking anyway. “We need to call the doctor.” I let the air in my lungs leave me before seeing Jase and Declan walk in and each take a seat. Jase sits easily in the chair in front of the desk on the right. Declan leaves the one on the left, presumably for Sebastian or Daniel.

Sebastian got in late last night to his place, where he slept, going against what I recommended, and he’s on his way here now. I need him here. I need my friend to help me figure out what’s wrong with me.

Declan leans against the bookshelf, slipping his phone into his pocket and letting his head fall back against the wooden slat to ask me, “The doctor?”

His brow is pinched and I take a moment to really look at him. He’s aged so much in the last few years.

I can hear Daniel’s heavy steps sounding down the hall as I nod at Declan, feeling my throat getting tighter even though I attempt to relax and lean back into my chair. “Aria hurt her shoulder last night.”

The pain in my chest radiates. “Last night was difficult.” I can’t look my brothers in the eyes, and Daniel walks in just then. The door closes quietly as I peek back to the sofa I slept on last night and then to Daniel, who asks for the time.

“We have six minutes,” Jase answers him and quickly gets back to me and my lost thoughts. “What’d she do?” he asks me.

Shame is bitter. It tastes so fucking bitter.

“Is she all right?” Declan asks, and Daniel is quick to ask what’s wrong as he takes the left seat across from my desk.

“Aria hurt her shoulder last night is all. She’s fine,” I say. It’s a lie and with how silent the room is, my brothers know it too. I can’t tell them what happened though. I can barely stand to look at myself, knowing what happened last night.

“Five minutes.” Jase breaks the silence, lifting his arm to check his watch. The light glints off the shiny metal and I welcome the distraction. I wish I hadn’t brought it up at all, but I’m not used to hiding anything from my brothers.

“When we’re done, I’ll handle that, but this call will hopefully give us something.”

“Just so you know, we gave the last case of guns to Romano and pulled everyone.”

“So they have everything they wanted?” Daniel clarifies with Jase at the news, and Jase nods.

We’ve been involved enough, and Talvery doesn’t have the men to threaten us anymore.

“Good,” Declan remarks, “Let the two of them kill each other.”

My grip tightens on the smooth leather of the armrest as I stare at Jase and tell him, “All I want is to keep them all away from here.” He nods easily at first, in complete agreement but when he looks back at me, his expression becomes more serious. “No one gets close,” I say, and my voice hardens, thinking about keeping Aria safe. I won’t let her die.

“Of course,” Jase tells me, his gaze searching my face for what’s changed since I last spoke to him yesterday about pulling everyone. I know I’m still shaken and out of everyone, I know Jase can tell something’s off.

I’m saved from his inquisition as the door opens, and Sebastian comes in. His hair is longer, his scruff now a short and neatly trimmed beard. His eyes have aged, but the man I once knew like a brother, walks into the office and I can feel the tension start to leave my body almost immediately.

“Sorry I’m late.”

“Welcome home,” I tell him, meeting his gaze, but my own words are drowned out by those of my brothers. When we were younger, Sebastian was all we had to guide us.

My body’s stiff as I make my way around to greet him. Seeing him is bittersweet. Time has passed, and both of us have changed. But in this cruel world we live in where you have to fight to survive, there’s nothing like a friend who’s been there every time you’ve needed them.

In Sebastian’s case, every time but one, but there’s no time to dwell on the past. Again my gaze shifts to the empty sofa as I head back toward my seat.

I’m still so fucking cold, and for a moment I feel like I can’t breathe again.

“It’s good to see you guys again,” Sebastian says and then takes us in one by one.

“I wish things were different,” I tell him and no words could speak more truth.

“It’s only a little bloodshed,” Sebastian offers, smirking and leaning back against the wall.

“You all right?” he asks me, and he doesn’t hide the concern in his question. He never has, and with those words I’m taken back to when I was only a child and all the times he asked me the exact same thing.

“I’m ready for this to be over,” I answer him and we share a knowing look.

“I guess it’s good that I came then.” His answer is firm, but comes out in a way that makes me feel slightly relieved.

I give him as much of a genuine smile as I can as he walks over the spot Aria was in last night and then back to the door. It was only a dream. I have to remind myself.

Sebastian asks Declan as he leans against the closed door, “Are you all set?” My brother gives him a nod, and an arrogant smirk in return.

Declan stalks from the bookshelf and walks closer to the desk, his eyes on the telephone seated in the left corner as he says, “Tracers are on and these are new. Even if he’s bouncing his signal off multiple towers, or the call cuts off in seconds, I can find him.”

My back is stiff with tension… but also the creeping feeling of danger. We’re going to hunt down the grim reaper, one of the names Marcus goes by.

“Are you sure?” He nods at Daniel’s question and then all of us stare at the phone, preparing to get answers we’ve waited far too long for as it rings, as if daring Declan to be right.

Ring.

I can feel the desk vibrate and the small shaking movements of the phone as I reach for it.

Lifting the handset up and putting it on speaker, I let Marcus know we’re all here.

“The Cross brothers,” he speaks. Marcus, the grim reaper, the ghost… whatever name he goes by, he’s finally gracing us with a call. My teeth clench when I hear his voice, and my blood goes cold.

His voice has always reminded me of a snake. Not a snake you can easily kill by cutting off its head, but the kind of snake that myths make immortal.

It’s the way his words linger in the air and settle into your bones.

“It’s been a while,” Marcus comments and Daniel’s quick to reply, “Not because of our doing.”

My left hand raises silently in the air, quieting Daniel although I can see the anger rising inside of him as he’s barely grounded in the chair. He knows Marcus has answers, and he’s refusing to give them to us.

“I believe our desired outcomes may no longer be aligned, Marcus.” My heartbeat quickens, but I keep my voice even and remain calm and in control. “Is that why you’ve been quietly avoiding us?” I question him.

Silence. For one beat, and then another.

I can feel my brothers watching me, their eyes boring into me, but I stare at the phone, willing Marcus to answer.

And finally, I’m given a response. “Not necessarily,” he answers me and then adds, “You made a change that I didn’t necessarily agree with, Cross.”

“You’ll have to be more clear on which of us you’re referring to,” I tell him as I rest my elbow on the table and my chin on my fist. My thumb runs along my stubble as I glance at Declan, who’s watching the tablet in his hand with an unyielding stare.

“I suppose you’re right…” Marcus says and then pauses before adding, “Two of you have in fact, gone off course.”

Daniel’s eyes meet mine at the same time I look at him.

“What exactly changed that you decided we were no longer allies?” I ask Marcus, feeling hotter and growing irritated. Marcus is an unparalleled force, but he aggravates the fuck out of me with how cautious he is. When I can use him to my advantage, which I have in the past, I think highly of the man. I’ve both feared and admired him.

But to be on the other side of his temper is … enraging.

“I needed to make a deal with Nicholas Talvery.” Marcus surprises me with a straight answer.

I surmise, “And my interfering was…”

“Unappreciated.” Marcus finishes my sentence and I merely nod, my mouth set in a grim, straight line.

“What happened with Addison?” Daniel asks, and Marcus ignores him.

“I want Aria Talvery.” Marcus’s demand gets a reaction from me that he can’t see. My brow raises and a smile wavers against my lips.

“No.” I’m surprisingly calm as I answer, “That’s not going to happen.”

The ever-present ticking of the clock passes in the silence until Marcus responds, “I didn’t anticipate your response to be so…. shortsighted.”

“Daniel asked you a question,” I remind Marcus and watch my brother. “Why was she involved?” I’m not positive that Marcus is behind what happened, but I know that he knows the answer.

“Why did you try to take her?” Daniel’s question comes with a raised voice behind clenched teeth and barely contained anger. His inability to keep calm is understandable, but ineffective.

“I didn’t. You already know who did.”

I barely contain my irritation, watching Daniel come unhinged as Marcus continues to skirt around the one thing he needs to know.

“If we knew, we wouldn’t be asking you,” I tell Marcus pointedly.

“Who tried to take Addison?” Daniel speaks up with the only question he wants answered. I have so many I could drown in them, but he only has one.

I expect a single name. Or the denial of information entirely. Instead, Marcus continues to evade the answer, but he also surprises me.

I don’t like to be surprised, because it means I’m lacking in information, which means I’m lacking in control.

“The same man who hurt you years ago and started all this.” Years ago? His words repeat in my head. In the decade since we’ve taken power, no one has dared to hurt us until recently.

Marcus continues and this time, he places a small clue in his response. “She wouldn’t be yours if it hadn’t happened.”

“If what hadn’t happened?” Jase asks, speaking for the first time. And now I’m left wondering if Marcus is referring to Addison or Aria.

“The first hit your family took,” Marcus says, giving more information to solve a riddle rather than providing an answer that would be so easy to give.

“You talk in circles and riddles,” Daniel sneers and then slams his fist down before raising his voice to tell him, “I just want a name.”

“And I just want Aria,” Marcus answers, ever calm in a way that makes my blood turn to ice.

My brother looks at me, desperate for information, but before I can respond, Daniel narrows his eyes at the phone and tells Marcus, “If all you’re after is Aria, this conversation is useless. We will never give her to you.”

The line clicks dead and the moment it does, I stare at Daniel, who won’t take his gaze from the silent phone. With his jaw clenched and every emotion written on his face, I feel nothing but sorrow for him. Maybe shame as well. I’m ashamed I brought my brothers into this, and I don’t have a way to fix it.

“Years ago?” Sebastian repeats Marcus’s words and opens the door as Declan moves to leave, looking pissed off.

“Did it-”

Before Sebastian can even finish his question, Declan’s fist slams against the doorframe, splintering it with his rage.

He doesn’t speak; he doesn’t even slow his pace. Declan’s the first to leave and Daniel follows.

“Can I have a minute with Sebastian?” I ask Jase, letting go of my thoughts of figuring out what Marcus was hinting at. With a nod, Jase is gone, leaving only Sebastian and myself.

“Don’t let anyone close to this place and only trust us,” I tell Sebastian, not wasting a second as he stalks to where Jase was just sitting. With both hands wrapped around the back of the chair, he looks at me closely.

“Are you all right?” he asks me again and the sad smirk comes faster this time.

“No.”

“What has to happen?” he asks, and I’m grateful for that question rather than the obvious, why?

“She needs to be kept safe. Aria Talvery.”

“Because he wants her?” he guesses and I keep my expression still and unwavering, but after a short moment, I shake my head. “It has nothing to do with Marcus. She simply needs to be kept safe.”

His eyes search mine, and I hate his hesitation.

“You know what she means to me,” I speak with desperation and hate that I have to say it at all. It was his idea to give Stephan to Aria. Between my brothers and Sebastian, they know all my secrets. Loving Aria isn’t a secret anymore, and Sebastian knows it.

“I don’t care what happens, as long as you keep her safe. She can’t be hurt. In any way.”

“So you want me to … be her guard?” he offers and I hadn’t thought of it like that, but I nod, knowing I need someone to watch over Aria.

Sebastian nods and tells me we’ll talk more in detail soon before turning and leaving. And that’s the end of this very short meeting.

After he leaves, I wish he hadn’t. I’m alone in the room with the memories of last night, and riddles I don’t know how to begin to solve. The world feels like it’s closing in on me, and years of sin are mere seconds from destroying what’s left of me.

“I had a thought,” Jase speaks and I open my eyes, realizing that I didn’t even hear him come back in.

“I need to check on Aria,” I tell him, not wanting to deal with more shit. She has to meet Sebastian, and a strange sensation curdles the bit of bile in the pit of my stomach at the thought of what she’ll tell him about me.

“Just listen for a minute.”

“One minute,” I say. I focus on the phone, on the conversation that keeps repeating itself in the back of my mind as Jase tells me we should meet with Nikolai and let Aria see it all. Let her watch as Nikolai shows himself to be the man he is in front of her.

“What if she saw him the way we do?” he suggests and stares at me expectantly.

“I can’t even begin to understand why you would think that’s a good idea.”

“Let Aria see. Let her see you give him the chance to walk away, and show her the side of him she doesn’t know about.”

“Why-” I almost question my brother’s sanity until I realize he thinks I’m fucked up today because of Nikolai. He has no idea what weight I’m carrying today, but his first guess is that it has to do with Aria and Nikolai.

“You think that she’d be all right with him dying then? You’re wrong.” I don’t give him a moment to respond.

“I don’t give a fuck about Nikolai, and I’ve resigned myself to the fact that Aria is going to hate me for what I’m about to do. What she knows and doesn’t know is irrelevant.”

Defeat crosses Jase’s expression when I tell him a truth I wish didn’t exist.

“She loved him first, I know that. And she loves me now.” I swallow thickly and then tell him, “A part of her will always love him, but a part will always love me too.”

“I’m struggling here,” Jase says and runs a hand through his hair. “Something’s wrong.”

How could he not see? How could anyone not understand?

“I don’t know how this is supposed to end any other way but with us apart.”

There’s no way for this to end other than for her to hate me, or for me to die.

“She understands-”

“And I understand she’ll hate me when it’s over,” I cut him off with my rushed words. “What everyone needs to understand is that even if…” I have to pause and take a deep breath, staring past my brother at the closed door as I continue, “Even if she leaves… Even if she decides she can’t live with…” I’ve thought of this ending so many times, but I’ve never fully accepted it until this moment.

“Even if she doesn’t want me anymore when this is all over, I want her protected. I want her safe. Even if she can’t live with being my wife, my lover, my … everything. Even still, I need everyone to know that she’s protected and that she’ll always be mine.”