All He’ll Ever Be (Merciless World Series Book 1)

Time moves too fucking slow. The drive back to Sebastian’s place… every fucking roll of the tire is too goddamn slow.

If it weren’t for the knowledge that I can pull the video feed from the security cameras on the property, evidence that will lead me to her, I wouldn’t own a shred of sanity any longer. The phone in my hand is closer and closer to breaking as I bound up the steps and the anxiety grows. It’s been in danger of breaking since the moment I first heard that Aria was missing. In danger of being splintered and thrown however far I could just to release the tension and pain still rippling inside of me at the thought of losing her.

“Where are the monitors?” I don’t hide the anger in my tone the second the door is ripped open wide, Jase beside me, his footsteps barely keeping up with mine.

Before I can even scream at whoever’s in here to get me the fucking tapes, I nearly trip over something on the floor. Stumbling forward, I barely catch myself. Eli. Fuck!

My throat closes and a sickness shoots through me. I can’t help but reach to his throat and press my fingers against his icy skin. Even though he’s cold, I still hope for a pulse. One second passes, and it hurts. Another second with nothing, and I can’t fucking stand the cost of waging war. A war I choose to fight. All for her.

He’s gone.

His eyes are closed and his blood is pooled around him. Jase has to step in a bit of blood to get around me and the bright red is smeared across the floor. We share a look as a few of our men come in behind us.

“Get him home.” I give the command evenly, not revealing a shred of the emotions I’m feeling.

Control.

Eli dying is a reminder that I need control now more than anything. He will be missed and he will be mourned, but even he would tell me to focus on revenge right now.

“She’s outside,” Jase says and at first I don’t understand what he’s talking about until I turn to look over my shoulder. With the wind sweeping her locks off her shoulders and showing more of her skin, Aria glances at me.

She’s here. She’s safe. Relief is all-consuming for the briefest of moments.

I have her.

Those beautiful hazel-green eyes of hers swirl with a mix of pain and regret. Not the relief I’ve been envisioning since I was told she was gone.

“She’s here.” The words leave me without consent, buried under my breath as I slowly stand.

“Carter.” Daniel’s voice carries across the hall as I make my way to them. He steps in front of her, but I still see her face, not daring to break her gaze as my pace picks up.

“Where were you?” I’m only half aware of how hard my voice comes out and that it echoes in the hall. My heart thuds painfully in my chest as I brush Daniel aside to get to her, gripping Aria by her shoulder to pull her inside and slam the door closed.

Her feet don’t move fast enough, but I couldn’t care less. What the fuck is she thinking? Having the door open is welcoming danger.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” I say, and the words come out with a vengeance. Hating that she’d put herself in danger and be so fucking stupid.

“Get off,” she says as she pushes me away. In front of everyone, she looks back at me wild eyed and as if I’m the enemy. Like I’m the one who’s to blame for every ounce of turmoil that wreaks havoc inside of me.

A numbness flows through me as I regard her, all while she regards everyone else.

She wraps her arms around her shoulders and glances at my men behind me. It’s then that I see what’s captured her attention. The blood. It’s everywhere. Soaked into the knees of their pants where they crouched on the floor and waited for more men to kill. Splattered on their shirts. My gaze falls to my own hands, stained with the blood of her family.

“I wasn’t running…” Aria barely gets the words out before she stops and audibly swallows.

She doesn’t run to me. She doesn’t try to hold me. She glances at Eli and then pales.

As I look to my brother, the men behind me, and then to Addison slowly climbing down the stairs, the reality hits me.

She’s still the enemy. She’s not on my side. No matter how much I wish she were. This war will break us.

Aria’s gaze travels the length of my suit, inventorying every bit of blood that’s sprayed and spattered across it. Blood from men I’ve just killed.

I wish I knew what she was thinking. I wish I knew what to do.

Wrapping her arms tighter around herself, she looks at me with the silence surrounding us, suffocating us.

The only noise is the creaking of the stairs as Addison sneaks closer to Daniel.

“I wasn’t running,” she repeats. It sounds as if she regrets her words.

I don’t know whether or not to believe her, but I know the feeling that seeps into my veins. Betrayal. And it comes from the woman I love, in the heart of war, in front of my brothers and army.

She left me once, and she’d do it again.

I imagined when I saw her, that she would run to me. That she would cling to me the same way I wish to cling to her.

The cold actuality is harsh and indisputable.

She’s still a mistake – a drug I’m addicted to that’s fucking up everything I’ve worked so hard for almost my entire life. I’ve never seen it more clearly than I do now.

If I didn’t feel all of this for her, for a woman who chooses her family over mine, it would be all too easy. But why would she ever choose my family over hers? I don’t know how I fell in love with her. It was nothing but a mistake.

It’s in this moment I remember who I am.

A ruthless man with plans on tearing everything away from Aria’s life, all because of who her father is and what destroying him does to her.

This isn’t what I expected. I wanted to be her savior, her knight. But all I am is the fucking villain.

I’m as dead inside as I ever have been. And it’s because of her. All of this bullshit is because of her. No, it’s because I wanted her so badly I was willing to wage war, consequences be damned. Eli died, because of me.

“Whoever tried to take them knew her father was hitting us tonight.” I speak loud enough for everyone to hear and leave Aria standing where she is.

A slow tide of agony fills my gut and rises higher until I taste bile in my throat. “I want to see the security feed, now.” Two men run off, heading for the stairwell that leads down to the basement.

“Is the house secure?” I ask Daniel and he hesitates to answer me, his eyes narrowing as he glances between Aria and me.

His gaze speaks a thousand words, most of them begging for me not to be the man I was forced to become, but I’m the one who had to bear that burden, not him. He has Addison.

I have no one. Not until Aria has no one left but me. And even then…

Finally, he nods. “It’s secure to return but it’ll take weeks to repair, or longer.”

“All men back there,” I tell him and then look Jase and the other men in the eyes. “Fix the mess her father caused.”