All He’ll Ever Be (Merciless World Series Book 1)

Leaning against the railing at the bottom of the stairs, I keep hearing her say the lie.

He doesn’t love me.

It’s a lie to me, but maybe she truly believes it.

“She certainly has a way about her,” Eli mutters as he pinches the bridge of his nose and slowly sits at the bottom of the stairs.

“That’s one way to put it.” My expression is unmoving, and I can’t control the scowl. Swallowing the knot in my throat is painful.

“I’m fucking tired,” he mutters, and I tell him to go to bed then.

“You staying here?” he asks and I nod. I can’t fucking move after hearing her say that. Addison’s scream woke me up, but she was faster than I was. I couldn’t hear everything, but I got the gist of it: Addison wants to go back, and Aria doesn’t.

My heart feels like it’s been stomped on, driven over by a tank, and then left for scraps in the dirty gutter.

“I don’t know what to do with her,” I speak out loud, not liking where my thoughts are going. I want her back in the cell. The core of my soul is screaming at me to put her there. She’ll be safe, and she’ll forgive me with time. She has to.

“You don’t trust her?” he asks and peers up at me and waits for my response.

“I trust that I know what she’ll do at this point.” I focus on keeping my breathing steady as I listen to Addison upstairs, turning on the faucet in the kitchen. Our voices won’t carry well, but if she wanted to, she could hear us.

Eli sighs as he nods his head and runs a hand over his knee.

I hated her father when I was a kid. I hated him for what he did to me. I hated him for letting me go alive. I hated him for what he did to my home and what he tried to do to my brothers.

But I’ve never hated him more now. Knowing when I put a bullet in his skull, it will kill her. I can already see how she’ll look at me. I can feel her nails dig into my skin as she claws at me. I can hear her screaming.

I can already feel his death tearing her away from me. We’re hanging on by a single thread and it’s because of him. My jaw clenches and I breathe out low and steady, gazing at the molding that lines the stairwell even though I feel Eli’s eyes on me.

The silence stretches until I ask him, “What do you think of her?”

“Of Aria?”

With a single nod, I appraise his expression, his body language, his tone. Everything. I can’t explain how whenever one of my men is by her or mentions her or her name, I can’t explain how anxiety races through me. She’s my weakness and I want her to receive nothing but respect for her. Respect and fear.

But given everything that’s happened, I don’t think anyone knows what to think of her, or what to think of us.

“I think she has the heart of a lover and the temper of a fighter.”

“You sound like a true Irishman,” I tell him as I huff a response to his answer.

With his asymmetric smirk, he adds, “I wouldn’t want to be her enemy and I think the two of you… together, is something that will be feared.”

“I wouldn’t want to be her enemy either,” I say flatly as my stomach knots and my throat gets tighter. But I am. And I always will be.

It’s not her that makes it impossible to be together.

It’s not me either.

We never had a chance. My gaze falls as I control the numbness that pricks along my skin. I wanted her so badly, I didn’t dare look past the desire for her and see the challenges rooted in our very souls.

She may try to love me, but she will always hate me.

“You think you know what she’ll do after tomorrow? When they’re all dead?” he whispers his question and I nod, feeling the unbearable knot twist even tighter. With the media in an uproar, the cops aren’t holding off for much longer. We promised them tomorrow would be the last day we needed them to stay on the west side while we invade from the east. A single bullet to Talvery’s head and his factions will fall.

Tomorrow, I’m going to murder her father.

“I think she’ll kill me. And I think she’ll hate herself for it but feel it was what she needed to do.” Eli’s gaze falls and my stomach sinks with it. My fingers are so numb I have to clench and relax my hand repeatedly, but it doesn’t work to bring life back to it.

“That’s … a…” he fails to respond.

“I’m choosing to be her enemy and to take everything from her. It doesn’t matter if she thinks she loves me.” The coldness spreads through my chest like ice crackling. “Hate is stronger.” I’m surprised by how strong and unforgiving my words are. “She’ll want revenge for what I’m going to do. I would want it too.”

Eli looks over his shoulder and down the hall, toward Aria’s bedroom. “Is that why you haven’t gone to her?”

Not trusting myself to speak, I only nod. I can’t look her in the eyes and confess how much she means to me, knowing how badly I’m going to hurt her tomorrow.

I won’t do that to her. I’m not that cruel.

Bang, bang, bang, bang!

Adrenaline spikes from my toes straight up through my core, freezing my body, then heating it all at once at the sound of guns going off in the distance. My grip on the railing is white-knuckled as Eli stands and speaks clearly into the device on his wrist.

“Where’d they come from?” he asks, and I bring up the surveillance on my phone, all the while listening. It sounded like it came from blocks away and within seconds I can see two cars blocking the road and men leaning out of the windows.

“East,” Eli answers but I already know. My heart pumps harder and the blood is fueled by the need to react. To grip the hard metal of a gun in my hand and feel the recoil again my palm after I’ve pulled the trigger.

I can hear the men screaming from down the street and the bullets firing as my blood heats. Three blocks at most.

A sick smirk begs to pull at my lips. I should have known Talvery would respond recklessly. Sending what’s left of his men to their funerals.

The voices ring clear from Eli’s earpiece:

Shots fired on Main Street.

Four men on Abbey Road.

Two cars coming up Dorset.

“Block off Fourth Street; make them come in on foot and don’t hold back fire.” I give Eli the command and he repeats what I said word for word.

The guns sound off like fireworks and Addison’s hard paces carry through the hall. She’s soon pounding on Aria’s door.

Taking the stairs two by two, I grip the railing and get to her as quickly as I can. My lungs heave as I get to her door. “Stay in there and lock the door. Don’t open it for anyone but Eli.” All the words stumble out in a single breath and she looks at me for a moment, breathless and hesitant before nodding.

My heart pounds so hard, harder than it has in a long time. It takes me a moment to realize it’s due to fear. The very real fear of losing Aria.

“I won’t let anything happen to either of you,” I say and stare into Addison’s eyes and wish they were Aria’s. She’s just behind the door and I’m drawn to her. My body aches knowing she’s so close, but I refuse to go in there.

If I do, I don’t know how I’ll leave her.

“Stay in her room.” I barely get the command out, but Addison hears me. For a moment, I wonder if Aria heard me from behind the door. My songbird. The spiked ball grows in my throat as Addison opens the door before retreating behind it. She didn’t say a word to me.

Not a single word.

Every muscle in my body is tight and at odds with what I need to do.

The muted sounds of a man screaming, and the continued gunfire is accompanied by Eli yelling out demands on the floor below us.

I try to calm myself and summon the ruthless side of me that will end this as quickly as it started.

The bullets ring out clearly. Automatic weapons that tear through the brick of houses and metal cars. Windows shatter and men yell out.

So, I move.

Quickly and with determination down the stairs.

My stomach clenches and it’s the first time I can remember where so much was at stake. Where my thoughts are torn between tactics and emotion.

Between fighting to steal the woman I love and running as fast as I can.

“Bring up all the cars and block off every street,” I command Eli while bringing out my phone to text Daniel and tell him where Addison is. The last I heard from him, he was trying to get in touch with Marcus and find out anything he can about the fucker he killed back in Iron Heart.

My heart pounds, and my muscles coil as I listen closely to every word that comes in from the earpiece as I switch to the surveillance screens and watch everything unfold.

I need to move. Standing here is fucking killing me but I have to remind myself that this is war and decoys are common. I won’t be fooled like Talvery was.

Three streets on two sides are under attack, two on top of each other to the east and one furthest to the west of this house.

“They hit three streets at once.”

“Do we have a count on how many men are firing?” I need numbers. Talvery can’t have more than fifty men left.

Eli’s earpiece buzzes and it takes everything in me not to rip it out and take it for myself. “It looks to be about thirty.”

“They may be distractions, hitting the two sides and leaving the south side untouched. Don’t move the men on the south side.”

“Yes, sir,” Eli answers, speaking into the device.

“Count of our men,” Eli barks out the order before relaying what I said. I have fifty men to his thirty. Fifty well-armed and guarded but spread out.

Two men down.

One man down.

We’re holding.

I stare at my phone, waiting for Daniel to reply, but I get nothing. Where the fuck is he?

“Three total, Boss,” Eli’s voice is tight as I grip the phone tighter and scream internally for him to tell me where the fuck he is. The cords in his throat tense as he rips the Velcro of his holster, moving it to the side and checking his ammo.

Three men dead.

Three more men dead.

“Kill them all,” I grit out, feeling the rage turn incandescent. My head feels light as I take in a deep breath.

“You and Cason stay with the women,” I give the command while my phone pings and Jase tells me he’s close and coming up the south side and he already told the guards there.

His jaw is hard and clenched, and I know he wants to be out there, but I need him here.

“You two stay here.” I harden my voice and look him in the eyes until he nods.

Shoving my phone in my back pocket, I reach for my gun and then move past Eli to the back room where the other weapons are stored as he tells me, “Yes, Boss.”

I need men with them who know when to leave.

The back room has shelves of guns and I choose from the racks of metal shining back at me, picking up one and shoving it and the ammunition into the waist of my pants before picking up another.

Talvery’s on the outer edge. There’s no way he’ll get in and this entire ground is a safe house. But every safe house can be broken into. I’ve done it before. Sebastian knew that when he built this place.

With time ticking, and the bullets still firing every minute, I turn my back on the arsenal and prepare to join my men. I only stop to tell Eli one thing, “The basement has an underground exit. The code is six, fourteen, eight, eight. Repeat it to me.”

“Six, fourteen, eight, eight.” He’s quick to answer, but I can see the defiance in his eyes.

“Don’t forget it, and if I–”

“We have enough men,” Eli cuts me off and I struggle to hold back the anger. “There’s no way–“

“If I tell you to,” I say looking him in the eyes as my nostrils flare and my body heats with the need to strike back, “take them and lock the door behind you.”

I don’t wait for him to answer, although as I turn my back to him and head down the stairs, I hear him say he’ll do it. The buzzing in my ears is like white noise as I climb down the stairs. I’m ready with a gun in my right hand as I stare at the front door.

I pray Talvery’s here in the flesh and blood, ready to finally pay for all his sins.

“Carter,” Eli calls out to me as I reach the front door.

“What?” I snap at him, feeling the rage, the immediacy, the fear even of losing men and protection for Aria and Addison.

“Your estate… He sent men there.” Eli visibly swallows as my blood chills.

“My brothers?” I ask him quickly, my breathing coming in short pants. The gun in my hand slips and I grip it tighter, praying and swallowing down my fear.

“Jase said he’s coming,” I speak as I remember the text and Eli confirms with a brief nod.

“Jase and Declan are together, they’re on their way and missed it.”

Daniel. My heart beats slow, so slow it’s painful. “Three bombs hit the east wing. And another four to the south wing and the garage.”

“How many men are dead?” The question comes out without conscious consent, all I can think of is Daniel and the last time I saw him when he told me he had plans with Addison.

“Six currently.”

“Where’s Daniel?” I ask him, feeling the threat of a pain that can never be soothed brimming inside of me.

“We don’t know.”