All He’ll Ever Be (Merciless World Series Book 1)

They weren’t going to kill them. I want to think Carter and his brothers would never do that. They wouldn’t execute my family in front of me. It’s all I keep thinking as my eyes burn in the darkness of the box.

Nikolai would do it, though.

He would kill the Cross brothers, all of them, to set me free. But he doesn’t know them and everything that happened. I haven’t had a chance to convince him otherwise; all he knows is that I was taken. With every second that passes, I calm my panic, knowing I have to talk to Nikolai and stop this. I need it all to stop and for them to listen to me. For one of these thick-skulled men to just listen to me.

None of this would be happening if they listened to me.

A shuddering breath forces my body to tremble against the rough wood and my neck arches with a sudden deep breath.

I don’t know if it’s a panic attack or a sharp break from reality that’s making me shake like I am.

Or the fear. The raw and paralyzing fear of what I know Carter is capable of and what I think he’s going to do to me when I step out of this box.

“I love you,” I whimper again, closing my eyes tightly and forcing the words out. I wish I could take it all back, but the alternative was watching my family die right in front of me. Watching Nikolai get shot in the back of the head. I cover my hot face with my hands, shaking my head like a lunatic at the thought.

“I don’t want anyone to die.” My strangled words are barely heard as the box shakes and then a hand bangs against the top.

“Aria, please.” Addison’s tone is desperate and I’m so ashamed. I don’t want to leave this box. I feel like a child again, hiding in the closet and telling myself it’s not real if I don’t come out. If I stay here, none of this is real.

“He hurt you?” she asks, but her question is more of a statement. The question comes from a friend to a friend. Directed at a woman hiding from someone, someone she loves and crying hysterically. A grown ass adult, hiding in a box. I know exactly how this looks, but I don’t know how to explain it to her, so she’d understand. She’s not from this world. And she doesn’t know Carter like I do either. Although, none of that makes this right. None of it. “How long has he been doing this?” Her voice breaks at the question and I hear her cry for me.

I wish I could die right here.

“Come out!” she screams to me, her voice sounding ragged as she thumps on the box.

I know we’re alone; Jase made Daniel leave and I heard the door shut what feels like hours ago but is probably only minutes. It’s only Addison in the room now, crying as she holds the box and apologizes to me as if she’s done anything wrong at all.

“He wouldn’t listen to me,” I whisper to no one in the darkness of the box. Every time I tried to explain, he wouldn’t hear me out. He’d cut me off and tell me to get out. Just like she is. At this point, I don’t think there’s a defense I could possibly have that would make what I did forgivable in Carter’s eyes.

“Get out!” she yells even louder. Her voice sounds hoarse at this point, and I hear her lay her body over the box heavily, falling onto it and crying. “How could he do this?” she whispers and then sniffles. I don’t know if she’s talking about what Carter did to me, or how Daniel allowed it and defended it. I know to see him in this light… it changed how Addison sees him, and that fucking kills me.

“I never meant for this to happen,” I tell her weakly, closing my eyes and feeling them burn from hours of straining to see in the darkness and shedding hot tears.

I can hear her move again, but I don’t know what she’s doing, and her voice doesn’t travel far. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know… I didn’t know.”

Reaching up slowly, I force my numb fingers to unlock the box with a loud click that makes my heart pump hard, so hard it feels like it’ll stop beating altogether.

As I lift open the top, the light filters in and I squint. It fucking hurts. My eyes feel like they’re burning, but I force the top open further as Addison stands up in front of me on shaky legs and wraps her arms around me. I hold her back tighter, gripping on to her and bunching the thin cotton of her shirt in my hand as she pulls me hard into her chest. “It’s not your fault,” is all I can say, and the words are so flat, so lacking to my ears, that I harden them, pulling her back and staring into her forest green eyes.

“You did nothing wrong,” I tell her.

She stands there with a troubled expression, wiping away her tears and shaking her head. “What did he do to you?” she asks me softly, still holding on to me as I climb out of the box on shaky legs, staring at the closed door. I feel cold; it’s so cold.

There’s not a piece of me that doesn’t think Carter’s watching. I know he must be. My first instinct when thinking he knows I’m out of the box is to hold myself. To wrap my arms around my shoulders and wait for him to punish me. I can barely stand looking at the closed door.

Addison grips me with a bruising force, shaking me until I stare into her eyes. “What did he do to you?”

I just want to cry. I don’t know where to start, but the shame clogs my throat and keeps me from speaking at all.

“It’s okay to tell me,” she whispers although the words barely come out. Fresh tears leak from the corners of her eyes as she speaks so calmly to me. “Whatever he did, you can tell me. It’s okay.”

“It’s my fault,” I start, and an awful gasp leaves her as she covers her mouth. It hurts, everything hurts, but the way she looks at me like I’m wounded, and I don’t know any better, I can’t explain the pain it causes.

She shakes her head violently, staring back at me.

“You don’t understand,” I try to reason with her but my voice cracks and all I can think is to keep repeating that it’s my fault. It is, truly.

“I knew he’d hate me. I knew…” I can’t finish the sentence as the door to the office opens. Fear spikes through me and I jump back, hitting the back of my legs against the box and nearly tumbling in. Addison guards me against whoever enters as if she’s my protector.

“Get out!” she sneers at whoever’s entered and with equal amounts of curiosity and terror, I peek over her shoulder. Even though I’m feeling weak and pathetic, my fingers numb and my chest heaving in air.

It’s only Daniel.

“Addison, please.” Daniel’s eyes are red-rimmed, and I’m shocked. “Let’s get out of here, okay?” He talks softly with his hands held up, approaching us like the two wounded animals that we are. “We can leave,” he offers her.

“I’m sorry,” I say and can barely get the words out, seeking Daniel’s gaze so he knows I mean it. “I’m so sorry.” My voice is wretched.

“Look at her.” Addison’s voice ricochets in the office as she steps toward Daniel. “Look at her!” she screams in his face and he lowers his head, shaking it and trying to speak. Addison doesn’t understand; all she sees is the pain. And there’s so much of it.

“It wasn’t my place,” Daniel tells her sternly, but his expression is begging her to understand. How can she, when she knows nothing?

“She’s not okay and your brother did this to her.” She takes another step forward and points to me, still standing behind her. Her bottom lip trembles as she shouts, “You did nothing!” I grip on to my shoulders tighter and feel so small. It’s hard to know what to think anymore, but I know what she sees, and it breaks my heart.

“He didn’t have a choice–”

“Bullshit!” she cuts him off, screaming louder and louder, “You let him hurt her!”

Silence compresses the time, forcing the clock to tick faster. The moment passes quickly as my head feels woozy and I can’t stop my breathing from coming in just as fast.

I hold onto myself tighter, struggling to remain upright.

“I’m leaving and I’m taking her with me.” The anger is gone; there’s only resolve in Addison’s voice. “So help me God, if you stand in my way, I’ll never come back to you. Never, Daniel.”

“You’re leaving me?” he asks, the look in his eyes hardening, the silvers sparking even as the tremors of intense emotion run along his hard jaw. His determination is still there, still unyielding.

“How could I stay with you?” she asks, trying to disguise the misery in her tone as she hurriedly wipes away the tears. “How could I stay here, knowing this?”

Any semblance of anger vanishes from Addison, the realization of what she’s doing breaking through her rage and disgust. She’s leaving him.

“Don’t do this,” I finally speak, pushing forward and grabbing Addison’s arm. I plead with her, “You don’t need to get in between; you don’t need–”

“It’s not about what I need to do,” Addison speaks so softly, but with an evenness that’s at odds with her disheartened expression. “It’s about what I want to do.” Her voice doesn’t waver as she turns to Daniel, grabbing my hand in hers and telling him once again, “I’m leaving and I’m taking her with me.” With a quick intake of air and tears brimming in her deep green eyes, she hesitates but then adds, “Don’t follow me, Daniel.”

“You know I will,” he tells her with no remorse, but also with no objection to her leaving either.

My hand feels so cold in Addison’s and I try to speak again, but she shushes me. “Please, don’t make this harder on me,” she speaks to me although it sounds like a desperate prayer.

It’s quiet for so long, the agony lingering in the air. My gaze darts between the two of them; he’s staring at her, but she’s staring at the open door.

“I need to leave,” she tells him again, squeezing my hand and I squeeze back, for her. I keep praying to hear Carter’s footsteps or his voice. Any part of him to come to me and fix this. To fix the mess I caused.

“I don’t want this to happen,” I say, and the words are rough beneath my breath as I tug at Addison’s hand for her to look at me. And she does. I can feel Daniel’s eyes on me, but I don’t look at him; instead, I beseech Addison, willing her to believe me. “He didn’t know,” I lie. I’d tell a thousand lies to keep it from tearing the two of them apart.

I can see Daniel shift uncomfortably out of the corner of my eye, but I don’t react. Addison’s expression turns soft and sympathetic as she squeezes my hand again. “You don’t have to lie for them.” Her voice is coated with a sadness that claws at my insides. She gives me a soft smile that’s false and it falters when she tells me, “They’re big boys and they knew what they were doing.” Turning to Daniel she adds, “He knew I would never be okay with something like this.” The emotion wrecks each of her words and in turn, the hardness of Daniel’s gaze. I can’t bear to look at him, watching as her words destroy them and whatever love was left between them.

“It’s over. And I want out,” she says in two breaths that linger between them. “Let me go, Daniel. Please. You need to let me go this time.” Even as the tears fall down her cheeks, she stands strong. I look past Daniel, refusing to look at either of them as my vision blurs with tears. The pain I feel for them magnifies as I realize she’s taking me with her, and Carter isn’t here at all.

He’s not fighting for me.

He doesn’t want me anymore.

I cover my face, pulling my hand away from hers and letting out the tortured sorrow of leaving him, but in the back of my mind I hear the voices hiss, he won’t let it happen. She won’t be able to leave so easily.

They’re silenced with Daniel’s only parting words. “I’ll have Eli take you.”

He doesn’t touch her; he doesn’t wait for a second longer. Instead, he simply turns and leaves us without another word, which only makes the pain grow stronger.

Carter, please, come take me. Please.

Addison struggles to control her composure, watching Daniel leave without even a single goodbye.

“I’m so sorry,” I tell her again, hugging her back as she hugs me tight.

“You keep apologizing when this isn’t your fault.” Her words are soft and interrupted by the sound of footsteps.

I barely peek at the man named Eli, dressed in a fitted gray suit, no tie or cufflinks which makes it seem more casual, and with worn black dress shoes that are scuffed but somehow suit him.

It’s his gaze that forces me to look away. Sharp pale blue eyes that have nothing but sympathy in them.

I don’t want it. I’m ashamed as Addison leads me behind Eli and another man called Cason.

He’s shorter than Eli, but not by much, and with bulging muscles that make him seem larger. He’s the one who carries two bags he says are for us, but I don’t know what’s in them. Addison cries harder although she nods her head. Her strength at this moment is something I admire. I wish I could move forward, to make the decision to leave even knowing what the Cross brothers are capable of.

With Cason behind and Eli in front, our footsteps echo in the quiet hall. At every corner, I both hope that Carter is there to stop me and pray that he’s not, so I can escape and hide away from him.

Every second closer to the door feels like it pulls on my torn heart.

Carter never comes, and that makes the chill from outside that much colder.

The peonies have died from the season’s passing, they never last long, and the pale moon is full, illuminating every bit of the path to the sleek black sedan waiting for us even though the night is still early.

As I stare up at the house, searching for Carter in any of the windows, Addison waits for me to get in the car with silent tears still falling. He’s not there. He’s not watching.

“We don’t have to leave,” I tell her softly once more, desperately wanting Carter to come out and say he understands and that he forgives me. As I do him. In every way.

For what happened in the cell. For what happened today. It’s all fucked up and there isn’t an ounce of good in any of it, but I swear I love him. And love is forgiveness, isn’t it?

I forgive him for anything he’s done. I just want him back. I want him to love me again.

Please, Carter.

But not seeing him here… Him knowing that I’m leaving, and not bothering to say goodbye or try to fight for me in the least, I know he doesn’t want me. It crushes me.

That thought is what forces me into the car, my back hitting the leather with a forceful blow. The sound of the trunk opening and the murmurs from Addison and Eli speaking mean nothing.

I don’t know where I’ll go or what I’ll do.

My skin is numb, and I can barely breathe.

How many times have I tried to run? Yet here I am, and I would give anything for Carter

to stomp toward us and rip me from my savior to throw me back into the cell.

The leather seats protest as Addison gets in and buckles her seatbelt. I talk over the click. “I love him,” I say, swallowing thickly. “I love Carter.”

She barely glances at me, her eyes red and blotchy and her cheeks still flushed from crying.

“I love Daniel too.” Her voice is hoarse as she leans her head back, resting it and staring at the ceiling of the car. “But love isn’t enough sometimes. They can’t do that to you.”

I’m ashamed at her reply. I’m ashamed that I need saving.

I’m ashamed that I allowed it and with a single moment, she’s seemingly put an end to it.

I wish I could rip my heart out and never feel love again. How easy life would be if you could truly be heartless.

Hours ago, I was in love with a man I know I should never have let near me.

And now he’s watching me leave with zero objections, and it destroys me. I’ve never felt pain and regret like this. It doesn’t matter what happened between us today; I would be feeling this tear in my soul regardless of what I’d done.

I should have known the concept of a happily ever after would never come to fruition when my last name is Talvery.